Inspired by that line from Shrek, but not a crossover, I promise. Just a funny Maddie/Danny interaction with some snarky!Danny. Enjoy~

Maddie was in the kitchen making dinner. It was her green onion and pepperoni casserole, Danny's favorite. He had gotten an A- on Lancer's test, so she figured this would be an appropriate reward for his hard work. She was just about to set the timer when her Ecto-Tracker alarm went off. It told her there was a spike in ectoplasmic activity just on the roof! Leaving her meal in the heated oven, Maddie sprinted up the stairs and up to the Op Center.

Outside, she saw a faint glow coming from the west exit. Grabbing a small yet powerful ecto gun, she crept out the door to the source of the glowing. Step by step, she got closer until she rounded the corner and saw none other than Danny Phantom, sitting back and watching the sun set. This is odd…

"Phantom!" she yelled, pointing her gun at him.

"Wha-?" he jumped up and tried to run, but ran face-first into a metal silo. He gasped in pain and held his face. In spite of herself, Maddie nearly chuckled. Man, this ghost boy was a real klutz when caught off guard!

"What do you want?" he asked, eying her gun warily.

"Why aren't you in the Ghost Zone where the rest of you scum belong?"

Danny shook his head. "You see, this is where the majority of our problems originate. You assume I'm just this horrible being, and I can't get in any self-defensive arguments because you'll blow me to pieces before I can even finish a sentence."

"You just did," Maddie pointed out. He smacked his hand against his head. Maddie smirked. "Okay, Phantom. Despite the overwhelming evidence against you and others like you, I'm curious to hear what you have to say. Are you trying to tell me that some ghosts can be good?"

Danny frowned at the mocking tone in his mom's voice. "Well, I, uh…" This was more difficult than he had been anticipating. How could he explain the nature of ghosts in terms that would make sense without becoming suspicious? Smelling a waft of the casserole his mom had been in the middle of making, coming out of a nearby window, he had an idea. "You see, ghosts are like…onions."

"Putrid."

"No!"

"Ugly?"

"Hey! Do you see these muscles?" Danny flexed his arms through his hazmat suit to prove his point. "Girls would be all over this."

"Sorry to break it to you, Phantom, but no sane human girl would ever fall for a ghost."

"Well I'm sorry to break it to you, but apparently you live in a town full of insane women."

"And then there's the matter of your hair," Maddie continued, ignoring the ghost boy's protests. "Did your mother never teach you how to use a comb before you died?"

"No, my mom was too busy trying to kill me to have time to teach me about proper grooming techniques," Danny said, grinning.

Maddie scoffed. "Well that confirms my theory as to why you try to terrorize everyone around you! You must have had poor parents."

"I love my parents," Danny said stiffly, caught in between a giggle and a frown. "And I do not terrorize people. I'm not blasting you off this roof right now, am I?"

"Is that a threat?" Maddie shot back, aiming the weapon at the boy's head.

Danny held up his arms in surrender. "Not at all. I'm just trying to prove I'm not as evil as everyone says I am."

"What about the mayor incident?" Maddie interjected quickly.

Danny rolled his eyes, surprising her. "Again with the mayor thing? Unless you're talking about the current one, to which I would say he fully deserves whatever comes his way."

Maddie retreated a couple of feet. "What do you have against Vlad Masters?"

Danny laughed. "More than you'd believe. Or what I can tell you," he added seriously.

Maddie's eyes narrowed as she refocused the tip of her ecto-gun towards his head. "So you enjoy attacking local politicians and have the arrogance of a typical human teenage boy. What else don't we know about you?"

"Do you honestly believe I'd just spew random information about myself to a ghost hunter?"

"Couldn't hurt to ask," Maddie shrugged, charging up her weapon in preparation to fire. "Though if you know what's good for you, you'd answer me this, ghost boy: why are you on the roof of Fenton Works?"

Danny bit his lip. "Seemed like a good place to rest before another ghost attacks?"

Maddie didn't look convinced. "You are aware, of course, that my husband and I are professional ghost hunters and will do anything to keep our family safe, even if it means obliterating Amity Park's so-called 'hero'?"

Danny threw his hands above his head in exasperation. "For the millionth time, M-Maddie, I wasn't attacking or doing anything to harm the Fentons! Why the grudge?"

"My family-"

"You wouldn't have your family if it weren't for me," Danny snapped. Then he froze, realizing how much he had potentially given away. His arms retracted to his sides at once and his cheeks went pink. "I mean-"

"What are you talking about?"

"I protect this town and the people in it, including the Fentons," Danny rushed, hoping to distract her from fully processing the information he had slipped. "Whether you call me 'putrid protoplasm' or 'Inviso-Bill' or- heaven forbid, my real name, Danny Phantom- I'll continue to do what I do regardless. You and Jack can hunt me all you want, but if you destroy me, you'll have a lot more than just ghost attacks to worry about."

Maddie stared at him, her jaw drooping slightly. She'd never seen such a rant come from anyone before, let alone Amity Park's infamous ghost hero.

Taking this moment of silence as an opportunity to escape, Danny continued, "Now if you don't mind, I'm starving, so I'm going to get dinner and maybe we can finish this conversation later."

With that, Danny flew into the clouds and out of sight before turning invisible and flying home, transforming when he entered his room. The casserole in the oven was burning; he could smell the smoke from his room.

Back on the roof, Maddie stared at the sky to where the ghost boy had disappeared, with just a single thought going through her mind: Ghosts can eat?

What'd you think? Funny? Lame? Good? I'd love some feedback :)