A/N – Hi everyone! Yes, so I've finally emerged from under that rock I've been hiding under these past few months. I know it's been awhile, but I hope that this chapter is worth the wait. A massive thank you to you all for your continued support and patience, and for your reviews and story alert and fav adds. A special mention goes to Beckie_T108 for inspiring me to work something 'special' that both human-Jake and wolf-Jake say to Nessie into this chapter. And as always, big hugs and kisses for NinkyBaby for her mad beta-ing skills! And now, here 'tis...

All Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

NEED

"If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it is yours.
If it doesn't, it never was."

~ Anonymous

"Jake, I'd like to go home."

Her words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

Some crazy part of Jacob's brain refused to process what Nessie was saying. But as the realization slowly filtered through, the sickening, sinking feeling made his heart feel as though it would surely collapse in on itself. How could he let her go? She was the air he breathed, the light in his soul. Just by living, she added his life to hers; no, No, NO. He could not, would not, allow her to leave. She was his imprint, and damned if he was just going to let her walk away.

But then, in the way that truly selfless love does, the balance shifted from his need to hers.

She would always come first. And he knew, though it broke his heart to do so...

He would let her go.

Jacob watched her with unblinking eyes. And within those fathomless depths, Renesmee saw the unmistakable telltale glimmer of tears as her wolf looked away, refusing to meet her gaze. She felt her own heart crush beneath the weight of the pain she knew she had caused him.

Leaving him was the last thing that Renesmee wanted to do, and the ache in her chest was evidence enough of that. But the shame of what she had done clung to her like a scarlet letter branded upon her soul.

She had given herself to another, allowing her own wanton desires to betray the purity of her love for her wolf. How could she continue seeing him each day, knowing the treachery her own body had committed?

But that wasn't even the half of it.

Renesmee knew deep down what the terrible truth was; it hadn't just been her body that had betrayed her, but also her heart. The passion she had shared with her lover was merely a physical expression of how she felt – she loved him, pure and simple. But just as purely and not anywhere near as simply, she loved her wolf too. And the betrayal she knew she was guilty of had its painful truth in the fact that her heart loved not one but two, and it swung back and forth like a pendulum at some impossible emotional crossroads...

On one side stood her wonderful, brave, amazing wolf. Magnificent and proud, terrifyingly fierce, and with a quiet power that dripped with undeniable authority. He could silence a room with a single look, and he possessed the brute strength to back it up, yet he had shown nothing but gentleness and compassion to her. There was such an innate tenderness in those onyx eyes, it was almost magnetic, and it made her soul ache with longing for him.

On the other stood her lover. Virile and potent, breathtakingly handsome, and with the unapologetic confidence of a man in his prime. The thought of him made the blood rush to Renesmee's cheeks and... other places. In her mind's eye, though she could not recall anything more of his face than glimpses of smooth, russet skin and a strong, chiseled jawline, she imagined a disarmingly beautiful smile steal across his face as he looked at her with such tenderness, and it made her heart ache with such indescribable want.

Man.

Wolf.

So heartbreakingly different, yet so soul-achingly the same.

Renesmee stared down at her half-empty dinner plate. She couldn't bring herself to look up, fearful of the pain she knew she would see in her wolf's eyes.

"Jake, I..." she uttered, startled by the sob that choked her voice.

He looked up, hope flickering in those onyx windows to his soul – hope that she had maybe changed her mind, that she would not abandon him, and that all was forgiven.

And for a brief moment, Renesmee almost took back what she had asked of him.

Almost.

"Jake..." she began again, biting back the hot tears stinging the edge of her eyes. She had resolved long ago never to show weakness in front of him, though for different reasons than now. The empty longing in her chest tugged towards him, willing her to seek solace in his warmth and forgiveness in the tender love his heart held for her. But at the same time, the passion her dream lover had ignited in her soul wrenched her back and forced her to stand her ground. "...I'd like to go home," she repeated, trying desperately to keep her voice steady.

Jacob continued watching her, unflinching. Her sadness burned through his body in a physical pain that twisted deep within his bones and leached outwards through every fibre of his giant being. The single thought that kept running through his mind was that this was all his fault. He had lost control and given in to this insane craving, longing, need for her, and now he was paying the ultimate price.

He had driven her away.

As the choking reality of this excruciating, agonizing truth cut to the depths of his soul, it was all Jacob could do to hold it together. Slowly, as if fighting against a great and heavy load, he finally responded.

Very well, he agreed quietly, desperately trying to quell the storm of emotions raging inside him. I will arrange for a carriage to be prepared. He continued mechanically – You will, of course, want to take some gifts for your family. I will have some fine silks and jewels set aside for your aunts and grandmother, along with a number of rare and ancient medical journals for your grandfather and hunting gear for your father and uncles.

Renesmee began to protest. "That really isn't necessary—"

I insist, Jacob smiled, but try as he might, it didn't reach his eyes. He was all business now, because that was the only way he could keep from losing whatever vestige of control he had left. But with every word he spoke, he could feel his heart break a little more.

As for the library, piano and whatever gowns and other things you aren't able to carry with you, he continued, I will have these delivered to your father's house—

"I... I don't understand?" Renesmee interrupted. Why would those things need to be delivered to her father's house? She would still need them when she returned...

And then the realization dawned upon her. He thought she intended to leave forever.

Aside from the fact that she was honor-bound to atone for her father's trespasses, how could her wolf even think that she would abandon him? All she needed was some time away from everything to sort through the guilt and confusion in her mind. It had never occurred to her to forsake him.

"I only want to go home for a little while," Renesmee clarified. "I... I just need a few days, and then I promise to return."

Jacob's ears perked up. She wasn't leaving forever? He felt as if that great and heavy load had suddenly been lifted from his heart.

I see, he replied evenly, trying not to let on that his heart was doing a little happy dance. But laced in with that joy was a veritable cocktail of anguish, anxiety and a dozen other things that had him going ballistic on the inside. The thought of even being away from his love for any period of time was unbearable. Adding to all this, was the fact that the deadline for the curse was fast approaching – could he risk having her return so close to it, only to possibly face a pack of wolves bereft of their humanity for all eternity?

All I ask then, is that you return at least three days before the zenith of the Hunter's Moon, and that you allow three wolves to accompany you, Jacob stated firmly.

