A quick oneshot on mine and my friend's take on how the Mauraders would handle seeing a spider in their Dorm. This really happened to me and my friends last night.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything familiar!

How to kill a spider (the Gryffindor way )

with Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs.

It was a normal night in the Gryffindor Boy's dorm. That is, unitil it happened.

A loud girly scream pierced the quietness.

"Arghhhhh" James screamed and lept onto Sirius' bed.

"Yikes James, Evan's hex you already?" Sirius joked at the look of pure terror on his brother's face.

"Not yet...there is a HUGE spider by my bunk...can I sleep with you tonight?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow and smirked at his friend's antics. James really was the drama queen of Gryffindor. When Sirius saw that James was adamant, he scoffed and threw the blankets back.

"Alright then Prongs, let's see this scary beast...Oh my god, that motherfucker is massive! MOONY! SAVE ME!" Sirius then jumped onto Remus' bed along with James, both of them screaming. Moony threw his pillow at them and groaned.

"Jeeze, Evans hex you both already?" Remus sarcastically replied. Sirius smirked for a moment.

"Hey..that's what I said...anyway, there is a great big motherfucker spider and it wants to eat us for breakfast...so we need you and your bravery to save poor Prongsie and me from great evil beastie" Sirius then gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

Moony rolled his eyes and slowly removed himself from the comfort of his warm blankets to venture across the messy assault course that was of course their dorm.

"It can't have been that big now come-JESUS CHRIST THAT THING IS HUGE!'

Remus shrieked too as he rushed across the dorm to jump on the bed leaving the others pouting that his was the most masculine scream. Peter gently stirred before asking

"Why are we shouting again did Sirius miss breakfast again?"

before gently drifting back off to sleep. James and Sirius exchanged shocked looks at the most cowardly members bravery when faced with great peril.

Remus paused for a moment, unsure of what to do, knowing that none of the others wacky suggestions was going to serve its purpose. Suddenly after sitting in silence for a good few minutes Sirius suddenly jumped up, his face on of pure excitement at thinking of, what was in his opinion, the best idea ever.

"We go and get Minnie!"

He shouted looking at the others expectantly waiting for them to get up and praise him for being the greatest wizard of all time.

"We go and get Minnie?"

James repeated somewhat unsurely. He exchanged glances with Remus, both of them adamant that this idea was not one of his best. Looking defeated Sirius sank to the floor looking at them and expectantly waiting for a better idea.

"How about...we simply trap it in a glass and be done with it?"

Remus suggested, however unsure of the outcome. It was now James' and Sirius' turn to glance at each other, however this look was one of joy and triumphance.

"We did it!" James shouted "We thought of the best idea in the world!"

James and Sirius celebrated, still looking at the spider warily.

"We?" Remus began "We didn't think of..."

His speech was interupted by two mischievous balls of new-found hope and energy hurling themselves at him. He chose to not continue his train of thought, knowing all to well that the argument would simply be lost by him again.

"So go on then." James and Sirius said, in unison, both looking at Remus and holding out a glass aquired from the kitchens at an earlier date. Remus looked from one to the other praying to see laughted in their expectant looks but there was none. It seems that he would be the one, to carry out the task.

He slowly took the glass from James' outstretched hand and started to venture towards the 'demon beast' which in reality was about the size of a standard house spider. He then retreated quickly.

"Have you got anything I can use to cover my hands with?"

Sirius shrugged and picked up a discarded pair of tights and a dissused glove before handing them to Remus, secretly admiring his courage at being able to approach the spider without shrieking loudly, or jumping into another bunk. Peter was slowly stirring, and luckily so, as the spider was rapidly making its way towards his end of the room. He opened his eyes to find himself no less than twelve inches away from the biggest spider he had ever seen.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH" He shrieked as the others inwardly laughed, he definately had the most femine scream.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!" He exclaimed as, unlike the others, he chose to continue shouting even when on the other side of the room. Remus jumped at hearing the startled voice, as did the spider because that also began to quickly move away from the source of the loud noise. Remus then took a running jump and dived onto the bed, catching his breath, shaking his head in proclamation at the fact that he could not and would not go anywhere near the dreaded demon again. He agreed with the others' cries that it could have been directly related to acromantula. He just wanted that spider out of the dorm, and fast. Sirius made his decision and lept off the bed, grabbing the invisibility cloak, the marauders map and of course his wand and made for the exit, fully intending to bring McGonagall back to their dorm because after all, if her gase could make even the marauders quiver then she should certainly be able to get rid of a miniscule spider. Without a second thought Prongs picked up the nearby hairspray and made for the spider. He was sure he had read somewhere that if a spider were sprayed with any sort of aerosol it would be paralysed. He approached with much hesitation, and then retreated again handing the hairspray to a still shell-shocked Moony who then refused to take it. Peter was still in the toilet having taken refuge there shortly after he spotted the spider.

Sirius ran back inside, steadily panting.

"Guess what guys? Turns out the only thing that scares Minnie is spiders. Yes we have new ideas for pranks however it also means we're on our own for this one." He managed to reveal before collapsing onto the bed after the most exercise that wasn't on a broom since the first year end of term prank.

"Great. Just bloody great" James uttered, not moving away from the small space he had managed to obtain on Remus' bed. The two normally cocky boys turned to Remus with equal looks of pure terror on their faces.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmm..." was sadly the best Remus could come up with, they were back to square one. They looked at each other all huddled on one bunk for half an hour, constantly coming up with disastrous ideas on how to rid their dorm of the creature.

Finally, after much deliberation, Remus and Sirius had managed to formulate a plan, with James occasionally adding in minor details. They were to spray the creature with hairspray whilst one of the members sat under the position of the spider with a box ready to put the creature in. However, as was to be expected, everybody got cold feet when it came to actually putting the plan into motion, except poor Remus, who was entrusted with the whole mission. He awkwardly made his way forward, to where the spider was lurking, completely ignoring Peter who had come out of the bathroom to watch the mission of rescuing James and Sirius from the 'evil monster'. Remus quickly sprayed the spider with hairspray whilst holding the box under the spider's position. However, it was at that moment that Peter leant against the light switch. It was at that moment that the whole room went dark, much to the shock of the four teenagers who were within. It may only have been a moment, however that moment was all it took for the spider to seemingly disappear.

The boys all fumbled around huddling together on the rather large bed. They had no clue where that spider had gone and neither wanted to be the unsuspecting victim who found it. Then Remus saw it, just behind the box that the spider was previously meant to be contained in. He moved towards it, jumping back slightly when the assumed dead spider crawled a small distance away from him. He suddenly, squirming, pushed the box up against the wall where the unsuspecting spider was stood and squashed it. The spider was now vanquished. The boys celebrated loudly until a larger spider slowly crawled out of a crack in the wall. The boys looked at each other, once again terror was splashed across each face. There was another one.

Three hopeful faces turned towards one of their members,

"Reeeeeeeemmmmmusssssss?"

FIN!

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