The Retainer

Chapter 2

(I own nothing)

-X-

"I knew it'd come to this," Kakashi sighed as he and Naruto faced each other on the arena floor ignoring the people watching all around them and waiting for the final match to start.

Naruto nodded while standing in his 'butler stance', "Indeed... one does not need a bloodline to see that we were doomed to face one another. I've ignored it for quite some time but that foreboding sensation in the air is hard to miss." he mused before narrowing his eyes and speaking in a lower tone, as not to let the crowd to hear, "Let me guess... the 'honorable' council have ordered you to 'teach' me some humility for putting the Uchiha in his proper place... am I correct?"

Kakashi didn't need to say anything, the small drooping of his shoulders and ashamed look in his eye told Naruto the truth.

Naruto hummed softly and placed his fingers together, "How disgraceful," he sighed with a small shake of the head, "A Jonin pushed around by a bunch of ignorant fools, what a sad state of affairs.

Pulling his hands apart, everyone saw the small glints of his wire that connected to each finger. He stretched them out a few feet and bit them between his teeth, separating the five into ten.

Kakashi quickly put his book away and raised his headband, "I will be taking this seriously Naruto," he warned only to get a small smirk in return.

"Good, otherwise I'd find your lack of trying to be insulting,"

Naruto made a lazy slapping motion and Kakashi was sliced in half, only for his body to turn into a log at the last moment.

"Earth Release: Rising Stone Spears!" Kakashi's voice called out.

Jumping high, Naruto flipped in mid air with his wires surrounding him, cutting a kunai that Kakashi had thrown while numerous large spikes of stone jutted from the arena floor below him.

Swiping his hand at them, his wires cut the sharp point off of one just moments before he landed on it and found Kakashi standing on the other end of the arena.

"Got you," the white haired man announced, sounding proud of himself.

Naruto's eyebrow raised a bit before he felt a small stinging sensation on his cheek. He rubbed it with a finger and saw a bit of blood. "I see... well Kakashi-san, I must inform you that I too, got you,"

The man blinked.

With a twitch of his finger, Naruto smirked as Kakashi's headband was pulled foreword, the small glinting of his wires showing that it was wrapped around the cloth before slicing through the blue material with ease.

The headband fell, the metal plate baring the symbol of the village clinking on the stone below the man.

"I could've easly wrapped that around your neck instead of your headband," The blonde mused before chuckling, "actually, I already have,"

He snapped his fingers and the wires lit up blue with chakra, showing that there was one wire looped around each of Kakashi's limbs, neck and torso, ready to slice him to pieces.

"I wouldn't try to substitute now, Kakashi," Naruto informed him, "My chakra is acting as a anchor to keep you in one place, one burst of foreign chakra and my wires might accidentally tighten on there own."

Kakashi sighed, "Fine I get it... I know when I'm beaten,"

-X-

Upon returning to the Sarutobi clan compound, Naruto was greeted by the smiling face of Biwako sitting on the couch reading a novel.

"Oh, Naruto-kun!" she greeted as he walked in, "How was the festival?"

"Hundreds of annoying children running around wildly, fighting in the tournament for your grandson and his friends, dealing with that Uchiha and knocking him down a peg, then fighting a few Jonin in the Jonin part..." he listed before shrugging, "Not too bad, you?"

Biwako copied his shrug, "Time alone without worrying about the house needing to be cleaned, not having to worry about Konohamaru messing the house up, a good book to read, this was the most relaxing day I've ever had."

The elderly woman then looked around, "Where's Konohamaru-chan?"

"Dropped him off at Moegi-chans house,"

Biwako smiled, "Ah, so he's at his little girlfriends house,"

He nodded, "Before you know it, you'll have a bunch of little Konohamaru's running around..." he joked before trailing off at the thought of mini Ko-chans running around and destoring the place, pushing him and an army of clones to the brink of insanity.

"KONOHAMARU!" Naruto yelled, turning around and bolting out the door. He had to stop that from ever happening and the sooner the better.

Biwako threw her book at him and nailed him in the back of the head, sending him face first into the ground where he slid a few feet. "Oh no you don't Naruto, I want me some great grand babies and you will not scare Ko-chans from starting a family... no matter how soon."

She grabbed his ankles and dragged the unconscious blonde back into the house.

-X-

Over the next few days, Naruto got back into his usual rhythm of doing things. He'd get up early, prepare Konohamaru's lunch if it hadn't been done the night before, make a light breakfast for the Sarutobis then badger Konohamaru until he got out of bed and got ready for school. Once he had Konohamaru in the shower, sometimes still half asleep, he would flush the toilet to wake the kid up, effectively waking up the kids next door with his screams.

