Summary: Renji made a huge mistake, and now Ichigo is gone, he's living his life. What happens when he dies in an accident? What happens when he becomes a permanent soul reaper? What happens to their love they lost? RenjixIchigo. M for a reason.

Meg: Well I'm back with a new story, these brats don't have any ideas for my Naruto stories so I decided to write some Bleach fics and this is what happened. I actually think this one will turn out good for a random fic.
Kyu: It ain't our fault we can't find a slip of imagination in your brain!
Shi: Whatever.
Meg: What's his issue? O.o
Kyu: University is kicking his ass...
Meg: Oh... O.o
Shi: Shut up I'm trying to study! By the way Meg doesn't own Bleach as much as she'd like. She doesn't own Naruto either for that matter. In fact she doesn't own any anime and never, ever, ever will!
Meg and Kyu: *shivering in a corner* So cold and heartless...

Renji sat blind to the world going on around him seireitei. He couldn't stop thinking about the past, but it hadn't been this bad in a long time. When the warning bells went off he leapt to his feet, the senior officer meeting bell ringing in his ears as he raced to the officer meeting hall.

To put it simply, Renji was terribly, irrevocably angry at himself. 'Why did I say that? Why did I say all those things? What could I have done differently? Why?' He thought to himself. Shoving those thoughts aside he had to concentrate on his duties as a captain of the Gotei 13. They still had to fill the position of taicho of the 3rd division.

After the war with Aizen, life had been hard with 3 captains missing, thankfully most thought, that Renji and Shuhei were ready to step up and take the captain's positions. Shuhei was now captain of the 9th division in his former captain Tosen's place. Renji took over the 5th division in the stead of the traitor Aizen. Needless to say keeping the divisions morale after such a blow was difficult. Renji caught the familiar name spoke and jerked his head up.

"What?" He said incredulously. "Say that again?"

"Abarai-taicho! That is no way to speak to Yamamato-sou-taichou!" Soi Fon growled. Renji could care less.

Unperturbed, the head captain repeated himself. "Urahara Kisuke and Shihoin Yorouichi have informed me that Kurosaki Ichigo has passed away in a horrible accident."

"How…" Renji choked. 'No… How… He can't die! Not now! I'll never see him again.'

"Calm down Renji." Rukia whispered softly. "Your reiatsu is pulsing, control it. Listen."

"Hai, Kuchiki-fukutaicho." Renji whispered back formally.

"It seems that Kurosaki Ichigo was noble to the core." The head captain continued. "Shortly after returning to his body at the Urahara Shoten, there was a fire in a nearby apartment complex. The firefighters could not reach a little girl in the uppermost apartment and Kurosaki-san took the initiative to save her. He saved her by shielding her with his own body. He suffered third degree burns on the way up and couldn't do more than fling the both of them out the window of the 8th story. Due to the burns and the fact he was in his human body, the impact shattered his spine and cracked his skull. The little girl was unharmed because Kurosaki shielded her using reiatsu. Urahara Kisuke and Shihoin Yorouichi stand to testify to this."

It was at that moment Renji noticed the two standing to the side. Urahara was wearing all black, as was Yorouichi. She was uncharacteristically showing emotion by sobbing into Urahara's shoulder.

"That is exactly what I saw, Yamamato-sou-taicho." He whispered. "He lived his human life as a hero, down to the very unexpected end." Ukitake, never one to miss a detail, stood forward.

"You said his human life? What do you mean Kisuke?" Ukitake said slowly as he stepped forward.

"Yes, what do you mean?" Unohana stood forward.

"Well, I simply mean that now, like any other human who has died, he will be somewhere in the Rukon-gai district. Since he died near my shop I would think he ended up in the West district. All we have to do is simply find him. He'll most likely have retained all of his memories and he'll still be a shinigami, just now he'll be a real one, rather than a substitute." Urahara said calmly.

"Then why is Yorouichi-sama crying so much?" Soi Fon asked. Yorouichi looked up.

"I'm still being affected by the tears of his family members and friends. His human funeral was mere hours ago. It was too much to bear, not being able to tell some of them that he was still alive."

"I see…" She replied.

"Urahara, why did you not inform me of this sooner?" Yamamato looked rather angry.

"It merely dawned on me just before the funeral." Urahara replied calmly. "Well, is anyone going to look for hi—"

He was cut off as a group of captains and lieutenants took off for the West Rukon-gai District.

XXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Ichigo lay in the grass, groaning. He'd lacked the strength to move for 2 days now. He knew he was dead of course, but he hadn't eaten and his reiatsu was weakened. However, he wasn't sure he wanted to move. If he got up, he would most likely have to go to Seireitei, because he still had his shinigami abilities, seeing as Zangetsu was laying right beside him.

'But,' Ichigo thought. 'I don't want to go because HE'S there. I haven't seen him… In 9 years.' Ichigo rolled onto his side groaning. 'I'm 29 years old and I can't get over a little heart break… Besides it's not like anyone cares about me anyway.'

: Maybe it isn't heartbreak you're trying to escape. And people do care for you.: Zangetsu spoke in his head.

"What would it be then, and who?" Ichigo spoke out loud defensively.

: You forget I live in your head, gaki.: Zangetsu replied calmly. : You're trying to escape the fact that you still love him. And for one, your family, Rukia and me.:

"I do not love him!" Ichigo growled and sat up. Slumping he gave up, resting his head on his arms which were around his knees. "Oh who am I kidding…"

: Only yourself.: Zangetsu quipped before settling back into quietness. Ichigo groaned.

"Ichigo!" A loud, feminine, familiar voice yelled.

Snapping his head up in surprise he looked at the people running up, he hadn't been paying any attention to incoming reiatsu's. "Rukia!"

As she dove down to hug him, Ichigo glanced at everyone there. Ikkaku and Yumichika stood doubled over, panting. Zaraki Kenpachi stood grinning like the crazy demon he is, Shuhei grinned at him, sweat dripping down the 3 scars on his face. He caught the glances of Unohana-taicho, Hanataro was panting beside her. Matsumoto Rangiku grinned at him and winked, her hand intertwined with Shuhei's.

"What are you doing here?" He asked surprised, looking at Rukia and the others.

"Why wouldn't we be here?" Ichigo stiffened at the cold voice. "You went and got yourself killed. Why wouldn't we be here to beat you?"

"Renji!" Rukia snapped. "Why the hell would you say that?"

"Don't." Ichigo whispered with downcast eyes. "Let's just go back to seireitei."

As they walked Ichigo let himself fall behind to be separate from the happy, laughing group. He wanted some time to his thoughts. 'Was he just there to be cruel to me? Like that day?' He thought to himself. 'Would the man I loved really do that?' Ichigo shook his head and blinked back tears that he knew were threatening to fall.

"Hurry up, Kurosaki." That same cold voice spoke, right next to him. Ichigo nearly jumped out of his skin. "You're falling behind."

"Just leave me alone Renji. I know my way around Soul Society after spending almost 5 years fighting here." Ichigo said softly.

Snorting Renji looked at Ichigo. "You spent most of that time in the infirmary."

Seething Ichigo stopped, forcing Renji to turn and look at him. Ichigo saw an imperceptible emotion flicker in Renji's eyes but it was gone and the walls were down like that. "I did more than you did you cocky bastard. Why do you insist on causing me even more pain! I trusted you once! At one time I cared for your stupid dumb ass!"

"I never cared for you." Renji whispered and walked away.

Well let me know what you think! I'm always up for hearing some good news! Feed meh your loves!