"Is that really necessary?" Renesmee asked. "Having your wolves accompany me, I mean. And three of them?"

I'm afraid it is, Nessie. With the Children of the Moon still at large, your safety is paramount. And having a wolf watch over you also means I can keep a telepathic eye on you, Jacob added silently to himself. Should a Child of the Moon try to attack you, your family would also be in danger. The wolves can protect them too.

"Oh, I see," Renesmee responded quietly. She hadn't thought of the danger that she could potentially be putting her family in. Jacob was right. This wasn't just about her.

Renesmee took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice steady. The thought of leaving her wolf pulled painfully at her heartstrings, but she needed some time away from everything to sort through the confusion in her mind. For some reason, she just couldn't think straight whenever he was around. "I'd like to leave first thing in the morning, if that's all right with you."

Of course, he responded graciously. I'll see to the arrangements.

"Thank you," she murmured. Rising from the dinner table, she began to make her way towards the door. "I should go and pack," she explained.

Of course, Jacob responded again. The numbness was beginning to set in now. His Nessie was leaving – not forever, but still leaving nonetheless – and it was still all his fault.

Wait, he called out just as her small pale hand was about to touch the door handle. She turned around, her dark lashes fluttering over those deep chocolate pools of vulnerability, and Jacob fought with every ounce of willpower he had not to cast off his Beastly exterior and take her in his arms and comfort her. Leah will watch over you in your room tonight, he stated as evenly as possible. He couldn't afford her knowing that he didn't trust himself to be alone in the darkness with her again. He hoped that the desperation hadn't leached into his voice.

She smiled in answer but it didn't reach her eyes. "Goodnight, Jake," she whispered sadly and slipped out, letting the doors click close behind her.

Jacob stared at the enormous oak panels, as if by doing so he could somehow by sheer force of will turn back the clock and make everything right again. But the doors remained firmly closed. Nessie... her name slipped through his mind in a tired sigh as the wrenching pain in his heart made him slump down on the floor. He listened sadly to his love's footsteps as they grew softer, softer, softer with every further step she took down the hallway...

And away from him.

.

.

.

"You did what?" Leah gaped, wide-eyed and disbelieving. Surely she'd misheard him. When she'd told Jake to seize the night, this was not what she'd had in mind.

"I didn't call you here so you could judge me," the giant man sitting across from her grumbled. "Anyway, didn't you hear through the door?"

Leah looked decidedly sheepish for a she-wolf. "Well, no, actually. I... er, I fell asleep."

Jacob eyed his cousin carefully. Okay, so he'd been right on that count. He hadn't been entirely sure, since Leah was a very light sleeper, if she had heard the goings on in Nessie's chamber last night. But it seemed as if everything had come together last night to give him and his imprint some privacy after all.

"Look, I know I was supposed to guard the door, but I slept right up against it, so no-one would have been able to get through without me knowing, okay?" Leah protested.

Jacob stopped for a moment, surprised at the twinge of defensiveness in his cousin's tone. "It's fine, Lee," he said. "I'm not having a go at you. You were there, and that's the most important thing as far as protecting Nessie is concerned."

Protecting Nessie. The words echoed in Jacob's mind with mocking irony. What a joke he'd made of that particular notion. His angel had asked him to watch over her, yet the greatest danger had been from the very one whom she had trusted to protect her. He felt the self-loathing for his own weakness rise up again, thick and bitter, threatening to pull him back down again into that tar pit of despair.

"Well, you know I'd never let anything happen to her, right?" Leah's voice broke through Jacob's guilt-ridden thoughts.

The prince's gaze snapped back to meet his cousin's eyes, and they locked with his own with such fierce earnestness it made his heart swell with pride. Leah might've been a right royal pain in the ass most of the time, but when it counted she had his back. She had all of their backs.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "And that's why I'm about to charge you with a very important responsibility."

Leah arched an eyebrow curiously. What did the Alpha have up his sleeve now?

"I want you to accompany Nessie back to Forks," he stated as calmly as his self-control would allow.

"What?"

"She's leaving, Leah." Jacob felt his voice almost crack at the thought, but he recovered sufficiently to continue. "After what happened last night, can you blame her?"

"Whoa, hold on," Leah barked. "What the hell do you mean, she's leaving...? How can you allow this, Jake? She can't go. She's supposed to break the goddamn curse," Leah's voice rose sharply. "Just tell her the freakin' truth! The man and the wolf are one. She gave herself to you willingly – doesn't that count for something in this tangled web the Shaman has woven?"

Jacob's eyes held his cousin's unwavering stare. "She's not going forever, Leah. She's agreed to return at least three days before the zenith of the Hunter's Moon."

"Well, it may as freakin' well be forever. There's less than two weeks left until all hell breaks loose, and you want to let her go for ten days? What do you hope to achieve in the time left after that anyway? We're screwed, Jacob. Screwed! And you know that three days is dangerously close to the deadline, right? What if there's none of us left—"

"Don't you think I fucking know that?" Jacob snapped, and Leah instinctively dropped her gaze in lupine submission. "But," he continued in a softer tone, "I... I need to see her again. She's my imprint, Lee. I can't... I can't leave this world without seeing her just one more time."

Leah watched the giant of a man sitting across the table from her, his head in his hands, a sad and hopeless figure. His mighty shoulders sagged with such despondency it made her heart ache for him. She wanted to hate Renesmee for bringing the mighty Alpha to his knees like this, but at the same time, she knew that the girl had no freakin' idea what was going on, so she couldn't really be blamed. And of course, let's not forget that Jake had played his own role in contributing to this debacle too. It was this stupid curse and all of its rules that had them hamstrung, Leah thought irritably to herself – if only there was some loophole somewhere. But try as she might, she couldn't see any way around it.

"I get it, Jake," she comforted him awkwardly. All this gooey emotional shit really wasn't her forte – Emily was so much better at it. "I'll watch over her, and I'll bring her back to you safe and sound. You sure three days before the deadline is enough time to... er, well, you know, to be sure that we'll still be 'us'?"

"I want to give her as long as she needs to find whatever it is that will give herself some peace," Jacob answered sadly. "Three days should be enough of a buffer between her return and the curse's deadline. It should also be enough time for me to then escort her home again before everything goes to shit. And once I take her home that last time, I'll come clean and tell her the truth about all this," Jacob took a deep breath and allowed a tired sigh to escape his lips. "Anyway, damned if I do, damned if I don't – so nothing to lose, right?" he concluded ruefully.

