Inside and out:

When I was younger I was learning how to survive. My emotions,my being were all a weapon to keep me safe. The Hunger for food and affection during childhood proved to be the ultimate fuel for me as a hero. A living hero with a simple task of letting light win over darkness.

I knew so very little beyond being "The boy who lived' and wanting my friends around me. I cared so very deeply about winning,about this task for I knew nothing else.

True I had a mission,but wasn't it a mission that could end up with death? if not my own then of those I cared about? Its funny now to think the world used to be so black and white. Win or lose,be a lion or speak like a snake and die. Isn't it the thinking of youth? From an abused child with no family I suddenly had a life of my own. Just play by the rules,you will die anyway,I remember thinking.

What saved me was that I cared about Ron and I simply did care,you know? I almost became that hero. So I wasn't unhappy-just delusional.

Now That I was dead I was finally allowed to feel my own fears. And standing on the lush wine colored carpet inside the chilly room,I let myself stare into space and think this thoughts. A pale hand belonging to the sharp one called Raziel,handed me a glass of warm liquid that I almost spilled. Not that the stains would be visible here,practical choice that red carpet.

I slowly turned around and stared into that handsome face with almost boredom. He had a wide smooth forehead that led to a thin long nose and ended with lips that curved towards his long black locks of hair. Hes eyes held no emotion but seemed to try and study me with great gravity. "Do you like it?" he pointed a lazy hand and I looked down with surprise. I leaned away from him:"I don't like blood",ironically my voice came out weak.

" Did you know the source of blood matters? Raziels eyes sharpened with interest as he spoke. "The blood holds the life and the soul of every being,when you consume it you take a part of that energy in you'. I let him move closer,too lost in questions to move away. "Thats why the source of blood matters,you should always drink only form the strong".

I looked around me,but all way still and calm,no sign of evil or bloodshed. "the strong?" Yes" Raziel smiled,his pale lips curving upwards in a smug fashion. " Strong emotions,strong will to live and it doesn't matter if its negative emotion as long as its willful".

"Is that why blood potion isn't enough?" I let him tighten my hand around the cup. The gray eyes darkened "yes, a substitute would make a vampire weak its a way to control our population." I wasn't convinced,"what about the human population then?shouldn't they be protected? "Raziel stared at the stone ceiling as if the answers lay there "During the 1749 breach of secrecy vampires were at an all high consumption of substitutes " his voice was grave. " They never mentioned that to you did they?"

I suddenly remembered how during the History Of Magic O.W.L I suspected the involvement of vampires in the breach. Raziel's laugh was brief like a wind through autumn leaves. "Ill teach you,now drink!" So I did.,all the while thinking if the Raziel would find my blood to be strong,after all had I the will to live?

He then led me to the center of the room where I let my eyes wonder the ceiling as hes fingers trailed my neck. "Don't be so morbid child! this is the beginning not the end". I thought how anguished he sounded and how all the vampires I encountered seemed so eager to help and take care of me,I wasn't used to this.

"Why would you agree to marry me?" I whispered as his cool lips found my vein ."Someone did this for me once" was all he said as the sharp familiar sting and moan of pleasure with my own fake irregular intake of breath created a symphony,not unlike muffled battle cries.

Much later found us laying side by side on the floor,his finders tracing my lightning bolt scar. " Its was more then strong,Harry". I turned my head towards him "what was it then?". He turned towards me,his finger warm against my skin. "Powerful,intoxicating,pure delight" I felt myself freeze at his words. "You are a gift I would have to protect,and I will". At that he closed his eyes and fell into the daylight sleep.

Now that I was a full vampire and in this strange situation,with this creature I hardly understood. I still had to surrender to the sun and sleep.

In the evening I woke up to find I'm alone. I walked through to the big stone hall where me and Dmitri arrived,but it was empty. I let my sharp new senses lead me towards what felt like warm halo,thats where I knew a vampire had to be. Inside a much smaller room with a oak table and chairs in its center I found my maker.

Dmitri's kind face welcomed me into a crushing hug and I felt a rising joy at the thought he was worried about me.

"You little rascal,wolf,disgusting angry child!" He sang my praises ad I laughed and laughed letting the stress of last night fade into comfort and warmth. I let him sit me next to him at the table as he started piling books that looked older then him. "I was considering saving you for most of the night,but fighting ancient vampires seemed unwise". I laughed "since when are you wise?" You little rabbit!". I smiled fondly at his tense face "I'm perfectly fine,I wasn't hurt at all". "you were lucky you got Raziel,hes more of a scholar then a worrier".

He said scholar with such disdain I almost laughed again. "is that why you have books?" I pointed at the rising pile of dust and leather.

"yes,its from him,he wants you to learn all you can about vampire bonding before the full moon comes". My heart sank "you mean exchanging blood wasn't enough?"

Dmitri looked up in pure surprise "of course not!blood exchange is just a way to open a bond between two vampires,and in your case turning you into a full one".

I was too lost in thought and anxiety for the future to notice how Dmitri blue eyes softened with emotion. "I'm happy you made this choice". I looked to fin him staring at me strangely "your were upset about the marriage before.' I stated what we both knew to be true. "I was afraid of the bond you would have with someone else". I was almost in awe at the courage behind that statement. I leaned towards my maker "you were afraid,why?" He just smiled and started fumbling and started drawing something int the dust covering the table. "you came to me Harry,you were so very lost and I felt I saved you". He kept drawing "I realize now,you saved me from my own life,you brought me out of my shelter in the woods". I felt like reaching out to him but he wasn't done."If you have a marriage bond with another,I would lose you." I stood up so fast my chair flew to the was with a crashing sound "You would never lose me! how can you say that? you made me like you said I was lost without you!" I stood there panting with my fists closed tight as Dmitri sat there calm but sad.

