for maddie; hope you enjoy darling! prompts: "every teardrop is a waterfall" by coldplay, a yale t-shirt, somebody saying, "why is your dad reading your copy of nylon magazine?" and super 8. sorry i just couldn't work in the quote thing. :/ hope you don't hate me?

you are five
years old & b r o k e n.

people may think you're young, but you aren't stupid.

you know there's something wrong with you.

/&/

you've got some "family issues".

.

you're parents tend to be absentmissinggone, and when they're no they can get rather angry.

.

$*#!%

.
yellshoutscream

.

smackhitkick

.

-a bad temper, it's called, you think-

/&/

all you really know is that when
mommy & daddy
are
home
things can get scary.

so you're five
years old and b r o k e n.

but he's got a hand reaching out.

a filthymuddygrimy hand
that's slightly smaller then yours hand.

.

why do you take hold of it?

-you've got no answer-

.

it's a public park

he's a normal boy

nothing is making sense.

.

but he's smiling.

at you.

he's smiling at you.

-when was the last time someone smiled at you?-

you are five

years old & starting to m e n d.

you are ten

years old & d a m a g e d.

mommy & daddy are still angry.

/you're not naïve any more/

but "angry" makes it sound simpler.

/&/

bastard.

you hear it everywhere.

it's your second name.

you understand why, now.

they explained it years ago.

you can't understand why it's your fault.

but you know what it is.

they tell you so.

/&/

they're angry.

but.

you're angry too.

that's a lie

{you're good at telling lies.
you have to be for all the teacherscounselorsothers.}

you aren't angry.
you are but really you're just
scaredsadlonely
you even want to say hopeless

but then you remember the boy with the dirty hand.
the one always standing to your right, sitting on your left, and walking beside you no matter what.

he's so beautiful to you.

god, you've heard about love, but you don't believe in it.
except maybe if it's todd. if it's todd then it's love.

red messy curls. cerulean blue eyes. pale almost translucent skin. dark cherry tinted lips. constellations of freckles.
and just something else all about it. a sort of glow he give off.
(you swear you glow when you're around him too)

/&/

you're broken broken b r o k e n
but he's holding all your damaged pieces together

you don't deserve him
you're not good enough
never good enough
bastard

-never forget it-

but he's todd
todd lyons
and he's your e v e r y t h i n g
when you're n o t h i n g

you are ten
years old and starting to h e a l

you are fifteen
years old & l o s t

todd & you are something
{everything}

classmates.bestfriend.crushes.lovers.everythingbutfuckbuddies

you offered
because you love him
and you know it's what boys want

but he looked at you so sadly
kissed you so gently
it felt like a whisper

-"not now massie. it wouldn't be right."-

does that mean he thinks there's something wrong with you too?

/&/

so you both just be todd&massie
and whatever that means

kisses, caresses, touches, holds, and moments of warmth

you are always angry
always crying
always lonely
(even next to him)

you're lostlostlost.
he's the anchor holding you down
keeping you g r o u n d e d
so you don't just f l o a t away already

because mommy&daddy don't give a damn

scars. black&blue. marks. bruises.
{they become easier to hide now that you can do your own make up}

you finally understand the true worthlessness your mortal body holds along with your soul

b r o k e n. damaged. l o s t.

unwanted
unneeded
unloved.

YOU DON'T BELONG HERE

-it's screaming in your head-

/&/

he's kissing you.
he's loving you, wanting you, needing you.
(there most be something wrong with him, if he's choosing someone like you)

tears spill
blood spills
cuts you cause now
it's too much

you're too much
you're not enough

you need to get the fuck out

/&/

why does he do this to you?

you feel so guilty
did you still his heart?
are you a theft?

{you don't deserve him}

leave him be
you can't
you need him
or you can't breath)
but he steals your breath just being there.

/&/

e v e r y t h i n g h u r t s

yet you're numb.
you've become numb.
you've become cold.frigid.icy.
todd is warmth.

you are fifteen
years old & t h a w i n g

you are sixteen
years old & b e t t e r

not good. but better.

because todd made a promise to marry you. he promises to take you away the moment you both turn eighteen.
{you're counting down the days.}

you don't deserve him, but for as long as he want you you'll be able to live.

{when you go over his house he's there in a rumpled yale t-shirt, sprawled out on the couch waiting for you to put in "super 8". it's so picture perfect. it's …normal.}

it makes you cry, because you're happy.
because there's only five hundred and seventy-one days left.

/&/

mommy & daddy still hate you
you know they always will

you hate it
but you love them

because you're twisted
because it's your fault they hate you
because they are still mommy & daddy to you
because you just do

todd cries when you tell him you love them
he cries when you tell him you love him

"do you think i'm like them mass?"

you hate how you make him cry

he once showed you a song, you don't remember who sings it, it's nothing you can really relate to, but one line, you like it a lot.

"every teardrop is a waterfall"
you believe that, you really do.

you hate to see a waterfall of tears from todd, you hate to make him sad.
but even crying he's beautiful to you.

"i don't understand what you mean"

it's what you say, because it's the truth

"do you think i'd ever hurt you?"

"i don't think so, you don't get mad ever. but if i did something to make you mad, i think you should. this way i know i've been bad again."

todd doesn't talk again for the rest of the night
you try to kiss him, but he pushed you away and instead hold you like he never has before

/&/

fragile
china&glass
b r e a k i n g
just like you
falling
lost in the air
about to crash
and then d e s t r o y e d
this time it's daddy who's angry

but it's you're birthday
and todd is going to be coming in the door any moment
and you're in the hallway
bleeding
and daddy's yelling
and everything is slightly fuzzy
you're crying

.

todd comes in
todd sees the blood
crimson red
sticky
every where
and the vases
s h a t t e r e d and all around you
and daddy above you

todd gives out this sound that can't be human
before he tackles daddy
and you pass out

you're five for a moment and the worlds about to fall apart

/&/

when you wake up everything is w h i t e

pure white
untainted white
are you in heaven?
or is this your own personally hell?

it's all whitewhitewhite
you don't belong

but there's todd holding your hand
and he's crying
why do you aways make him cry?

/&/

you're only seventeen
years old & a l i v e

you can't live on your own yet
it's not legal

you can't live with mommy&daddy
there's too many police men, nurses, and social workers in the way now

you decide you want to be c r a z y
todd lets you
so you go to psyche ward

/&/

secretly you and him both know you've been crazy for years
and yet not.

it doesn't matter
this way he can visit you everyday

you've got exactly three hundred and sixty-five days until you're eighteen
and married
and with todd forever

everything is going to be okay

you're fifteen for a moment
this time you're a little more broken
a little more damaged
a little more lost

yet a little bit stronger

hope you enjoyed. review?