Wishful Thinking

Disclaimer: I do not own characters or song lyrics.

Baby, baby, when we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one, with a ribbon on it

-Rihanna

(Rehab)

She knew he was bad for her. He was toxic in every sense of the word. He beat her down every chance he got. Every time she had something to be happy about, he squashed it, he did not care for her. She knew all of this. Well, she knew that when she wasn't around him; when she could actually think coherently.

It was hell when she thought about it home alone. But it was different when she was with him. He was sweet to her, told her she was pretty; that she was beautiful.

She loved the adoration too much. She did not have the strength to break it off herself.

She knew he wasn't good to her though. The names and compliments and praise were just words, falling through the moment he left her apartment.

He didn't love her, she knew that. She loved him regardless.

She couldn't stop. He was her addiction, he was her disease.

And all of a sudden, when you left
I didn't know how to follow, it's like a shot
That spun me around and now my heart left
I feel so empty and hollow

Every time he came around she fell back into his false words, and into his warm embrace he shared with so many other girls.

She knew she wasn't the only one, as she desperately wanted to be. But he was so attractive, with his dark hair and heart stopping green eyes. He made her world stop.

Whereas, to him, she was just a good lay. She was nothing to him. Just a dull penny he found on the street corner.

She told herself she wanted it to stop, but deep down she knew that she wouldn't give him up for anything— he made her feel so good.

Her mind went hazy when she was with him, and she loved him then, loved the things he did to her.

As much as she knew she deserved better, she stayed, him being the only one she wanted and her being only a tiny dot on his radar.

Cammie had never been the prettiest girl. So she figured that by being with someone as gorgeous as Zach she was doing herself a favor because no one else would ever want her. Her hair was the color of dish water, and her eyes had lost their shine years ago when she figured out the world was hell and that people were cruel.

And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

"Angel," he said to her, the nickname a misleading hope for her. "Come here, babe."

She smiled automatically, setting her things down and climbing onto the bed with him.

"Anyone ever tell you how pretty you are?" he asked, his green eyes looking to trust worthy, even though they were filled with deception.

"Only you," she replied, lying across the length of his body. She kissed him softly, knowing that that was how he liked to start things with her.

"I'm serious," he said. "Don't let anyone ever tell you, you aren't pretty." The words almost sounded sincere. And she believed them, even though the pit in the bottom of her stomach kept reminding her that something wasn't right. Zach could say whatever he wanted but in the end she knew they were only words.

"You're so good to me," she smiled, and kissed him again, a knee on either side of him. He smiled under her lips, wondering if she knew he wasn't good to her at all.

"I know," he muttered, kissing her again.

Then she abruptly pulled back, and rolled over, lying on the other side of the bed next to him.

And now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

"Angel?" he wondered, looking over at her. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and threw an arm over her eyes.

"Babe," he said. "Are you okay?"

"Can you get me a cigarette?" she asked, craving the urge to smoke. The thought of being him was suddenly repulsing to her. He was sadistic and cruel. She shouldn't love him, she shouldn't give him exactly what he wanted.

"You smoke?" he asked, surprised.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course I do."

He propped himself up on an elbow, "you didn't smoke when I met you."

She rolled her eyes again. "I didn't do a lot of things when you met me."

He frowned, "I liked it like that."

"Just get me a damn cigarette Zach," she muttered, annoyed.

"Give me a damn blow job," he retorted his voice completely taking another tone. She looked at him, taken aback by his voice. He had never said anything so direct and harsh to her.

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

She didn't know what to say. The monster that lay beneath his flawless skin had emerged. The monster she had always known was there but had been able to ignore, up until now.

"What did I say?" he snapped, and began to unbuckle his pants.

She ignored him and got up, still confused. She had never wanted to not be with him while she was with him. Every time before when she was with him she wanted to linger a little bit longer with him. But the bile that crept up her throat made her want to be sick. She wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

"I'm going home," she said, wondering if he'd snap out of it and ask her to stay.

"Fine, I'll get some other whore to do it."

That nearly broke her heart and she felt her eyes cloud with tears. His eyes were cold and hard, and she'd never seen them like that before.

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

"I know you will," she replied, wanting to lash out at him and scream at him for being a horrible person.

His eyes widened a fraction, as he hadn't expected that answer.

"Just leave."

She looked at him, her eyes glowing, with anger or sadness he wasn't sure. "I'm not going to come back."

He turned his head away as she slammed the door behind him.

:*:*:*:

Damn, ain't it crazy when your love slams?
You'll do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug

Her promise was broken on the third day.

But three days was long enough for him to begin to freak out. He would never admit how much she in particular meant to him. He wouldn't let her believe it, because he chose not believe it himself. She knocked on his door, pretending as if nothing were wrong.

He opened it, a lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, looking as if nothing were wrong. "I thought you weren't coming back," he said, his voice, deep raspy. He blew a cloud of smoke in her direction.

She shrugged, her appearance cool. Instead of telling him that she missed him like crazy and craved his attention like no other she said, "it's sex."

