Reid had weathered his injuries well. Morgan, Garcia, Emily, and JJ all came by in their own time to talk, shame, love, and chastise Reid. Though not even Garcia, would let a word slip about Aaron Hotchner. For profilers, they were failing miserably at concealing that all was not well back at the office. It wasn't until Dave Rossi came by that Reid began to get an idea of what exactly was facing him back at the FBI.

"He was beside himself."

Reid tried not regurgitate the Jell-o he had just swallowed, instead coughing violently after he swallowed. After a sip of water, Reid cringed in pain, the coughing aggravating his repaired stab wound.

"Excuse me?" Reid croaked out, rubbing and then stretching away from the pain.

"I hadn't seen him like that in a long time," Rossi didn't need to say what Reid could fill in. Aaron hadn't looked so helpless, been so angry, nor tried so hard to contain himself, since Hailey's life had been on the line.

Reid couldn't accept it, wasn't willing to accept that he had inflicted that kind of pain on anyone. Nathan's death weighing on his conscience, that and the demanding ache in his side were enough to keep him battling the cravings for the demon Dilaudid. Reid couldn't add Hotch's disappointment and pain to that too.

Reid sighed and looked away from Rossi. "No. No, I know he was worried. I know I put myself in harm's way and I risked my life to save someone that," Reid choked back the emotion threatening to spill from his eyes and lips. Reid could feel Nathan crumpling away from him, feel Nathan bleeding into Penelope's scarves as he kept him pinned, trying to stop the life from slipping from him.

"Someone that I shouldn't have saved in the first place," Reid stared at Rossi, his eyes flashing in a challenge. Go ahead, tell me that I am wrong.

Rossi continued undeterred by Reid's denial. "He told me when you were held hostage the first time," Rossi shook his head at that and massaged Reid's gown-covered shoulder, trying to distract from the absurdity and tragedy of that statement. "He told me that the tip that freed you was naming him as the next victim."

"Classic narcissist," Reid muttered allowing a small smile to return to his lips as he remembered seeing Hotch running toward him, with the rest of team, in that godforsaken place. Reid's faint happiness over that memory was short-lived as another recollection came to mind; Hotch turning away from Reid, avoiding the site of him, as he was wheeled from the house and into the ambulance.

Rossi's touch became less insistent until it was just a comforting hand lying on his shoulder. "He won't admit it but I think he is scared to see you," Rossi took to kneading Reid's tensing shoulders again. "He'll try to cover it up with protocol and leveling of consequences that will never come to be, but in the end, Reid you know as well as I do, if he'd known about the letters, about any of it, he would have never let you go."

Just sit in the office while they finish the job I couldn't - that I wouldn't. Just relax, sit back, and let you kill him.

Reid knew it was the pain, the cravings, and the stress that were conjuring up all of these thoughts. He just hoped they'd be gone by the time he was due to see Aaron Hotchner.

After drifting into light conversation about up-coming recruitment tours and guest lectures, Rossi said his goodbyes, and left. That night as Reid lingered in a nightmare he felt those strong, warm hands pulling him back. Reid fought. He fought to hold onto Nathan. He couldn't let go. He woke himself up with a yell as he fought to shrug off those invisible and insistent hands.

#=#=#=#=#=#

Garcia had returned Reid to his apartment two afternoons later. After a quick shower and changing into the first thing he could find, Reid grabbed his bag and headed out the door to the FBI.

JJ had let him know as soon as they had returned to D.C. from the latest case. Reid waited until he was sure that the team members would be gone from the office. "Hotch," JJ said, failing to keep her voice reminiscent of any kind neutrality," will still be in his office completing paperwork and checking individual action reports. You know he needs to see you."

#=#=#=#=#=#

Reid took a deep breath and opened the door. Realistically, he mused, this should be the easiest part of the whole Nathan chapter of the BAU. Hotch seeing him safe and in one piece should not be an occasion for fear, he told himself, but Reid's palms sweated nonetheless.

