Title: Galaxy Wars, Pretty Pretty Princess, Yin Yang Ying

Summary: Beck and Jade goof off in the RV on a Friday night. Coffee, board games, Full House, bad puns, and inaccurate references to nerdy things ensue. (oneshot, humor, very fluffy. I'm pretending to be funny.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. I don't own disclaimers, either.

A/N: I don't even know where this came from or how it got so incredibly long. I was aiming for 1000 words and then the next thing I knew it was 4:30 in the morning and it was almost 1800 words.

Just throwing out another disclaimer, I'm not funny. Like, at all. I attempt to be most of the time but then everyone tells me to shut up, and say less words.

But I love so much the idea of Beck and Jade goofing off and being silly on a Friday night, I puked up this fanfiction all over this word document, and then I stayed up too late, and then my dog puked too, and I had to clean it up and that brings us to now. Read it.

Oh, and there's some dirty words in here, but Freddie was talking about jockstraps on iCarly the other day, so your mom's probably fine with it.

It was 10:42 on a Friday night when I heard the door of Jade's black Jeep slam outside. Seconds later, she bombarded inside, opening the door hard so it slammed against the wall behind it. (does she really have to slam everything?)

I took a moment to study her attire as she carelessly kicked off her combat boots, which she hadn't bothered to tie. She was wearing what looked like a childrens' size Galaxy Wars tee shirt, black cotton panties, and thigh-high tube socks. Yeah, that's right, no pants. And she had a large coffee in each hand. Hopefully one of them for me.

"Here." She said, holding the one out to me, still looking at the floor.

"You went into Skybucks with no pants on?" I took the coffee and sipped it carefully.

"Drive-thru. Duh." She replied, her eyes still not meeting mine.

"Hello, by the way." She sat down on the couch next to me and began to squirm around, trying to find a comfortable position.

Her features softened as she settled down, "Hi." And she leaned forward and gave me a nice, soft kiss.

I figured this was as good a time as any to file my complaint with her, so I cautiously said, "Next time, could you, uhh… not slam my door every time you come in here?"

Her eyes widened as if I had just blamed the Holocaust on her.

"I bought you a new one when I broke it the last time!" her voice was on that "edge." That's what I call it when I can either continue an argument, or not. 'The edge.' The next few words were crucial.

"You did not buy me a new one; you paid that guy Spencer from the hot tub at Kenan Thompson's party to send me one from a junkyard…."

"They don't sell vintage RV doors online!" Man, I live on the edge.

"…And then it burst into flames."

"It still works, doesn't it!" She always threw her hands around dramatically when she yelled, or all the time really, and I heard the coffee in her cup slosh around dangerously.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Then what do you want from me!"

"Nothing, I guess! I don't even know what we're talking about anymore!" I shrugged, ending the argument.

At that point we had both unconsciously made our way to opposite edges of the couch, and we stared each other down in an epic way. Like, if life was a movie, the camera would circle around us and our figurative eye lasers would meet in the middle, and make sparks.

And then Jade pouted, in one of those moments of insecurity that always happens after our arguments. "Say you love me." She said softly, both of us crawling towards the middle of the couch, where our figurative eye lasers faded and were replaced by cartoon hearts.

"Magic word?"

"You started the argument, so do it."

I raised my eyebrows and gathered her in my arms.

"…Do it, please?"

I smiled, "I love you."

She grinned back, "'Kay."

It was silent for a few glorious moments while we both turned our attention to Full House.

"So, uhh… Galaxy Wars, huh?" I glanced down at her tee shirt, my eyebrows raised with a half-smile.

"Galaxy Wars is cool," she said back, "I was really into it as a kid. Guns, explosions, monsters, evil…. Super-cool mechanical swords made of laser light that could easily chop your head off…"

"You know if light sabers were really real, the only result would be immediate, accidental limb amputation and dismemberment?"

"Maybe Tori Vega's limb amputation and dismemberment. And it wouldn't be accidental." She said flatly.

I decided to ignore that comment, and take the conversation into a different direction.

"I can just imagine little Jadelyn in your room with a little plastic blaster… being all like," I set my coffee down on the table and jumped up and stood on the couch, "Captain's Log… 2874.9… Millenium Falcon… uhh,… pew pew pew!" I made cool, high-pitched laser noises and pretended to shoot my fish tank with my imaginary ray gun. And while I did, Jade grabbed and pulled my arm and said my name repeatedly.

"BECKETTYOU'REEMBARASSINGYOURSELF!" she finally shrieked to get my attention.

"Whaaaaaat!" I said, plopping down with my legs folded underneath me.

"It was William Shatner in Galaxy Trek who said 'captain's log' and your stardate isn't even correct!"

We had another stare-down, me with surprised raised eyebrows and her with a familiar type ofjaw-locked fury, until a smile broke onto my face and Jade actually burst into a fit of giggles.

"You're such a neeeerrrrrd!" I said, poking the pale, soft skin between the top of her panties and the bottom hem of her shirt as she fell into me.

"Am not!" she said between laughs, gasping for breath.

I grabbed her wrists and pulled her up so her eyes met mine as she took her last gasp and her breath caught for a moment in surprise.

"If you're a nerd, I'm a nerd." I said seriously.

She raised one of her eyebrows suspiciously, and then slapped my cheek and settled back down on the couch.

"That was a shitty reference to The Notebook." She said, turning up the volume.

"C'mon, I thought it was good." I said, curling up next to her and rubbing my cheek.