Leah looked at her cousin. It broke her to see him like this. Jake had obviously resigned himself to everything being pretty much over-red-rover, including his whole clan's chance at happily ever after. In her humble opinion, he needed a good ass-kicking and to be told to stop being such a pussy, but she knew that this wasn't the time nor the place for it.

"Yeah, I guess," she muttered a little sulkily. "So is it just gonna be just me and Ness going to Forks?"

"No," he answered. "Paul and Embry will accompany you. They will guard her father's house and its surrounds while you watch over her. Collin and Brady will travel with you as well, though their presence won't be revealed to Nessie – they'll be a 'covert unit' so to speak."

Not bad, Leah thought to herself. Jake may have been wallowing in guilt and self-loathing but at least that strategic brain of his was still running like a well-oiled machine.

With the exception of the Alpha, Paul was their fiercest fighter and he would be their best bet for keeping Nessie safe if Jake wasn't there. Embry's calm and sensitive nature would balance out Paul's fiery temperament, and the two of them made a good pair. With Collin and Brady as undercover back-up and Leah watching over her from inside, the protection around Renesmee would be pretty much airtight. The fact that, of the senior wolves, Paul and Embry were the two least likely to be affected by being away from the castle wasn't lost on Leah either. Embry was un-imprinted and so had no ties; Rachel spent most of her time at the Capital, so it wasn't as if Paul would be missing out on time with his imprint; and neither Collin nor Brady had imprints. It was so like Jake to be considerate as well as meticulous, Leah smiled to herself.

"What are you smiling at?" Jacob growled at her. "There's nothing good about any of this."

"Don't get your panties in a knot, Jake. I was just thinking that Paul and Embry were a good choice for this undertaking. Collin and Brady too. Pains in my ass for the next ten days, but a good strategic 'mission' choice nonetheless."

"Oh," Jacob's voice was small and a little embarrassed at having bitten Leah's head off for no apparent reason. "Yeah, well, obviously I agree with you," he muttered.

They both watched the fire burning at the hearth for a moment, trying to decide whether the conversation was over.

"Do you think she remembers anything?" Leah asked, curiosity suddenly nipping at her heels. Other than when she'd first awoken this morning, she hadn't seen Renesmee all day, and the Alpha's imprint had seemed all right then.

"Some, I guess," Jacob mused. "Well, to be more accurate, I don't know what she knows. She remembers our encounter – of that much I'm certain – but I don't think she's managed to put two and two together yet."

Jacob recounted what had happened during dinner with Renesmee, and Leah listened intently as he related every painful detail to her. When he finished, she couldn't help but feel as if her own heart was caught up in the same conundrum as the troubled lovers.

"Oh Jake," she uttered, feeling the knot in her chest constrict every time she thought of the anguish they must both be feeling. She could totally empathize with the pain and confusion that was wreaking havoc in their hearts and minds. "I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do."

"There is," he said, to which she glanced up at him in surprise. "What I need is a woman's perspective on all this, and I obviously can't ask Nessie."

"No shit," Leah wisecracked. "This is one helluva mess you guys are in, but," she added thoughtfully, "speaking as a female, unless this whole encounter has left Renesmee feeling... well, used, I think there's still a chance at salvaging some of it."

Jacob stopped as he took in what Leah was saying. She was absolutely right. Yes, he had allowed this longing, craving, need for his love to rise up and swallow him with its intoxicating, indescribable want– but it hadn't been one sided. Nessie had wanted him just as much as he did her. They had expressed their love for each other in that most sacred of ways – a physical joining of their bodies, echoing the indisputable union of their souls.

And then he'd gone and messed everything up by making it all awkward between them the next day. He had cheapened something beautiful by casting it through the lens of his own guilt and shame. The rock and the hard place he was caught between was, of course, the fact that he was forbidden from revealing the truth to her.

He knew that Nessie definitely suspected something had gone down last night, but all she had to go on were her own suspicions and the impossibly cryptic statements from her supposed friend. Friend. Jacob's heart squeezed painfully at the reminder of what his wolf-self was to her, and a piercing realization made his stomach drop like a rock into water - that this seemingly impossible situation was entirely his own doing. By wooing her as a man in that dream world, he'd unwittingly created his own competition for her affections.

And it had all backfired sensationally.

"You all right, Jake?" Leah's voice cut in to his tortured inner monologue.

Jacob's eyes snapped back up to meet his cousin's. "Yeah, it's all good, thanks Lee," he smiled gratefully. She'd awakened reasonings in his mind that he probably would have come to eventually of his own accord, but they were all on a deadline here, and time was fast marching away from them. Opening up to Leah had been the right thing to do after all. He wished he'd done it sooner.

"Well, I doubt I was able to do much to help," she grumbled, "other than listen to your sorry ass for the last half hour." She contemplated the grandfather clock in the far corner of Jacob's sitting room as the sounds of its melodic chiming began to signal the hour of 10 o'clock. Her gaze wandered to the white rose on the mahogany writing desk not far from the clock, suspended in mid-air above its crystal base. It still glowed ethereally in the evening firelight though Leah thought it looked strangely wan somehow – but that was impossible, right? For two decades, the rose had remained dewy fresh as the morning sun – why would it be starting to grow listless now? Maybe it was just a trick of the light, she dismissed, returning her attention to the fact it was getting close to Renesmee's bedtime. Stretching out her long limbs, Leah rose to her feet.

"So I guess I'm doing in-room guard duty tonight?"

"If you don't mind," the Alpha quipped sarcastically at her.

"No problems, Chief," she answered dryly as she made her way towards the doors. "Okay, well I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning, unless of course, you're intending to sneak into Renesmee's room to 'seize the night' again..."

"Oh, for fu—Get out, Leah!" Jacob growled as he hurled a cushion in her general direction. It may have only been a soft, feather-filled pillow, but thrown with the Alpha's strength, Leah knew it would have winded her if it found its mark. She closed the doors behind herself just in time to hear the 'thumf' of the cushion landing on the enormous oak panels, and their answering shudder against the doorframe.

