The Life of a Fanfiction Writer – Hetalia
Summary: How us fanfiction writers do our thing. Well, me at least. I don't know about you guys…
A/N Uh… hi? XD Well, I took a test in geography today. I finished it in about twenty minutes and had a flash of inspiration since the test was on Russia and the Republics. I'm always thinking about Hetalia during geography because most of it is about countries. It helps me remember facts XD So I got an idea to post this cute little thing. This is just something stupid I wrote during class. The result of the shenanigans in the following fic was written in class as well, during the 70 minutes I had to sit around doing nothing. Good luck understanding! :D (Confusing author's note is confusing)
TRANSLATIONS: (If any are wrong, please tell me and I'll fix it! I used Google Translate…)
"Pardon, ma ami" – sorry, my friend (female) [French]
"Mir leid" – I'm sorry [German]
"Oui, bonne chance." – Yeah, good luck. [French]
"Droite" – right [French]
"Was ist das" – what is it [German]
"Ja" – yes [German]
"Da" – yes [Russian]
"Privet" – hello [Russian]
"J'accepte" – I agree [French]
"Gott" – God [German]
"Camarade" – comrade [French]
"Schön" – beautiful [German]
"Podsolnechnik" – sunflower [Russian]
"Au revoir" – good bye [French]
"Do svidaniya" – good bye [Russian]
"Auf Wiedersehen" – good bye [German]
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hetalia characters or the countries they represent. But they do like to visit and slap me with plot bunnies. (Luckily Flying Mint Bunny doesn't slap me… XD)
WARNINGS: RusPrus! Shounen-ai! Yaoi! Whatever you want to call it. It's a male country loving a male nation and vice-versa. Human names used! :D Kay? This part is just my crazy excuse for taking forever to write anything. :P
P.S.: This is not technically a self-insert or an OC. This is the manifestation of my insanity. I really do write while I imagine the characters reading it over my shoulder and giving me tips… I'm fucking crazy.
The Life of a Fanfiction Writer – Hetalia
"Okay! Time to write!" Melissa stated optimistically as she plopped down in front of her crappy, booting up PC.
'What should I write…? Hmn… I'm in a Hetalia mood, so I'll write Hetalia. What should it be?' the brunette thought as she double-clicked on Microsoft Word.
A blond man seemed to appear out of nowhere a placed a warm hand on the girl's shoulder. "Melissa! You should write yaoi!"
"GAH!" the female shrieked as she fell sideways out of her desk chair.
The intruder smiled apologetically, "Pardon, ma ami. I forgot that you are easily startled. Could you ever forgive me?"
Melissa glared at him from her sprawled position on the hard wood of the bedroom floor. She sighed, "I guess, Francis. But I told you to stop doing that! I'm never going to stop falling out of my chair!"
"Alright," the gorgeous Frenchman smiled. "But I came here to tell you that you should write a yaoi!"
The girl grinned devilishly, "Oh! Sounds lovely, Blondie! What should the pairing be?"
"I SAY IT HAS TO HAVE ME AND MY AWESOME-NESS!" Gilbert teleported from nowhere-land and screeched from behind Melissa and Francis.
"Ah!" the female jumped about a foot out of her seat. "God DAMN it, Gilbo! Don't do that! Friggin' albino…"
The Prussian rolled his crimson eyes, "Mir leid, Melissa. Chill your tits."
"Humph. Fine," the teenager pouted as she dropped back into her chair.
"Mel-Mel?" the Prussian spoke after a moment of silence.
"What, Gilbert?"
"Your tits cool yet?"
"Ice cold."
:-:-:
Gilbird cheeped as her master plopped his fine ass down in the corner of the girl's bedroom. "Was ist das, Gilbird? You want beer? We can't have any shit here. This bitch is underage," Gilbert spoke to his beer sparrow whilst jerking a nonchalant thumb towards the teen discussing ideas with Francis.