Hotch's eyes seemed already fixed in the direction of the door as soon as it opened, two dark, consuming, crosshairs that had him caught. Hotch's gaze was stony and cold.

"Sir?" Reid said, cursing himself when it came out sounding like a shiver.

"Dr. Reid, please sit down." Hotch gestured to the low-backed leather chairs in front of his desk. His tone was that of an executioner.

Hotch wanted to shake off the feelings, the overwhelming emotions, and just be happy that Reid was safe. However, past the sadness and helpless anxiety, Hotch felt irrationally angry. This was one time that he was happy to lean on policy to deliver the deserved retribution – the stinging slap that Reid deserved in return for the blow he had landed to the team by almost getting himself vivisected.

Hotch fixed Reid with an inscrutable stare as he seamlessly moved a stack of folders to reveal a pre-printed letter, already baring Aaron Hotchner's signature.

"You have two choices, Reid. You can go before a review panel, constructed of your superiors, and risk the verdict they reach – keeping in mind that their verdict can call for the compensation to the Bureau for misallocated resources due to your actions," Hotch cleared his throat sharply before continuing – relishing the tears obviously threatening to fall at the corners of Reid's eyes.

Good, Hotch thought, you can cry for both of us.

Hotch continued, "If these fines cannot be paid, the loss can be compensated through time served in a federal facility."

Reid sniffled and fought to keep eye contact with Hotch. Feeling a tear fall as the next thought hit him: I could never stare someone down – I'm a blinker. Reid could feel the knife, like a phantom limb, still digging into his side. He thought of Hotch suffering alone through the same pain. Hotch knew what Nathan was doing to Reid, he knew what Reid was feeling, how Reid was hurting, and because of Reid, he was powerless to help him.

Reid nodded, feeling deserving of what was about to be leveled against him.

"Or," Hotch said – no longer able to watch Reid squirm in his chair as he fought back discomfort and tears. "Or you can tender your resignation to me. Now. I will deal with Strauss and it is at the Bureau's discretion if they try and recover the loss but I have assurances that if you resign that will not be an option that receives consideration." The more formulaic Hotch could sound the better he felt. It was as if he was negotiating contract law rather than dismissing a huge asset to the Bureau and a beloved...well, he could leave it at that and it would be true enough. A beloved friend, he corrected.

Reid took a deep breath. "Okay," He reached across the table and took the letter in his hands. "I'll sign it."

Reid stared at the impersonal words, the policy quotations, and Hotch's signature, all of it danced on the page before him. He could see Gideon abandoning his badge and gun in the middle of nowhere and hitting the road in pursuit of happiness. He thought of the other team members and all of the reasons and situations that would have put them in front of a similar choice. Reid could hear his own heartfelt confession in his ear, I'm struggling. Yes, yes he was.

Reid was not going to sit there and sniffle and struggle in front of Hotch. Suddenly, Reid too felt anger bubbling up in him as he considered the unfairness of the policy Aaron was all too happy to fall in behind.

"I can understand why the Bureau would want to dismiss their agent with highest IQ , not to mention an agent who risked their life to successfully rescue a hostage from a serial killer at-large. So the Bureau's policies can let Elle get away with murder but I might go to prison for saving a woman's life? " Reid was leaning forward in his chair and his voice was rising in pitch to match his indignation, "No wonder Gideon just walked out."

Before Reid could take another breath, Aaron was out of his chair and forcing Reid's chair to face him as he hovered menacingly over Reid. Aaron's hands held each armrest in an unrelenting grip, "You correspond with a known murderer, a murderer who confessed to you, and now you want a medal?" Hotch's voice was a slow deep broil of anger.

"Fine," Reid spat out overwhelmed by the sudden claustrophobia, "I'm sick of being in this position. Let me up. I signed your damn paper." Reid was shaking as he put his hands on Hotch's shoulders and gave a futile push. Hotch moved in closer, until their foreheads were nearly touching.

Hotch still was not satisfied, he still felt the pain of worry, the anxiety, and Reid's mention of his victimhood at Nathan's hands only increased the heat on a situation on the verge of boiling over.