"Night, Jake!" she called out playfully from behind the safety of the closed doors as she whipped off her dress and phased seamlessly to become the slender, light grey wolf. As she meandered down the long hallway, Leah's thoughts wandered to her conversation with Jake, and the opportunity that now presented itself in terms of lending him a helping hand with this crazy, royally screwed-up situation.

She was spending the better part of the next ten days with Renesmee – there was a lot that could happen in that time, and Leah was going to do her damnedest to capitalize on the blossoming friendship between the two of them to make sure the Alpha's imprint fulfilled her destiny.

.

.

.

Renesmee folded another dress and placed it gently into the open trunk that Claire had placed on the floor at the end of her bed. She would be gone for about ten days, but she wouldn't need to pack as many garments since her clothes still remained in her father's house. She knew in her heart of hearts that even though she had left without saying goodbye, and with no word of return, he would not have cast out her belongings. And besides, the dresses that Jacob had furnished for her were so splendid and fine that she would have felt out of place wearing them in her quaint little hometown. They were more suited to a princess, not a simple merchant's daughter.

Claire had finished her evening routine of a hundred brushstrokes to her mistress' gleaming locks only moments earlier, and Renesmee had insisted, despite the younger girl's protestations, that she was perfectly capable of doing her own packing. And so her companion had reluctantly bidden her goodnight, and here she was, wandering about her enormous bedroom with only the sound of the crackling fire at the hearth to keep her company.

Renesmee welcomed the alone time after what had transpired at dinner tonight, she needed some peace and quiet to regroup. She was surprised that she had been allowed to remain on her own, given Jacob's earlier insistence that she be guarded 24-7; though she supposed that she wasn't really alone – Seth was standing guard outside her bedroom door, and she'd caught a glimpse of Jared and one of the younger wolves keeping watch down in the gardens below. She assumed that Leah would be on her way soon too, to 'do the late shift' as it were. As she took another dress out of the armoire, Renesmee found herself musing how 24 hours could make such a huge difference in things. This time last night she had been eager, and maybe even a little excited, that she would be spending the night with her wolf. But this night, every time she thought of him, her guilt-ravaged conscience made her want to break down and cry.

A weary sigh slipped from her lips as she removed the dress from its hanger, readying it to be placed into her travelling trunk. As she gathered the fabric and turned it over once, twice, Renesmee's thoughts wandered to how dismayed Claire had been when she had been informed of her mistress' imminent departure. The younger girl had been so visibly upset that Renesmee felt, surprisingly, that it was as if it was more than the mere fact that she would be missed – it was almost as if her leaving the castle had caused some massive upheaval to the natural order of things. Claire had sobbed her poor little heart out, but had refused to say anything other than 'How can you leave us?'

'I'll be back in ten days time,' Renesmee had said to her, but that had been of little comfort to her companion. Claire had spent the rest of the evening with red-rimmed eyes, unable to converse through her quiet sobs. Despite that, Renesmee knew the younger girl had tried her best to suppress them. Her heart had almost broken at the sight of it, and when she had hugged Claire to try and comfort her, it had just made her weep even harder. Although she had been touched at the display of emotion, Renesmee still couldn't understand why Claire had been so distressed. After all, she would be returning in a matter of days – the way the girl was carrying on, she would have thought the world was coming to an end.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking on the door.

It's me, Ness, Leah's voice echoed softly in Renesmee's mind. Can I come in?

"Of course," she replied, walking over to pull open the enormous oak panels. "Come in, Leah. I was just finishing up my packing."

The she-wolf padded in and settled herself down on the bearskin rug next to the fire. So you're really going?

"Yes, I am," Renesmee answered. "Are you going to cry too?" she asked dryly.

Huh? the she-wolf enquired.

"Never mind," she mumbled. There had been enough theatrics for the day, and Leah was way too tough to let anyone see her cry anyway.

Oh, you mean Claire. Yeah, I saw her on my way here. Kid was kinda upset.

"The extent of her reaction surprised me," Renesmee admitted. "I didn't think my going home for a visit would affect her so much."

Leah watched the Alpha's imprint with unwavering eyes. The girl was so completely oblivious to the impact her actions had on all of them. If only she knew the crazy spanner that her leaving had thrown into this already complex and complicated web of works, pretty much sending all of their chances at happily ever after into nothingness. In just under two weeks, the last of the wolves would lose their grip on humanity and the imprints would forever lose their soulmates, and all because this girl needed a timeout. It all pissed Leah off no end, but she knew there was no point being mad at someone who had no idea what the hell was going on, nor of the crucial role she played in this whole tangled web.

Kids overreact sometimes, the she-wolf answered dismissively, not wanting to add more fuel to the fire. Anyway, you'd better get to bed – we've a long day of travelling ahead of us tomorrow.

"We...?" Renesmee looked puzzled.

Yes, I'm coming with you, Leah answered matter-of-factly. So are Paul and Embry.

"Oh, I see," she replied with understanding. Jake had said she would be accompanied by three wolves. Paul terrified her and Embry seemed nice but a little hard to read at times. Thankfully, her trio of protectors would be completed by Leah. She liked Leah. Maybe having the wolves along wouldn't be so bad after all.

Don't look so thrilled, Ness. Leah snorted, turning her head away indignantly.

The look on Renesmee's face was priceless. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry Leah. That's not what I meant. I didn't mean... I mean, I..." she practically fell over herself trying to undo whatever offense she may have unintentionally caused to her friend.

Ness, it's fine! a low lupine chuckle rumbled in the she-wolf's chest. I'm just pulling your leg. Now stop stressing and go to sleep. The packing looks almost finished anyway, and Claire can fix any leftover bits and pieces tomorrow morning.

Renesmee looked over at the almost full trunk. Leah was right. It was getting late, and they had a long journey in front of them tomorrow.

"Yes, all right," she agreed, moving across to put out the candles that lit up her bedroom.

As Renesmee extinguished the flames one by one, she found herself growing wearier and wearier as the day's events finally began to take their toll. So much had happened in the last 24 hours, and as she looked over at the light grey wolf dozing by the hearth, she realised how thankful she was to have a friend in this difficult time. She wished that she could confide in Leah, but the betrayal she had committed against her wolf was so overwhelming. How could she bring herself to confess her shame to his packmate?

