I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

It's Obvious

by cell12

It was near the end of lunch period at Park County High. Stan, Kyle and Kenny had finished their meals and were walking slowly along the corridor, supposedly towards their lockers but in reality they were just ambling along killing time.

Stan was the tallest of the three - at just under six foot two. He had the build of a star athlete and his raven hair was short-cropped. Kenny was five ten and skinny but under his jacket was had wiry muscle. Years of malnutrition had stunted his growth and size but his blonde hair was soft and beautiful and despite any dental care his teeth were perfect when he smiled. Kyle was the shortest, his diabetes had ensured that - not that any bullies bothered him though, his temper was legendary. His dark red Jew-fro was cut short under the ushanka he still wore and his green eyes could cut through any bull-shit at a glance.

They had left Cartman in the school cafeteria - working his way through a third pudding like the greedy Fat-ass he always would be. Sadly he had the excuse of bulking up for football to justify his grossly excessive eating.

"Everybody knows you're gay dude," Stan spoke the words like he was saying the most natural thing in the world.

"What!" Kyle shrieked in disbelief.

"It's pretty obvious to everyone that you're gay and that you like Cartman," Kenny chipped in, "fuck knows why."

Kyle was torn between running away in shame and beating the smiling faces of his two best friends - in the end he did neither, "How could you say something like that?" The Jewish boy's voice was strained.

"Because it's true," Kenny answered - grinning into the funnel neck of jacket.

Stan placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, "It's OK dude - we accept you as gay."

Kyle furiously shrugged Stan's hand off his shoulder, "I'm not gay!" Kyle contemplated storming off - but wouldn't that only make him appear more diva-ish and gay in their eyes. So instead he glared at Stan and Kenny, daring them to say any more.

"Wait up guys!" Cartman shouted as he came out of the lunch room.

As he approached, Kyle could see that all the training he did for football was paying off. Yes he was still big, he would forever be called Fat-ass, but now he also had height and muscle to add to the weight. Anyone meeting him, for the first time, would describe Eric Cartman as powerful-looking.

"You could have wait for me while ah finished my meal," Cartman said - his voice sounding slightly hurt.

"No way dude," Stan replied, "watching you eat way making me feel sick."

Cartman scowled at the insult - before swiftly retaliating, "Are you sure that wasn't because Wendy smiled at you from her table?"

"Shut up Cartman," Stan defended himself, "you know that I don't get sick around girls any more."

"Ah'm sure ah remember hearing that you threw up at the cinema, last week, when Wendy tried to slip you the tongue," Cartman reminded Stan.

"Who told him?" Stan asked - staring angrily at Kyle and Kenny.

"Wendy told Bebe - who told everyone," Kenny explained.

"It's how Wendy deals with all the problems in your relationship," Kyle explained. "She tells Bebe, who spreads it all around until it gets back to you. In that way, Wendy doesn't have to say anything to you directly."

Cartman couldn't help but add, "It's the bitch's way of changing you - by embarrassing you in front of the entire school."

Stan shook his head, "It's not even true anyway. I did ralf some bile into my mouth - but that was because she was trying to undo my pants. It's not like I threw up all over her."

Kenny shook his head, "She was trying to initiate sex and you shot her down - of course she's gonna do something. Chicks like to know that their man is horny for them."

"Kenneh's right," Cartman said, "You need to fuck her soon before she gets tired of waiting and finds someone else to do it."

"How would you know that, Fat-ass," Kyle snapped, "it's not like you've ever had a girlfriend."

"Neither have you - you dumb Jew," Cartman snapped back.

"At least I know to treat women with respect!" Kyle shouted.

"That's only because they scare you," Cartman sneered, "we all know that your mom wears the pants in your family. She opens her mouth and you and your dad run around like timid mice."

"Shut the fuck up Cartman!"

"Hey ah don't blame you, your mom is a hella bitch," Cartman grinned.

Kyle slammed into Cartman, grabbing his jacket and pulling their faces close together, "My mom's not a bitch."

"Your mom is clearly a bitch - why else is there a song about her?" Cartman asked smugly.

"Because you wrote it Fat-ass!" Kyle screamed into his nemesis' face.

"God your breath smells," Cartman said changing the subject as he pushed Kyle away, "it must be from eating all that kosher."

