The fleeting echoes of the faceless spirits were still melting into darkness as his own scream echoed off the high stone walls. Merlin stood there in disbelief, heart thumping, head spinning. He had just worked up the courage to give his life to protect Arthur, to step through that sundered vale to whatever awaited him on the other side. His hands were sweating, his body trembling, but his resolve had been firm. It was his destiny. And then it had all been over. Suddenly and inexplicably, Lancelot had stepped out from behind that grinning gatekeeper, and an entirely different sort of fear had gripped him.

As much as he'd wanted to rush forward and stop the knight from what he intended to do, Merlin's body had been paralyzed. Too much had happened all at once, and his brain struggled to keep up. As the man he'd trusted with his greatest secret shared one last smile before plunging into the abyss, Merlin felt the scream rise in his throat. It came out as less a word and more a simple surge of emotion.

"NOOO!"

His eyes clouded with tears. The trembling worsened. He could only stare.

"No!"

He couldn't be sure how long he'd stood there. The total silence that followed allowed for time to pass unchecked. No thoughts came to his mind, he forgot to breath; he wasn't certain that his heart was still beating. It wasn't until one of the two bodies behind him began to stir that Merlin saw a reason to permit the world to keep turning.

Arthur had propped himself up on his elbows, his eyes staring at the place that had housed the rift moments before. His brows furrowed.

"What happened?" He followed the misty darkness to the lone figure still standing. "Merlin?"

The young warlock was breathing now, unsteadily as he fought to control the sobs. For a moment he said nothing. The prince continued to stare.

"Merlin?"

His manservant sniffed, gathered his courage, and took a few tentative steps forward. Swiping at his eyes with a sleeve, he all but fell to his knees. "Are... are you all right, sire?"

Gwaine ushered a groan and shifted in the dirt. Arthur's expression was alternating between concern and irritation. "Merlin. What happened?"

The dark-haired boy made an attempt to check on Arthur's condition, but a large hand swatted him away. He averted his gaze and set to rocking back and forth on his knees. What was he supposed to say? It had all gone wrong. Merlin opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. His voice felt caught in his throat.

Gwaine's voice rose from over his shoulder.

"Where's Lancelot?"

The ride back to Camelot had so far been a silent and miserable one. No one, not even Gwaine, could find any words to soothe the pain they were all feeling. With the exception of a few muttered comments about rest stops, the odd sound in the forest, or their traveling route, not a word was spoken between them for hours on end. Arthur took up the lead, Sir Leon second, while Merlin trailed behind all of them, his head bowed low. He was no longer blank with shock. Now his mind was overwhelmed with painful thoughts and nagging regret. Once again in his duty to protect his secret and assure Arthur's safety, another life had been lost; another life that had meant so much to him. It seemed to Merlin that as soon as he was blessed with the chance to share his secret, as soon as he found a kindred spirit or an open mind willing to listen and offer guidance, that person was snatched away. The thought that the fearful words he had confided to Lancelot might have driven the man to take his place made Merlin's stomach turn.

It was the night of their second day of traveling when Gwaine broke the silence.

"Well I guess it worked, anyway. No screams for two nights. No one else has turned into a snowman."

Percival and Elyan issued smiles. Gwaine sat opposite them and began to remove his boot. The smiles faded.

They had stopped for the night in the woods, feeling safe enough now to sleep under the trees rather than holed up in an old castle. A large fire burned at the center of their group as they shared what remained of their provisions.

"They're going to be singing in the streets when we get back," Elyan said.

Leon took a sip of water. "More than likely, and for a while to come."

"It doesn't seem right."

Gwaine turned his drying sock. "He did it so they could sing in the streets again, mate."

"They're going to be drinking and dancing. They'll have no idea what truly happened. It just doesn't seem right."

Arthur, standing at the edge of the clearing, spoke up as he stared into the darkness at nothing in particular. "There will be a ceremony. He will be remembered forever for what he did. I'll make certain everyone knows of his sacrifice."

Gwaine nodded. "Right, see? So let them dance in his name. Merlin said he went in smiling, right Merlin?"