"Goodnight, Leah," she whispered, climbing up into the enormous four-poster bed and settling herself in amongst the downy pillows. She pulled the feather-down quilt up around herself and relaxed into its comforting warmth. It was warm and wonderful, just like Jake, and Renesmee shook her head in an attempt to dissipate the yearning she felt for his closeness. She had to stop thinking of him. "See you tomorrow morning," she murmured.

'Night Ness, came the she-wolf's answering hum.

Renesmee lay in her bed, gazing out, past the silvery curtains that lined the windows, to the peaceful night sky beyond. Though it was still quite dark, she could just make out the outline of a tiny sliver of moon beginning to creep its way into the night sky. How different it was to the previous evening, she mused, when the night had been pitch black, with no moon in the heavens to cast any light upon the lands below. That darkness had prevented her from seeing the face of her unnamed lover, but the memory of his touch upon her skin was emblazoned into her heart and soul. She touched her fingertips to the base of her neck, imagining the caress of her lover's hands on her yearning body...

You know, Leah's voice broke through the darkness, startling Renesmee out of her reverie. Jake's not a bad guy. He may come across all gruff at times, but inside that Beastly exterior beats a heart of gold.

Renesmee was taken aback for a moment. She wasn't quite sure how to react. Aside from the surprise of having been caught out in the middle of her little fantasy, this was the first time in living memory that she could recall Leah ever starting a conversation with her. And ironically, this was the first time that Renesmee just didn't feel like talking to anyone, not even Leah.

So, Leah continued, whatever it is that's made you want to run away like this, you know it would never change how he feels about you, right?

Renesmee felt the sadness rise up in the back of her throat, acrid and choking. She knew in her bones that Jake would love her no matter what, but that just made what she had done all the worse.

"I know," she finally sniffed. It was precisely that heart of gold that had made her betrayal of him so unforgivable. Her wolf had shown her nothing but kindness and compassion, and she had repaid him by wantonly throwing herself at another. "Anyway, what makes you think I'm running away from anything?" she protested.

It's written all over your face, Leah drawled. Call it female intuition if you want, but I can tell something's wrong.

"Well, I'm not," Renesmee bit back. "Not running away from anything, I mean."

If you say so, Nessie.

"I'm not!" she retorted again, knowing full well that the she-wolf had called her out. Both of them knew it, but there was no way Renesmee was going to give in. "And nothing's wrong. I'm just... I'm going home to visit my family for a little while. I miss them. And besides, Jacob agreed that I could go," she added a little petulantly.

Of course he did, Leah's tone was kind but firm. You may think no one's noticed, but I know that you know he cares for you a great deal. He would never deny you anything. She paused before continuing. Do you not care for him too?

Renesmee's heart felt like it was about to beat right out of her chest. Of course she cared for him. She more than cared for him, and that was exactly the problem. She loved him so much that the guilt of her betrayal was consuming her from within.

She looked over to where Leah was laying by the fire. The temptation to confide was so great, but the fear of being judged smothered her would-be confession.

"Of... Of course I do," she stammered, surprised by the emotion that choked her voice. "He's my friend, and he's shown me nothing but kindness. But I just... I don't want to talk about it right now."

Sure, the she-wolf comforted. But if you feel you want to talk, I'm here for you, ok?

"Okay," Renesmee murmured. "Thanks."

No problems. Now go to sleep. We're leaving at sunrise, remember.

"Yes. Goodnight Leah."

'Night, Nessie.

And then all was silent, save for the night breeze's gentle rustling of the translucent silk curtains against the window sill and the soft chirping of the crickets outside, crooning their nocturnal serenade. Renesmee's thoughts drifted to the memory of her lover's touch, the delicious heat of his lips upon her skin, and the passion he had awakened in her body and soul. It burned through her veins in a heated burst of desire, causing her to fist her hands against the bedsheets in an effort to tamp down her wayward thoughts.

But then another memory crept in, soft as a gentle whispering touch... a russet wolf, laying on her bedside, his body curled protectively around her, and how she had fallen asleep, nuzzled against the woodsy warmth of his embrace. The contentment he brought her, just by the sheer closeness of him, warmed every corner of her heart, and she took a deep breath, as if by doing so, she might somehow draw in the essence of him from that memory.

But it was to no avail.

The damage had been done, and it was all her fault. She had caused this chasm between them – she knew that her behavior towards him was different from before, and the awkwardness between them now was undeniable. Poor Jacob was bearing the brunt of her guilt and emotional turmoil, and through no fault of his own, his world was being turned upside down.

It was clear to her that they needed some time apart – she, to clear her head and try to make some sense of this bewildering turn of events, and he, because he deserved better than to be subjected to the presence of a fickle girl who couldn't stay faithful to one love.

She felt that inexplicable pull in her chest again, tugging towards the garden below her bedroom window. The emptiness in her heart pounded pitifully against its desolate shell, and for the first time since the night she had arrived at this wondrous castle—since she had met her wonderful, brave, gentle Beast—Renesmee cried herself to sleep.

And in the garden below her bedroom window, a mighty russet wolf felt his giant heart splinter a little more with each teardrop he heard falling upon his love's pillow.

.

.

.

"Nessie, don't cry. Please," a deep voice pleaded with her.

Renesmee looked up from where she was sitting on the grass, her heart heavy with the emotional maelstrom that had been beating her spirit like a cyclone tearing and rending at the coast. Recognition flashed across her eyes as she saw the unmistakable handsome chiseled features of her lover, his eyes full of dark melting concern. Tenderly, he wrapped her in his arms, and she melted willingly into his comforting embrace.

"It's you," she sobbed. "It's you, you're really here," her cries were a muffled mixture of joy and relief.

"Of course I'm here," he comforted her, holding her trembling body closer in to his own and caressing a large warm hand soothingly over her back. "I could never be without you."

Renesmee buried herself in the comforting warmth of his embrace. The cold sadness in her bones seemed to thaw away as he held her protectively in his strong arms, cradling her softness ever so tenderly against his hard, muscled chest.

Through the steady beat, beat, beat of his heart, the sound of running water tickled at Renesmee's ears and she looked around, surprised at the realization of where she was. For some reason, she assumed she would be in the castle grounds, but the clear blue waters sparkling in the afternoon sunlight like a sea of glittering sapphires was unmistakable.