This usually gave him a few minutes to think of ways to further torment Asuma while the two elder Sarutobis ate break fast.

Currently, we find Naruto holding the shower door closed while a clone flushed the toilet.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

Konohamaru's morning scream acted like a alarm clock to his grandfather, who got up with a yawn. "Right on time, just as usual."

Holding onto the metal handle, Naruto could feel the younger boy slamming into the door hard, trying anything in his power to escape the boiling hot water. But the struggling stopped and soon, Naruto let go of the handle and walked out, "Hurry up in there, class starts in a hour."

Ten minutes later, Naruto hid a small grin as Konohamaru walked into the kitchen, his whole body bright red.

"I hate you," the boy grumbled softly as he passed by.

"Well if you learned to get up on your own then I wouldn't need to do such things," Naruto replied with a smile, a fake one full of kindness, "Now, before your grandparents show up, is there anything I should know about... like a progress report... referral... anything?"

Konohamaru shook his head, "No, but report cards come in next week."

"Are you going to pass?"

"You know it Boss!"

Biwako showed up a minute later, her hair in rollers while she wore a gown, "Good morning Ko-chan, Naru-kun."

"Morning Grandma,"

"Biwako-sama"

Hiruzen walked through while wearing the Hokage robes and hat, "Sorry but I have a lot of work to do today," he said to them while kissing his wife on the cheek, "I hate to eat and run but my paperwork keeps multiplying each day,"

With that, the man left in a puff of smoke.

The three ate in near silence, none of them really being morning people. Biwako asked every few minutes if Konohamaru had everything ready like a grandmother would and he would assure her that he did. But nearing the end of breakfast, Asuma finally showed up looking like he had slept in his uniform from the night before.

"Morning mom," he yawned, "Man I just couldn't get out of bed this morning,"

Naruto smirked, "What, did someone leave a big rock on your coffin again?"

The man glared at him, "Don't you have something to dust?"

Backing off, Naruto raised his hands in surrender, "Ok, Ok, you win... I'll just go and do my job then... would you like for me to dust the right side of your bed today?"

Before Asuma could retort, the door bell rang loudly, prompting him to leave the room to go and answer it.

Sitting down with his mother and nephew, Asuma fixed himself something to eat, "Hey mom, I'm going to be gone for a few days, got a mission out of the village with my students,"

"That's nice dear," Biwako smiled just as Naruto reentered the room.

"Asuma, there is this nice gentlemen at the door for you, he says that he is your old partner and I admire him for having the guts to admit it." Naruto deadpanned as he approached.

"Oh, that's right, I was going to-"

Naruto cut him off before he could continued, "Asuma, we accept your differences... just don't point them out to us?"

"What are you talking about?"

Naruto huffed, "We don't ask, you don't tell," he told the man, making Biwako stifle a snort in her coffee cup while Konohamaru snickered.

"I'm not gay!" Asuma exclaimed while standing up and storming off, returning a moment later to grab his plate before leaving again.

"Must you torment my son?" Biwako questioned after a moment, hiding her smile behind her cup, "He hasn't done anything to you... has he?"

"I'm simply carrying on Chiyoko's will," he told her with a small smile, "She's my inspiration,"

Checking the clock, Naruto saw that it was time for Konohamaru to get moving and sent him off to school before setting off to do his own work of cleaning up the house and straightening up the rooms. He made the Biwako and Hiruzen's bed up with the help of a clone before going to Konohamaru's room and doing the same.

"Hello," he muttered while seeing something sticking out from underneath the edge, "What's this?"

Pulling the object out, he found it to be a magazine and hummed, "I ought to kick your ass for having this Ko-chan," he said to himself while flipping through the pages, "Play-Nin, the holiday edition,"

Inside were multiple nude pictures of kunoichi wearing various articles of holiday colored clothing or gear, one even had on a bright red kunai pouch on her bare thigh while showing her that her pubes were cut in the shape of a small christmas tree.

He rolled the magazine up and stuffed it into his inside vest pocket, "I wondered where this went, I'll just have to make a mental note to kick his ass for stealing from me."

Looking back down, his eyes widened when five more Play-Nin magazines were poking out, pulled along when he grabbed the first, "Oh you little bastard,"

-X-

Sitting at his desk, Konohamaru looked up suddenly from the morning pop quiz he was taking, something that caught his teacher, Iruka's attention.

