Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! and this original storyline is not my idea. It is based on fan-made comic strips by Akio from Pixiv. Please view her/his comics first. ^_^ His/Her art is awesome, by the way.

Part 1: zerochan(dot)net/709697

Part 2: zerochan(dot)net/733582

Part 3: zerochan(dot)net/764403

Part 4: zerochan(dot)net/821130 [FINAL]

Akio's other works (that are from zerochan) : zerochan(dot)net/Akio

My other translations: zerochan(dot)net/user/Xxmilky-candy1996xX

Full summary: Other than strength, it seemed that Shizuo had developed another ability—one that enables him to see Izaya's future deaths. Thinking that the only one allowed to kill the flea was him, Shizuo stopped those deaths. What he refuses to admit, however, was how stopping them—and those to come—would take a toll on his feelings and mind. Warning: numerous character deaths, dark Shizuo.

Reaching For That Hand

Chapter 8

~ Izaya's PoV ~

Two weeks had passed by ever since Izaya was burdened with the most onerous weight of them all—a full-grown man who was his mortal enemy. Was. A blank memory and no remaining sign of that monstrous strength and a totally new personality that isn't 'Shizu-chan' tore down any reason the both of them had to kill each other with that passionate mutual hate they once shared.

But that was why Izaya felt more unease than amuse being around Shizuo—the fact that the man he once loathed so much, the man he loved to tease, was now an entirely different person who believed he was his lover and a person who hadn't raised so much as a threatening fist or uttered the word 'flea', no longer feel like he had at least some sort of understanding and power over the nasty brute.

Shizuo trying to capture his attention and entertain himself while he sat around doing nothing as Izaya and Namie were busy working wasn't exactly very helpful either. Especially when the informant had to go out and he wanted to follow. Bored, he said. Hah! What was there to be bored for? Izaya had everything in his apartment! He had TV, books of various genres—although some of them were in English and some in Russian, and although most of them weren't really the type of fiction teens or adults would enjoy, he had Internet and a computer he could lend if only Shizuo would ask nicely, he had a kitchen where he could pop in in search of something to nibble at, a bitch of a secretary he could pester or order food from—now that would be highly entertaining—and he also had a magnificent view of the city below him if he possibly wanted to play Simon Says. Alone.

Of course, he just had to come up with the excuse of being an amnesiac and not remember what kind of shows he liked to watch, or what kind of books he liked to read, or whether he ever even touched a computer. Izaya could only sigh and promise him some sort of treat when he returned.

Now Namie, was another matter. She didn't state much when she came in for work one morning and found a man anybody would recognize sleeping on her employer's couch and said employer bent over his computer and obviously trying to take no notice of that man. She only asked about what happened, and he explained his current dreadful situation perhaps a little too dramatically, and that was it. She would sit quietly at her desk and do work as Shizuo walked back and forth, finding something to do, and pretend as if he never existed. Even Shizuo found her a little irritable and didn't bother her much except during mealtimes.

Trying to relax in the peace and quiet of his home, Izaya sighed over his cup of tea Namie had made shortly before stomping out the door after a day of the usual harassing. Shizuo had been flipping through a magazine Namie brought with her, but quickly got bored of it and dozed off until now. He nearly felt himself blush at the thought of Shizuo and the night he kissed him. He hadn't made a move since then, but he did tend to lean in towards him whenever they were sitting together.

He thought he hated Shizuo, but that night and a few other moments really brought him to thinking about what he truly felt of the blond man. Everything just feels so confused lately. And it was all Shizuo's fault! He was the one who just had to catch his attention, the violent first-year with dyed hair that stood out, and managed to disrupt all of his master plans along the years until now; he was the one who kept showing up at the most inappropriate times—and though he would never admit, save him from them—and made him grip the ends of his hair in frustration as to fucking why he would do that if he supposedly hated him so much, why he would act so unexpectedly at sometimes…

And just why would he enable Izaya to have such weird feelings deep inside him, even though a thousand warning bells tinkled in his superior mind.

Another sip, another sigh.

Finally, he set down his cup with a clink, took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. When he reopened them he got up and warily inched closer to the sleeping blond with his face turned towards the cushions. He placed an elbow that supported his chin on top of the sofa and stared downwards, mildly thinking if Shizuo didn't feel so suffocated and hot, face snuggled against the cushions like that. He would. Izaya would rather wake up to an empty ceiling or to the blank screen of the television than to seemingly-enclosed darkness that made you feel as if you weren't completely awake.

