This just popped into my head. I'm rather pleased with the way it turned out. Happy reading!

If Draco Malfoy had ever been sure about one thing in his life, he was sure that he did not love Hermione Granger.

It was simple really. Her bushy hair. Her buck teeth. Her constant hand raising. All these and more contributed to his revulsion of her. In fact, there were several things about Hermione Granger that Draco could say for certain that he hated. He loathed that she bit her lip whenever she was trying to figure out a spell in Transfiguration. He was thoroughly disgusted by her muttering when they were working on a potion. He detested that he could hear her constant singing from across the hall. And he abhorred that she always hogged the couch in their common room.

Draco Malfoy hated Hermione Granger so much, he could barely stand it. At least, that's what he told himself in explanation for his actions a couple months prior.

He was so vexed by her annoying voice, frumpy clothes, and ugly freckles that he shoved her into a broom closet and had his way with her. What else was he supposed to drive his anger into? And it worked-for a little bit. He could tolerate her existence a little more. They pretended nothing happened and she seemed to become less aggravating than usual. But, inevitably, his frustration built up and he simply had to ravish her again.

So now, months later, he had so much enmity for her, they were going at it like rabbits.

Everything was fine. She would do something infuriating; he would make her pay for it later. (Not that he thought she minded; it almost seemed like she was doing things on purpose now.) But then bothersome Granger had to go and do what she always did: think.

So one day, after a thorough round of relieving his grievances, she decided to voice her rather upsetting notions.

"Malfoy, what do you think is going on between us?"

"Sex." It was a simple answer really. Life needed more people who were willing to give simple answers. But simple wasn't good enough for irritating Granger.

"This isn't just sex anymore and you know it." She was silent then for a long time and Draco couldn't decide which he hated more: her silence or her incessant talking. "I think I might love you."

Draco then got so outraged he had to shag her again.

But later, when she was sleeping-rather loudly too he might add-next to him, he thought about what she said. Love was a scary, completely unrealistic, and absolutely unnecessary word. It screwed everything and everyone up and Draco wanted nothing to do with it. It had fucked up his family and he sure as hell wasn't about to let it fuck up his adult life. So no, he wasn't in love with Hermione Granger.

But, hypothetically, if he was, that was just another thing he could add to the list of The Exasperating Qualities of Hermione Granger.