AN: Okay, so here we go. I have another chapter and a half written but I wanted to get this out so new readers can have a better spot to end on. I do plan on adding to this but I just don't have as much time as I want and my perfectionism is strong! I really hope you guys feel it was worth the wait.

Tara POV

We pulled onto the lot around 10pm and the party was already in full swing. They had the boxing ring lit up and, by the sounds of it, someone was losing pretty badly.

I looked around for Adam's bike but it wasn't there. I wasn't sure if I was more pissed or relieved.

Opie saw where I was looking and squeezed my shoulder, playfully shaking me. "You good?"

I smiled up at him. "Always," I answered hooking my arm through his, following the rest of the group inside.

The music was blaring and it seemed a few of the club members were battling over the music choice; Jail House Rock one minute then Master of Puppets the next.

We made a beeline for the bar and a petite brunette poured us kamikazes. I leaned up against the bar and surveyed the scene.

"Is it always like this?" Chelsea shouted over the music.

"No, not always. They like to party but they're usually pretty laidback," I answered. I looked over and saw the apprehension on her face.

"I know. It seems a little crazy. But it'll be fun. And all the guys are really perfect gentlemen…. Well, as long as you're not sleeping with them anyway."

At that exact moment, Tig and Clay approached. Tig draped his arm around my shoulder and Chelsea looked like she might piss her pants.

"Hey there, dollface. Looking good tonight," Tig slurred with a big, creepy smile.

I rolled my eyes and moved away from his outstretched arm. "Minor, Tig." I reminded him.

"Ah, that's alright. What's good for the prospect is good for the member, am I right?" he asked, grabbing his member suggestively.

"Oh, Tig. You know you couldn't handle a young thing like me," I chided. Tig could be creepy as fuck but I was use to him.

He busted out laughing and pointed his finger at me. "This one right here," he said shaking his head. "This one's trouble."

I rolled my eyes again. "I need a drink. Chelsea, you want one?"

She nodded silently, eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

Tig waved the bartender over. "Get these young bucks another round," he said gesturing toward us and the guys. "Doubles for the ladies," he added.

We cheers'd and I motioned for another when I realized Clay was staring at me.

"Might want to slow down there, young lady. You'll be passed out before Adam makes it back."

"Rocky can hold her liquor better than half the girls in the clubhouse," Frankie laughed.

Clay smirked. "I'm sure she can." He turned his attention back to me. "But if you need it, you know where Adam's room is. If you can't find Gem to open it, grab me or Bobby. We'll get you squared away."

"Um, thanks, Clay," I told him uncomfortably. Clay had always been nice, even more so now that Adam was prospecting, but there was still something off about him. I couldn't put my finger on it but he seemed deceptively dangerous. Like he would smile in your face and then blind side you like a Mack truck.

Clay clapped Tig on the back. "Come on, Tigger. Let's leave these ladies to it and go find some riper fruit."

We got another round and then made our way toward one of the vacant pool tables. I was terrible at pool but it was always fun, even if I repeatedly got my ass handed to me.

"Geez, Rocky. I was going to bet you a joint for a game but that doesn't seem fair. Even Jax beat you!" Ryan laughed and Jax threw a cue chalk at his head.

"That reminds me," I said, pulling a freshly rolled cigarillo from my purse. "Somebody have a light?" I asked and Jax tossed me his reaper zippo.

We had just finished the blunt when I heard my least favorite, shrill voice come up behind me.

"Jax! I was hoping you'd be here," Brittany said as she scurried over and threw her arms around him.

"Brittany. You here with your sister?" he didn't sound thrilled but he palmed her waist and let her lean into him anyway. He needed a conquest for midnight after all. A few of her friends spread out around us and I was immediately wishing I could disappear.

Granted, I had dressed up for the night but I still felt like nothing next to them. Their short leather skirts and barely there tops left little to the imagination and, though I had felt good earlier about my painted on flares, fitted tank and Docs, now I felt invisible.

The night wore on and there was still no sign of Adam. Jax and Brittany had peeled off earlier and Frankie and Opie had been recruited by some of the older men for what started as a game of darts but quickly turned into a tournament. I had never been more thankful that Ryan had brought a girl with him. I definitely owed him one.

The clock ticked closer to midnight and someone had turned all the tv's on to watch the ball drop. I checked the time again and looked around, a kind of pressure building in my chest. People were coupling up as new energy started spanning through the room. Still no sign of Adam. I glanced over at Ryan who was holding Chelsea tightly by the waist. Opie had secured an older girl with fire engine red hair and Jax and Brittany had taken up occupancy on one of the couches nearby. I leaned over to Ryan and whispered to him.

"I'm gonna get some air."

His eyes snapped up to meet mine. "Come on, Rocky. The ball's about to drop."

I smiled and tried to rub the prickling from my forearms.

"It's okay. I can still hear it outside." I told him as I turned away.

"Rocky!" he yelled over the noise. "Rocky, come on! Stay!"

I kept walking toward the door.

XOXOXOX

It was well past midnight when the roar of motorcycles pierced through the cool night air. I had staked out a corner of the lot and was leaning against a railing, chain smoking to keep myself busy and warm. The bikes parked and I saw Adam stand and take off his helmet, resting it on the handlebars. A group of girls approached them and he spoke briefly with one of them until she pointed over in my direction.

As he got closer, he slowed, clearly hesitant to approach.

"Want some company?" he asked.

I inhaled another drag wordlessly.

