Casper grumbled under his breath about the uselessness of Sir Frog and Sir Bertie. Their incompetence would be punished, oh yes, he would come up with something to take those two lollygagging Shuffleuglies down a peg or two, or his name wasn't Casper Bran Tayto!

He moved towards the Hufflepuff Common Room with determination, his eyes were narrowed and flinty and he growled at people as he walked past. He wasn't happy about having to actually do things. It was beneath him. But, he supposed, if you wanted something done well, you did it yourself. Leaving things to eleven-year-old slaves mightn't always be the best solution. But it was a pretty convenient one.

He flopped into one of the squishy comfy chairs of the Common Room, the one in the far corner where he did his best thinking. He ran a hand through his hair as he stared vaguely into space. How could he get a handful of the Boy Wonder's hair? He was easy enough to predict – Quidditch and Hagrid were his main pastimes outside of the Gryffindor Common Room. So the easiest thing to do would be to ambush him at one or other of these locations. Or perhaps in the Great Hall during a meal, in full view of every person who lived in the castle…

Casper didn't particularly like the idea of invoking the wrath of Hagrid the Terrible Half-Giant, or his even more terrible dog, Fang. Fang was scary. Fang liked to growl at Casper, it wasn't a friendly thing to do, and it made Casper want to put the dog up a tree. Mostly because seeing the dog in a tree would be hilarious, but also because the dog would probably be scared of falling down. Casper liked to inspire fear, not feel fear.

He shook himself: focus! You don't have time to daydream about exacting revenge on some dumb dog! Hagrid's was out, so that left Quidditch. Casper, as a decent and upstanding young man, could never bring himself to spoil a match, so he'd have to get the hair during Gryffindor Quidditch training… But how?

He got up and began pacing the Common Room, casually knocking other Hufflepuffs out of his way as he moved. He supposed he could sneak into the changing room, grab the hair and run away… But that was too simple. He wanted his plan to be elegant. Refined. Impressive. He tapped his chin with the tip of his wand, carefully considering how to make his plan more awesome. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks when an idea came to him. "That's perfect!"

And he ran out of the Common Room, leaving the assembled Hufflepuffs to breathe a collective sigh of relief. They were tired of being bumped into and scowled at by the slouchy, grouchy Irishman.

Casper ran, his surprisingly lanky frame eating the distance between the castle and the Quidditch pitch with ease. Once he was within yelling distance of the pitch, he raised his wand into the air, "Accio broom!"

His broom raced out of the broomshed near the pitch. He snatched it out of the air, swung it between his legs and kicked off. He smiled smugly to himself, knowing that that was one of the coolest things a guy could do. Therefore, Casper was a cool guy. He shook himself – focus! – and flew up so he could see over the stands into the pitch. They were doing some simple warm-up exercises. Everyone that is, except for Potter. Potter was gliding around far overhead, obviously looking for a snitch. Wonder Boy always acting like he's better than everyone else… YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN DRACO! The sight of Potter always irritated Casper. He was such a stupid, do-good, bespectacled, stupid, grossface.

"Alright, it's go time," Casper said to nobody in particular and streaked towards Potter, leaning low over his broom and pouring on the speed. He was fearless and fantastic, Hufflepuffs star Beater, he didn't even slow down when he was almost on top of Potter. And he was almost on top of Potter, who was just turning around to face him. Harry jerked to the left at the last second, and Casper tried to follow. However, he was going too fast to make any kind of precise manoeuvre. While he turned left, his broom kept going straight at top speed, and he was left with no option other than to fall to his death.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Casper had been sharing airspace with the Golden Calf Boy. Potter grabbed him by the scruff of the robes and jerked him onto his broom.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Potter demanded, once Casper was safely aboard. "You could've killed us!"

Casper desperately wracked his brains for an answer to throw Harry off the scent, "Snape's office is unlocked!" Classic misdirection…

"Are you serious?" Harry's eyes widened. "I've got to tell Ron!"

And, without giving Casper a chance to congratulate himself, Harry launched the pair into a nose dive, hurtling towards the ground so fast Casper's ears popped and his eyes watered. He grabbed onto Potter like his life depended on it – which, upon consideration, it did. Potter pulled up at the last minute, causing Casper to tumble from the broom arse over elbow.

"OW! Merlin's beard, Tayto! Did you have to grab my head like that?" Harry rubbed his head as he walked towards the castle.

I don't remember grabbing his head… Casper looked down at his hands, both of which were clenched into fists. He opened them carefully, and sure enough, there was a hank of Harry-hair in the palm of his right hand. He grinned. He snorted. He downright cackled.

"I am actually the greatest person ever." He told himself with a firm nod.