Abandonment Issues

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Disclaimer: I own nothing here. I don't even own the laptop I'm typing this on. What a sad life I live...

A/N- This wasn't supposed to come out as a romantic piece but, eh, what the hell. You can take it as a friendship fic (which is what I already intended) or however way you want. The hints are there, though. Hope you enjoy!

"Naruto? I have something I have to tell you and I need you to listen without interrupting? Got it?" Sakura began shakily, yet hurriedly. Why was she so damn nervous? Oh, right. There wasn't that much time left for her, she had to get this out. It was now or never.

She pushed her light crimsoned string of hair that fell loose behind her ear and swallowed thickly. Calm down, calm down, calm down…

"Got it?" She repeated annoyingly.

Naruto let out a short, quite chuckle. Always the pushy one, wasn't she? But, that was probably one of her better features, he mused to himself. He nodded his head as an answer and motioned her to continue, eager to hear what she had to say.

The stray pink hair fell from its place and Sakura impatiently and ferociously pushed it behind her ear once more. She squeezed her hands tightly with one another and then let them fall to her knees, repeating the motion once more. Fidgeting, that's what she was doing, she realized. Clawing her knees, biting her bottom lip to the point where a speck of blood appeared, and shuffling her knees from beneath her. Fidgeting: the first sign of nervousness.

She scoffed inwardly. Her? Nervous? No way…

She was sitting on her knees and facing Naruto, who was patiently waiting for her to get on with her speech. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly and shakily. Why was it so hard? All she was doing was talking, for crying out loud. Since when did the great Haruno Sakura hesitate to say what was on her mind?

"Okay," she began. "Okay, okay. Listen. The thing is, I owe you a long and overdue apology– no, don't interrupt me, just shut up and listen, baka! – And I think it's time you got it. The way I treated you – or been treating you – I want you to know that it had nothing to do with you personally or with the Kyuubi or with any of that crap. It was never like that; that was never the case. It was simply me."

Naruto gaped at her like an idiot and stared. He watched as her fingers fiddled with the garments of her shirt. She opened her mouth and continued sadly, "Naruto. . . you've been a great friend to me. You were so kind to me, so patient, so sincere, so optimistic, so honest, so sweet, so lively – God, I can go on forever! You were my best friend and you still are! You're practically like a brother to me! Watching my back and protecting me, and what have I been doing in return?"

It was a theoretical question yet Naruto couldn't help but shrug.

"Nothing!" Sakura screamed then flinched at the sound of her raised voice. She pressed her hand against the side of her face and said with her voice muffled, "Nothing. I gave you absolutely nothing. Was I patient with you? No. Was I honest with you? No. Was I sincere? No. Optimistic? Kind? Nice? No. I was awful to you. . . just awful. I can't take back those years of cruelty and I don't deserve your forgiveness. I never did. So the least I can do is give you . . . an explanation."

"Sakura . . . you don't –"

"Yes I do!" the girl screeched. Her voice softened when she continued, "Yes I do. So please. . . hear me out. Just listen and hear me out, okay? Please stay and listen."

Naruto nodded as his response. Stay? Could he stay? He probably should, yet the circumstances speak otherwise. Why did she want to have this conversation to begin with? Did he say something earlier to trigger the topic? No, now that he thought about it, he didn't see her all day until now. She just came to him in the middle of a mission and begged him to stay with her and listen. Strange. . .

Sakura straightened herself and sat up straight. Her hands kept clenching and unclenching, nails digging deep into the palm of her hands but she disregarded it. Crap, what was wrong with her eyes? They were burning! Was she going to cry? How pathetic was she, on the verge of tears just from talking? Ha. Look at her, reduced to a sniveling little girl.

She swallowed the lump in her throat a few more times until the feeling passed. She had to tell him, had to get this out of her chest. Now or never, now or never . . .

"Did I ever tell you the story of my father? No, right? Well, it's not some huge tragedy or anything like that, so I wouldn't expect you to be interested. Anyways, my mother was forced to marry him since he impregnated her – with me, mind you – when she was in her late teens. It was teenage love, nothing serious. He was a boy engrossed in his studies and she was a girl in need of some help. So very cliché. Point is, he stayed with my mother while she was pregnant and stayed to take care of me until I was six. But he was a bastard. I hated him. Always nose stuck in a book, scroll, anything he can get his hands on. He was the type of man that chose work over family. I can't even remember what that bastard's job was, all I knew was that he was obsessed with it and never spared me or my mother a second glance. I worked so hard for his attention, and he just pushed me away. Said 'he was busy with work, go bother your mother.' I hated him so much that I wanted nothing more than to be admired by him. What an idiot I was. Kissing up to him, defending him, and looking up to him. Yet he never did say, 'good job, Sakura' or 'I love you, Sakura.' No, it was just, 'You're bothering me' or 'I have no time for your childish antics.'

