"How long have you guys been here?" Jeremy whispered, now crouching beside them in the dark room. Elena put aside her empty popcorn bowl and giggled silently.

"They've been going at it since..." she paused to check her nonexistent watch, "forever!" she completed her sentence as she laughed, ending it with a snort.

"Shhh!" Tyler elbowed her, still watching Klaus and Caroline with a ridiculously hurt expression on his face. "It's just... not fair."

Jeremy gave him a sympathetic nod. "I feel you man, your girl falls for someone else. That's gotta be tough. But do you really have to watch the whole thing?"

"What?" Tyler gave him a look. "Oh, not that. I mean this guy's performance... he's been just insatiable. I mean, I wonder if it's like a hybrid thing or is it a 'Klaus' thing?" He scrunched his face with earnest curiousity.

Jeremy just stared at him. "I honest wouldn't know, bro."

He then looked at the couple making love and then looked back at his sister and his friend who watched them make love without a care.

"Alright then. I'll see you later." He finally stood up, whispering as he walked towards the door.

"You're totally gonna miss the part where they figure out we've been here all along!" Elena whispered back.

"Uh, yeah, that's kinda the point." Jeremy shook his head, talking to himself more than his sister, who didn't really act like herself at this point.

"See ya man," said Tyler without looking at him. He was deeply focused.

"For the last time, Alaric. I don't like Elijah." Stefan's exasperated voice echoed through the walls of the Salvatore mansion.

He continued: "and I did not- " his voice turned a pitch higher "-touch his butt." He clenched his jaw.

"Yeah?" Alaric had his hands on his hips, his wild hair jumping with every jealous and unbelieving movement of his eyebrows.

"You touched the butt, Stefan," he finally whispered.

Stefan sighed, dropping his arms.

"I did not touch any butts. No butt touching happened, Alaric. We're all friends here. Can we just drop it now?"

Alaric looked away, nodding like he couldn't tolerate the betrayal. "They always say that, Stefan," he said, his voice an even more of a dramatic whisper now. "They say no butts were touched, that they were safe from the caresses of love... but I know he's too good to resist."

Stefan gawked at him, and then he ran his hands through his hair, trying to save what was left of his sanity.

"Damon!" He finally shouted towards his brother's room upstairs, hoping he was there to end his misery.

"What?" Damon showed up behind him in mere seconds.

Stefan turned to face him. "Please, just, take him away or make him stop."

Damon looked at Alaric with a frown. "Rick? Why? I thought he was back to normal."

"The butt, Stefan," Alaric said once again.

Damon stared at him.

"Define normal," Stefan said with a forced smile.

"Yes. Point made. C'mere buddy." Damon walked towards Alaric.

"Nope. Damon. Stay away." Rick took a few steps back and then started running to escape from the door.

"Rick-" Damon sighed as he casually walked after him.

Stefan watched them leave, looking around when Bonnie entered the room. "Where's Rick?"

"I don't take Rick related questions anymore." Stefan walked around her, leaving the room as well.

Bonnie stood still. "Ookay..."

[outside]

"Can anyone tell me why we're dragging our teacher's body through the mud?"

"Matt, you know, you're so pretty when you don't think... or talk." Damon smiled at him, he'd been telling him and Jeremy where to move Alaric's body.

"And why aren't you carrying him? You're stronger than us." Jeremy asked, stopping and dropping Rick's arms and his head with a thud.

Damon rolled his eyes. "Okay, back to our Ken doll's question first: he's dead. Because something's gotten into him again and when he's like this there's only one solution and that is neck breaking- ta da -it works wonders. Second, you're doing this because... it builds character."

Jeremy and Matt gave him an incredulous look.

"Go on... move it," Damon said with a smile.

"Yup, that's why. Totally not because I just had my nails done by my girlfriend," he muttered to himself. Elena wanted it, Elana had it. Definitely wasn't the worst thing she could have him do. Nope. Unlike those red panties she'd made him put on the other day, which were simply too tight and not as sexy as one would think.

"Ahem" Elijah coughed.

Damon jumped, his eyes widening when he saw the grim looking Mikaelson brother.

"Hi, you look grim," he said.

"Thanks, sorry to interrupt your silent weirdness but is there any way I can talk to Alaric?" Elijah asked with a friendly smile.

"Really? Now is not the best time." Damon looked around, noticing Jeremy and Matt having a small argument about carrying Rick through the door.

"Why is that?" Elijah asked a bit too calmly.

"I kinda killed him again, my bad. Want some coffee?"

Elijah stared. "You killed my love?"

Damon paused, swallowing.

"You see, when you put it that way I want to say 'no' and run for the hills." He faked a grin, taking a slow step back. "But in my defence it was totally necessary. We just don't know what's gotten into him anymore. Rick's just..." He made a "crazy" motion with his finger. "You know."

Elijah dropped his head to the side, noticing Matt who was holding Alaric's feet, who turned just in time to give him an uneasy smile. "Hi, Elijah. I would wave at you but I've got my hands full."

Elijah looked back at Damon, whose grin grew wider. "Wanna wake him up with true love's kiss? Be our guest."

[Inside, Kitchen]

"I don't get it. He was fine." Bonnie ate her sandwich as Rebekah nodded, taking a bite from hers.

"I honestly don't know... suddenly Elena seems weird too."