He strained to see where the young man had gone. The others tensed when Gwaine appeared unable to immediately locate the servant. Arthur spotted him just out of the light, sitting against the trunk of a tree. The knights, relieved, went back to their silent pondering. It was a bittersweet moment to feel comforted that Merlin could sit in the shadows during the night and need not fear an icy attack from the Dorocha. Arthur considered leaving him there to his thoughts, but it was clear that Merlin was suffering worse than the rest of them. The prince could only assume it was because Merlin wasn't trained for the oft grisly repercussions of battle. The death of anyone always hit the young man particularly hard, and it was no secret that Lancelot and Merlin had been good friends.

Feeling the need to do something helpful, the prince left his post and approached his servant.

"Come get something to eat, Merlin."

His servant didn't look up. For a moment Arthur wondered if he might have just succumbed to exhaustion. He wouldn't have blamed him. It wasn't a few days ago that Merlin had been inches from death.

"Merlin, there's bread and cheese and some fruit I think. Come over by the fire," he stopped himself before he could add the words 'you'll freeze over here'. Arthur cleared his throat instead.

The noise roused Merlin from his thoughts. "Hm? Oh, I'm not hungry. Thanks Arthur."

Thanks Arthur? The prince grimaced at the respectful reply, but didn't have the heart to tease the boy for it. He felt like pressing the issue. Merlin hadn't had but a few mouthfuls of food since leaving the Isle of the Blessed, but they were all grieving in their own way. Given time, the young man's wounds would heal, and he'd be back to bumbling around neglecting his chores and smiling that idiot grin of his.

He'd be all right.

As expected, Prince Arthur and his Knights of Camelot rode into the city to cheers and exuberance. Many of the refugees still had yet to leave the city, and the streets were lined on both sides with smiling people drinking, laughing, waving, and throwing flowers to their heroes. The six companions attempted to return the smiles, nodding their thanks to the grateful masses who showered them with praise. All but Merlin, who in any case had trailed far enough behind that he was hardly to be recognized as one of the returning champions.

He wanted to get away from all of the noise and excitement. He would go straight back to Gaius, do what he could to avoid conversation, and collapse onto his bed. Certainly Arthur could grant him that. The prince would be needing to assemble Lord Agravaine and the council and inform them of all that had happened. He had time.

"Merlin! I think you've put your horse to sleep!"

He looked up to see that Gwaine had come back for him. The man was smiling, but there was a look of concern there too. Merlin couldn't help but smile back as he forced his horse to close the distance.

His heart lifted a little. He still had good friends around him. He had kept his secret this long, he could keep it longer. He would mourn for Lancelot for a long time, there was no doubting that. But he would survive. And in the end, he always had Gaius.

As he and Gwaine approached the castle, something was clearly amiss. Arthur and the other knights had dismounted. Guinevere was at Arthur's side, sobbing and looking fit to collapse. The prince had gone white. He turned to see Merlin approaching, and his eyes went wide. Elyan took his sister aside quickly while Leon and Percival stood shocked.

Merlin felt his heart begin to race again.

"Arthur?"

The prince was fast approaching him now, looking left and right with overwhelming unease. He gestured a servant over to deal with the horses. "Merlin, you need to come with me."

"Why? What's going on?"

Arthur all but pulled him down off of the horse, forcing the young man to follow by means of not answering his panicked inquiries.

"Arthur! Tell me what's happening!" He knew that Gwen would be heartbroken to hear of Lancelot's fate, but there was something more going on. Why had Arthur and the knights looked so horror-struck?

They entered the castle and Arthur took Merlin into the first empty chamber that he could find.

"Sit down."

Merlin shook his head. His eyes were already filling with tears at the prospect of whatever potentially terrible news Arthur had to share. Could anything really be worse than what he'd already been through? Arthur sighed. And that was when Merlin noticed that the prince's eyes had gone teary as well. The boy froze.

"Merlin... a few nights ago, Gaius—"

"No." Merlin backed away. Arthur's jaw clenched.

"He'd gone to find Gwen. There'd been some sort of attack..."

Merlin choked, doubling over. Arthur grabbed his arm. He had to get this out.

"He had probably been checking on Gwen when... the Dorocha..."

He felt Merlin shudder in his grip. The boy was shaking all over. Through clenched teeth he spoke.

"... D-dead?"

Arthur winced. "I'm sorry, Merlin."

It was all too much. Merlin released a strangled whimper as he became a sudden dead weight in Arthur's arms. He could hear the prince calling his name before gladly giving himself up to unconsciousness.