She shrugged impassively. "Then one day, he just up and left. Packed his bags, told my mother, 'I'm done here', and walked out the door. Mother wasn't sad in the least. When I asked why he left, she just said, 'what did you expect, dear? He was bound to leave eventually.' Haven't seen him since. The only memory I have of him now is his back to me when he was leaving or his face buried in a scroll. That's how I remember my father, ten years later."

Huh. This wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. When Sakura told Ino the story of her bastard of a father's abandonment, she was a sobbing mess. She kept repeating like a foolish child, "It's not fair! It's not fair!" during her explanation of why she hated men. She remembered Ino reassuring her that she should forget about him and think about how there are other men out there that can admire her. Oh how naïve she was in those days.

Just then, that stupid hair strand felt like falling in front of her face once more. Impatiently, she shoved the piece away and out of her view.

"So, I forgot about him. Blocked him from my memory and put my attention on something else. I was desperate for a replacement that could fulfill all my desires and makeup for my father's mistakes, and then Ino pointed me in his direction…"

Sakura trailed off when Naruto gave her a knowing and surprising look. Okay, now. Tell him now . . .

"I wanted Sasuke to love me like my father should have! That's all I ever wanted! I wanted to have someone that would look at me like I was the most important thing in the world; like I was everything they ever wanted. I wanted to be praised and protected. I just . . . wanted someone to say, 'I love you' to me. That's all. . ."

She scoffed at her own words and waved her hand absently. "But did he? No. Instead, he left me, too. He abandoned me – no us! Sasuke abandoned us. He was just another bastard. Just like the original bastard. Just – like – him. Yet, I still chased after him! I still wanted him to love me! I'm so goddamn selfish! I tried to follow that asshole just so I wouldn't be lonely anymore. I-I wanted proof . . . that not all men are betrayers. But I didn't get it. Instead, my theory was proven wrong and that's when, in a way, I snapped. Specifically, at you. When you approached me with all your kind words and sweet gestures, I reacted in an opposite attitude. Whenever you talked to me, a voice in the back of my head kept screaming, 'No! Don't trust him! He'll just hurt you and then abandon you! Just like the rest of them!' I was so paranoid that you would leave me, Naruto! I couldn't take being alone! I wanted someone by my side, someone I can trust with my life!"

Her cheek was wet. Oh God, why was her cheek so moist? Was she crying? How pitiable! She was so weak, reduced to tears just from a small confession. Stop it! Stop it right now! Make those Godforsaken signs of weakness disappear! She's strong and she had to stay strong! She couldn't stop now; she had to continue.

Now or never.

"You were amazing in every way. You were the perfect friend and I failed to see how lucky I was for knowing you. I didn't want to believe that someone like you would stay by my side out of all people. I didn't want to believe that you were real. I was so lucky! So lucky yet so blind. Blind to your kindness and to your undying love. . . Oh God, you were perfect in every way and I abused your kindness – I took advantage of it like the heartless person I was. But now I see it! Now I see you, Uzumaki Naruto! I see who you really are. Who you always were. A great friend. A beautiful, amazing friend."

That strand of beautiful pink hair limply fell once more but she overlooked it. She had more important things to take care of. Sakura reached down and clapped one of her hands around his pale ones and held on like her life depended on it. She completely ignored the fact that his soft hands were trembling underneath hers.

The tears were coming out faster now. They peeled from her eyes and swam to her chin, trickling down to Naruto's chest that she tried so hard to take no notice of.

"I never hated you Naruto. I never, ever, ever did. I love you so much that it hurts. It hurts so much that I can't bear it. The pain is so phenomenal that it keeps me up at night with flashes of your smiling face in my head. I love you so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to live with you in peace, start a family, grow old with you and be buried right next to you so that we'll even be together in the next life! So just. . . Just do me this one favor . . . please, just do this one small favor for me, that's all I'm asking f-for."

Sakura glanced down now and stared at the hand that was busy pressing down on the wound on Naruto's chest, desperately trying to stop that damned scarlet blood – Oh God, it's too much! So much bloodbloodbloodbloodblood from just one person, Oh God just make the bleeding stop! – from leaving his body. She looked passed the blood that was spilling from his crooked smile and into his half glazed and tearful eyes.

"Please. . ." She gasped pressingly, trying her best not to stutter (yet, failing miserably). "P-please, don't leave me now."

Naruto just smiled sadly.

END

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