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Chapter 1; Complex Feelings and Stuff

Shaun thought maybe Desmond had fallen asleep he was so still. It was a strangely—perhaps even disgustingly— domestic thought and he shoved it aside as quickly as it popped into his head. He glanced back and forth from the younger man to the road a few times to make sure he wasn't too close to the sedan in front of them.

The windows were rolled down, the wind roaring and whistling in, almost completely drowning out the sound of the radio and the tires screaming on the road. It fluttered Desmond's hood and hair and shirt, the fabric rippling, his hair flipping back from his face.

Shaun wasn't sure how long they'd been driving, an hour, two—three? It didn't really matter to him. Desmond wasn't so bad to be around when he was acting suitably.

For the first while Desmond had been very quiet, tense just glaring out at the world with his arms crossed over his chest and his hood pulled low over his eyes defensively, like a small child might cover their head and face with their favorite blanket for protection. But after Shaun had forced conversation upon him the younger man had seemed to begrudgingly loosen his tongue and after that initial denial of his jealousy he'd let out little snippets of sentences. Pinched, abbreviated little scenes and anecdotes that seemed to weigh tons by themselves.

"It's just not fair," Desmond had started, his voice low and almost monotone.

"What's not fair?"

But Desmond had given his head a shake and sealed his lips, leaving Shaun to muse silently on what he'd been about to say.

Had he meant the situation? That Altair and Ezio were together? Or was it life in general? The fact that Desmond's girlfriend had broken up with him not so long ago and it was still painful to see two people in love?

Or had it been a generalization of the human experience?

Shaun didn't want to give Desmond that much of a philosophical sense so he chose the option about the other young man's girlfriend and mentally kicked himself because that had been his fault.

Desmond sucked his teeth for a while, working his tongue around at their backs and letting out a deep low sigh, picking up another conversation; "I grew up around him… I just—It's hard to see…" His voice trailed off for a moment and he started again; "He is like a big brother, OK? And Ezio… I just— I—I don't know how to feel."

Shaun bit off the; 'with your hands hopefully' comment he'd been a hair's breadth away from making. But then Desmond said something Shaun hadn't expected him to.

"Altair made my dad love me… even if it was only for a little while, the fact that he'd found me and brought me home made my dad love me and I… I loved him for it. I wanted to be just like him. He gave me everything I'd resented Ezio for so much as a kid." He covered his mouth with one hand and turned to stare away over traffic toward the south. "And no matter what happened afterward, for that little while when he brought me back I had the best dad on the planet… A-and I was so happy."

But when he turned to look at Shaun the Brit saw only unbearable sadness in his eyes and the smile on his face. And it seemed the instant Desmond realized the nostalgic joy wasn't in his eyes he turned away again and pulled his hood over his face again.

Desmond made a scoffing noise in his throat; "Jesus, listen to me… 'm like a fuckin' woman or something." He rubbed his face with his sleeves and slouched lower in his seat.

Shaun went with it. "Should I stop and buy some Kotex?"

Desmond rolled his eyes, head flopping to the left on his shoulder and his nose wrinkled up in sarcastic amusement; "Aw, fuck you too… ya' nasty ginger bastard."

They drove for a while longer in silence. He radio droning out the news, more details about the hurricane, some senator planning to run for president, all of it meaningless because they weren't paying attention.

Around four that evening Shaun pulled off the interstate at a truck stop and filled up his tank, Desmond smirked at him through the windows and mocked his accent; 'Don't have enough fuel to get home now… almost four dollars a gallon, are they mad?'

Shaun rolled his eyes and gave a hand at mocking Desmond's; 'I'm so hungry I could eat a whole fuckin' cow!'

Desmond's brows lifted in amusement; "Not bad, not bad… You made me sound like John Wayne!"

Shaun rolled his eyes; "You, my dear little bastard, are no John Wayne."

"Oh, and I suppose you are?"

"Of course not…"

"Oh, you're James Bond then?"

Shaun grinned, showing too many teeth; "No, I'm not quite so keen on blowing people up and shooting… Turns my stomach see."

Desmond snorted and propped his feet on the dash; "You're a pacifist masquerading as an anarchist pretending to be a cynic."

"Oh, I'm anything but a pacifist."

"Really?"

"I'm quite confrontational, just don't enjoy the idea of killing people." He shrugged; "Though I'd do it if I had no other option."

"Yet you're a vegan?"

"VEGETARIAN… get it right." He pulled out his wallet and fished around for his credit card. "And I wasn't always a vegetarian… It's a recent compulsion."

Desmond chuckled and crossed his arms on the door, staring Shaun down as if he intended to eat him; "You're full of shit."

Shaun's brows rose and he shook his head; "Went to the hospital for some blood tests, among other things, my cholesterol was through the roof."

Desmond snorted, "You were fat, weren't you!"

