"What's the status on Blue Team, Simmons?" the Red leader interrogated as he approached the maroon soldier who casually sat on the top of the base with a pair of binoculars, spying on the base opposite them.

"It's hard to say," Simmons informed him, "They haven't been outside at all today."

"What do you think, Simmons?"

"I think… they haven't been outside at all today, sir. That's it. Not much to it."

"Simmons!" Sarge shouted his voice thick with disapproval. "These are the Blues! They're clearly plotting something diabolical right under our noses!"

Simmons let out an exasperated sigh. "Sir, I just think that they're not feeling up t—"

Sarge cut across him before he even got the chance to finish, "I want you, Grif, and Donut to go investigate ASAP!"

"Aren't you coming?"

"Of course not! I have to stay here and help Lopez build a laser! …And when I say help, I mean stand by and tell him what to do."

Simmons nodded and got to his feet while Sarge glared maliciously at the Blue Base, wondering what they could be up to.

"Sacrifice Grif if you have to…" Sarge mumbled as he marched away.

"Yes, sir!" Simmons saluted and sauntered into the base where Grif slouched lazily on the cough, beer in hand. "Come on, Grif. Sarge gave us orders to go and investigate Blue Base."

"Gee," Grif said sarcastically, "I can't wait!"

"Get up, dumbass. Where's Donut?"

The soldier in the orange t-shirt shrugged his shoulders, "Cooking, bathing in some fancy soaps, writing Harry Potter fanfiction, I don't know."

His question was answered as the aroma of a chocolate soufflé filled the air. Simmons rolled his eyes and said, "Meet us outside in five minutes."

"Whatever."

Simmons entered the kitchen and, as expected, saw Donut in a chef's hat humming some tune he didn't know.

Donut saw Simmons enter and his eyes perked up, "Sorry, the soufflé isn't ready yet!"

"I'm not here for your stupid soufflé. Sarge wants us to go and check out what's going on in Blue Base."

Donut frowned and pulled off his chef's hat, placing it carefully on the table. "Well…okay. But we better be back in twenty minutes or less. No one wants a burnt soufflé!"

Simmons ignored him, "Yeah, yeah, yeah… Go get the warthog and pick up me and Grif. We'll be in front of the base."

Donut nodded and sauntered off.

Simmons sighed as he approached Grif, thinking this 'mission' was a big waste of time.

A few minutes later, Donut arrived and stopped the car in front of the maroon and orange soldier and honked the horn, "Get in loser, we're going shopping."

Simmons jumped onto the turret and Donut moved over into the passenger seat so Grif could drive the warthog. In seconds, they were driving across the canyon towards Blue Base.

At their arrival, they were greeted by silence.

"Grif, go in there and check it out." Simmons instructed.

"But why me?" Grif complained, "What about Donut?"

"Damn it, Grif! Just get in there!" Simmons shouted and gave him a shove.

Grif stumbled and unwillingly walked into the base, cursing under his breath.

Simmons and Donut waited in silence for Grif to return.

"You know," Donut broke the stillness, "I'm beginning to like this weather. I found the perfect tanning spot!"

"Yeah, that's great."

"What was your favorite sport as a kid?"

"Math."

"Hmm. I don't think that qualifies as a sport. Try again!"

"No."

"Aw! Come on, Sim—"

"Shut up, Donut."

The next five minutes were spent in silence, which was totally okay with Simmons. Grif returned with a confused expression.

Simmons raised an eyebrow, "Well…?"

"Nothing." Grif shrugged his shoulders.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean there's not one Blue left in that base. Can we go back now?" Grif asked.

"Maybe we should call Sarge and tell him about this?" Donut suggested.

"Good thinking," Simmons said as he switched on his radio, "Sarge, come in, Sarge."

"This is Red leader," Sarge's voice emitted from Simmons' helmet, "Go ahead, Maroon One."

"There's not a single Blue here."

"What? Any clues as to where they went?"

"I'm not sure, sir. You should come over here and check. Something doesn't seem right…"

A frustrated sigh sounded from Simmons' helmet, "I'll be right there… Red leader out."

"Maroon One out." Simmons flicked off his radio, "Come on, let's go look around."

The three soldiers entered the Blue Base and split up to investigate. Not caring if they messed the place up, the three tore through the base and left it looking like a tornado had hit.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing that would lead to where they went. The only thing productive was the two six packs of beer Grif obtained.

"Anything?" Sarge asked the second he arrived at the top of Blue Base.

The three shook their heads.

Sarge turned to Grif, "Did you eat them?"

"No," Grif spat, "But they sure would taste a hell of a lot better than those MREs!"

"We're not having this conversation again." Sarge growled.

"Speaking of food," Donut said, "I have to get back to base and check on my soufflé! It should be just about done!"

"Forget about your damn soufflé. This is serious." Simmons hissed.

Donut frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, "Fine… I guess we'll be having a burnt soufflé…"

"They clearly dug a tunnel under the ground and are holding a massive bomb that will blow up the entire universe! Iniquitous!" Sarge shouted angrily. "We have to stop them!"

Simmons blinked, "Something tells me that that's not the case…"

"Then what else could it possibly be?" Sarge inquired with a slight hint of annoyance in his voice, "Do you think they shoved a book into the teleporter and are now living in a fictional world? That sounds ridiculous!"

Donut squatted on the ground next to the teleporter, "Hmm… Why are there bits of paper everywhere?"

"Who knows, who cares. The Blues are gone. We won. Let's go back. I'm taking the shortcut." Grif said as he sauntered into the teleporter and disappeared with a soft whoosh.

"Lazy asshole…" Sarge muttered as he watched him go. He turned back to the remaining Red soldiers, "Well men, we better find out where they went. Simmons, you—"

"Where's Grif…? He should've come out of the teleporter by now." Simmons thought aloud, his eyes fixated on the spot where Grif was supposed to appear.

"Huh…?" Sarge followed his gaze and stared at the spot, "Well, that's a shame. Donut, you—"

Whoosh.

Donut had already disappeared through the teleporter.

Astounded, Sarge followed Donut while shouting, "Donut! How dare you walk away from me while I'm giving you orders! You'll be doing an extra 200 pushups tomorrow at—"

Whoosh.

Simmons sighed, "Idiots…" The maroon soldier grudgingly followed Sarge.

Whoosh.

***Don't kill me. Meep.***