"Do you really think something's wrong with them?" Jeremy sat down on the kitchen table, passionately drinking some cold water.

"Someone's thirsty," Bonnie frowned.

"Yes, probably because I had to carry a grown ass man all over the premises." He made a face, drinking more.

"It's like they're under a spell of ridiculousness," Rebekah said with a short laugh.

Bonnie stared at her. "Do you think that's possible? Maybe they're reacting to a spell?"

Rebekah shook her head, laughing more. "I wasn't serious."

She then paused with a somewhat serious expression. "But I agree there's something wrong with Elena... she always seems intoxicated lately. I mean, I actually had to drag her out of the basement because she insisted she was meant to watch my brother make love to her best friend. Does that make sense?"

Bonnie and Jeremy made disgusted faces.

Jeremy put down his water bottle. "I'm gonna go check on her."

"You might not like what you find. Last I saw her she was back in there," Rebekah said as he walked out of the kitchen.

[Ten minutes later, downstairs]

"UGH! MY EYES! UNSEE DAMMIT! MUST. UNSEE!"

"LOL, Jeremy. It's cool."

"Nothing's cool," Jeremy sounded like he was about to cry. And did you just say LOL in real life?"

"OMG, lil broo. You're sooo precioush. Whooo's my lil brothwer?" Elena tried to hug him while he put up a fight to push her away.

"You're my lil bro-eugh!"

"..." Jeremy's mouth slowly opened, he was scared to look down.

"Did you... just... puke-?"

"Gee..." Elena wiped her mouth. "Thanks for making me feel guilty! How mean... and to ME! I'M YOUR SISTER, Jer!"

"I know who you are but I'm not sure you do!" Jeremy put her arm around him, lifting her up.

"I need some help!" He shouted over his shoulder. "Anyone in this madhouse?"

Tyler stumbled out of the basement. "Whaddup?"

"Whaddup? Seriously?" Jeremy said, trying to support his sister so she wouldn't fall down.

"Yeah... that too uncool for you?" Tyler grabbed Elena's arm. "Need help?"

"After what I just witnessed, I will need help, years of it, probably."

Tyler laughed. "What's the big deal? I mean, it was fun... We were just-"

"No. No. No." Jeremy closed his eyes.

Tyler opened his mouth.

"NO," Jeremy said once more, looking into his eyes. "I will unbro you so fast you won't even know it."

"Unbro me?" Tyler said, with a scandalized look, pointing to his chest. "How dare you? I'm unbrobable. I mean... un-unbrobable?"

"Just stop talking," Jeremy said without looking at him and shaking his head.

[even later, living room]

"Did you see their faces?" Bonnie kept laughing, holding her stomach, tears flowing from her eyes.

Stefan was kicking the air now, laughing so hard he was glad he didn't have to breathe.

"I- I saw Jeremy's face and I- that's when I lost it!"

"Poor sod."

"Klaus, you're the worst!" Bonnie poked him in the rib and he snorted.

Bonnie and Stefan started laughing harder, Bonnie hiding her face in a cushion while Stefan almost howled. "Oh, so they thought... they really thought you were having an orgy?"

"Yes! And Elena just jumped in the middle," Caroline said with a slightly weirded-out look, which made Stefan crack up once again.

"You're kidding me, right?" he said with tears in his eyes.

"Don't even bring that up," Bonnie said with clear worry on her face. "There's something wrong with her... with Rick too, for that matter."

"Is she okay now?" Caroline asked.

"She's resting," Bonnie said.

"But Tyler definitely deserved it, for peeking," said Klaus, ignoring them and pointing a finger at Caroline.

"That perv," Caroline nodded. "The worst part is, he was totally up for it. He was like 'so what should I do?'"

Klaus chuckled. "I guess he took our 'kissing games' too seriously."

"I still can't believe he watched us all that time!" Caroline said burying her face in her hands.

Klaus laughed, reaching for her hand, "Come here, love. Let me make you forget."

Caroline smiled at him through her fingers. "I'll get paranoid now, whenever we're..."

Stefan cleared his throat, "Yeah, you two might want to make sure you're alone before you get it on, like you know, civilized people." He raised his eyebrows to make his point with a polite smile.

"Thanks for the input," Klaus pursed his lips. "Of course, we won't object if you want to join us uncivilized lovers." He batted his eyelashes.

Stefan rolled his eyes. Klaus turned to Bonnie. "You too, Bonbon."

"Bonbon?" Caroline mouthed, "please stop."

"Poor Jeremy though... I feel for the boy." Klaus said, changing the subject and looking into the distance once more.

Caroline shook her head as she laughed, "He walked in right when Tyler was asking if he could get a kiss from you! And was he trying to grab your-"

"Booty?" Klaus nodded. "It was too much for Jeremy's innocent eyes, I think. But I am bootylicious and I see why Tyler couldn't help it."

They started laughing louder and Stefan threw a cushion at him with a grin.

[Upstairs, bedroom]

"Uh... Elijah..." Alaric turned around in bed, muttering to himself.

"Yes... my love?" a voice answered gently.

"...Where are you?" Alaric asked with closed eyes.

"I'm here..."

He slowly opened his eyes.

Elijah was beaming at him.

Rick grinned like a silly little kid. "Awww, you came."

To be continued...

I'm writing this for laughs so I hope you enjoy it!

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