"Oh," she exhaled breathlessly. "We're at the lagoon."

"Where else would we be?" her companion beamed at her, a dazzling smile lighting up his handsome face. It made Renesmee's heart melt and her legs turn to jelly.

"But last night you came to me at the castle..."

"Yes, I did, didn't I?" his smile smoldered suggestively, the telltale darkening of his eyes revealing that he very much remembered their heated encounter.

Renesmee felt the blush rush to her cheeks. But this was not the time to be shy. She had a chance to get some much needed answers, and she was not going to let this opportunity pass her by.

"Who are you?" she asked, her eyes searching his own with a million silent questions.

He gave her another one of those devastating smiles, one that turned her to putty and very nearly made her lose all semblance of rhyme or reason. "I am the one who loves you," he answered, looking deep into those windows to her soul. Damn him and his masculine charm and breathtaking good looks. She was already beginning to waver from her mission.

"No," she countered, drawing herself back into the here and now. "Your name. What is your name?"

"You know it, my love," he murmured, his eyes continuing to gaze deeply into her own as though he was willing her to search within her own heart and soul for some unspoken truth.

"No, I don't," she replied curtly. "Every time I have asked it of you, you have evaded the question. I think I deserve to know, given what we've... what we've shared." She felt her stomach tighten and the blood rush to her cheeks as the memories of their lovemaking rushed through her mind in heated, heady flashes.

"All I can say is that you already know my name, Nessie," her companion said again as he placed a large russet hand over her breastbone, making the breath hitch in her throat and the blood rush to where his skin touched hers. "My name is here, in your heart, my love. Just as yours is forever seared into mine."

"But—"

"But nothing, Ness. It's there, trust me."

There was something so familiar about the way he spoke, but Renesmee couldn't quite put her finger on it. Irrespective, she knew that she was fighting a losing battle. She would get no clearer answer from him.

"Then will you at least answer me this?" she asked him with pleading eyes. "Are you real?"

He smiled tenderly at her, and it made her heart ache with such longing. "I am very real," he murmured softly, holding her unwavering gaze and bringing a warm hand down to cup her cheek. Slowly, he lowered his face to hers and sealed his pronouncement with a burning kiss that made her pulse race and her toes curl with desire. "Can you not feel how real I am?"

"Mmm..." she hummed, savouring the deliciousness of his touch. She was dangerously close to forgetting the task at hand. There was no way he knew not of the effect he had on her.

Her companion grinned mischievously at her, and Renesmee felt her heart melt again. "I love you, Nessie," he whispered tenderly against her cheek, his sweet breath sending goosebumps of pleasure across her skin.

She drew a shaky breath and attempted to resettle her self. "Stop avoiding the question," she mumbled.

"You don't believe that I love you?" he asked, a shadow of an amused smile twitching at the corner of his lips.

"No, it's not that."

"Then what?"

They both stopped, looking at each other. For a brief moment, it seemed as though the rest of the world fell away, and they were the only two people left. The giant trees overhead seemed to pause, watching with interest the scene unfolding before them. It was as if the wind held its breath, and even the clear blue waters of the lagoon stilled their currents in anticipation.

"What... What are we doing here?" she finally breathed.

"What do you mean?" he asked, arching a curious eyebrow.

"I mean," she swallowed nervously, "why do we only interact in this dream world?"

"Do you think that last night was a dream?"

"I... I don't know," she stammered. "Was it all a dream?" Renesmee suddenly felt unsure. She had been certain that what he had awakened in her could not have been the result of some hallucination. Her body tingled at the very memory of his touch, aching with such longing for him. And of course, there was also the telltale stain of her virginal blood upon the bedsheets. It had to have been real. It just had to.

"It was as real as my love for you," he answered softly, tracing a gentle finger down her right cheek and lifting her chin so that her face tilted up towards him.

"Then why... why did you disappear with the morning sun?" She felt the hot tears begin to sting the edge of her eyes. Perhaps she had read too much into their time together. Perhaps he did not feel for her the way she did for him. Perhaps she was just a silly girl, mistaking a young man's attentions for more than what it really was. "Was I just a one-night conquest, another notch on your bedpost?" she almost sobbed.

Her companion looked horrified. "Oh my love, no, no, no! How could you even think that?" he exclaimed, drawing her closer into his arms. "I love you, Nessie. What we shared... it was sacred, a physical expression of what beats for you in every filament of my heart and soul. Surely you felt it too. Tell me you felt it, please?"

Renesmee felt her heart squeeze and emotion choke the back of her throat at the earnestness of his pronouncement. Joy welled up in her eyes and spilled over into a smile that crept across her rosebud lips.

But the smile faded before it had even begun to bloom. That place in her heart that only Jacob could fill clawed out to her in its forlorn emptiness, a painful reminder of the betrayal she had committed against her wolf. The joy that had welled up in her eyes only moments earlier was now replaced with sorrow and shame.

"Beast..." the word slipped from her lips in a tired sigh. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but his name had crept quietly from her heart, escaping on the wings of her silent yearning. Her companion's attention was immediately drawn.

"What of him?' he asked, curiosity lighting up his deep onyx eyes.

"Nothing," Renesmee murmured. "I just... I don't know why, but my thoughts suddenly flew to the Beast."

"Do you love him?" her companion pressed, desperation suddenly leaching into his voice.

"Why must you ask me that every time we meet?" she snapped, annoyed that he could profess his love for her in one breath, yet question her about her feelings for someone else in the next. She rose from where she had been sitting on the grass and walked away from him in frustration.

Her companion sprang to his feet with uncanny lupine agility, following her dutifully to where she now stood under a large tree. "He loves you, Nessie," he reminded her softly.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

The indignance rose sharply in her voice. Her companion had hit the nail on the head but that was beside the point. It was bad enough that the guilt of what she had done was eating away at her, she didn't need to be reminded yet again of the pain her wolf would endure should he ever learn of her shame.

"How can you leave, knowing how he feels about you?" her companion asked her gently. "Do you not care at all for him?"

"Of course I do," she bit back. "He's my friend, and it's because he loves me that I must leave."

"I don't understand," he looked at her with confusion. "Why should his affections drive you away?"

"No, no, it's not that. It's just—"

"You admit that you care for him" he interjected. "Could you love him?" his eyes searched hers with such desperation, she was momentarily taken aback.

