My friend was writing a story for my friend Kyosgurl35...xD. It was… Perverted? And I had this weird dream about it and stuff and randomly got one-shot idea in my head.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach xD. I do own my weird perverted mind though lol.

The first thing Byakuya Kuchiki noticed was the open front door. He shook his head, his adoptive sister Rukia Kuchiki was in the household with…that disrespectful Kurosaki kid. How could they forget to close the front door? If anything happened to his sister, Kurosaki Ichigo would pay dearly for forgetting such an important detail.

No one was home at the time. Byakuya wondered why the front door was open. Someone must have been in the house. He wondered if someone perhaps broke in.

"Hey…that tickles..Ichigo….stop..haha." Byakuya heard. Sounded like Rukia. He paused for a moment trying to find the meaning of the words she said. Tickling…Ichigo…stop…and then laughter?

"What could that mean." faintly whispered Byakuya. He automatically knew it had something to do with the Kurosaki kid. Tickling..does he dare touch my sister in such a manner?

"Has she been sexually active with the boy!" Byakuya exclaimed. His eyes widened. No. He tried to assure himself that Rukia wouldn't do anything inappropriate. "Must be a misunderstanding."

He walked up the stairs slowly and saw a brown door with a "Fifteen" symbol on the front. He figured that the room belonged to Ichigo and sat down, he adjusted his head on to the door and listened in. He was her big brother of course, adoptive- but still. He should know these things.

"This sure is boring. Soul Society teachers are much better." said Rukia.

SOUL SOCIETY TEACHERS? What is the meaning..? So this has been going on much longer than I thought! I will have a formal conversation with the teachers in that school after this. Byakuya thought.

"I'm only fifteen years old midget. I have a lot more to learn about this." Ichigo grumbled.

"You could do a better job!" said Rukia. "And I am not a midget."

Oh yes…Kurosaki, you will learn not to do such things with my sister. Sounds like Rukia is getting dissatisfied.. We will have a talk about this soon. Byakuya leaned in a bit closer.

"I'm much better in French to be honest." said Ichigo.

So he has had others before. Goodness! How young could he have started?

"Oh really? Why don't you let me see how good you are." said Rukia.

French kissing! He wouldn't dare kiss her in that manner! That child is going to face the wrath of my bankai if such behavior continues!

"Wow Ichigo, you are good. If that was French of course." Rukia replied sarcastically.

That low-life human! How dare he take advantage of my obviously oblivious sister! Goodness, I hope my Zanpakuto is ready! I will be speaking with many people today.

"It was, do I need to show you again?" said Ichigo.

She wouldn't dare say yes.

"Yes, please do so." Rukia answered.

She's only a hundred and fifty years old!

Byakuya was lost in his own thoughts and tuned out the not so perverted part of the conversation.

"We should do it now ya know." said Ichigo.

Byakuya's eyes went wide. Sex! My sister will be touched and seen naked by a human like Kurosaki! This is unacceptable and inappropriate! I cannot believe that my sister will lose her virginity before me! Or lost her virginity before me!

"Now I sound like a jealous virgin." Byakuya grumbled.

"I'm probably not as good at it as I was before. Plus, I haven't done it for a while. It was so long…before Renji and Nii-sama came here to get me." said Rukia.

So was that how they met? After she transfers her powers they have sex! How much times have they done it? That boy..he took advantage of the fact that she lived in his closet! He must've thought that she was easy access to calm his sexual fantasies down. And his family was unaware.

"Take all the time you need Rukia. No one's rushing you, but don't take too long. My family will get suspicious." Ichigo replied.

How rude, telling her to rush into it like that! A man will be patient and understanding but he says not to take so long! I hope his family can find out about such activity! Oh I'm forgetting, his father may not condemn this!

"I know strawberry, your family won't be home for a while. We should take it easy." said Rukia.

It should be illegal to leave a kid at the age of fifteen alone! And with a girl who is in the noble Kuchiki family.

"Don't call me strawberry you midget!"

What is he referring to as midget? IS HE COMMENTING ON HER BREAST? No, midget means height! Unless it's his way of saying she's small!

"I'm not a midget! You're big you know. But I've seen much bigger. Sado, Renji, and-"

"Don't compare it to Byakuya's."

"I wasn't going to. But compared to him..you're small."

What is the meaning of this! How much has she seen? SHE HAS SEEN MINE? Renji will be getting a certain talk from me.

"Really Ichigo, Nii-sama is big."

How does she know THAT. I'm roughly seven inches but that is unnecessary! How is it possible that she has seen it? Unless..that woman showed her pictures! This has Yoruichi written all over it.

"It's only a two-inch difference between us! How do you know how big he is compared to me?" said Ichigo.

"I can tell just by looking at him, and you of course." Rukia replied.

"No wonder you're so good at this." said Ichigo.

So she has lost her virginity before me! That is entirely wrong! I should've lost it long before her! Now, who taught her that! I will find whoever showed her how to measure penis sizes immediately!

"You're faster than last time you know." Rukia complimented.

I thought they both agreed it will be slow! How is she able to hold in all the pain and not make a sound?

"Ohhhh…Ichigo!" said Rukia. Byakuya's blood boiled.