He smirked at her, not letting her have any clue to what he was feeling. He opened the door wider as she batter the smoke away from her face. He dropped the cigarette. "It's great sex."

And just like that, she was back where she started. Being hurt and cherished by Zach at the same time.

It went back to normal. She warmed his bed whenever he wanted and he treated her like a common whore, though sometimes tension between them simmered to the top of the pot. They spited each other without realizing it, leading to heated arguments, tossing around cruel words like they tennis balls. Whoever was taking the brunt of the abuse left. Sometimes for days at a time. But something always brought them back together. They were magnetic, she couldn't stay away if she had wanted to.

It made them crazy, but they couldn't help it.

The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way that I was using you
But now that I know, it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta win myself over you

She used him to make her happy. And whether he'd ever say it or not he used her for the same reason. But in her mind she believed he used her for sex, among other things.

Eventually their fights became more intense and more heated. To a point where Cammie couldn't convince herself he was worth it anymore. He was the most horrible man she'd even met.

"I'm done," she snapped at him, letting the plate of dinner she was making shattered to the floor, leaving a mess. The shattered pieces of the cheap glass mirrored her life. Broken and cheap. The irony of it almost made her want to laugh. "I can't do this anymore."

Zach looked up, only surprised by the noise of the plate shattering on the ground. His eyes lingered on it just as her had. His eyes drifted to hers. "That's what you always say."

He set his keys on the table. "Why were you cooking?"

"Because I was trying to do something nice for you!" she shouted. "After a long day of work I thought you might want it."

He stared at the scattered meat and vegetables that lay on the kitchen tile. "Then why did you throw it on the ground?"

Her face contorted into a mask of anger. Her eyes were livid, but he didn't move, didn't flinch. "Because you have fucking hickeys all over your neck. I don't think that's allowed at work," she snarled.

He rolled his eyes, completely unfazed. They always did this. She'd yell at him for sleeping around and he apologized. It was cycle. He didn't have the energy to work up a temper at her. He knew what was going to happen, regardless of what he said. She would storm out and he would be left to clean up the mess she'd made. He didn't even know why he kept her around, all she ever did was yell and scream at him. And break his plates.

"Sorry." The apology was so insincere it made her want to hurt a plate at his head. She let out a low growl.

And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

"Sorry isn't good enough anymore," she snapped. "I'm leaving."

"Okay, what time will you be back?" he asked, an evil glint in his eyes. He was fully aware he was adding fuel to the fire. But he might as well piss her off more; he had nothing to lose after all.

She shook her head and went into the other room to gather her things.

"Why do you even care anymore?" he asked, following her. "You know I hook up with other girls."

She bit her tongue, and began shoving her things into her overnight bag. "I know. And I've always tried to ignore it, and tell myself that I was okay with it."

He snorted. "So you aren't?" She whipped around and slapped him across the face. Her eyes were furious. She had never done that before. Neither one of them had even been physically violent. He wasn't that kind of scum.

But after she'd smacked him his expression changed. He looked surprise, but then his eyes darkened with lust and anger.

"You bitch."

He grabbed her wrist, holding it tight. "You're going to regret that."

He began to kiss her hard and rough, so much that it hurt.

'Cause now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

She yanked out of his grasped and snatched her bag. "Go to hell."

His grin was sadistic and she wanted to slap him again, or slash her nails all over his handsome face. "We both know you're going to come back."

"No," she said, still furious. "I'm not. I'm not doing this anymore. It's destroying me, you're destroying me. I don't know why I let you treat me like shit."

"It's not like anyone else would treat you better."

She growled at him, because that was the one thing she was most afraid of. She lost her voice, but only for a moment before she said. "I loved you Zach," she said, watching his eyes snapped wide open at the declaration. "But I'm not afraid of being alone. Being alone has to be better than this. I can't believe that this is as good as it gets. I won't let you walk all over me; I'm not going to do this anymore. I know you think I'm coming back, but I am not."

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

"Whatever." The one word made her anger hotter, heavier. She tried to reign it, trying to calm herself. She just wanted out.

"I hate you," she snarled. "You do not deserve me."

"No, you don't deserve me."

She shook her head. "Someday you're going to grow up and realize how much I meant to you," she said, her words blowing through a shot in the dark, because she did not know how he actually felt. "You're going to regret treating me like this, treating every other girl like this. You can't play games forever." She just wanted to hurt him. As much as he had hurt her.

"Are you done now?" he asked lazily, obviously trying to appear nonchalant. But below the surface, panic was starting to set it. He didn't want her to go. He didn't like the haunting feeling that was starting to envelope him.

"Yes," she snapped, her livid eyes burning holes in his own.

Just as she was leaving she said in a firm voice, "I am not coming back."

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease

He didn't believe her.

:*:*:*:

Disclaimer: Lyrics belong to Rihanna, character belong to Ally Carter

AN: This is going to be a 2-shot song fic. I know a lot of people don't like song fics but I personally love them. So much inspiration!
I Hope you enjoyed and I will be updating Fishtale probably not anytime soon. Still working on it :) I promise.
But Leave me some love and . . .

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