Loneliness.

It was one of the things that humans feared more than death or plague or any type of poison. It was one of those things that had no physical form. It couldn't be stopped by being stabbed. It wouldn't stop by being yelled at. It was an emotion; or rather, a lack of emotional return.

It was like cold.

It wasn't real, it was the lack of something else.

Without companionship, without belongingness; it manifested. It came into being and delved into the emotions of the person. Whether that person was in a crowd, whether they were surrounded by others or talking to someone; if the sense of belonging wasn't there, it was as if the person was still alone.

Izaya wasn't lonely though. Why?

He never acknowledged he had this lack of belongingness. He had his secretary. He had himself and he had an ex-bartender who chased him around whenever he came close to that epiphany.

"Izaya?" Shinra knocked on the door again, "Izaya-san? Are you there?"

The door to the informant's apartment remained shut as the man remained unresponsive. Crimson leaked onto the mahogany flooring.

"Izaya? It's been four months. I know you're here. Your secretary told me you were here."

Carmine eyes shut, staring up at the ceiling as he wondered the whole thing. It had been four months? His mind was trolling him. It couldn't be true.

The door clicked as the underground doctor broke into his home. The man froze before coming sprinting forward to the informant's side.

"IZAYA!"

The informant looked over and sighed, "Shinra… I think I got a paper cut."

Shinra pressed his hand to the informant's chest, trying to stop the bleeding. "What happened to you?"

"I think…I got a …pap-"

"Don't give me that!" Shinra glared at him in anger and stood up, "hold onto your chest for a minute while I get my medical kit from the car. You idiot." The man left the room and Izaya let go of his chest. The blood poured forth from him and he laughed. He laughed loudly as he felt the edges of his reality flicker in and out of focus, darkening at the edges. Nothing existed to him anymore. This pain was numbing, leaving him with this loneliness.

He wasn't even sure what had led him to this feeling. He had been fine this morning. He had awakened, taken a shower, trolled ignorance online, and then…

Then he had ended up on his own floor, bleeding out upon the wood floors of his home. He grimaced at the mud on his floor. Shinra hadn't even removed his shoes. How rude…

"Izaya! What did I tell you? I said to keep pressure on your wound!" Shinra pushed him onto his back and looked closely at the wound. "…was this… done with your switchblade?"

Izaya looked up at the ceiling and sang softly to himself, "It's going down, in this bittersweet symphony. Don't turn around, baby, you're going down. In this bittersweet symphony… you're going down down and around."

The room faded slowly before Izaya heard the underground doctor shout for him to stay conscious.

It had started four months ago.

Another chase through Ikebukuro, Izaya leaped from one roof to another. He had taunted the blond. Then…

She had come. That Russian woman, Vorona, had come between him and his antagonist. Shizuo had gotten distracted and within minutes the brute was walking away with the woman and his boss.

It had continued in such a manner every time after that. The chases became shorter. Izaya found himself in Ikebukuro more and more often, trying to catch the brute's attention. He took jobs and clients who were shadier than usual. He became more blade friendly with the ex-bartender. Yet still, Shizuo would end up within seconds walking off with Vorona.

After three months, Izaya cornered the blonde woman alone and held his blade at the ready, "stay away from Shizu-chan…"

Vorona rolled her eyes, "you and Shizuo's fights are over, Orihara-san. Go home."

He stalked forward and grinned, "Imagine. You just got attacked and killed by the slasher. How terrible! You're body will be found sliced to pieces in an alley… Would you look at that, we're in an alley." He smiled, eyes widening as if he were astonished by this fact.

"Good night Orihara. I can only tell you this." The Russian smiled, "Shizuo won't remember you tomorrow morning."

"Ne? Won't remember me?" Izaya laughed, "I have that memorable face. He won't forget."

But he did.

Izaya caught the man's attention only when he walked right up to the man and loudly said the man's full name.

"Hi…um… do I know you?"

"Hahahaha~ Shizu-chan doesn't remember me. What a laugh!" The blond blinked at him before turning his attention to that Russian woman.

"Vorona."

"Shizuo-san, are you ready to go? Tanaka-san needs us a couple blocks north."