She should improve on that aspect- no wait! She should never do this again! The Kurosaki kid will certainly not be able to do this again once I'm through with him.

"Hey Rukia?" asked Ichigo.

"Yes?"

"Can I drink your juice?" he asked.

He dares to ask such a question! I will cut it off if it's the last thing I do!

"What? No! Drink your own." said Rukia.

"Yours tastes better." Ichigo said.

What is this..? Ichigo Kurosaki masturbates? And what exactly is Rukia thinking? That would be very difficult! Not that I would know…

"Oh please, what's wrong with yours?" said Rukia.

"It's sour, I hate the flavor. Yours is sweet." said Ichigo.

And how much times have you said that before Kurosaki?

"Fine, but I wanna taste yours. So put it in!" said Rukia

HOW MUCH TYPES OF SEX DO THEY HAVE? She wouldn't dare suck his private! She's a Kuchiki! Hisana, help me here! I should've given Rukia the talk.

"Are you sure?" Ichigo teased. "It might be too big for you to handle."

"I've drank juice before and handled it fine, it was more than enough! The only problem was putting it inside."

How can it even fit? She's smaller than probably all the soul reapers. With the exception of Captain Hitsuguya…

"What the hell! This is sour." said Rukia.

"Told you, remember? You hated the juice flavor."

"Well sorry! I've drank a lot of juice while I was here. How can I remember?" said Rukia.

I want to know who's juice she drank! How much times has she had sex? And how much people! I blame Kurosaki for my sister's ruined innocence.

"Hey Ichigo! Watch where you put that thing!" yelled Rukia. "Look! You idiot, it's all over your bed!"

"Shut up, it was an accident. It's heavy, give me a break!" Ichigo said.

Five inches heavy? That kid has lots to learn. Oh wait a minute… no wonder it's heavy.

"It's not that heavy, can't you put it in gently instead of rushing so much?" said Rukia.

"Well sorry! Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore!"

Yes! You shouldn't! You will never be able to do it again.

"But I like doing this."

"Well find someone else!" yelled Ichigo.

"But you're better than everyone! None of the teachers in Soul Society or anyone is as good at this as you! You're patient and it's so much fun sometimes." said Rukia.

Calm down Byakuya..calm down.

"It's fun sometimes?" said Ichigo.

"Okay fine..it's really fun all the time." Admitted Rukia.

"That's what I like to hear midget, wanna do it again?" Ichigo asked.

"Of course, now let's clean this up before anyone notices." said Rukia.

Great..SHE HAD TO FORGIVE HIM! That's it..I don't want to hear about round two ever.

Byakuya opened up the door, slamming it back so hard that the door closed again. He glared at Kurosaki and figured that the two put on their clothes earlier. Books, notebooks, pencils, and two juice boxes laid around. "Nice cover up."

"Nii-sama? How long have you been here?" asked Rukia.

"I heard everything, from tickling, to penis sizes, to you two having sex!" Byakuya yelled. Rukia was surprised to see him lose his cool, emotionless face. She turned to look at Ichigo. Their eyes met and a blush appeared on both of their cheeks.

"It's not what you think, look we were-" Ichigo was then cut off by Byakuya.

"Listen here Kurosaki! I do not want you touching my sister, kissing my sister, putting your small thing, into my sister, tickling her, and drinking her up. And you Rukia- I do not want you measuring penis sizes or sleeping with anyone ever again!"

"Nii-sama..we were studying for these human subjects. Ichigo was helping me with Spanish and then we were talking about math. We drank some juice boxes. He wanted my flavor because his was sour." Rukia explained. Her face was a noticeable shade of bright red.

"Yeah…that's all we did!" said Ichigo. He blushed harder than ever before.

"Oh…but spilled juice?" Byakuya asked. His face returned to his usual emotionless look.

"I took a book out of my bag and slammed it on to the bed to hard." said Ichigo.

"Very well then.." said Byakuya. He proceeded to leave. He turned and glared at Ichigo again. "Touch my sister and I will remove IT with no hesitation."

"I won't do anything that Rukia doesn't feel comfortable with, Byakuya." said Ichigo.

"You both better be virgins next time I visit." Byakuya said. With that, he walked out of the room and slammed the door shut.

"Byakuya is more perverted than I thought." said Ichigo.

"I was shocked too, he sure has interesting thoughts." said Rukia.

"He sure does." said Ichigo. He kissed her cheek causing a tiny smile to appear on her face.

"Ahem." said Byakuya behind the door.

"Can we have some privacy here? We won't have sex!" said Ichigo.

"Just remember what I'll do Kurosaki, remember it well." said Byakuya. He walked down the stairs and locked the front door.

"Kuchiki-taicho, are you alright?" asked lieutenant Abari Renji. Byakuya sat on his chair with his hand on his face. He remembered the thoughts, ever single speculation he had. And how it was all nothing.. He was not a pervert but he thought like one.

"I spent too much time with Yoruichi." Byakuya grumbled.

Well their..xD. Byakuya might have been ooc in his freaking out part. Lol..well yeah he probably was.:P

edit: Thank you to Kyosgurl35 and Dawnie'B for pointing out some grammar errors.