"Sick of being in the situation? Yet there has not been a time where you haven't hand-delivered yourself into the situation, now is no exception." Hotch meant for his words to cut. He was pleased by Reid's shaky intake of breath.

"You know, after he knocked me unconscious, this is how I woke up. He was hovering over me, threatening me," Reid looked back at Hotch, his eyes filled with sadness and anger. "All you're missing is the knife."

Reid knew it was the wrong thing to say, it wasn't fair to make that comparison, not to Hotch, not ever. Reid didn't know if it was conscience, regret, or the fear surging through him that brought on the instantaneous outpouring of tears. Hotch pulled Reid up quickly before either had time to think, or before Reid could tense with anticipated pain, Hotch gathered Reid up in to his arms and held him close until Reid winced involuntarily, Hotch immediately loosened his hold but still kept Reid firmly in his arms. Hotch buried his head against Reid's shoulder, "I'm sorry," Hotch murmured ruefully, over and over as he listened to Reid's sobs gently subside. Reid rested his head on Hotch's shoulder, pressing his tear-moistened cheek against the older man. Unexpectedly, Reid wrapped his arms around Hotch and held him into the embrace.

The first thing Hotch noticed was the smell of Reid's hair. He nuzzled Reid's neck, taking in a deep breath, filling his lungs with Reid's scent. Hotch ran his hand through Reid's damp hair, exhaling a warm breath against Reid's ear. What Hotch had to say, well, he just couldn't meet Reid's eyes, so instead he busied himself laying kisses along Reid's cheek and jaw line as he spoke, "I know you couldn't have trusted me because I know I wouldn't have let you go,"

Hotch pressed his lips into the hollow of Reid's neck, "I know I could have lost you. I know," Hotch's voice shook as he whispered these next broken words into Reid's ear. "I know how much it hurt."

When their eyes finally met, Reid tried to duck away from Hotch's gaze but both of the older man's hands came to cup Reid's face, holding him to meet Hotch's eyes, "I know you kept your head and that's what kept you alive. I've always been able to trust that you'll do that, Reid. I know you're the one on my team that can wield empathy and intellect just as stealthily and effectively as any other defense. "Hotch looked gravely into the younger man's eyes, "I know I can't do this without you."

Before Reid could answer Hotch's lips met his in a sweet and tender kiss. For Reid, each questioning and need-filled kiss just reaffirmed that he was not the only one frightened and feeling dizzyingly out of control as their lips met. Reid smiled against Hotch's mouth, returning the embrace, pressing himself as close as he could, not deterred by the pain of his wound. "I'm sorry, Aaron." Reid breathed as Aaron pulled back to examine the reality of the situation.

Aaron stopped to look at Reid; his mouth pink and swollen from the heated kiss, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes shining from the recently shed tears. Aaron felt a twinge of guilt as he admired the beauty resulting from Spencer's distress.

Aaron wordlessly began removing Spencer's jacket and bag, dropping them both in the neighboring chair. He didn't want to frighten him or later suspect that Reid had been coerced, that the fear had led him to consent to this, that this was a delayed reaction to Nathan's sadism. Hotch's hands returned to Reid's side, running up Reid's back, pulling him close again and into a more passionate kiss.

"Don't do that again, please. Not because I'll fire you or because you could very well face harsh consequences but because you'll kill me." Hotch closed his eyes briefly, possibly chasing away the imagine of the crime scene he expected to find. What mattered now was that Reid was here. Hotch kissed along Reid's neck, unbuttoning his collar – Reid stiffened and pulled back.

Hotch didn't need to ask, he'd just been combing through the case report. He knew how they found Reid, what Nathan wanted, and what Reid must have experienced without the agents there - what was not in the report.

Hotch took Reid's hands in his, guiding them to his necktie instead. Reid shook with clumsiness and arousal as he successfully removed Hotch's tie and with fumbling hands unbuttoned the first three buttons of his collar and shirt.