"I'm highly disappointed in you, babe."

And then we were back to Full House for a while.

"So… wanna play a board game?" I broke the silence surrounding us.

"If you let me pick."

"Go ahead, babe."

She smiled a little as she jumped up, opening the closet and I noticed how she stood on her tiptoes to look at the top shelf and rifle around.

"Beck…" she said questioningly, "Why do you have Pretty Pretty Princess in here?"

"Uhhh… you're sexy."

She looked at me over her shoulder with a bemused look, her eyebrows knitted together, "Why?" she asked again, flatly.

I felt my face flush as I bobbed my head around nervously, "My nine year old neighbor, you remember Allie, she brought it over here one time… and she left it here."

The corners of her mouth turned up as she took it down from the shelf.

"Do you… do you wanna play?" I dared to ask.

She threw it down on the table in front of the couch and looked around, paranoid.

"I get the black ring the whole time and we never speak of this to the idiot squad, alright?"

"Yes ma'am." I grinned, opening the box.

Halfway into channeling my inner princess, Jade said, "Just so you know, when we get married, I'm wearing a black dress."

Perhaps I should propose to her with the black ring from Pretty Pretty Princess.

"Why?" I replied.

"I like it better than white. White is stupid. I hate snow, white pieces of paper, the White Stripes, and Shaun White."

"White wedding dresses are a symbol of purity and innocence."

She simply looked up at me with her trademark smirk.

"What!" I said back.

"That's funny." But she wasn't laughing, she looked kind of... evil.

"Why?"

"…Because we fuck a lot." She said, starting to chuckle.

"Jade, you can't say things like that when you're wearing a plastic purple tiara."

She rolled her eyes and then put on her Golden-Girl accent, "But darlin', you've already deflowered me, and almost every night we make passionate love like two quiverin' butterflies on the last glimmerin' twilight of their beautiful lives." She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows at me, proud of herself.

"Y'know, sometimes I think you have a career in figurative writing."

"What can I say, my fleece ain't white as snow."

"Besides, we can't both wear black when we get married. Black and white represents balance. Like yin and yang." I elbowed her knee and smiled at her, "You're the yin to my yang."

"Yeah, and you've got a lot of yang to be yinged." She rolled her eyes and swatted my arm away, "Why can't YOU be the one to wear white? I'm already the whitest freakin' girl on the west coast."

"Hm. That's different. I like it."

"Okay then."

Eventually we forgot the rules of Pretty Pretty Princess; Jade took photos of me and threatened to post them on The Slap if I didn't say that she won, so I did. And we decided to play Guess Who.

"Does she look like a whore?" was her next question after I declared that my character was a female.

"That's… that's not really a question you ask."

"It's a question, and I asked it, so answer it."

"Uhh… I guess not. No."

She nodded and put two people face down.

"It's just, that's really a question of judgment, so how do you-"

"It's your turn. Go." She interrupted, not looking up from her red board.

I threw up my hands, "Okay, um, does your guy have red hair?"

"Sure does, mutant little offspring."

"What do you have against gingers?"

"Could your person possibly be a former member of the Hitler Youth Movement?"

"What?"

She finally looked up at me, "You do know what that is, right?"

"Yeah, but…" I stared at my card intensely, "You know, now that you mention it, she does kinda look like she could…"

"Is your person Anita?" she said, smashing down all the remaining faces with one swipe of her hand.

"What the hell?"

"What!" she replied, annoyed and impatient.

"You just won with three questions."

"Yeah, I know, you're terrible at this game."

I stared at her with disbelief.

"It's 3:30 and I'm crashing. Either make me more coffee or let's go to bed."

"You know what, I'm pretty tired, too."

I stripped down to my boxers, Jade turned off the light and we settles down, our legs tangled up in each other and her head on my chest.

The world slowed down as we found the familiar rhythm of breathing out and in.

"Hey, babe?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still wanna love me even if I am really bad at Guess Who?"

"Yeah. A'course." She said with a small, light laugh.

"Good…The yin-yang metaphor was true, ya know."

"Yep."

"Really though. You're like… stabilizing, and cleansing and-"

"Jesus, you're making me sound like motor oil." She mumbled.

"Well, you are well-lubricated."

I fully deserved the slap in the chest that followed afterward. It was worth it.

"Shut up, Beck."

"I love you. Sweet dreams, babe."

"I love you, too. It's been a good night." And she kissed me on the cheek, and fell asleep with a small smile on her face.

Yeah, I'd say it was a good night.

Did you ever hear that Snap, Crackle and Pop were all gay with each other?

I wanted to throw that joke in there somewhere, but I didn't know where it could fit, so there it is.

END OF THE STORY DISCLAIMERS:

1. I don't know if Starbucks actually has a drive-thru. We only have a Tim Hortons in my town, which you probably haven't heard of if you're not from Buffalo or Niagara Falls, but ours has a drive-thru so there.

2. Anita was most definitely a member of the Nazi Youth Movement. The whores are Maria the French bitch and Susan, who is most definitely a prostitute.

3. I have nothing against gingers. I love gingers, actually. It seemed like something Jade would hate, so please don't be offended.

4. I'm absolutely terrible at writing Beck's POV.

5. "If you're a nerd, I'm a nerd" is probably one of the most brilliant puns I've ever come up with.

Hope you enjoyed. Review, tell me I'm funny. Or review and tell me I'm stupid. Review to tell me you're not reviewing. Just do it.