Shaun rolled his eyes and tried to ignore him; "I went on a vegetarian diet for six months, my numbers went back down—Decided to have a plate of sausage for breakfast the next morning and became so incredibly ill I haven't touched meat since."

"Did you not cook it right? That happened to me a few times. I got the shits so bad I—"

"Thank you for that—vivid mental image, Desmond… Really. I needed that." He swatted the younger man's head out of his window and tugged the door open, climbing back behind the wheel.

Desmond slithered back into his own seat, and seemed to get the message when Shaun glared at where his feet were still propped on the dash.

Tennis shoes properly on the floor again, Shaun started the engine and pulled the car to the other side of the building, intent on making the diner employees rue the; 'Breakfast served 24/7. All you can eat plates $5.99' sign in the window.

Desmond feigned indifference as Shaun politely left him in the car, knowing intrinsically that parking there in front of the sign was likely the only form of invitation he'd get, but still, for some reason, wanting to be obstinate, just to get one over on the older man.

Shaun though, just looked back over his shoulder with an almost bored expression on his face as he pulled the door open, and disappeared inside without a word.

A few minutes later, after failing to stare a hole through the side of Shaun's head where the jerk had planted himself in a booth directly in front of the car and was stirring cream into his tea, Desmond climbed out of the car, gave the door a harsh slam and grinned inwardly when the redhead glared hatefully at him for the abuse to his car.

Shaun continued to glare at the brunette as he shuffled into the restaurant and dropped like a bag of rocks into the booth across from him, long legs sprawled so his shins trapped Shaun's under the table. And although he wanted to, Shaun didn't say anything about the fact that, effectively he was between Desmond's legs, and if he'd wanted to proposition someone this was probably the tackiest way to go about doing so.

When the server came back over Desmond grumbled and ordered something to eat, scrolling his finger down the menu printed on the tabletop. A few seconds later the woman brought over a cup of coffee and a few of those little tubs of half and half.

Shaun scrutinized him as he drank it, how his left hand was still shoved into the front pocket of his jacket, and his right, when it wasn't lifting the mug to and from his lips, tapped out a hectic beat on the tabletop.

Even when Desmond was sitting still he was in constant motion.

"Do you feel like talking about the case yet?" Shaun gave his own mug a quarter turn to the left.

Desmond sighed, stared out the window to the north but didn't act as though he'd heard Shaun speak.

"If it's going to be as complicated as I believe it will be, we need a plan of action. We need to coordinate our efforts to ensure everything—"

"You talk too much."

Shaun blanched, then felt the heat rise further when he realized he was blushing. His defenses rose like a tidal wave and he had to physically bite his tongue to stop himself from saying something back. The last thing he needed was to get into an all out fight with Desmond in the middle of a diner. And he was defensive enough, and Desmond upset enough that that was a real possibility.

He didn't want Desmond thinking he'd won, didn't want himself thinking that he'd lost control of the situation, so he just sat there, growing redder and redder by the second, hands curled into fists fighting with himself over what to say or if he should just stay quiet.

Desmond didn't seem to notice, just let out a deep, put upon sigh and tilted his jaw into his palm. "I'm scared of this case, Shaun. Altair knows I'm affected by it just as much as Ezio, but he's arrogant. He likes playing hero, even if he swears up one side and down the other that he doesn't… He just wants to prove to himself and to Ezio that he can protect him." Another sigh, glancing off at the vanity plate on the front of Shaun's car. "He's in love and he's stupid and he's ignoring the danger in this."

"He's trying to keep his private life and his profe—"

"Well, he's not doing a very good job of it…"

Shaun was quiet, just looking at Desmond, as if seeing a side of him for the first time. He was right, after all, and Shaun knew it deep down. He'd just been too caught up in it himself to notice. He'd let his heart get in the way of his mind, and that could have been deadly. "So, what do you propose we do?"

Desmond was quiet for a while, tapping his cheekbone with his fingertips, and his left hand slid slowly out of his pocket, a wrinkled slip of paper pinched between his fingers. He stared at it for a few seconds then flattened it out on the tabletop, staring down at the phone number and address and the scant lines of description Altair had jotted down while talking to Mickey.

"We gather up as many leads as possible… Then eliminate those we can."

"So, we just follow procedure? We just do it even though we both know you're emotionally involved in it?"

He inhaled deeply and held it. "We have to…"

Shaun leaned back in his seat, a little stunned, and didn't even look away from the younger man when the server came back and put down plates in front of them.

Desmond smiled at her flirtatiously but it didn't reach his eyes and made quiet small talk for a few seconds, then the smile faded as if simply wiped clean off his face the second her back was turned.

And Shaun just continued to stare at him until Desmond shoved some pancake into his mouth, syrup dripping onto his chin, and he motioned with his fork to Shaun's plate.

"Grilled cheese, potatoes and gravy…"

Shaun blinked, his train of thought thoroughly derailed, and looked down at his plate. He snorted, even as a strange sense of warmth filled his chest; "What? No fruit salad?"

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