Hotch kept his hands busy working the fabric of Reid's shirt. Hotch clutched and kneaded the fabric of Reid's shirt, struggling to maintain his hold on the situation, not to rush forward and take what he wanted. Hotch's repetitive grasps had worked Reid's shirt free of his waistband. Hotch held onto Reid's eyes as his warm hands slowly made their way up and under Reid's shirt. Reid laid his head on Hotch's shoulder as Hotch's hand passed carefully over the gauze bandage covering Reid's wound.

Reid couldn't focus, their hands blurred together; an open-palmed hand cupping the back of Hotch's head, keeping his lips close, not trusting that, if this stopped, Reid wouldn't gather up his clothes and flee. The insistent pain and the distraction of Hotch's hand against his exposed skin was enough to chase Nathan from Reid's thoughts. All the terms that had brought Reid here – whimpering helplessly, impatiently as his hands roamed the length of Aaron's body – the fear was temporarily forgotten.

When Reid hesitated, Hotch was right there to draw him back in, nipping his bottom lip, licking teasingly along his mouth. He took a step back and looked at Reid, lost in the moment, relinquishing himself so trustingly after all that he'd been through. Aaron felt a smile play at his lips before he hooked his fingers into the belt loops of Spencer's slacks and pulled him back into his arms. Hotch took a second step back with Reid in his arms and stopped when he felt the end of his desk at the back of his thighs.

Hotch had to put a little distance between he and Reid. Reid had busied himself with the undoing of buttons, letting out a deep nervous sigh every time he risked moving closer, to Hotch, to the man he wanted.

Aaron brought his hands to Reid's face once more to hold his attention, "I want you," Aaron whispered, running his fingertips along Reid's cheek. Reid looked away, flushing pink, and then looked back up at Hotch. Reid moved closer until they were pressed tightly together, Reid had moved so that Hotch's left leg was now enclosed by either of Reid's lithe limbs. Hotch looked away from Spencer, smirking at his forwardness and the ridiculously paternal response he was about to give, "You're really in enough trouble already." Hotch said kissing the corner of Spencer's mouth.

Reid went wide-eyed and nodded with understanding all the while moving his hips teasingly, as the older man spoke. "Reid," Aaron tried to adopt a voice of authority but failed when Spencer shifted closer grazing his arousal, Aaron's voice cracked, "Reid, let's call it a night," Hotch groaned as Reid held onto him with those curious wide eyes that feigned obedience so well. The look on Reid's face gave no hint of the fact that he'd increased his pace, blatantly seeking out Hotch's touch, and their shared pleasure. Reid's sudden mischievous demeanor had Aaron scrambling for control. One slide of Reid's hips, pressing against him, pulling in flush with his body, Reid's involuntary shivers in his arms, the stifled moans that they both shared; Hotch had to stop this and he knew if he let Reid continue for a moment longer it wouldn't stop.

"I think we should go," Hotch pulled back and caught Reid by the shoulders.

"Okay," Reid said moving forward, continuing the tease, and trying to suppress a smile as Aaron fought for his standard cool control as his hips twitched involuntarily trying to sustain Spencer's contact.

"Reid, stop." Aaron said applying a little more pressure to Reid's shoulders.

Reid's gaze snapped up to meet Aaron's face and the misinterpretation was obvious. Aaron kissed Reid before he could begin to speak, to apologize, or to argue. "Let me take you home?" Hotch offered kissing a warm trail down Spencer's cheek.

Reid nodded and gathered up his bags. Spencer smiled when Hotch unexpectedly draped his arm around Reid's shoulders as they walked to the elevators. "If you're hungry, I know a great Chinese place..and they have forks."

A/N: Well, my friends, I guess this is the end. I'm very interested in your feedback, probably now more than ever because I'm not sure how confident I am in this ending. Then again, maybe that is just because it's closing a chapter on a very fun, and very educational, experience. I hope everyone who has found this story enjoys it and that you'll take a chance on me again when the new work comes out. Much love to all of the commenters, readers, and lurkers – it has been great fun!