Ask and you shall receive! I didn't want to keep you waiting too long! Enjoy...

Chapter Twenty Six – The Women Who Love Them

"The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be.

Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap."

- Mary Anne Radmacher

Ten minutes later…

Before Malia had even brought the car to a complete stop, Katie jumped out and ran toward the hospital doors. And Matt was hot on her heels.

"I'll go park the car and meet you upstairs," the pediatrician called to her friends retreating back. But Katie didn't even hear her. When Dr. Katie Giordano was focused on something, nothing could break her concentration.

And at that moment she was focused on finding Steve McGarrett.

"Nice tee shirt, Dr. G," one of the orderlies joked as Katie and Matt stepped through the automatic doors of the emergency room. "Is that a vintage Cat in the Hat…?"

Ignoring his question, the surgeon asked, "Where is Steve McGarrett?"

"Who?"

"Commander Steven J. McGarrett of Five-0," Katie repeated sharply, "He came in on the transport from the Orochimaru crime scene on Ala Moana Boulevard."

"I thought you had the night off?" the young man asked, suddenly realizing that she didn't look like herself. "What are you and the kid doing here?"

"It's…personal," she told him and it only took a quick look at the fear on her face before he was directing them up to the Shock Trauma Center on the second floor. But all they could tell them up there was that the chopper had arrived safely at the heliport and both patients were in the hands of a trauma resuscitation team.

"Which two patients?" Katie demanded of the young nurse at the desk.

"Are you here to see family, Dr. Giordano?" she asked nervously, glancing down at the computer screen in front of her to avoid Katie's angry glare.

"I don't know," she hissed, "because you won't tell me who…"

But before she could completely lose her cool, Malia rushed up to the desk and grabbed her friend before she did or said something that she would regret.

"Calm down and come here," Malia instructed as she ushered Katie into a beige waiting room with a fish tank and a table piled with tattered magazines. "Chin called me when I was running in from the parking lot. Steve and Kono were both transported here from the crime scene to be treated for gunshot wounds. He didn't know the extent of the damage because he didn't want to get in the way of the paramedics, but he and Danny will be here as soon as they get their prisoner secured. Steve would want it that way…"

"I don't like being on the other side of those doors, Mal," Katie interrupted, glancing over her shoulder at the double doors that led into the Shock Trauma unit. "And I don't like being treated with kid gloves."

"You know the protocols, Kate," Malia reminded her and before her friend could protest, she added, "Kono is Chin's cousin, so we are about a month away from being family. Let me go find out if they will give me any information."

Katie nodded in thanks and then wrapped her arms around Matt, who suddenly appeared next to her. Tightening his arms around her waist, he whispered, "It's going to be okay, mom."

She dropped a kiss on Matt's head and then followed him over to the chairs on the far wall. It was unnaturally quiet in the waiting room, except for the drone of a news channel on the small flat-screen TV. Katie stared blindly at the TV, the words meaning nothing to her. Nothing outside this place had any significance to her at this point.

The surgeon seemed unable to sit still. She paced around the waiting room like a tiger in a cage, until she finally came to stand by a window overlooking the city of Honolulu. The rain outside of the double paned window was pattering like the footfalls of giant animals, as large drops slammed against the glass panes and a cool breeze caused the fallen leaves to dance along the sidewalks. Perfectly manicured fingernails tapped along the windowsill as Katie's delicate fingers paused over the dark wood, slipping over the edge and gripping it tightly until her knuckles turned white. She turned slightly, pulling at her tee shirt and her gaze fell to the bright, moonlit night.

The pale white light cascaded over a massive courtyard below as the young surgeon leaned heavily against the smooth glass of the window and the cool air from outside chilled her skin, causing goose bumps to rise. The cold snap of air made her feel good. It made her feel alive. It was strange that she would welcome being cold as comfort, but she did.

It gave her something else to think about.

A thunderstorm was nature's own symphony of light and sound. Every ten seconds the night sky was illuminated by a spectacular streak of luminescence, followed almost immediately by a reverberating clap of deafening thunder. It was a natural phenomenon but a thousand years ago, people would have said that those calamities were the consequences of a battle between higher powers. Or that they were sent down as a punishment for the wrong-doing of man.

And tonight they wouldn't be wrong.

"Remember how I used to be so scared of thunderstorms?" Matt asked, coming to stand beside her at the window, "And you would let me sleep in your bed. You gave me that flashlight so that I could read until I settled down, but we used it to make shadow puppets instead?" Katie chuckled at the memory as he continued, "And because we made it into a game, it was less scary."

