I will not release vampire bats in the middle of a world conference.

Prussia will release an army of small yellow birds to fight them, thus ruining my plans.

I will not hide in America's cupboards, pantries, showers, or closets just so that I may frighten him. He will react by punching me in the face.

I will not wear fake fangs to the meeting just so as to make people do a double take whenever I smile at them.

I will not sneak into America's bedroom into the middle of the night and lie down next to his face just to scare him when he wakes up.

Again, he will react by punching me in the face.

I will not mock England or Norway's magical creatures.

Paranormal Activity 4 will occur in my house if I do.

I am not allowed to stalk America in any way.

England will do some serious shit to me if I do.

As will Canada, who will release a polar bear upon myself. And I don't mean little Kumajiro.

I am not to accuse Prussia of being a vampire. Just because he is albino doesn't mean he is a vampire.

I will not fling garlic at other countries in the middle of a meeting.

On Halloween, I will not hand out garlic instead of sweets.

I will not mention Twilight in any way.

Especially around America and Canada.

I will not tell my vampire bats to go suck out Gilbird's blood.

Prussia will start World War 3 if I do.

Sorry, I mean World War 4. World War 3 was an epic snowball fight we all had last week.

I am not to tell horror stories to Sealand.

I will get death glares from Sweden if I do.

Then England will curse me, and send a horde of undead pirates after me.

I will not sing the Jaws theme every time I go around a corner.

The last time I did, Turkey had to resuscitate Japan.

I will not wear capes to meetings.

I will not threaten to bite people.

I will not go up to people holding out my arm and asking, "Hey, you want a bite?"

Denmark pulled out his axe the last time I did.

I will not tell Italy or Romano that pasta sauce contains blood.

They are gullible enough to believe me, and then I will be bludgeoned to death by Germany and Spain.

I will not talk like Dracula every time I see America.

I will not pretend to cringe at sunlight whenever I'm with another nation.

I will not hide under America's sofa or table while he's working, then grab his ankles.

I will not rape America while dressed like a vampire.

In fact, I shouldn't rape him at all.

I will not mock the Count from Sesame Street.

America will beat me with a baseball bat if I do.

I will not tell horror stories to Lichtenstein.

She will be traumatized.

Then Switzerland will shoot at me, and that hurts like Hell.

I will not cover myself in glitter to mock Twilight.

I will not cover the inside of America's house with posters of Robert Pattinson.

I will not make fun of the band Muse just because one of their songs was played in Twilight.

That's England's favorite band, and he will kill me.

Brutally.

I will not ask anyone if they would like to help me start up a blood bank for the sick.

They will all beat on me.

I will not try to get a date with Prussia just because he is the only other nation with red eyes.

I will not wear fake blood on my clothes just to freak out America.

WHY IS IT EVERY TIME I TRY TO PRANK AMERICA, HE PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE?