BEWARE COURTSHIP WITH YATO WOMEN

She bit him, Okita thought, the little brat actually bit him!

XXXXXXX

What happeed before Kagura and Okita got engaged? The day had started out innocently enough, Shinpachi recalled. Gintoki was re-watching another old newscast by the weather woman, Sadaharu was napping on the couch, and Shinpachi was reading through job descriptions in the morning paper.

"How about this one," Shinpachi read, "Looking for fellow friends to have tea party with."

"Hey, hey," Gintoki replied, "Who do you think we are? We can't be doing any jobs like that. It's bad for our reputation."

"Gin san, in case you haven't noticed, we haven't paid rent for over three months," Shinpachi warned.

Gintoki waved the warning away, "We still have time before the next rent."

"Do we really…"

The door opened, interrupting any more of Shinpachi's reading and any chance for a perfectly normal day. Kagura waltzed in. A determined look was pressed on her face. She glanced between her two comrades.

"It's about that time," Kagura announced, "I have become a woman."

Silence awkwardly passed between the three before Shinpachi spoke.

"…Excuse me?"

"These," Kagura smirked and she groped her tiny breasts, "I went up a cup. And on top of that," A pause, "I started bleeding-"

"SOME THINGS SHOULDN'T BE SHARED BETWEEN US!"

"So be jealous!" Kagura howled in laughter.

Gintoki awkwardly coughed and patted Kagura's back. Barely reaching his chest, Kagura was still petite, despite being sixteen and eating three times her weight. She looked up at Gintoki, innocently.

"Kagura," Gintoki said, "There are times when a girl will start going through changes. And it is during moments like these that family becomes very important."

Shinpachi was in awe, "How very mature of you Gin san-"

"And that is why you need to leave now. Right now. Go away and run to someone else before you ruin us."

"THAT WASN'T SUPPORTIVE, AT ALL!"

Kagura huffed and shook Gintoki's hand off her shoulder. She stood erect, proudly placing her hands on her hips.

"I'll have you know, Gin chan," Kagura sneered, "I already went to someone—quite a few people, actually."

"Oh?" Shinpachi and Gintoki shared looks, "Like who?"

"Well…"

"You're bleeding? Well, that's good. Now go get a rich guy," Otose smiled.

"BLEEDING ISN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL! YOU CAN STILL HAVE SEX ON YOUR CYCLE, YOU KNOW!" Sacchan grinned from her hiding place.

"Oh, how exciting. You should probably use triple padding since you eat so much protein," Otae said as she handed Kagura three boxes of pads.

"Bleeding? Never had it," Kyuubei said. She blushed and shifted legs.

Shinpachi yelled, "THOSE ARE ALL COMPLETELY USELESS!"

"No!" Kagura argued, "I had some good advice, today!"

"You're on your way to a woman," Tsukuyo smiled, "Come to me if you want a job, yah?"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ADVICE, AT ALL!" Shinpachi yelled.

"Nope! She said I was a woman," Kagura grinned, "I am a full grown Yato woman, now!"

"You still got ways to go, brat," Gintoki said and he ruffled Kagura's hair, "Now put on a dress because we're going to a tea party."

"Gin san… you're serious?"

"Hmph!" Kagura said, "I am a grown woman now, so I don't have to do what you say! Anyways, if you don't mind me, I have some grown up things to do!"

"Oh, like what?" Gintoki lazily asked.

Kagura was already half way out the window, ready to jump down. She looked back at her two roommates and grinned.

"I'm gonna get myself a man."

"A man?"

"And not just any man," Kagura hopped out the window, "One as strong as a Yato!"

XXXXXXX

A cry, followed by a loud crash, Okita uncovered his eyes and glanced about his room. Through the rice paper he saw silhouettes of men bring thrown like rag dolls.

"IT'S COMING!"

"AAAHH I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

"EVERY ONE, LOOK OUT!"

A body tumbled into his room and destroyed the wall. Yamazaki looked up at him with tearing eyes.

"O-Okita!" He stuttered, "It's a warzone out there?"

"Is it Hijikata?" Okita asked, "Are we revolting?"

"Of course not!" Yamazaki yelled, ignoring Okita's sigh. "The Yato girl! She's here?"

"Is that all," Okita dryly said, "Well that's good. I haven't beaten her ass in a while."

"No it's bad, really bad!"

"What's wrong?" Okita taunted, "Can't take care of a widdle girl?"

Okita shrugged on his uniform and grabbed his sword. The day was looking a bit promising. He smiled and made sure to step on Yamazaki's crotch on the way out.

XXXXXXX

Outside was indeed, a war zone. Okita saw men being flung over trees and lying unconscious in the hallways. He stepped over Kondou in particular, who had his bare butt sticking out (written on it was, "Gorilla").

Okita turned the corner. The sight that greeted him was Hijikata being thrown across the yard. Through the smoke, Okita could see that Hiijikata was still dressed in his pajamas—patterned boxers and a white tee. It was a good morning.

"Every one look at the weak vice captain," Okita taunted, "Who would want a weakling like him guiding us?"

"Shut up, Sougo!" Hijikata snapped, "And you! What do you think you're doing attacking out base, like this?"

Kagura stepped out of the smoke, tapping her shoulder with the umbrella, "Whadd'yah mean by that? What a disappointment, I thought you guys were stronger than this. And what's with those boxers? You call yourself a man?"

Hijikata blushed and tried to cover his mayo-patterned boxers, "Sh-Shut up! Why are you even attacking us?"

"I'm looking for someone strong," Kagura sneered and picked her nose, "I figured I would start here, but you guys are as worthless as my boogers."

She flicked her booger at Hijikata.

"You little brat!" Hijikata snapped, "I'll show you to dishonor the ShinSenGumi!"

"Hey, hey," Okita called and stepped in front of Hijikata. He already withdrew his sword and got into a stance, "Let me take care of this. I'm more than willing to take care of this brat."

The strangest thing happened, Okita noticed, Kagura was actually blushing. She awkwardly played with her umbrella and tried not to make eye contact with Okita. It might've looked cute if not for the unconscious bodies lying around her feet.

"Not you," Kagura mumbled, "I don't want you."

With that, she jumped over the ShinSenGumi wall, probably looking to create more havoc.

Okita and Hijikata shared confused looks as they watched Kagura run away. Sheathing his sword, Okita stood about as Hijikata brushed himself off.

"I wasn't expecting that," Hijikata remarked.

Okita shrugged, "She's probably on her period."

He would soon find out how right he was.

XXXXXXX

The rest of the day progressed rather oddly. Okita and Hijikata were called all over Samurai Country for Kagura's mishaps. Most of the damage, it seemed, were centered on young men.

"Why would she be beating up all these boys?" Okita kicked a limp body, "If she wants a fight, I would be more than happy to beat her ass."

"I'm going to ask those Yorozuya," Hijikata decided, "They probably know what's going on. You go ahead and try to find her."

"Of course," Okita said. He noticed smoke coming out, east of where he was, "I already have an idea of where she is."

XXXXXXX

Kagura kicked a limp body off the roof and sighed. How hard was it to find a suitable male in this area? On this Earth? It seemed the only people who could beat her were Gin chan, MAYBE Hijikata (she should finish that fight), and…

"Excuse me, miss?" An old voice interrupted her thoughts, "You wouldn't be a Yato by any chance, would you?"

Looking behind her, Kagura saw an old man seated on the windowsill. He adjusted his glasses at her and looked amazed. Kagura quickly jumped next to the man.

"Yes, I am!" Kagura announced proudly, "And a grown woman, at that!"

"Oh ho ho, youngsters are so spirited," The old man said, "I haven't seen chaos like this since another Yato appeared years ago. So tell me—what are you beating up my neighbor's sons for?"

"I'm looking for a man," Kagura said, "A mate?"