She stopped, frozen by the turbulent emotions tearing and rending at her insides. Did her companion know the truth that beat within every thread of her broken and battered heart? The temptation to confess her infidelity, to admit that she loved the Beast just as much as she did the man standing before her, pulled at her heartstrings. But what kind of faithless girl would give her body to one man, yet still ache for the closeness of someone else? How could she bring herself to confess to her lover that her heart and soul yearned also for another?

"He... he's a Beast. How could I love him?" she lied, biting back the hot, salty tears welling up in her eyes as the reminder that she and her wolf were just too different to be anything more than friends stung bitterly in her heart.

Her companion's eyes flashed with... was it hurt? "Is that why you're leaving? Because you can't stand to be near him?"

"In a manner of speaking," she murmured, somewhat perplexed by the inexplicable reaction he'd had to her answer. Why should he care how she felt about the Beast?

"I see," he whispered dejectedly. "Does the Beast disgust you so?" his voice almost cracked with emotion.

"No!" she protested fervently, surprise punctuating the lone syllable. How could anyone ever think that she would consider such a thing of her beloved Beast. But that said, her earlier answer hadn't been a total lie. She needed some time away from Jacob, but not for the reason that her companion thought. "No, of course not! It's just that... I'm so confused right now. Being here at the castle, with him, it... it clouds everything."

"I don't understand, Nessie," her companion whispered apprehensively.

"You, him, the castle, the rose... this inexplicable feeling that everyone else seems to know something that I don't," she explained. "Like you – you speak to me in such cryptic tones. You profess your love for me and speak of the undeniable connection between us," she paused, allowing the truth of her words to reverberate in the still afternoon air, "yet all memory of your face disappears with the first rays of the sun. I remember the essence of you, how you made me feel, the times that we share – but why can I never remember your face when I awake? Why do you never appear to me in the light of day?"

"I wish that I could answer that, my love, but I cannot," he whispered, tearing his gaze away from hers.

"Because you can't," she challenged, "or because you won't?"

"Nessie, I—" he began, but the words died in his throat.

"I thought as much," she acknowledged bitterly. She needed to make sense of all that was happening, but everyone seemed to be conspiring to prevent her from uncovering some unspoken truth. She began to walk away from him angrily but was stopped by the warm touch of his hand upon her arm. Turning around, she saw her companion looking at her with such intensity, it made her heart squeeze almost to a stuttering halt.

"I love you," he whispered with pleading eyes. "Please don't go."

She fought to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. Her heart reached out to him, grappling at some invisible lifeline of truth she knew he wanted to throw her, but for some inexplicable reason, couldn't.

"Don't let me," she choked.

Her companion looked as though he was about to say something, but before he could speak, the trees, the grass, the lagoon suddenly seemed to fall off into the distance as she felt herself being pulled away...

.

.

Renesmee awoke, slowly opening her eyes to see the first rays of the morning sun inch over the horizon, kissing the white marble of her balcony with their glimmering warmth.

Everyone else already seemed to be awake. Claire had closed up the trunk and was now laying out travel clothes for her mistress. Leah was waiting patiently by the door, a slightly bored look on her face, and in the distance, Renesmee could hear horses being brought out from the stables, the soft clink, clink, clink of their metal horseshoes jingling as they trotted over the driveway's cobblestones.

"Good morning," Renesmee murmured, stretching the night's sleepiness out of her limbs.

"Good morning, Miss," Claire answered, avoiding eye contact with her mistress. Renesmee saw the telltale red rims of the younger girl's eyes. She hadn't been the only one who had cried herself to sleep last night.

"Hey," was the only greeting she received from Leah. Leah was definitely not a morning-wolf.

"I guess everything's packed and ready to go?" Renesmee asked, climbing out of her enormous four-poster bed and making her way towards the washbasin. To her surprise, along with the usual cup of warm tea that Claire put out for her each morning, she saw a small breakfast of strawberries, cream, pancakes and an array of delicious looking jams on a tray next to her bedside.

"The master insisted," Claire offered by way of explanation. "There would not be time for a full breakfast this morning, but he hoped that you would at least eat something before you set out on your journey."

Renesmee washed her face and made her way over to the small table by one of the windows, where Claire had now placed the tray of food. She sat herself down and picked gingerly at the strawberries. Though she had barely eaten last night, there was no hunger this morning, only a strange sense of sadness and melancholy.

As she sprinkled icing sugar on one of the strawberries and dipped it into the pot of cream, Renesmee felt her heart squeeze with contrition for the pain she knew she had caused her wolf. Jake had remembered her favorite selection of breakfast food and had had them delivered to her even though every morning he would tell her how he wished that she would eat something more substantial than 'that sweet, sugary stuff'. Her lips curved up in a wistful smile at the memory of her wolf and his sweet concern for her wellbeing.

Come on, Ness, Leah's voice broke into her reverie. Eat your breakfast and get dressed. We've got a long ride ahead of us. I'd rather not be wandering the roads after sundown.

"Of course," Renesmee answered. "Sorry Leah, my thoughts got away from me."

Well, you'll have all day to mull over whatever it is that's got your attention. Not much interesting scenery on our route, I'm afraid, she informed her. And Paul and Embry aren't much intelligent conversation either, so you'll be glad for some way to entertain yourself, she chuckled.

Renesmee smirked at her friend, amusement at the commentary about her would-be escorts peppering her smile. Finishing her mouthful of fruit, she rose from the table and made her way over to her bathroom. "I should be ready in about ten minutes," she called out through the half-closed door.

Okay, good, Leah answered. We'll have your things taken downstairs and loaded onto the carriage. Claire, wanna give me a hand?

Their voices trailed off as Renesmee sunk down into the warm bath that Claire had drawn for her, allowing its comforting heat to envelop her body.

Leaning back against the bathtub's ceramic edge, she closed her eyes as the memories of the sweet contentment she had felt that night, nestled into her wolf's wonderful warmth, flooded her heart and soul. She tried to push away the thoughts of her impending departure that kept pounding in her head, but it was to no avail. Overwhelming sadness engulfed her and a lone teardrop escaped from her eye, tracing a path down her cheek and disappearing into the water below.

And it was then that the floodgates opened, and her tears truly began to fall.

.

.

.

