The Cost of Absolution
PenPatronus
Chapter 4 of 4
No Place Like Home

Dean licked his lips and ran his fingers through his hair. "Castiel, listen to me. Joshua brought me here to – how the hell did he put it – help you restore your strength, Cass."

"He's mad at me too," Castiel sobbed. "My whole family is. My daddy doesn't talk to me and I hurt my other brothers and sisters. And Sam! Sam's mad at me, too. I – I did a really mean thing to him."

"Cass, the Leviathans are two shakes out. Put your big boy clothes on, grow up and help me!"

The child raised his tear-soaked face and looked ashamedly at Dean. "I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. I'm so sorry." More tears splashed across his cheeks. "I'm bad."

"Cass – "

Suddenly the front door began to shake. Something was pounding on it. The windows rattled. Dean crawled forward and wrapped Cass in his arms. The kid tried to scurry away from him but Dean held on tight.

"I want to die!" Cass sobbed. "I'm bad and I should die!"

"Cass, I need you! You're the only one who can fight the monsters!" Dean sat him up and shook him by the shoulders. "Think! Think! How do you get your strength back?"

"Go away! You won't forgive me! You don't even like me!"

"I do! I…" Dean looked into the boy's face and saw that his eyes were old. They were Castiel's true age. Suddenly he realized what he was supposed to learn from the roads he'd traveled. Suddenly he realized the true source of Castiel's strength.

"Cass, listen. I – "

Not only did the front door collapse, the entire wall did. Dozens of creatures that Dean could barely begin to describe surrounded the house, filled Lawrence. At the front of the pack, wearing a white suit with matching shoes, stood Death. Cass buried his face in his hands and wept even harder. Dean slowly crawled out from under the table and met Death when the Leviathan entered the kitchen. They stared at each other like boxers sizing up an enemy.

"I'll give you two choices," said the Leviathan. He held up his thumb and forefinger. "You can leave and live for another five minutes or you can die right now."

Dean looked at Cass, blinked, and then turned his back. The child was useless. "What's going to happen to him?"

Death chuckled. "When The Fates' spell expires, Castiel's vessel will explode into a thousand pieces and each piece will grow into a mighty Leviathan. Your world will be extinct in mere hours. You have no hope of survival." Death's eyes turned black.

Dean bowed his head. "How long until the spell ends?"

Death pretended to check an imaginary watch. "The sun will rise in under four minutes. We will rise with it."

Dean didn't look up from his shoes. "Four minutes. That's enough time to say goodbye, isn't it?"

Death rolled his eyes. "Fine. Have your last words with that cowardly weakling hiding under the table. Make them good because they're the last you'll ever speak."

Dean didn't answer. He returned to the table and stood Castiel on his feet. He kneeled so that he was looking up into the child's face. He didn't bother to wipe away the tears on his own face.

"I understand now," he whispered, "why you did what you did."

Castiel refused to meet his eyes.

"You told me it was complicated, but it's not. Everything you've done this past year you did selflessly. You had good intentions to protect me, protect Sam, and protect Heaven and earth. You know I wish that you would have done things differently, but I understand."

Castiel raised his blue eyes and looked at Dean, who put his arms on his shoulders.

"I saw. I saw that day when you watched me raking leaves and then talked to Crowley. I saw your worst nightmare – your version of Hell. Cass, you're my brother and I love you. Families love each other and… and they also always forgive."

An invisible switch was flipped at the word "forgive." Castiel grew like Alice in Wonderland: five feet in five seconds. His slippers morphed into shoes, his pajamas into a suit and his robe into a trench coat. A blue light, not unlike a bug zapper, radiated out from him and knocked the nearby Leviathans aside. Castiel looked down at Dean with tears still in his eyes.

"You really forgive me?" the adult Cass whispered.

Dean stood up and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I forgive you. Now let's get out of here."

The road appeared outside. The sign said "Home." The man and the angel started to run.

When Dean opened his eyes he found himself lying on his stomach in the lab. A moment later the spell broke and Apophos disappeared. Bobby stirred and blood dripped to the floor. The door to Purgatory was open.

Dean heard a heavy grunt, followed by a groan. Castiel was crawling towards the door, moving as if through quicksand with anvils latched to his ankles.

"Cass!" Dean helped Castiel to his feet, slung one arm across his shoulders and approached Purgatory.

The door was closing.

Dean shoved Cass in front of him, made sure he was steady, and stepped back to watch. Cass looked back at him briefly and Dean saw gratefulness in his eyes.

And then Castiel's chest unleashed a neon red energy that screamed as it was pushed through the door. Dean could actually see the outlines of teeth and claws and even Anna, Joshua and Death's silhouettes. Cass' back arched and he cried out in pain but then the light was gone with a final sparkle.

The Leviathans were back in Purgatory.

Cass' arms fell limply to his sides. He swayed dizzily for a moment and then tumbled forward toward the door. Dean launched himself, grabbed Cass by the shoulders and yanked him out of the way before the door to Purgatory sealed him inside. Both men tumbled backwards head over heels before landing on the floor.

Bobby stumbled over and helped Dean sit up. He was about to kick Castiel aside but the elder Winchester stopped him. Dean leaned over the angel and whispered his name. Cass looked deathly pale and he didn't respond to Dean's pleads.

"Not again!" Dean hiccupped.

"Dean what the – " Bobby began.

"In a minute," Dean snapped. He cupped Castiel's cheeks with both palms. "Cass," he whispered. "Cass, come on, it's all over. You're free, man, come on, wake up."

A whisper, barely an exhale, came from the angel. "I do not need food," he said, "but I would enjoy another peanut butter sandwich."

Dean closed his eyes and put his forehead Cass' chest. "I'll cut the crusts off for you," he chuckled. "Oh man… Hell of a week… Cass, I'm so proud of you."

Cass gently patted Dean's head. "Thank you," he said. Dean looked up and Castiel finally opened his eyes. "Thank you."

Dean shrugged. "Putting monsters in the ground. That's what I do."

"That is not what I am referring to." Cass wrapped his hand around Dean's wrist in a fragile hug. "I was weak because I was burdened by shame, by guilt. Your forgiveness meant everything."

Dean nodded. "I forgave you long before then," he whispered. "I just… I just didn't want to admit it. Part of me wanted to withhold forgiveness to punish you. I'm sorry."

Cass slowly sat up, then allowed Dean and Bobby to pull him to his feet. "I meant what I said before, Dean, about redeeming myself. I swear I'll make this up to you."

Dean nodded but said, "You should know better than anyone, Cass, that grace and forgiveness aren't earned. I think it says something about that in some chapter of some book in that Bible of yours."

"Then my actions will be to thank you," said Cass. "I'll do good because I'm thankful you forgave me, not to earn forgiveness by doing good."

Dean frowned. "Now you're just trying to confuse me." He wrapped his arm around Cass' shoulders and enjoyed the warm, glowing sensation of victory. "Come on, let's go find Sam."

The End