"A mate, huh?" The old man said, "Tell me, young lady. Do you know any of the Yato mating rituals?"

Kagura blushed. There was no real way of her ever knowing the true customs of a Yato courtship. Asking her Papi would be too awkward, Kamui was out of the question, and her mother…

"Not really. I thought I just had to find someone strong," Kagura said.

The old man laughed, "That's part of it. But you know, it's usually the male that initiate."

Kagura huffed, "What old thinking!"

"Not so! You shouldn't think of it like chocolate and roses of the sort, rather," The old man fought for words, "The male is usually the one who initiates fights, not just once, but many times."

"The male fights first? And a lot?" Kagura asked and paused, "How do you know this?"

"I teach a class about different Amanto species," The old man said.

Kagura was in deep thought. There was really only one male who consistently picked fights over and over.

"I guess you can say fighting is equivalent to flirting!" The old man smiled.

"Flirting?" Kagura yelled.

Suddenly a torpedo interrupted their conversation. Kagura quickly helped the old man into the house for safety. A familiar voice yelled from the ground. Looking out the window, Kagura groaned and saw Okita. He was carrying the familiar bazooka over his shoulder.

"Hey, China!" Okita yelled, "Let's get this over with, I have a drama at four!"

"Fighting… is flirting…" Kagura mumbled over and over, "Hey, old man?"

"Yes?"

"The class you teach, about Amanto? Is it required or something?"

"Oh yes, if you are an earthling, you have probably taken it at one point or another," The old man said.

Kagura felt the thoughts tick in her head.

Was he flirting with her?

Was Oktia…

Flirting with her?

XXXXXXX

Of course, Okita didn't know anything about Yato customs. In fact, he fell asleep through all his classes. But no one really knew that.

He was taken back, a bit, when Kagura jumped down in front of him. She was damn blushing again, even trying to avoid eye contact with him. Okita threw down his bazooka and took out his sword.

"What's wrong, China," Okita said, "Is it your time of the month or something?"

Kagura snapped her head towards Okita, a deep blush staining her cheeks.

"No!" Kagura yelled, "Not you! I will die before it's you!"

"What are you-"

But Kagura had already tackled Okita's body, pinning his limbs to the ground. Her insane strength should've knocked him out senseless, but Okita was more skilled than that. He quickly maneuvered their limbs and threw off her weight.

Picking up his sword, Okita smirked, "You're dead now, China."

XXXXXXX

It didn't take more than a few moments that Okita pinned Kagura to the wall. However, it was by far the most challenging battle they shared to date. Okita finally gained the upper hand in the end. With one hand, Okita pinned Kagura's wrists over her head and with the other he threatened her with his sword.

"Got you," He breathed.

Kagura glared at him.

"So you did," She hissed, "And I guess by Yato customs that means you win."

"Stop talking non-"

And for the second time, Kagura cut Okita short. Leaning her head forward, Kagura used her teeth to grasp onto Okita's neck. She gnawed a bit, licking between bites as she punctured his skin. It wasn't surprising that Okita found the sensation thrilling.

Kagura lapped the blood with her tongue and trailed her kisses to Okita's chin. Here, she looked into his wine colored eyes. Okita, himself, was observing Kagura's drunken state by her deep blue eyes.

"And what," He said, "The fuck do you think you're doing, China. I hope you didn't transfer any alien diseases to me."

"You're mine, now," Kagura gasped, "Oh my God."

Kagura then kneed Okita in the groin, causing him to double over. Blushing, she wiped her mouth and quickly ran away. Okita, hunched, watched Kagura's retreating figure.

"China!" He called, "Goddammit!"

Cluthing his lower self in one hand and his neck in the other, Okita felt the grooves from Kagura's teeth. She bit me, Okita thought, the brat actually bit him!

TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N: LOL THAT WAS PRETTY BAD, HUH? OOC UP THE WAZZOO AAAAAHHH

It's been so long since I wrote a fanfic

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! And I hope my writing will improve as the chapters go on…