Understanding his subtle meaning, she put her arm around his shoulders and whispered, "This isn't a game, Matty. This is real."

"It wasn't really the game that made me feel better," he told her, leaning against her, "I felt better because you were there. You were always there when I was scared. So now it's my turn to be there for you."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she teased, "Which one of us is the parent here?" He didn't reply, so Katie hugged him closer and asked quietly, "Are you scared, Matty?"

"Yes," he answered simply and then added, "But Commander Steve is good at his job. And he promised me that he would be more careful. PLus, he was wearing his vest. And there are good doctors here to take care of him. So all of those things make me less scared."

"He told you that he would be more careful?" his mother asked, "When?"

"That day he came over to make us french toast," Matty answered, looking up at her, "He told me that he was so used to only worrying about himself that he got into a dangerous pattern. But now that he knew that his job scared you and that it would be hard for both us to deal with if he got hurt, he said he was going to try thinking a little more before he did certain things. Like a real grown up."

"Like a real grown up," Katie repeated, a smile coming to her lips. She hadn't asked him to do any of that, but he did it anyway. For her. For them. But no matter how many precautions he took, there was no way to prevent what had happened tonight. That was the uncertainty of working with the criminal element. And uncertainty was not an enjoyable place to for her to be. The fear and the anxiety and the scrambled emotions that she was sensing gripped her heart like an iron-clad vice…

"Grandma!"

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Katie straightened at the sound of her son's voice and found a slight reserve of strength as the calming voice of Ava James filled the waiting room. Pasting a fake smile on her face, the doctor turned to face her mother and asked, "Mom? What are you doing here?"

"I saw what happened on the news, dear," Ava replied kindly, untangling herself from Matt's welcoming hug. "I recognized Commander McGarrett's name and thought you would be here in some capacity."

"And dad, is he with you?"

She shook her head as she replied, "He has gone downtown to see if he could help in any way. You know your father…he's always in the middle of things like this." Their eyes met and Ava quietly put on a brave façade as she told her, "It gets easier, my darling. You will get used to it..."

Katie's sharp intake of breath was her only response as Ava's voice broke and trailed off, leaving a deafening silence between the two women. Looking over at Matt, the elder James woman pulled some money out of her purse and said, "Matty darling, would you run up to the cafeteria and get us some water or juice or something?"

Realizing that his grandmother wanted to talk to his mother in private, he took the money silently. But before he left, he asked quietly, "You'll come get me if someone comes out to talk to you?"

Katie nodded with a smile and watched him walk to the elevators before she turned to her mother and whispered, "This is a hell of a thing to get used to."

Ava smiled a sad smile in agreement as she continued, "Every time that your father left the house, we knew that there was a very real possibility that something could go wrong and we would never see him again. But, as you remember, we would just put it out of our minds so that we could…you know, live normal lives. And then, one by one, each of your brothers announced that they were going to follow your father into the military…"

Her mother's voice trailed off as she stared out at the thunderstorm and Katie simply waited for her to collect herself. Finally, after a few long and quiet minutes, her voice returned to normal strength as she continued, "And now, here you are…in love with a cop. And not just any cop…a man of action who enjoys being the thick of things, no matter the cost. He is completely noble and will drive you completely crazy. I see so much of myself in what you are going through tonight."

As her eyes filled with tears for the sorrow that her mother carried with her, Katie asked quietly, "How did you do it, mom? How did you keep from locking them all up in a basement somewhere and throwing away the key? How did you stand letting us leave your sight for even an instant?"

Ava looked up at the young woman she had raised and smiled through her unshed tears as she answered, "I baked. That's how."

"You baked?" Katie asked, laughing in spite of herself.

"Don't you remember all the cupcakes and pies and loaves of bread we would go through whenever your father was deployed?" Ava repeated, taking Katie's hand in hers, "And while I was thinking about baked goods, I had little time to think about other things. Things that break your heart and send shivers down your spine. So, shall I teach you how to bake?"

Katie studied her mother for a moment and then smirked as she said, "I haven't always been this officious, priggish, Mother-person, you know. Believe it or not, Matty did not inherit his behavior from Jimmy…as much as I hate to admit it, he's all mine."