"Is there a problem Konohamaru?" the chunin asked, drawing the whole classes attention.

Konohamaru looked around carefully, leaning to peek out the window as well, "Sensei... I just got this strange feeling... like something bad is going to happen to me."

"I'm sure it's nothing," the man assured the boy.

"But Sensei!" Udon called out, "Don't you remember what happened last time? Konohamaru got the same feeling and was run over by a pack of Ox's."

Iruka thought about it, remembering how he brushed the boys plea aside and sent them outside, only for a bunch of large Ox's to stampede through the academy grounds and run over his student. "You know what... you may stay inside this afternoon,"

-X-

Around midday, Naruto entered the Hokage's office with Hiruzen's lunch and tea while carrying a messenger bag on his side.

The Hokage saw this raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Naruto-kun... what is that?"

The blonde looked between the bag and the old man, "My cleaning supplies,"

The old man's eyes narrowed, "Cleaning supplies huh?"

The last time he saw the blonde wearing that it wasn't anything used for cleaning, it was a bunch of tools and things he used to pull pranks. Sure it had been quite a while since the bag had been seen but the chaos caused when he wore it kept the thing in his memory.

"Prove it,"

Smiling, Naruto opened the bag and presented it to the man, showing him that there was no pranking materiel, only cleaning supplies.

"See Hokage-sama, I'm not planning any nefarious plot against you," he told him with a smile. Sadly, his smile didn't seem to calm the old man, only made him more suspicious. But without any proof, Hiruzen let it go and enjoyed his lunch while Naruto started dusting his office.

His advisors, Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane came in after a little while and began to talk business with the Hokage, matters that were really only for the council to know about. But they overlooked the fact that Naruto was there, besides, he already knew many village secrets and proved his loyalty again and again... that and the fact that he sometimes kept their grandchildren Udon Mitokado and Moegi Utatane after school. They learned right quick that it was better to leave well enough alone when it came to the blonde retainer, he could make their lives much more annoying by not keeping an eye on the 'ko-corps' every once and awhile.

Naruto moved on to the leather love seat off to the side and began to polish it, ideally listening to what was said between the three village elders. 'Tsume Inuzuka backhanded the Uchiha... again?' he thought as he heard them talk, laughing inwardly, 'Wait... Tsume is Kiba's mother if I remember correctly, how can such an attractive woman like her give birth to an idiot like him?'

A small coughing sound reached his ears.

"Naruto-kun," Hiruzen called while fanning his face, "How long are you going to polish that couch? The smell is making me light headed,"

Naruto turned, holding the bottle of polish in one hand and the rag he was using in the other, "After awhile, you don't notice them sir," he replied, his eyes dilated and wide while his voice seemed to be a bit far off.

He let out a small cough and turned away from them, walking to the windows and opening them to air the room out. "Oh I nearly forgot, I need to go pick something up," he said after noticing that it was nearly one o'clock. "I'll return soon sir,"

-X-

Konohamaru sighed in relief as class started back, he had been nervous all throughout recess and had taken a defensive position in the back of the classroom, under one of the desks, while everyone besides Udon and Moegi were outside. They had decided to stay and keep him company during the wait, not wanting to abandon their friend in his time of need. But once the class returned and class began again, they were a bit put off.

"Ok class," Iruka started while getting their attention, "as promised, were not going to study history anymore today,"

This got them all to cheer excitedly.

"Yes, yes," Iruka nodded with a small grin, knowing how much they hated history, "For the rest of class I want to give you all a project."

That got them all to groan.

"Oh stop complaining, you'll like this. The project is a presentation on someone in or from the village. It can be someone famous, someone from the past, a missing ninja, one of the Hokage's... as long as they are a real person. Now this is a group project so I want you to get into groups of four and decide on who you want to do your presentation on. Any questions?"

A few children raised their hands and Iruka pointed to one of the first he saw, a little girl who cared more about her looks than training.

"Sensei, does it have to be a ninja?"

He shook his head, "No, as long as it is a real person from Konoha then you can choose whoever you want," the man told her before picking one of the fanboys in his class.

"Can it be someone from the class?"

Iruka thought about it and saw how he looked to Hanabi Hyuga before shrugging mentally, "As long as the person doesn't care."

Moegi, Udon, and Konohamaru shared a look, they already knew who they were going to do their project on. But before they could do anything else, the classroom door opened and the woman from the front office stuck her head in.

