The grey-flecked hair flopped forward as he leaned over her. Hermione, bent back in his arms in the traditional tango pose, blinked twice as the wizard, his long nose mere centimetres from hers, took the rose from between his yellowing teeth and murmured seductively "Let me treat you, my love, as you ought to be treated. Let me worship your body, delight your soul and overwhelm your senses. Your heart shall be yours, if only ..."

"If only", snapper Hermione, "you could be a little more realistic!"