He reached in his cut and produced a pack of cigarettes. Instead of a cigarette though, he lit a joint and handed it to me.

"You been drinking?"

I hit the joint a few times before handing it back to him. I didn't answer.

"Pretty pissed, huh?"

I rolled my eyes.

He rubbed the back of his head in frustration.

"T, you know I don't have any control over it. It's part of the gig." He paused. "Can you say something? Please?"

I took a deep breath. Even though I spent more and more of my time trying not to feel anything, somehow I always felt the anger. I exhaled slowly.

"You had control before you decided to prospect. You gave that up. Not me."

He hit the joint again and was silent for a long while.

"I don't know what you want from me, T. I need this. This is the only way for me."

I scoffed. "That's a cop out and you know it."

"I don't understand you, T. Gemma loves you. The club would give you anything you need. You're best buddies with Jax and Opie. You know what this life is about. All the people you love are about this life. What am I missing here?"

I rubbed at my eyes. I didn't know how to explain it to him. SAMCRO was Jax and Opie's destiny. I understood that. But Adam could have a different life. Not so long ago, he wanted a different life. Something in my heart kept telling me the club was going to change him… had already started changing him. But I'd tried to explain to him before and we'd had the same circular argument over and over again. It wasn't worth repeating again. It was frustrating and aggravating and I just didn't have the energy for it anymore. My shoulders sagged from the weight of it.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered.

"What?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he hadn't heard me or if he was just in disbelief.

"I can't do this. Us." I forced the words out in to the cold January night.

Adam ran his hand over his beard and looked at me hard.

"Is this about me prospecting or is this about Jax?"

I almost gave myself whiplash snapping up to look at him.

"It's not about either! Why? Why do you do that? Why do you always have to make it about Jax?"

"Isn't that what it's always about?"

I huffed in frustration. "NO! No, it isn't 'always' about Jax. Maybe if you would stop thinking that way we wouldn't be having this conversation!" my voice broke. "I can't make you believe that I care about you and I don't have the energy to keep trying to convince you anymore. You either trust me or you don't."

Even in the dark I could tell I'd wounded him.

"I do trust you, T. It's not like that."

"No, Adam. It is like that. And I can't do it anymore. I'm exhausted. I care about you, Adam. I really do. And I know you care about me. But it isn't enough. We're different now… we're going different ways. We don't make sense anymore."

"Going different ways? Tara, don't kid yourself. If it's not me, it'll be him," he said tiredly. "You act like me prospecting has something to do with all of this. But if you think that you're not going to end up bedding this club one way or another, you're kidding yourself."

I didn't know what to say. My ears heard it as an insult but my heart told me he was just speaking his truth.

I squeezed my temples at a loss.

"I don't know what to say to that, Adam. What do you expect me to say? I… I wanted this to work. I thought I'd tried everything to keep us going. And maybe you did too. But it's not working. It's just not. I care about you, Adam, but it's over. And deep down you know it too. You knew it before you even started prospecting." It broke me to admit the failure but one of us had to.

Adam exhaled slowly. "You're right." He admitted reluctantly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "You're right. Is that what you want me to say? Yeah, things have been off…. for a while. But that doesn't mean we can't make it work. I just want it to work, T."

After a long moment he sighed sadly, accepting the inevitable. "I'm sorry… about everything. You know I didn't want it to be like this. My mom, the club, this shit with you and Jax… too much shit just got in the way. The world was always against us I guess, huh?"

My eyes brimmed with tears that I struggled to hold back. "I guess so. 'offspring of alcoholics unite', right?"

He laughed sadly and then pulled me in for a hug.

"You know, just cuz you're breaking up with me doesn't mean you're gonna get rid of me that easy, right? I'm still here for you if you need anything; shit with your dad, whatever. I've always got your back. That's not going to change."

I couldn't hold the tears back anymore and a sob escaped me. He pulled me tighter.

"Just promise me you're not going to let him treat you like he did last time," he asked.

I sobbed again harder; frustrated that he couldn't leave Jax out of it; frustrated that I couldn't make him understand.

"Adam-" I started.

"Shhh," he whispered, kissing the crown of my head. "I know what you're going to say. I don't want you to say it again. Fight it all you want. I hope you do, honestly. But one day, one day when you do stop fighting it… just…don't let him ruin you, ok? You're the best person I've ever met. Don't let him to that to you again."

Tears slipped down my face but I didn't know what to say so I just held on to him until that stopped.

When I finally loosened my grasp on him, he stepped back and pushed my hair behind my ears. "Take care of yourself, T. You know where to find me if you need me. I'll see you around."

With that, he turned and headed toward his bike.

I felt the anxiety shearing at my skin. I needed to get out of here before someone saw me break into an all-out panic attack. I didn't want to ask anyone for a ride. I didn't dare risk walking this time of night with drugs on me. I paced hastily, trying to figure out what to do when a metal ladder caught my eye. I remembered Jax taking me up to the rooftop a long time ago to get away from the madness. He always said it was a place where he could think and tune out the noise.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was climbing the freezing metal rungs, the cold stinging my hands. I laid down on the rough floor and stared up at the stars as my breath clung to the air like smoke signals. It was freezing without a jacket but I couldn't bring myself to go back inside and face everyone. Instead, I reached in to my front pocket and pulled out a tiny pill box. I didn't want to think right now. I didn't want to feel. So I popped a few Xanax, finished off my flask and eventually fell asleep into nothingness.