Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, God, do I wish I did...Who doesn't right?

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first CM fic so let me know if you think I should continue, I know that this chapter is short but it's only because it's the first chapter and I promise that if you guys want me to continue every single chapter will be much longer. Love, forever and always.

The Journey Back to Who You Were

JJ POV

It's different, you know? Every time I walk into the bullpen and I just feel it...They all do, I guess the difference with me is that I know she's out there somewhere, they think she's six feet under. My fucking office faces the pictures of Agents that were killed on duty and every day I have to see her picture there, it kills me because I know the truth.

I need to get out of my office, I have to. So, I head to the bullpen to get some coffee or something, I just need a reason to get out of my office. I walk into the bullpen and head toward the coffee pot, as I'm walking I let my eyes drift to her empty desk, after a moment I tear my eyes away.

"Hey pumpkin" I glance up from the coffee pot and smile at Garcia.

"Hey Garcia" She smiles back at me, but it doesn't reach her eyes...it never does anymore. "What's up?" I ask as I put the coffee pot down and reach for the sugar.

"Well I was thinking it's been a while since we've hung out, you know just us girls, so I thought that maybe you could come over this weekend and we can watch trashy movies, eat fatty foods and just...Hang out?" I knew why we didn't have girl's night anymore, girl's night always included one more of us girls. If I'm being honest with myself though, I missed them and I don't think I can turn this one down.

"Sure Pen, sounds great" She gave me another smile, this one closer to what it used to look like but still not the same.

"Great, I'll see you this weekend" I nod at Garcia before she walks away.

I pick my coffee up and head back to my office, the whole way thinking that no-one was the same anymore. Morgan's jokes and smiles were becoming less and less, almost non existence. Reid always seemed distant; I think he's still trying to figure out how it all happened...Trying to find a statistic that helps him understand. Garcia, bless the girl, every morning I saw her standing outside my window staring at her picture, she was hurting but she was the one that managed to make all of us smile none the less; God, I love that about Garcia. Rossi just does his job, no questions asked, I can tell he misses her but he feels that he needs to be strong for the rest of the team. A few weeks after I came back to the BAU, I started to see the affect of knowing what Hotch and I know start to take its toll on him. Hell I felt it; I could only imagine what the leader of our team was going through, watching his team suffer and not being able to do anything about it. Me, well I just miss her, I miss my friend...I miss everything about her.

I let out a deep breath before reaching for a file on my desk; this one was a bad one. All women raped and tortured before being dumped. I got up and made my way to Hotch's office to tell him about the case.

I knocked on his door and he looked up, I stepped in but stayed at the door way.

"We have a case in Austin, Texas, it's really bad" Hotch nodded at me as he stood up.

"Alright, get everyone together in the conference room and I'll be there in a second" I nodded, before I could leave my cell went off, I looked at the ID but didn't recognize it; I picked it up any way.

"Jareau"

The second I head the other voice I stepped into Hotch's office and closed the door and shut his blinds; ignoring the confused look he was giving me.

"Emily, I'm here with Hotch" I saw the look of confusion on his face change to a look of shock as I put her on speaker.

"He's dead, I'm coming home"