Orihara Izaya was well known for many things. One was being a peerless information broker. Another was being able to incite Heiwajima Shizuo's legendary rage just by being within his sight.

One of the things he prided himself on, though, was being able to take in and deal with any situation.

That said, he had no idea what to do when he walked into his office only to find it empty.

A muffled sound drew his attention to the woman behind him. Namie was turning pink with the effort to not laugh at her employer.

Izaya turned back to his (empty) apartment and walked in, taking note of everything that was missing. And everything was missing, from his files to his kitchen utensils.

Hell, his damn toilet paper was gone.

Everything.

"Who would be stupid enough…"

/

"Hey, Isaac?"

"Yes, Miria?"

"What are we going to do with all of this now?" She spun herself around a few times in the office chair, gesturing as she turned to their new collection, haphazardly piled in an alley.

A pause.

"I've got it, Miria!" Isaac posed in front of the small mountain of binders, topped by a desktop computer and monitor. "That nice bartender said that Orihara-san was a flea who was leeching away people's happiness, right? So, all of this," meaning, hopefully, everything in the alley except for the dumpster, "needs to go back to Ikebukuro so it can make the people happy again!"

"That's wonderful, Isaac!" Miria leapt from the chair, wobbled a bit, and then hopped over to hug Isaac.

"Of course it is! Now, Miria, let us bring happiness back to Ikebukuro!"

Grinning widely at each other, they pulled up the hoods of their new coats and got to work.

/

You're in a good mood today.

"Ah. Yeah."

Celty's helmet tilted.

Shizuo raised his phone, the screen filled with messages from the Dollars, and smiled.

Notes: SO. Deanon from the Durarara! gen meme, for a request for a Durarara!/Baccano! crossover.
Is...Is this even considered deanoning, since I haven't posted this to a community or anything? I honestly don't know.
Written in May, debated on whether or not to own up to it or not, since I'm not quite sure it flows well, but oh well.

I'll probably come back (much, much) later and edit/rewrite someday. Someday. Someday.