Disclaimer: I own a poster of the show. Does that count?

Enjoy :)

February the 16th, 2013

Kate,

One year has passed since you were taken away (from me). Yes, I do refuse to say you were killed until I have solid evidence to look at even though everyone else around me seems to have made their minds about this. But they're wrong. I can tell.

One year has passed since we were entering that house where we knew we would find them and it would all be over. Remember when I stopped and you didn't even realize until you turned around to tell me we were getting in? Do you want to know why I did? I can picture your beautiful eyes looking at me right now, you folding your arms and leaning to some desk, I can picture you giving me this challenging look as you ask "Why?" with a voice that won't let out a single trace of interest, but I see it Kate, I see it. You want to know.

I stopped because I knew that whatever we found behind that door would define your future. Our future. I truly believed we would find the last thing you needed to be who you wanted to be, to do what you wanted to do. I stopped because I wanted to stare at you for a little while, all determined, firmly holding that gun on your hand as you always did. But this time it was different, this time it was about your life and your mother's death. I saw all the anger in your eyes, but I knew you wouldn't let it drive you. This was too important and you didn't want to fail. I remember you glancing at me, an heavy, steady and meaningful glance. "Castle, come on!" you whispered, calling me back from my thoughts. "We're going in."

I can still hear your voice saying all this words to me. I will never forget them. They're just mere words, but they were the last words I heard you say.

You kicked that door down, God, Kate, in different circumstances I'd say that was one of the hottest things I ever saw you doing. (I can now picture you rolling your eyes and saying "You don't change, do you, Castle?") But you'd be wrong, I did change a lot this past year. - That's another matter, I can tell you about it later. We have time don't we? Ah, actually we ran out of time already, exactly one year ago. -

I followed you and there's not much I remember about what happened next. I can tell that when I got back to myself I felt cold and empty. I moved my left arm up and down on my chest as If I was unconsciously searching for something that had been there just a few minutes ago. I can't tell what it was or why it felt like this, but I can tell you I remember feeling warmth in that same spot long before I opened my eyes, right before it felt cold. I like to think that it was you. I like to think your head was in my chest just before they took you away. I like to think I held you one last time before they did. (But it kills me knowing that I let you go.)

Slowly I realized what had woken me up. An aggressive noise. A shot. I remember I turned my head to both sides to check if you were there. When I saw you weren't, I immediately catapulted myself from the floor and called your name repeatedly.

I swear, Kate, I swear I saw them dragging you. It was dark and my vision was blurred but I swear I did. Some doctors say it was the shock, others say it was due to fact that I hit my head when I fell. I say I know I saw you. It was just a glimpse, but I did.

There was blood on the floor and you were nowhere to be found.

I know Ryan and Esposito looked for you as much as they could. I know they're the only ones (besides me, of course) that still have the slightest hope that you're somewhere out there, breathing.

We're all broken, Kate. Your father, me, Lanie, Ryan, Esposito, even mom and Alexis. The difference is that some still have hope while others don't. Is that a good thing? I've been told this hope is killing me. I've been told I'm one step away of sinking in too deep, one step away of seeing you reflected in every woman on the street, one step away of going insane unless I let you go.

But I won't ever give up on you, Kate. Ever. And I'll keep searching with all I've got until I find you.

I love you, Kate.

Yours faithfully,

Rick

P.S: I thought you'd like to know that I'm still writing. But after this one book…I'm done.

A/N: This was supposed to be an one-shot, but now I've got all sorts of ideas for at least the next 4 chapters. This would be a series of letters, some from Rick and some from Kate. Please let me know what you thought. If by any chance you actually liked it, I will start writing the next chapter immediately.

Also, I'm Portuguese, so you'll have to forgive my multiple stabs in the English language :p Give me time, I like to think I'm getting better at this xD.

Thank you for reading (:

Clara