I was inspired from NicePeter's song, "She's mean", which, I believe, aptly describes Numbuh 86. If you haven't watched the video, go to YouTube and look for the song. Now, on with the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own KND or the song; this story is just for entertainment. Enjoy!
"This is it Wally, are you ready?" Patton Drilovsky inquired. He and Wally Beatles were in the backstage of the Comedy Central Club, one of the popular places in town.
"Well, considering that we're about to tease your girlfriend in public, not really."
"Look, just relax, okay? And don't worry; I'm pretty sure everything's going to be fine."
Wally sighed. "I'll be holding to that sentence, because 18 years old is sure a young age to die."
"Whatever."
On the stage, the emcee's voice reverberated around the rather cramped club. "I hope you are ready for the next performance, because it will send you out of this world. Oh wait, you already are!"
Majority of the audience laughed.
"But seriously, folks, this is different. Let's give a round of applause for Patton Drilovsky and Wally Beatles!"
Patton and Wally entered the stage as the crowd clapped their hands.
"Good evening, Comedy Central!" Patton spoke to the microphone. "As you can see, I'll be singing a song with my guitar, while my friend here shall beatbox along. This song is dedicated to my girlfriend, who, hopefully, isn't here, or else she'll be giving me a good beating for what I'm about to do."
The last sentence brought some laughter. Patton took the time to scan around the room, and saw a rather puzzled-looking red-headed girl among the crowd. Perfect.
Wally started beatboxing into his microphone. Patton waited several seconds before strumming his guitar. When the tempo was established, the song started.
Patton:
Well my girlfriend's mean
She always treats me wrong
I feel like a limp little kite in the wind
The way she pulls me along
She takes my money (Wally: Money!)
She eats all my food
She drank all the milk that I left for my cereal
And she had breakfast with another dude
Well I don't know
Why I love her so
I wanna give her a kiss
But she's slamming the door
I can't explain what she do to me
She gives me the itch
But it starts with a b
Wally:
I gotta say that this lady's crazy
She's always treating me like I'm acting shady
And lately it's even getting threatenin'
She wants to keep it in my room
An inside suspension
Or else she's gonna kick me out
I'm like,
"Baby, I'm the one who owns this house"
Patton & Wally:
She's mean
Yeah, my girl's mean
Wally:
She's a terror thing I've seen in a terrible dream
She's crazy like a female Charlie Sheen
Patton & Wally:
She's mean
Yeah, my girl's mean
Wally:
She's like a tiny little hulk that never turned green
She must feed off the souls of human beings
Patton:
Well my girlfriend's mean
She always treats me wrong
I feel like a limp little kite in the wind
The way she pulls me along
She takes my money (Wally:Money!)
She eats all my food
She drank all the milk that I left for my cereal
And she had breakfast with another dude
Well I don't know
Why I love her so
I wanna give her a kiss
But she's slamming the door
I can't explain what she do to me
She gives me the itch
But it starts with a b
As the song was sung, Patton kept his gaze fixed at the girl. It was obvious from the fiery red cheeks and the murderous look from her eyes that she was livid with rage. He smirked, and moved on to the next chorus:
Patton:
I know that this love seem freaky
But listen to her voice and you'll know why
Her accent makes the angels cry in joy
And that curly red hair is always lovely
Her pulchritude far outshine her temper
And baby, that's all I need to survive with her
Patton & Wally:
She's mean
Yeah, my girl's mean
Wally:
She may terrorise me like a vixen
But it's better than being alone
Patton & Wally:
She's mean
Yeah, my girl's mean
Wally:
She may be a tiny little hulk that never turned green
But she gives me strength with her fantastic prowess
Patton:
Well my girlfriend's mean
She always treats me wrong
I feel like a limp little kite in the wind
The way she pulls me along
The audience all broke into a rapturous applause. Both Patton and Wally waved and bowed down several times.
"Thank you," Patton said. He glanced again towards the girl. However, she had vanished. Nice, Kuki! Moving on to Phase 2.
"That was totally awesome!" Wally commented to Patton after exiting the stage.
"See, I told you everything was fine."
"Well, I gotta tell you man, you sure are audacious. I wonder how…"
"PATTON, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" An accented voice boomed. Wally cringed, while Patton calmly turned towards the voice. There stood the girl Patton had been seeing, her arms akimbo.
"Fanny."
"Wow, Patton, I just remembered I needed to meet Kuki. I don't wanna keep her waiting, so bye!" Wally turned around, and ran. Patton, meanwhile, kept his composure.
"What a surprise; I didn't know you have a sense of…"
"Don't change the subject, you stooopid boy!" she ordered, getting closer to him. "How dare you humiliate me in front of many people!"
"But your name wasn't…"
"Shut up, you ungrateful bastard! You've made me look like a devil incarnate! I am so going to kill you, Patton! I'll make you feel the…" Immediately he fished out a tiny blue box from his right pocket and opened it.
Fanny gasped. Inside it was a golden ring, with a sparkling ruby. "Patton…"
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
"So, that's what this is all about?"
"Hey, I don't like clichés, so I thought this would be a nice change."
Fanny folded her arms on her chest. "You really think with your display of audacity, I would just accept this?"
The grin on Patton's face grew wider. "Maybe."
"You stupid boy…" Fanny hugged Patton and planted her lips on him. Patton reciprocated her, deepening the affectionate kiss. It lasted for several minutes, until the need for air overrode their brains.
"So, I'll take that as a yes?"
"Well, it's been 6 years; we've gone through thick and thin, resisted the urge to cheat, and had numerous fights which actually strengthen our bond. I don't see why we couldn't last until apocalypse."
Patton grinned again.
"Besides, this would mean that I'll be the co-owner of your house, right?"
"Sure." Fanny smirked. At first, Patton was confused, but then he realised the full meaning of her statement, and his grin disappeared. Damn those loopholes!