"Oh, piss off, Gil. If you want beer you have to bring it. I don't have any," Melissa replied with narrowed eyes.
The albino just stuck his tongue out at her.
The brunette rolled her eyes and rose out the desk chair, strolling over to the corner where the awesome-dude had taken refuge. "What is it, Mel? If you have to take a fucking piss, use the toilet not me," the Prussian smirked.
"Aw, shut up. I'm going to try and control that wild hair of yours. Wish me luck, Francis."
"Oui, bonne chance."
:-:-:
"How do you feel about RusPrus, then? It's one of my favorites. You should like it too, droite?" The Frenchman suggested joyously as his usual blush crept across his face.
The female writer stopped trying to flatten Gilbert's hair and slowly turned to face the blonde, "OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! THAT'S MY OTP!"
"Alright! RusPrus it is. Time to write. Droite, ma ami?" Francis chuckled as the female whose room he was loafing around in scrambled off her bed and to the computer.
She giggled, "Indeed! 'Tis time to write!"
"You need a plot, ja?"
"Da. To write a story, one needs a plot," Ivan spoke from the doorway leading into the teenager's bedroom.
Melissa gazed up from the keyboard she was hovering over. She gasped brightly and thrust her hands up into the air, "Ivan! Yay!"
"Privet, Melissa. Gilbert. Francis," the Russian heartthrob greeted the group with a smile for Mel and nods for the two nations.
"Okay! No more goofing around! I need to writeeeeee!" the female brunette informed the group soon after Ivan's timely arrival.
The cluster of people huddled around the PC monitor as they began spit-balling ideas.
"I think it should be humor. That's the most awesome," Gilbert blurted out.
The brunette considered this, "I might be able to fit some stuff in, but I don't really want it to be humor-centric…"
"How about some angst, then?" Francis proposed. "Maybe something about Ivan being homosexual due to his crazy sisters…"
Melissa gasped, "Genius! Great idea, Blondie!"
"How about it starts off with Natalia visiting, then? Or rather, trying to get me to marry her…" Ivan offered.
"Good idea, camarade," Francis nodded thoughtfully.
The teenage girl in the room agreed, "Yup. I like the sound of that."
:-:-:
Ivan Braginski sighed as he watched his adorable younger sister stalk away from the house he was currently in. One would assume that the handsome man had sighed due to a love for the girl, but that could not be more incorrect. Nothing in that family is what it seems.
"How does that sound, guys?" The hopeful teen asked her nation friends.
Gilbert grinned, "I think it's pretty fucking awesome!"
"J'accepte, ma ami."
"Da, I like it as well."
"Goodie!" the female giggled contentedly and continued to type.
:-:-:
"She gone yet?" a certain albino Prussian drawled as he strolled into the living room.
"You like?" the author of the jacked up fanfiction asked her co-authors.
Gilbert sighed, "You got me all wrong, girlie. I'd say, 'That crazy, unawesome bitch gone yet?'. Get it right. Gott…"
"Fine, fine. I'll write that instead. Friggin' difficult bastard…"
:-:-:
The albino's face flushed a color red enough to match his striking irises. Blood began to pool in his manhood as the Russian pressed up against him began to grind their 'Netherlands' together.
Once that line was typed, three of the four people ended up rolling on the floor laughing their brains out.
"BEST. PUN. OF. LIFE."
:-:-:
"I feel so untouched that I want you so much that I just can't resist you~!" Gilbert and Melissa sung out of tune along to the music pounding out of the speakers on each side of the monitor.
"Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend~! No way, no way~! I think you need a new one~! Hey hey, you you, I want to be your girlfriend~!" the dynamic duo cried out as they do-si-do'ed around the room.
"It was the heat of the moment~!" The albino vocalized as the female author slid on her knees and wailed away at an invisible guitar.
After they finished singing Asia's 'Heat of the Moment', Francis decided to intervene. "Shouldn't you get back to writing, ma ami?"