"Yeah, let's go."

Izaya watched as they walked away and bits of his mask wore away, revealing an unfathomable face on him.

Izaya lay unconscious on the guest bed at Shinra's as Shinra answered the door to Celty and Shizuo. "Wifey~! Shizuo!"

Celty typed quickly, [I made the delivery and ran into Shizuo. I invited him to join us for dinner.]

"Oh Celty! What happened to our lovely dinners alone, the candlelight, the roman-OUCH! I get it."

[Is something going on?] Celty typed up as she and her guest walked in.

"Well… Izaya got hurt somehow. He's asleep in the other room and I think he's wounds were self inflicted. He's been out of it for a while. I'm not sure what to do."

"What?" Shizuo spun around in shock.

[He could be faking.]

Shinra shook his head, "he's got a wound straight through his chest. Two inches deeper and he would have killed himself. He wouldn't even answer the door for me. I had to call the apartment owner to get him to open the door for me."

[…Is he okay?] Celty seemed at a loss at what else to say. Shizuo shook in anger, his fists clenching.

"Where is that louse?"

Shinra smiled a little weakly. "he's in the other room. You've got to leave him be though. He's in critical condition."

"Critical my ass." Shizuo stalked to the other room and Celty held Shinra back.

"Celty! If he goes in there and hits him or anything. Izaya did hurt himself ba-"

[Let them talk. I don't think Shizuo would hurt him]

Shizuo couldn't think about anything else as his feet led him to the other room. His heart pounded in his chest. The only things running through his mind was that the flea, that LOUSE had hurt himself. He had taken his own blade against himself.

That was completely out of character, completely out of sync with him. Shizuo couldn't fathom such an act. There was no way, the louse had tricked the underground doctor somehow. He had to have. Izaya wasn't one to do anything like this to himself.

He threw the door to the room open and stepped inside to see the heart monitor flat lining; The sound coming from it a stream of constant sound, never wavering. He stood before the bed and watched the man remain frozen.

Had Izaya…

Had Izaya done this because of him?

"SHIT!" Shinra rushed in and moved a machine onto the bed, prepping the machine before sending volts of electricity through the informant. Shizuo watched silently.

"COME ON IZAYA," Shinra yelled, "GOD! STOP BEING A COWARD!"

The doctor continued and Shizuo felt something tug at his insides, he couldn't watch this.

"That louse!" Shizuo glared at his cup of milk with his coworkers at the restaurant and shook in anger.

Vorona smiled, "if you hate him so much you should pretend you don't know him. Just ease into pretending he doesn't exist."

"It would never work, that louse has a way of getting on my nerves…"

Tom blinked before agreeing with Vorona, "we could always help."

Shizuo shook his head, his fists clenching and unclenching as he watched Shinra fight death.

"Shizuo-san!" Mairu and Kururi ran up to him and he sighed.

"What?"

"Can we have you and Kasuka-san as brothers since Izaya is going to kill himself?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Iza-nii was mumbling about killing himself. So can we have you and Kasuka as brothers."

"Nii-chan." Kururi murmured behind her sister.

"No! The louse won't touch himself with his own blade. He's not going to kill himself."

"Never underestimate the lonely, Shizuo-san!" Mairu yelled as Shizuo turned and walked away. "We'll ask you next week."

Never underestimate the lonely. Shizuo stared at the brunet as Shinra finally got his heart beating again and sighed, "I can't stand this! He's gone into cardiac arrest three times already… Shizuo…" Shinra frowned at him and Shizuo shook his head.

"Has he said why…"

"He won't tell me shit. He went unconscious at his apartment. I had to have some associates help me get him here."

Shizuo nodded and sat down, staring at that face.

He felt his anger, it was still there, but still…

He couldn't summon the outrage that he used to. He just stared at him, confused by the man's sleeping face.

"I'll be down the hall with Celty…" Shinra backed up to the door slowly, "if he starts to go into cardiac arrest again…"

"I'll let you know."

The doctor nodded and left the room.

A hand going to meet the informant's, Shizuo remained sitting by the man's side, ignoring his phone ringing. He was going to miss work tonight.