Frowning and with a bitten bottom lip he lowered a finger and poked Shizuo's cheek, partly grateful he had his face turned so he wouldn't have to stare at that face.

"Shizu-chan's a total i~diot," he muttered. Yes, a complete idiot that has the nerve to get 'kidnapped' and come home with an empty brain. You're definitely a protozoan.

A protozoan that made my head go whack these past few weeks.

At that moment Shizuo stirred, swatting the finger pressed against his cheek and adjusting his sleeping position. Izaya quickly withdrew his hand and waited with bated breath, half-expecting him to wake up enraged like he would be if he were the normal Shizuo with serious anger issues. He didn't, and he inwardly breathed a sigh a relief.

He did, however, turn his face upwards, earning Izaya a full enlarged view of his sleeping face. It was relaxed and looked like he had absolutely nothing to worry about, in contrary to their problems at hand. He unconsciously leaned in; mesmerized by the pretty face he never knew Shizuo had, since it was always marred by scowls and rage and half-covered by tinted glasses. He had no idea Shizuo could look like this instead of like that, and by 'that' he meant his usual everyday face.

He gulped, and gripped the sofa harder, slowly leaning in more and more. Izaya would like to punch himself in the face for not being able to stop, but as much as he wanted to, it seemed impossible. His body wouldn't listen to him.

He knew his face was heating up and he knew his fingers were trembling with anticipation. He also knew he was embarrassed that he was actually doing this and that his heart felt like it was going to jump right out of his chest. Either way his lips parted, and he can see that Shizuo's hair roots were beginning to show their original hair color with every incoming centimeter.

He reminded himself to let Shizuo know he had to re-dye his hair soon.

Izaya's eyes slipped closed.

"… Just what do you think you're doing?"

Izaya gasped audibly and shot up, practically throwing himself off of his couch with a very, very red face.

Shizuo slowly sat up and raised his eyes to the shorter man, a questioning look in his eyes.

"I, uh…" Izaya broke off, laughing nervously. "I-It's nothing. Nothing to worry about!"

Had Shizuo been his normal self, Izaya could darn well be sure that he would sneer at his stuttering archenemy. He was so glad he wasn't right now, even though he had been thinking the opposite quite frequently.

"Were you… trying to kiss me…?" Shizuo asked quietly.

For once Orihara Izaya was entirely speechless. Never before had he felt so… powerless, so fucking stupid in his whole life.

Instead he covered it up with what he hoped was a defiant attitude. "Wh-Who said I was going to kiss you? And why would I? ! Stop thinking weird stuff or your memory will never come back Shizu-chan!

"… So you weren't?"

Izaya felt his eye twitch and moved to stand in front of Shizuo with his hands on his hips. "Who would want to kiss you, you dumb brute? Nobody, of course!" he said with a smirk.

"If I'm right and you're wrong, it's nobody except for you."

Izaya was just about to spout something nasty back when Shizuo suddenly pulled one of his arms and bringing him closer with one hand, and grabbing his chin lightly with the other.

It was as if time stopped for a second, and Izaya wasn't sure whether he wanted it to continue for as long as he wanted or not.

"… Stop," the informant said and pulled back, wiping his mouth with a swipe of his sleeve. Shizuo was looking up at him, obviously expecting him to say something. He narrowed his eyes and turned with his back to Shizuo.

"I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."

And so, he left the blond man behind with a puzzled look on his face.

~ Shizuo's PoV ~

It had been two weeks since Shizuo was placed in the care of Orihara Izaya. It worried him a little when Shinra said Izaya's apartment was in Shinjuku instead of Ikebukuro. If it wasn't then maybe Shizuo could go over to Shinra's house and… talk. Somehow being in a different place than he used to be made him feel restless. If he didn't even remember the place where he lived—even where his house was—he thought he wouldn't be able to get used to Shinjuku. But he had already said that he'd stay with Izaya for the time being, and he didn't exactly want to trouble anyone so he said nothing and went in the taxi with Izaya with a deadpan face, looking out at the city lights.

His eyes widened slightly when he arrived. Izaya did seem to be the rich type, but Shizuo found it sort of wasteful to live in such a huge place—alone. Just seeing all the books and expensive furniture made Shizuo cringe inside, as if he wouldn't be able to get comfortable until later. Deep inside he guessed he knew he himself couldn't have lived in a place like Izaya's either.

That made him wonder what he and Izaya worked as, and he soon found out that Izaya was an informant broker.

Shizuo found out a number of things during his stay at Izaya's.

