Chapter 11- Purple Lilac

You can have multiple loves in life but you can only have one first love in life. Thank you for being my first and only love.

Sleep. How long has it been since the last time he wasn't plagued with the nightmare of a certain brunette walking away from him?

The rays of light that peeked through the curtains gently nudged the sleeping man awake. As hazel eyes greeted the sun back, Takano tried to lift his arm only to find that something, or someone, was holding it back. When he turned to look at his bed companion, he held back a gasp as he couldn't believe the sight before him: a sleeping Onodera.

At first, he thought it was just one of those rare dreams. Dreams where he thought Onodera had come back, only to wake up to his alarm going off and an empty bed. Those beautiful dreams were more painful than nightmares: to be given the opportunity to hope and have it snatched away the next second was always the most painful.

But unlike his dreams he could feel Onodera. His breath that brushed against his arms as he sighed in his sleep. The heat that radiated off his cheeks as it snuggled further into Takano's arm. And if that wasn't enough, he stretched his arm (the one that wasn't being occupied as a pillow) to touch the rosy lips that he loved to kiss so much and almost cried when he realized that it wasn't a dream.

He watched Onodera sleep away. The morning glow that basked him as he slept made everything seem so surreal; that this person was here beside him. Onodera was back.

Takano could've watched his love for ages—for eternity really—but he needed to get up and prepare breakfast before the little prince woke up because after three rounds of sex the night before, Takano would expect Onodera to be tired and hungry. Plus Onodera's apartment has been empty for the last three months so there was no food at all.

Slipping his arm away from Onodera's head, he couldn't help but chuckle at the pout Onodera unconsciously made from losing the warmth and support underneath him.

Where's my shirt? Takano wondered as he scanned the room for the missing article. Taking another quick look around he finally found it hanging off the couch. Quickly snatching it without a second thought, he was surprised to hear the sounds of paper falling. What Takano didn't realize was that Onodera's messenger bag was on his shirt and ended up on the ground when he grabbed his shirt. He let out a sigh as he took a quick peek to see Onodera was still sleeping. Bending down to pick up the fallen papers on the floor, he was surprised to find that several of them were from the hospital. Although he knew he shouldn't Takano couldn't help but read the contents of the paper.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun was shining, the birds' songs marked the beginning of the day, and the morning dew was still fresh on the ground. It was supposed to be a beautiful morning. But, when Takano could no longer make out the words on the paper in front of him because of the tears falling onto the cursed paper in front of him he couldn't help but think how much he hated mornings. He should have learned by now that mornings take away his hopes of happiness from the night before.

"It's rude to look at other people's stuff you know." That painfully sweet voice reprimanded him.

With the support of the couch because he could feel that any moment now they would give in from the shock of what he discovered, Takano turned around to confront the owner of the voice.

Onodera was no longer lying down on the bed like he last saw him. Instead, he was sitting up right his emerald eyes staring directly at Takano. He was still naked and there was evidence from last night's activities littered all over his body, but with the white sheets covering him he looked like an angel as the sun shined down on him. At that moment, Takano couldn't help but realize just how beautiful Onodera was. So ethereal, so fragile that it seemed like he would disappear at any moment. Not even realizing it, with a sprint of desperation, Takano was back at Onodera's side, embracing him into his arms where he belonged. Takano always thought that Onodera always smelt like a field of flowers. It was always comforting, but at that moment it served as a reminder that with the changing of seasons flowers won't always be there. Unleashing his bottled up tears, he could only grip Onodera harder as he felt his embrace being returned back to him.

Takano could feel little raindrops against his skin realizing that he wasn't the only one crying. So, it came as a surprise to hear Onodera talk in a clear and confident voice as if the hot tears falling down his back were just a figment of his imagination.

"Ten years ago…" Onodera paused as he heard Takano inhale sharply as he probably realized where he was going. "Ten years ago I was in love with this senpai. I was the library monitor so I watched this cold-looking senpai come into the library every day. It didn't suit his image because he seemed like the type to play around instead of hiding himself away in the library. But by the time I knew it I had fallen in love with him. He was my first love."

Takano shivered as he felt a gentle kiss on his shoulder as Onodera comfortably rested his head on Takano's shoulder before he continued his story.

