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"Hey Hotch." Spencer said as he opened the door of his boss' office. Hotch looked up from the document he was reading to the agent in front of him. "You called for me?"

"Yes. Take a seat." Hotch collected the papers in a folder and stacked it neatly with other folders in his table. Spencer sat in one of the squeaky leather chairs in front of Hotch's table. He looked around and read some of the plaques hanging in the walls. They were mostly certificates of recognition and excellence awards. On his table was his name plate and beside it was the logo of the FBI. It was shiny and he wondered if Hotch actually hired someone from the maintenance department just to shine it every day.

"So why did you call me?" He asked, sounding innocent though he already knew why. There are interviews held when one of a team losses one of its members. It was like a psychological interview to check if the sudden change would cause an inconsistency among the other members left. He wanted to ask why Hotch conducted it since most of the time, an agent from another department should do it but he didn't ask why.

Hotch stood up from his chair and went to one of the couches in the other side of the room. He called Spencer and the younger agent stood as well and went next to him. "We need to talk about Emily."

There was silence between the two of them. It was beginning to make him uncomfortable that Spencer was the one who finally broke the silence.

"The last time I was on a couch like this was when my father left. They all thought I needed to talk, but developmentally I wasn't guided by conscience, I could only reveal what my mother and teachers told me was acceptable." Spencer said, his gaze darting everywhere and on anything and then on his boss' steely gaze. He tried not to look back too long for the fear that Hotch can see through everything that was on his mind. He stopped talking to collect his thoughts.

"You told them exactly what you knew they wanted to hear." Hotch asked. Briefly making an eye contact, he nodded. "You don't have to do that here."

He took a deep breath and swallowed hard to get rid of the lump forming in his throat. Controlling his emotions when talking about Emily have been very difficult for him. He looked back at Hotch and saw the grief and pain that was written across his face. "It's just unfair that she's gone." For a second he thought his voice would break but he was able to hold back. His tears lingered on the corner of his eyes and he moistened his lips. "It's like if we can't keep each other safe then why are we even doing any of this?"

Spencer could feel Hotch's heavy stare on him but he knew that he understood everything since his eyes glistened with tears. Hotch was about to say something to him but he didn't continue. Before he could even stop himself, Spencer blurted out, "Sometimes I think maybe… maybe Gideon was right, you know? Maybe… maybe it's just not worth it."

The two men just sat there in silence.

Spencer fought the urge to run to the door, leave the building, go to his apartment, lock himself from the world for a few days and be alone. He needed to compose himself since his concentration on work was getting sloppier every passing day. Coping after losing a friend while on the field is something he was never trained for.

"Is there anything else you would like to add, Reid?" The solemn voice of his unit chief woke Spencer from the reverie he was having. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.

"N-no, I don't." Hotch looked at him, obviously aware that there was something he wanted to say. Spencer broke the silence. "W-wait Hotch. I want to ask something, actually."

"What is it?"

Spencer cleared his throat. "Can I have some time off? Maybe 3 to 4 days? But not right away… I'm still undecided when."

Hotch looked down at him before finally breaking the silence as he replied, "Just tell me when you've decided."

"Thanks." Hotch just replied a nod. He stood up from his seat and exited the room.

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Spencer emerged from Hotch's office and went straight to his desk where Morgan, Garcia and Seaver were grouped. They were all too busy with their conversations that they didn't notice that he was there.

"Hey Reid," Morgan was the first to greet him. Garcia and Seaver finally noticed he was there. "Is there something wrong?"

"I uh, just came from Hotch's office. He's doing the interview." He said to them and he saw in Morgan and Garcia's face the sudden change in their mood.

"What interview?" Seaver, being the rookie of the team, was not yet aware it. She looked at them, eager to know what he was referring to.

"It's, uh, kinda like counseling." Spencer said and continued packing up his things. Morgan stepped away from the group and went back to his office, Garcia trailing off with him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw it was Ashley's. "You okay in there?"

It took some time before he could reply. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He could read through her facial expression that she wanted to say something but she stayed mum and walked away back to her desk.

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"I like the thought that he was concerned with us, really." Spencer stopped and stared blankly ahead as he continued to munch on the apple on his hand. Lila on the other hand was marking her lines in the script in her hand as she listened to Spencer talk about the talk he had with Hotch.

"I'm sensing a 'but' coming along." Lila said, making Spencer smirk.

"But I think it's too early to have a conversation like that. I mean, he could have waited a little longer don't you think?"

"Well yeah but you have to deal with it sooner or later." She said knowingly making Spencer to think things through. He smiled weakly back at her and realized how much she was helping him through all the dilemmas he was having. In fact, most of the time that they were talking it was all about him.

"How's your day by the way?" He asked looking at his girlfriend from the other side of the camera.

"Well, you know how it is. 90% of the time I am waiting, 9% dressing up, makeup and doing my hair, and the remaining 1% is acting."

"I see that my statistics blabbers are starting to rub off on you." He said making Lila laugh once more. "And now I know why you kept on texting me all day. Even tweets every minute!"

Spencer stared at Lila, smile escaping his lips. She was perfect in every way he looked at her making him miss her even more.

"I was bored to death you know. Plus, having nothing else to do was not helping keeping you out of my mind." She casually said as she put down her marker and all her papers away. Lila noticed the sudden change in color of his face and snickered. "You're so cute when you blush, Spence."

Spencer just shrugged with her banter and kept his head down, suddenly feeling self-conscious. When he looked up from the screen, Lila was smiling at him. He noticed her eyes have less sparkle that she always have. "Hey, it's already late. You look tired. Go get some sleep."

She frowned at him and pouted. "I'm not yet tired." He looked at her intently. "Well, maybe a little… dazed?"

"That means you're tired." She and Spencer both chuckled.

She took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm going to bed as long as you promise you'll go to bed too."

He smirked, before saying to her, "I promise."

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