"I'd rather eat kosher than eat all the crap you shovel down," Kyle held his fists by his sides. They were clenched so tight that they started to tremble.

"Ah have to eat well to maintain my manly physique," Cartman insisted.

"You're not manly you're just fat," Kyle retorted.

"Fat?" Cartman scowled, "Look at these guns." He flexed his arms - making his biceps bulge and stretch against the fabric of his jacket.

Kenny groaned in annoyance, "Will you two guys just fuck already - this is getting old."

"What!" Cartman shouted, "Why, the fuck, would anyone think that ah'd want to do that with the Jew?"

"They were saying the same thing to me before you turned up," Kyle told Cartman. As disgusting as he found the idea himself, Kyle couldn't help but enjoy seeing how Cartman was reacting.

"It's not just us," Stan said quickly - scared of Cartman's wrath, "everyone in school thinks that it's only a matter of time."

Cartman was stunned. How could anybody possibly think that he was gay and then pair him up with the Jew - the Jew of all people.

"Ah'm not gay," Cartman finally managed to say.

"That's what Kyle said," Kenny pointed out.

"And even if ah was gay, it wouldn't be for that worthless Jew-fag!"

"As if I'd want to be with you either - you fat sack of shit!" Kyle shouted back.

"Kyle, Cartman, calm down dudes," Stan flapped his hands in an attempt to get the two to lower their voices.

"Why, the fuck, should ah calm down Stan? Ah've just been accused of being gay for that," Cartman pointed at Kyle dismissively.

"I'm not happy about this either, Fat-ass," Kyle added.

"This is all your fault Jew. You've probably been secretly eyeing me up for years and everyone at school has noticed."

"I have not been eyeing you up," Kyle insisted, "in fact I prefer to avoid looking at you most of the time."

"So you don't have any feelings for me?" Cartman asked.

"You sound, almost, disappointed Fat-ass," Kenny chipped in.

"Ah am not disappointed Kenneh, ah'm relieved," Cartman said as he whipped round to focus on the blonde boy. "You think ah would want Kahl to like me?"

"Given the number of times you've tried to get him to suck your balls," Kenny answered, "I'd have to answer yes to that one."

"That wasn't gay," Cartman tried to explain, "that was about humiliation. Proving that ah'm better than him."

"Now that you've mentioned it Kenny," Kyle interrupted, "Cartman wanting me to suck his balls was pretty gay."

"Ah'm not gay!"

"OK, prove it," Kenny said with a smile.

"What," Cartman and Kyle said at almost the same time.

Kenny winked at Stan, "If neither of you are gay, then it won't matter if you make-out with each other."

"The fuck!" Cartman exclaimed.

"I'm not making out with Fat-ass!" Kyle shouted.

"If you make-out for sixty seconds and still claim afterwards that you're not gay for each other, then I'll tell everyone in school that they're wrong. I'll even help you both find a girlfriend," Kenny tried to sweeten the deal, "and not somebody cheap and slutty, like I normally go for, a decent girl who like to talk and shit."

Kyle looked warily at his two friends and enemy, "I might be willing to do this," he continued quickly as he saw the Fat-ass was about to chip in with another insult, "but only to shut you and Stan up once and for all."

"Ah still don't see any benefit for me in this," Cartman answered.

"That's because you're too much of a pussy," Kyle replied, before he was shut up by Cartman grabbing him.

"Ah'll show you who's the pussy, Jew."

Cartman lifted Kyle up, into the air, and pressed their mouths together.

Kyle gasped in shock - allowing Cartman to slip his tongue into the Jewish boy's mouth. Kyle's arms hung limp for a few seconds before he reached up - not to push himself away, like Stan would have expected, but to grip Cartman's shoulders and pull himself closer.

"Fuck," Kenny said as he watched his two friends make-out, "this is hot shit."

"Gross," Stan added - as he turned away and threw up.

Kenny pulled out his mobile phone and started filming - there was no way he wasn't going to post this on-line.

"That's one minute," Stan finally managed to say, "You can stop now."

Cartman and Kyle ignored him, they ignored the bell and they ignored the other students spilling out of the lunch room. They were inhabiting a world where only the two of them existed.

Authors Notes: I was getting twitchy from not writing any Kyman for a while. I know that I should be working on the next chapter of Super Hero but I just had the urge to write some fluff.

Kyman love to all my readers, cell12.