"He's right…" Ivan nodded. "You need to finish sometime soon, da?"
Melissa sighed, "Fine, fine. Let's write, Gilbert. You're the only useful one by this point…"
"Okay, schön," the albino smiled and plopped down onto the desk chair.
The only female in the room grinned and sat down on the Prussian's lap and began furiously typing away once again.
:-:-:
The pair kissed each other hard. Hard, yet passionate. Passionate, yet loving. Loving, yet feral. Feral, yet… Well, the Russian lost it after that thought. He shut down the logic part of his brain and focused on the Prussian he was lip-locking.
"Does that even make sense?" Melissa inquired from Gilbert's lap.
The aforementioned Prussian shrugged, "I think it does. But it feels like… I dunno. But it's missing some awesomeness."
"That's why I asked about it, handsome," the brunette replied cheekily.
"He's right, ma ami. It makes sense, but needs more," the blond man watching SpongeBob Squarepants added without tearing his eyes away from the cartoon.
The silver-headed man inserted his two-cents, "Change some words. That's all you can do. It's really good, podsolnechnik."
:-:-:
The Russian decided at that moment to shove his tongue down the albino's willing throat. The shorter man welcomed it eagerly.
"Does this sound alright? I feel like it needs more. What do y'all think?" Melissa asked her crew of nations.
"I think you're right… hmn…" Francis agreed.
Gilbert nodded and Gilbird cheeped in concurrence.
"How about something about a fight for dominance? Sounds good, da?" Ivan suggested happily from his perch on the bed.
The female on the Prussian's lap smirked, "Very nice! I like that. What should I use instead of 'tongue'? I need a synonym."
"Pink muscle," the Frenchman suggested, whilst slipping his tongue out and wiggling it, all the while keeping an eye on the television.
The brunette giggled and resumed typing.
:-:-:
"I say we take this to the bedroom, da?"
"Woot! Finally done!" Melissa exclaimed happily.
Gilbert laughed, "Kesesesese! I think it's awesome."
"Da, the albino is right. It's very good," Ivan concurred happily as he stared at the TV.
Francis just nodded mutely, the entirety of his attention ensnared by the animated sponge wearing pants.
"To !" the female brunette squealed as she saved her yaoi-tastic masterpiece and double-clicked Google Chrome. The browser opened almost instantly, bringing up the Google site itself as a homepage. The girl clicked to make a new tab and clicked on her third most visited website. Once the blue and white page came up, she clicked on "Log In" in the upper right-hand corner and typed in her email. She then uploaded her document, started a new story, and published her masterpiece as a gift to the Fanfiction world.
Once this process was completed, the three nations in Melissa's bedroom deemed it time to depart.
The brunette stood to allow her favorite man in the room to get up. "Bye guys…" she mumbled quietly as Francis turned off the television and Ivan rose off the bed.
"Au revoir, ma ami," the Frenchman spoke sadly as he embraced the teenager tightly and placed a tender kiss upon the top of her head. "See you next fic, droite?" He winked at her then exited the room after waving to the other nations, his footsteps soon fading to nothing.
"Do svidaniya, podsolnechnik," Ivan spoke despondently, whilst hugging the girl himself. He then ambled off to the door, nodding at the Prussian, and taking his leave.
"Auf Wiedersehen, schön," Gilbert grinned at Melissa and spread open his arms. In response, the female flung herself at him. The albino chuckled and wrapped his surprisingly strong arms around the girl. "I'll see you later, alright? Don't get all fucking emotional on me. It's not awesome."
The brunette giggled, "I know. I'll see you next Hetalia fic, right?"
"Only if you want me here," the nation replied.
"You're my best co-writer; of course I want you here!"
"Gute."
With that parting word and a salute, the Prussian marched out the door and vanished as the two men before him did.
Melissa smiled to herself and gazed around her now-devoid-of-life-besides-herself room.
"I can't wait for my next fic."