"Iruka-san, Konohamaru Sarutobi is needed at the front office." she said before leaving.

"Ohhh, your in trouble," some of the kids jeered.

Looking confused, Konohamaru stood up from his desk and walked out the door.

When it closed, Iruka turned back to the class, "Ok, as I was saying-"

-BOOM-

Everyone flinched at the loud noise and saw the small glass window of the classroom door turn pink.

Running over, fearing that it may have been an attack of some kind, Iruka opened the door to find Konohamaru sticking a few inches off the floor on the outside, the entire front side of his body covered in pink paint.

Slowly, the boy fell to the floor, showing that there was a perfect outline of him on the door which caused the entire class to burst into laughter.

Iruka sighed, "I'll call your guardian."

-X-

When Naruto got the message from the academy that he needed to bring Konohamaru a clean set of clothing, he smirked to himself and unsealed a set of Konohamaru's clothes from a small scroll before heading to the academy.

-X-

Sitting in the front of the class, Konohamaru fumed in embarrassment as he was forced to sit on a plastic covered chair while the paint dripped down his body. His project partners, Moegi and Udon, sat near him with their third partner, Hanabi, while discussing their project.

Hanabi Hyuga wanted to do the project of someone from her clan, but all three of her partners had a different idea on who to research. While she was put off that she didn't get her way, their choice was interesting enough. They wanted to use the Sarutobi clan retainer, Uzumaki Naruto, the same person who had taught Konohamaru the jutsu he used to blind her during their match.

Knocking from the door caught their attention just before it was opened, "Excuse me but I believe that Konohamaru needs these," Naruto said as he walked in.

Iruka nodded, "Yes thank you. Now Konohamaru go to the boy's locker room and wash that mess off."

"Yes sensei,"

Naruto escorted Konohamaru there and took the paint covered clothing while the boy stripped down to his underwear. The two weren't embarrassed to undress around one another anymore, seeing as the blonde basically half raised the boy and regularly took a father/brother figure role if needed.

"Konohamaru," Naruto said as he gave the boy a towel from the scroll, "If you ever steal things from my room again then a paint bomb will be the least of your problems,"

The boy spun around, "That way you!"

Naruto nodded, "Yes and would you care to guess what I found in your room this morning? I'll give you a hint, six of them were under your mattress."

Konohamaru grimaced and looked ashamed, "I'm sorry Boss,"

"You should be and be thankful that I found them and not your grandmother... she'd kick yours, mine, Asuma, and the old man's ass just to be safe."

"So... your not mad at me for taking them?"

He shrugged, "Not for taking them, mainly because you took them without asking... now wash that mess off and get back to class."

Konohamaru nodded with a grin on his face, "Yes boss,"

Naruto returned the grin and turned away as the boy went into one of the shower stalls. They were mainly for when students got very dirty when practicing outside, but sometimes were used for when something like this happened.

Hearing the water running, Naruto smirked and started for the door, only to make a quick detour and flushed one of the two toilets in the room, causing Konohamaru to shriek as the water turned extremely hot.

-X-

Returning to the Hokage's office, Naruto found himself walking in on Team Seven getting a C-rank mission after having to carry large bags of cow manure, if the stench was anything to go by. He ignored the genin and picked up the Hokage's dishes before vanishing, much to Sasuke's anger, and returned after dropping them off with a clone to be washed.

But when he returned, Kakashi and his team were gone.

"Sir are you sure that giving that team a C-rank mission was a good thing to do?" he questioned in a offhand tone.

Hiruzen stopped in mid writing and looked at him, "What do you mean?"

Naruto got into his 'butler' stance and closed his eyes, "Well sir, far be it for me to tell you how to do your job but while Kakashi is a talented ninja his team leave much to be desired." he spoke before elaborating further, "The Kunoichi on the team is more of a wall flower than anything, the Uchiha believes that everything should be given to him on a silver platter, and that other boy... well I'm not sure about him, but from what I hear, there is a betting pool to see who the Uchiha fornicates with first... I'm pulling for the male myself seeing as the Uchiha has yet to go for any female that talks to him."

Hiruzen was silent for a moment, "Well... I'm sure Kakashi can handle it,"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at that, his tone seemed to sound as if the man was trying to be convincing. Weather or not it was to convince him or himself he didn't know.

"Well if you say so sir, but I reserve the right to say I told you so should things go wrong,"

To be continued...

-X-

PLEASE REVIEW.

Sorry but this is mainly filler before I get into the series, and some should already be able to guess what's about to happen.