Izaya's place was plain boring. He had gotten used to all the 'expensiveness' while carefully avoiding touching what he didn't need. That included Izaya's books—nah, he knew that'd be boring anyways—, his workplace, or his computers. TV wasn't that interesting too.

What Shizuo really wanted, was to go out. He thought that if he did then maybe he'd remember something. Not being able to remember who he was was really starting to piss him off. He tried persuading Izaya to let him out, even a 10-minute walk around the block would do, he said. Or maybe they could eat outside for a change instead of the obviously-insincere meals Namie made for him and take-out Izaya constantly brought home with him every time he returned.

He even tried asking whether he could follow Izaya back to his own house so Izaya could stuff his clothes in a bag for his use.

But no. The answer was always no. And each time Shizuo tried to hide his disappointment.

So Shizuo lived his days with showering, eating, sleeping, and hours of boring TV. At one point he gave up asking Izaya for anything altogether. He thought maybe Izaya was secretly angry at him for being so stupid and losing his memory, causing him to helplessly take him in.

That was why he was inwardly bursting with happiness when he woke up to Izaya trying to sneak a kiss on him while he was asleep. Well, they did kiss—or rather, he was the one who kissed Izaya—but then he didn't seem too happy about it at all and went to bed early.

And forgetting his dinner which he was looking forward to after he woke up from his nap.

Shizuo sighed deeply and stalked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to see if there was anything for him to eat. He looked from top to bottom and gritted his teeth in frustration, then slammed the fridge door with a little force. He settled for two packets of instant ramen—yes, two—and ate it without much feeling, turning on the TV, which was currently airing a drama.

Raising an eyebrow, he paused when he saw a male actor show up in the screen. He had brown hair and looked a little younger than he was. He stared fixated at the screen for a while, watching the actor's actions.

Okay, sure, the actor was beautiful, but he didn't have to stare at him that long. Shizuo turned his attention back to his ramen. He nearly choked when he heard the actor call out 'Nii-san' to another older-looking actor.

He stared at him with an uneasy feeling slowly making itself known in his chest. It felt as if someone was gripping his heart.

"… What?" he breathed.

He made note of the actor's name as soon as it appeared on screen later on—Hanejima Yuuhei—and ate his ramen with less frustration directed towards Izaya than before.

"Izaya," he said, watching the man slip on his fur jacket, ready to go out.

"Hmm?" He went on to wearing his shoes.

"Can I follow?" Shizuo asked, a question he had asked many times now. And he already knew the answer even before Izaya replied.

"No, you can't. What do you want for dinner? I'll buy you anything you want instead."

Freedom. The chance to go out. That expensive-looking, delicious-looking desserts I saw on TV. I remember where the shop is. It just opened in Ikebukuro.

"… Anything I might like other than sushi…?"

Izaya chuckled. "Okay, I'll make note of that. Anything else?"

Shizuo paused for a while before going on. "Do you know who Hanejima Yuuhei is?" Izaya, who was about to open the door since he said nothing stopped shortly, and turned around.

"Why'd you ask?" Shizuo could sense that he asked that question with caution.

"I don't know. I was watching TV and I saw him. I think I could have seen him in the streets before."

"Hm, let me tell you this. I'm running late now so how about talking about this as soon as I get home? Over dinner?"

Shizuo nodded, and Izaya smiled, reaching up a hand to pat his head, then went out the door quickly before Shizuo could ask any questions.

A man watched on as he observed Orihara Izaya like a hawk, his jacket billowing in the breeze from his place on the rooftop of a building. He smirked, watching him weave his way around the streets, avoiding running into any people with a noticeable spring in his step.

"You really are stupid, Izaya-ku~un~" he said to himself, letting out a dry laugh.

"I gave you the chance so you could love Shizu-chan, and still…" His eyes narrowed.

"Just hurry up and die so I could take your place, you foolish bastard. Haha! A retard like you can't even begin to understand how it is Shizu-chan who shines the most among all those disgusting humans! And yet…! You love them all except for him, the most human out of them all! Pitiful, pitiful, Orihara Izaya. Looks like Fate has other plans for you."

"… Whether you manage to admit your feelings or not, you'll still die by my hand."

"With Heiwajima Shizuo unfortunately not in good shape to save you, with you… locking him up, you'll be open to any danger now. No more flying vending machines or street signs to skewer you, Izaya~ Just death. Hihi! And with you out of the picture, I can be the one to love Shizu-chan wholly for who he is. But, looks like it's not your time yet, lucky you~ I wanna torture you for a while longer~"

With a satisfied sneer, the man covered his head with his hoodie and walked away.