The early morning mist rose eerily up over the hills, curling around the trees and hanging still in the cold dawn air.

Twelve wolves – all but the Alpha – stood at the enormous circular driveway of the castle's entrance as they waited to farewell Renesmee on her journey. The last of her luggage was being secured to the horses by Claire and Kim, and inside the carriage with Renesmee, Emily was fussing about with a basket of delicious morsels, insisting that the Alpha's imprint stop at the appointed time and partake of the food that had been prepared for her.

The three wolves standing by the carriage flicked their ears anxiously and exhaled steaming breath into the cold morning, knowledge of their upcoming mission tautening their giant bodies with nervous energy. Given the happenings of the last few days, there was a pretty good chance that their latest encounter with the Children of the Moon would not be their last.

Am I the only one who thinks this is fucking insane? Paul grumbled beneath his breath, just softly enough to be unheard by human ears. Why the fuck is he letting her go?

Shut up, dipshit, Embry warned. We have our orders. We're to escort and protect her, and then bring her back here in ten days' time.

Yeah, but why the f—

I'm sure Jake's got his reasons, Embry answered curtly, making it clear that the conversation was over.

Yeah, dipshit, Leah chimed in, putting unnecessary emphasis on the d-word. Shut the hell up, she chortled.

A low growl rumbled in Paul's chest, but soon dissipated when Leah nudged him playfully with her muzzle, a good-natured wink crinkling the fur around her mischievous eyes.

When all had settled down, the three wolves' gaze panned over to their pack brothers who had now fanned out along the driveway, their respective human companions standing patiently by. Already the sun was well into its journey into the sky, and the travelling party would need to leave soon if they were to make Forks by nightfall. Renesmee had bidden all of the castle's occupants farewell and was almost ready to leave, but where was Jake?

As if on cue, his hulking russet form emerged from the shadows. With a quiet agility that belied his massive size, he silently slipped into place at the head of the pack. As he stood there, all eyes turned to the Alpha, his presence as powerful and commanding as ever.

Renesmee's heart jumped at the sight of her wolf. She had been walking on eggshells all morning, fearing that she would not see him again before she departed. He was like water in the desert of her despair, and she rushed from the carriage, almost upsetting the huge basket that Emily had carefully placed opposite her. She came to an abrupt stop at the foot of the carriage, surprised to find her wolf had also moved to meet her.

"I... I didn't think you were coming," she breathed.

I would not let you leave without saying goodbye, Nessie, he smiled, but his eyes remained empty and sad.

"I'm glad you came to see me off," she murmured with feigned cheerfulness, though the pain she saw in those deep onyx pools made her heart feel as though it would collapse in on itself. "It would have felt wrong to leave without bidding you farewell."

They stood there, and for a brief moment, it felt to Renesmee as though the rest of the world had fallen away, and she and her wolf were the only ones left. The giant trees overhead and the rambling red roses and tendrils of green ivy winding their way around the gardens and castle walls seemed to pause, watching with interest the scene unfolding before them. It was as if the wind held its breath and even the morning air seemed to still its misty droplets. The whole setting felt so familiar, as if the same scene had played out in another time, another place, yet with the same two actors. A strange sense of déjà vu nudged at Renesmee's heart.

"We will have to set off soon," she murmured, breaking the spell. She started to turn back towards the carriage, but was stopped by the warm touch of her wolf's muzzle upon her arm. Her eyes met his, and those onyx windows to his soul looked at her with such intensity, it made her heart squeeze almost to a stuttering halt.

I love you, he whispered with pleading eyes. Please don't go.

And there again was that strange sense of déjà vu. She was sure that those words had been uttered to her before, but she couldn't quite place when or where. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts and keep herself in the present.

"I must, Jacob," she murmured softly, raising a small pale hand to his warm muzzle and tenderly stroking the velvet fur. Her silken touch whispered over his skin like a silent promise. "But I will return soon, my dear friend."

Friend. Jacob's heart squeezed painfully at the sound of that fateful word falling from his love's lips. He had professed his love to her, and she had torn him down with that one pronouncement. Yes, he thought ruefully, all he could hope for was friendship. And in the days that remained, before the Shaman's curse played out its inevitable course, and he descended into that abyss of feral despair, the knowledge that his Nessie cared for him, even if it was only as a friend, would be the light he would cling to in that sad, lonely darkness.

Goodbye, Nessie, he murmured, cherishing the feel of her soft touch upon his skin, and all the while feeling as if a part of him was slowly dying inside. Safe travels, my love. May the sun shine brightly on your path, and trouble take no heed of you each step of your way.

"Thank you Jacob," she hugged him, nestling into his rich russet warmth. She would miss him terribly, the comfort he brought to her heart and soul. But to seek solace in the love she knew he held for her would be selfish of her and unfair to him. For both their sakes, she had to leave. "Goodbye," she whispered, "for now."

As she alighted onto the carriage, Renesmee felt such a cold emptiness grip her battered and broken heart. She would miss her wolf so, but she couldn't continue to face him each day while her shame over the terrible thing that she had done remained red and raw in her heart.

She heard the horses whinny, and then the carriage moved. It inched forward, slowly at first, and then a little more, and then as it picked up speed, the familiar clack, clack, clack of wheels against cobblestones signaled that they were on their way.

Renesmee looked out of the carriage windows at the scenery flashing past and saw that Leah trotted beside her while Embry jogged along on the carriage's other side, and Paul led from the front. As she cast her gaze around, she saw the large form of a sandy-colored wolf bound after them, sliding to a halt at the enormous iron gates as the carriage rattled past and whining sadly as they drove off.

Renesmee leaned out of the carriage windows, waving goodbye to Seth, but all that her eyes could focus on was the lone figure of her russet wolf, watching her sadly in the distance. His massive form grew smaller and smaller as the horses carried her away from him, further and further, until finally, he disappeared from her sight.

She buried her face in her hands as the sorrow leaked out from her eyes in hot, salty tears. "I'm sorry, Jacob," she sobbed piteously, the pain and anguish over the complete mess she'd made of everything; how she had allowed her irrational, insane, craving, longing need for her lover to overtake the purity of her love for her wolf, overwhelming her. "Please forgive me."

And in the distance, a haunting howl echoed through the trees – a despondent, desolate sound that broke Renesmee's heart.