A/N: I struggled pathetically to think up even one lipstick River could use on the Doctor. And I didn't use the Paralyzing Lipstick John Hart uses in S2 of Torchwood, because there are only so many time River almost kill the Doctor and it still be cute.

Prompt: 'Your hallucinogenic lipstick doesn't work on me.' 'Oh, are you sure, honey?' by coffee_mill for the watch_them_run Doctor/River Ficathon

Cherry Lips (Or The Five Times The Doctor Fell Victim To The Lipstick)

Poisonous Lipstick

She's not usually one to have regrets, but there is something about this very old young looking man that has her considering the fact that maybe just maybe she's made a mistake.

Even with the poison of the Judas tree slowly crippling his internal organs he still begs and pleads for her to save a life, two lives; her parents, because he physically cannot.

In all the stories she has been told he's never scrabbled about in the dirt hoping against hope that the bad guy; and there is no doubt in her mind that she is currently the bad girl, will change his mind and let all the poor innocents go.

The only question she has left for her parents is, "The Doctor is he worth it?"

Anesthetic Lipstick

She can honestly say the last thing she had expected when she turned up in her parents lantern-lit garden was for the Doctor to snatch her up into his arms and kiss her soundly on the mouth in front of them.

Her Father's grunt of embarrassment was cut short by her Mother's gasp of concern as the Doctor rocked back on his heels and plummeted peacefully to the ground with a thump.

In hindsight she should have wiped the aesthetic lipstick off before she activated the vortex manipulator.

Anesthetic Lipstick x2

Her poor foolish Doctor always talking and rarely listening, he takes care of everyone, but himself.

He can protest all he likes later, it is best if this happens before he has the chance to gain the upper-hand. And she can always use the fact he kissed her first as a defense, in the morning.

Right now she is giving him exactly what he wants; a warm searching kiss that reminds her of where her home is, and what he needs; his head tilts backwards and hits the soft pillow beneath him.

He would argue he is quite the opposite of Sleeping Beauty, and, well, she is no Prince Charming.

Normal Lipstick

"Hello, Sweetie!" River smirks as she reigns the Doctor in by his burgundy braces and rises up onto her tiptoes for a well earned kiss.

"Ha! I'm not falling for that… again," He announces while untangling himself from her arms. "I'll give you the first one because you were trying to kill and I suppose the second time was funny even if it was a stupidly dangerous mistake to make."

"Doctor, it's just lip-" River attempts to correct him.

He grips her shoulders and gives her a little reprimanding shake that he is going to pay for later, "As for last time well that was mean, I bet your Mother had a hand in it, didn't she?"

River laughs, "Sometime you are just precious."

"Don't mock me. I don't like being tricked into thinking that a date with my Wife is going to end with… fornication?" He pulls a face, "That's a horrible word, forget I said it. Pleasantries sounds much nicer."

"I was only thinking of your health, my love." She interrupts.

"Ha! Ha! My health wouldn't be in question if you didn't keep using your bad, no, evil lipstick on me," The Doctor cautiously removes one hand from her shoulder and reaches into his pocket, flinching when he thinks River is about to attack. "Take it off?" He commands as he produces a handkerchief.

"I beg your pardon?" River voice hardens, "Would you talk to my Mother like that?"

The Doctor ducks his head. "Not after she threw a shoe at me."

Hallucinogenic Lipstick

She has just escaped from the Stormcage, again, really they make it too easy, and only just succeeds in preventing the Doctor from planting a kiss on her lips with a quick turn of the head so that the warm lips and the hint of a tongue land on her powdered cheek.

He makes a whiny noise in the back of his throat, "River!"

River points to her shiny red lips, while holding the Doctor back with a hand on his chest, "Hallucinogenic Lipstick, Sweetie."

"Your hallucinogenic lipstick doesn't work on me." He grins, arrogantly shaking his head and leaning into her.

"Oh, are you sure, Honey?" She challenges, soothing her hands up his chest and over his shoulder. "Is it worth the risk?" She whispers against his ear, when she moves back to meet his gaze there's a trace of red on the lope where she kissed it teasingly.

"Always."

…

Seven hours later he wakes with a slight headache. and if it weren't for the fact he is lying in a bush he recognizes as being in the Ponds back garden and the Scooby Doo costume he is, unfortunately, only half wearing, he wouldn't have realized anything was amiss.

.