~ Izaya's PoV ~

"Shi~zu-cha~n," Izaya called after unlocking the door and coming in. "I'm home~ Oh, and I bought some desserts too, you'd like that, won't you? One of my clients recommended his acquaintance's shop. It just opened." He took off his shoes and shifted them to the side with his foot, eyebrow raised when he didn't see Shizuo come straight for the desserts like he always would.

"Shizu-chan?" he called, louder.

Oh well. He must've drifted off to sleep in front of the TV, or something.

That was what he thought, but he sensed something strange. The lights weren't even on except the one which he was standing under. And even if Shizuo were watching TV earlier, there'd be flickering light from it. But no.

There was a weird noise, like somebody was having trouble breathing. As if that person was in pain. Izaya's eyes flashed. He set the bags down and rushed to the living room, switching on the lights.

There was Shizuo, on the floor, clutching his head. There was a spilt mug of water too, but that was the least of Izaya's problems at the moment.

"Shizu-chan? !" he cried, gripping his shaking shoulders. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Shizuo just shook his head, eyes shut tight. It looked like he was gritting his teeth.

"Come on! Tell me!"

"My head… hurts… There's all this weird stuff coming in…"

Izaya's eyes widened. Could it be… "N-Nee, Shizu-chan, maybe it's your memories that are coming back? If so then you can't fight them, you know. Just let them come."

Shizuo shook his head more vigorously this time. "It's not!"

"Well how do you know that?"

He opened his eyes and looked up at Izaya's. "If it were… then why… are you still here?"

The informant's face scrunched up in confusion. What the hell is he saying?

"What… did you see, Shizu-chan?" he asked cautiously.

"You… died… a lot of times… Too many times, I can't handle them." Shizuo's eyes started tearing up. "And every time I was too late to save you…" Izaya heard him swallow. It sounded more like something between a hiccup and a gulp. "And then there's blood… and, and…"

He didn't particularly know why, but Izaya wrapped his arms around the crying man and pulled him close, resting his head against his own shoulder.

"I-It's okay, Shizu-chan. I guess that's just a stupid dream. 'Cause see? I'm right here now," he said with a light laugh.

Shizuo cried against his shoulder, and Izaya could tell he was trying hard not to let his voice out. A few seconds later he realized his own actions and blushed. What the hell am I doing? !

Just as he was about to push Shizuo away from him, he felt his hands reach up to his back slowly, and felt his fingers close around the fabric of his jacket. Izaya knew they were shaking, and let him bury his head deeper in the crook of his neck.

A few minutes slipped by before he pulled back to lift Shizuo's face upwards to meet his. "Shizu-chan," he said, and kissed him. He smiled when he saw that stunned face, and couldn't help letting out a chuckle.

"Hey, I bought dinner. And desserts. I bet you're hungry, right?" He used his sleeve to wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes and face.

At that, Shizuo didn't hesitate to nod.

"… Uh, let's see… I'm in…" he said to himself, eyebrows knit together, immersed in the hand-drawn map in his hand, comparing it to the sheet of directions in the other hand. Bags sat on the ground, and he kept a watchful eye on them, lest somebody just decided to take one of them. It happens a lot in cities, his cousin said.

And that was what he came here for, to see his cousins. It had been quite a few years since he last saw them, having to move abroad with his family when he was a child. Now he was old enough to go anywhere he liked.

But… Japan's roads are so… He raised his eyes and looked all around him, seeing nothing but buildings, cars, and people. …confusing. He squeezed his eyes shut. It's been three days already since I arrived here and I had to check in hotels every time it's almost nightfall! He sniffed pitifully. Aaah, what if I don't see Shii-chan at all…

He then shook his head, startling the lady right next to him. "Nope! I can't think like that! I'll find out where Shii-chan is sooner or later, and if I can't by evening I just have to stay at a hotel again! Money isn't a problem!"

He studied the map again, and walked slowly, looking left and right, trying to figure out whether he was going in the right way, when his eyes strayed to shop to his right.

Oooh! Parfait! He drooled for a second. ... Shii-chan can wait a while, I guess…

Two new characters…! See if you could recognize them! And the kisses. They kissed twice in this chapter! ;A; Was that too much? Tell me if it was too much! ;A;

And sorry if this chapter was a little confusing, there was quite a bit to wrap around after all… orz

Hmm~~ Merry Christmas everybody...!