"You don't know what a marriage bond is,you would have to obey him not me and next month I wouldn't be you sir any longer". I felt anxiety rise through my magic and just as I was about to step towards him and do something,anything! Kiss,punch and claw at my maker, "how can you say that I would obey anyone but you?' my voice broke. The room felt chilly again with another presence added. Dmitri's eyes hardened as if he was about to jump into battle,I turned around.

"He is right you know" Raziel stood there without flinching,his face frozen with no emotion,even last nights curving lips seemed to straighten in a hard line.

"Once you are bonded to me he cant have any power over you,no one can." I tried to relax,"its a bond I understand that, but my emotions cant be controlled by it and I would never betray Dmitri like that". Raziel raised his perfect eyebrow "really,so loyal?" I almost punched him. "Bonds are funny things Harry,you should read the books."

At that he turned around and walked away. I almost followed him my anger made the edges of my vision scarlet. "how dare he be so entitled...so sure of himself!"

I turned back to Dmitri. "You hate him?" Dmitri asked with that sad smile. "of course I do! don't you?" Dmitri shook his head,"sit down Harry". I felt defeated and shocked my the raw anger in my only time i felt this way was towards Voldemort. "You just started the process by exchanging blood and already you feel so much,and you don't even know him".

I realized he was right,this emotions were too strong towards someone I only met yesterday. "What can I do?" I asked but Dmitri didn't answer only patted my hand and pointed towards the books. "I said I was glad you chose this Harry and I meant it. I'm only sorry I'm not enough to protect you." I frowned "Its because I'm the boy who lived isn't it?" It was always the reason. "No its because you are you,your blood Harry when I first tasted it. I knew you were special and had to be protected. I stretched my hand towards his "alright". In my hart I thought this was something interesting,my blood made those who tried it want to protect me. For now I would have to get back to the books,maybe there I would find answers.

After that Dmitri left me alone with my studies and I found myself genuinely interested in what I read. About twilight,a small house elf popped up and almost scared me to death. "Master Raziel wants you dear sir,lord of night the holy of..." I peered curiously at the small elf. He looked like a regular house elf but with small fangs. "What is your name?" I interrupted the ridiculous list of why I was all powerful. The elf seemed surprised but answered with a raspy voice "Noch* sir!" Alright,Noch lead me to him. I followed the little funny elf through he stony corridors every room we passed Noch stopped to light torches and dust away cobwebs. Finally we arrived in a big round room that seemed almost cozy with a blue sofa and shelfs that held even more books. I wondered how the vampires lived in such a barren environment.

"Here you are" I wasn't impressed with the dramatic appearance of Raziel,in fact my vision almost grew red again. I didn't answer just stared at the vampire that started to open the cuffs on his wrists. I noticed he was dressed in a blue silk shirt,favorite color? Gods why did I care anyway? I hated him. "you met Noch I take it? He kept fumbling with the sleeves and not looking at me.

"Yes,is he yours?" I finally answered. Raziel looked up and I almost lost my balance at the smile on his face."He was my family's before I was turned"."oh" I stupidly muttered before staring at the floor with even less intelligence,no blue carpet I noticed. "You were a pure blood then?" I almost blushed at the sound of my own voice.

Raziel finished with his sleeves and I noticed how long and then his hands were without them. "Back then most wizards were,it was the only way we could survive for this long". I bit into that statement "you don't like muggleborns then?" He didn't even reward me wit a look,just sat on that blue sofa and stretched his legs,I was furious.

"Not at all,but I have the feeling you don't like me". At that he stared straight into my eyes with such strength I almost flinched. "It was my mistake yesterday thinking you a vampire I thought we could just start our bonding,I liked you." My eyes rounded in shock at that,"and now?' I bit back the hurt in my voice.

'You still need to learn so much about vampires,about who you are". I decided to sit next to him to show I wasn't intimidated. "I agree I need to learn" I said,all the time searching for a reaction in his face. "I think you need to go back to Hogwarts and see for yourself ,get used to being a vampire." I shrugged 'I already did that didn't I? for some strange reason I felt rejected. Raziel peered into my eyes and his face softened "You don't see yesterday my liking towards you started growing and you started experiencing hate and resentment". I didn't understand and I signaled for him to continue.

" The fact you experience emotions even negative ones is good,it means our bond would work" he shifted in his sit uncomfortably:' like I said strength is strength,but you are not ready yet". "I will learn and Ill be ready" I tried to reason.

Raziel only stared into space with that dreamy look he had last night "For most bonds this would be enough and I respect your willingness Harry. But this is fact we both feel anything at such an early stage should make us cautious to do anything too fast."

He suddenly smiled at me "And you will be able to stay under Dmitri's wing for now,isn't that what you want?" Of course it was what I wanted and so was going back to Hogwarts. But somehow I felt I was missing something very important here and I still felt rejected. "Is that really the reason?" Raziel leaned closer and whispered "And you ask why I greed to do this?" I sat there unmoving like a frozen stone. Raziel kept leaning into me and I found hes body radiated almost human heat.

Suddnly he stood up and was in vampire speed next to the door "You are too young but you will learn".

I was left alone,my skin numb and craving the warmth of the strange vampire.

I was lost and found in the same day. And as the sun was rising I fell into a strange dream where Noch was lighting the sun with his bony fingers and Raizel kept dusting cobwebs from my cheeks as Dmitri threw silver knifes at him.

*Noch: meaning night in Russian,so yes..lots of Russian vampires here

*The breach of contract in 1749 is totally canon (I think) and that vampires were involved is implied.

Ill be very crazy glad if you tell me what you think,as I do like Dmitri so much I would like to keep writing.