"So imagine my surprise when this senpai that I had always admired from afar agreed to date me. Every day was filled with happiness. But, I thought the entire time it was a joke. I didn't think he could have possibly love me."

Takano wanted to interrupt, to tell him that wasn't true. But, before he could say anything he found fingers at his lips to silence him. When he looked up he was looking at the face of the most beautiful man he had ever seen, smiling at him with affection. Confident that he wasn't going to be interrupted again, Onodera brought his hand down to intertwine it with the larger hand in front of him.

"I've always had low self-esteem so I couldn't believe that it was real. I didn't deserve to be this happy. Although he treated me gently, he never told me that he loved me. If I was more confident in myself, and in him, I would've known he loved and cared for me the way that I did for him just by his actions alone. But I needed him to confirm his feelings for me directly. So after that night, the first time we did it, I gathered up the courage to ask you what our relationship was. Because of my insecure self, I was hurt by the fact that you laughed at my question. It was like my fears that you thought our relationship was a joke had come true. I should've listened to you till the end, maybe our relationship wouldn't have ended-but I didn't.

After I ran away from your place that night, I returned home feeling sick. The next thing I knew I was at the hospital. The night that I left you in your bed alone was the night I found out I had leukemia. I mean they had to run a couple of tests before diagnosing me, but the life that I knew before that night ceased to exist. Once I was properly diagnosed, the doctors here told me that the only treatment I could receive was in America. And from there you already know the rest."

"And now?" Takano whispered gently, gripping Onodera's hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss. "Are you alright now?"

Taking his hand away, Onodera let the sheets that were covering him fall around him as he stood up. In all his naked glory, he went to pull something out of his bag. It was a red journal, but what Onodera was looking for seemed to be inside the journal. Takano watch him take out a bookmark. What caught Takano's eye, however, was that there was a pressed flower in the bookmark.

Onodera came back to the bed and placed the bookmark in Takano's hand. Upon closer inspection the flower inside the bookmark was a purple lilac.

"Throughout everything, I would find solace reading. For the past ten years I've been using this bookmark that I made myself. I don't know if you remember, but on our first date you brought me a bouquet of flowers. It was a bunch of purple lilacs." Takano couldn't help but let out a sob as he looked at the bookmark again realizing the significance of the flower inside of it. "You were always the romantic weren't you. If only I researched the meaning sooner, maybe I wouldn't have felt so insecure. It means—"

"First love." Takano whispered. Overwhelmed by emotions, he pulled Onodera down so that he was straddling Takano's lap. Onodera cradled Takano's cheek in his hands as he swooped down and capture his first love's lips. The kiss was gentle. It was like they went back in time when they were just a pair of innocent lovers who didn't know what pain meant at the time. But, through all the pain and hardships they were back to the very beginning where all that mattered was the person they love in front of them.

"I love you, Masamune."

At first, Takano thought he was hearing things. But as he saw his love's gentle smile with eyes brimming with love he knew that what he heard was real. And he cried.

01-20-2009

Dear Takano-san:

Today, I told you the truth about everything. Or more like you found out the truth. Weren't you taught not to respect other people's privacy? To be honest, I wasn't mad you found out. I was terrified. When I realized that you found my hospital papers I thought you were going to wake me up at yell at me for not telling you the truth. But, I watched your wide shoulders shake as you tried to hold back your sobs, even though you failed miserably. But, thank you for crying for me. Now I'm grateful that you found out while I'm still around. If you had found out when I'm no longer in this world I don't know who would've comforted you. Although my time is limited, I hope that we can create happy memories that you can look back on fondly when I'm no longer here. Knowing you, you'll probably be a mess when I'm gone, but if you could grant me one wish, it would be to live happily for me. I hope you can fulfill this dying man's wish. We'll meet again one day, but until then, I'll be waiting for you to come back with some happy stories for me.

I will love you forever and always Masamune.

Your love,

Onodera Ritsu

A/N: It's been years but I'm finally back. I remember writing this story back when I was in junior high, but here I am almost graduating from university. To be honest, I completely forgot about this story amongst other things in life, but I recently started writing an original story and I remembered about this one. I thought I should give some closure for this book after 2 years from my last update. I think I will write one last final chapter for FLDM but I won't make any promises as to when that will be up. To all those who have been following this story for years and to those who are new thank you for giving FLDM as much attention and love it has received.