"Yes darling, I remember," Ava reminded her with a smile playing on her lips as she grinned at her daughter' self-description and at the memory of a younger Katie. "Becoming a mother changed a lot more about us than just our girlish figures," Sobering a bit, she added, "From the first moment I learned that I would bear a child, I took the title of 'Mother' and wore it like a badge of honor, of pride and privilege. It became my life's work to nurture and to teach and to feed and clothe and protect and mend and discipline and defend and foster and shelter and shield and instruct and everything else that was part of a mother's duty, of a mother's love."

Ava smiled wistfully at her child and continued, "I spent a thousand sleepless nights by your bedsides, through illnesses and injuries. I shed a thousand tears on yours and your brothers behalf and wiped away a thousand more. I guess that the old tiger in me should be proud of your bravery, but the most terrifying thing I have ever done is to send my children out into the world, time and time again."

"I'm not brave, mom," Katie interrupted, not wanting her mother to allow herself to think anything different. "I'm scared to death. I have been since the moment they told me about Jimmy. And that kind of constant fear, that low-level anxiety changes you after a while and…"

"You are still a strong, brave woman," Ava scolded gently, "You have the best of your father and me in you. Which means that you will handle this relationship with Steve the same way you do everything else…with grace and intelligence and courage. Women do all kinds of things that test their limits for the men they love," her mother reminded her, putting her arm around her daughters' shoulder as she chuckled and added, "And most of the time the men in their lives don't even realize how much their decisions affect our daily sanity." The two women locked gazes as Ava whispered, "You do love him, don't you?"

"Love him?" Katie scoffed, feeling the blush creep up her cheeks, "I barely know him."

"Mmm hmmm," Ava hummed thoughtfully, smiling secretively at her daughter.

Katie nodded in defiance and sat heavily on a nearby chair, her mind buzzing. Love him? They hadn't really had any time to figure out what she was feeling. But now there might not be any more time. If she could only have five minutes with Steve . . . she would have given years of her life for the chance to tell him how much he meant to her.

How much she wanted him.

How much she loved him.

"We're all creatures of complex needs and desires," Ava told her daughter, sitting next to her and taking her hand, "The only certain thing in a romantic relationship is that you will both change, and one morning you will wake up, go the mirror, and see a stranger. You will have what you wanted, and discover you want something different. You think you know who you are, and then you'll surprise yourself. In all the choices in front of you, Katie-did, one thing is clear: love is not something to be thrown away lightly."

Katie squeezed her mother's hand and when she looked up at her, the tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Ava gently wiped them away as she whispered, "There is something about this man, beyond coincidences of timing and opportunity, that drew you to him. Before you give up on the relationship . . . give him a chance. Be honest with him about your fears and work through them together."

The doctor thought of the Commander's dazzling grin, his midnight blue eyes, the beautiful severity of his face when he was sleeping. The thought of never seeing him again, never feeling the sweetness of his mouth against hers, caused an ache she could hardly bear. How many hours had she spent with Steve in silence, all words restrained by the limits of what her heart would allow. All those chances to be honest with him, and she'd taken none of them.

Katie realized at that moment that she loved Steve, and he might never know. She understood finally that the thing she should have feared most was not loss, but never loving. The price for safety was the regret she felt at that moment. And yet she would have to live with it for the rest of her life.

"I love him, mom," she whispered, resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"I know, baby," Ava whispered back, rubbing her daughter's back. "Now you have to tell him."

That was all they said for a while. Matty came back with drinks, Danny and Chin arrived with Malia a little while later and then another half hour passed while they all watched the weather channel, and the nurses brought sandwiches that no one ate. There was a quality of unreality to the situation, the tension growing exponentially as time passed.

"I wish I was a smoker," Katie suddenly said with a brittle laugh, walking around the waiting room with jittery energy. "This is one of those times when chain-smoking seems appropriate."

"Why don't we go stretch our legs?" Malia asked, leading the way out toward the hallway. But as soon as they stood up, a door on the opposite side of the waiting room opened and Dr. Marcus Connelly came in.

"Malia and Chin?" he asked quietly, looking around the waiting room, "Are you the family of Officer Kalakaua?"

Katie's stomach dropped and she was paralyzed, the fingers of one hand digging into the door frame as she watched Malia and Chin gather around the doctor. She watched his face, and their faces, trying to divine any reaction. If either Kono or Steve had died, the doctor would say so immediately. But he was speaking quietly, and neither Chin or Malia revealed any emotion other than bleached anxiety.

Unable to stand it anymore, Katie turned and walked down the corridor. She may not have been family, but she was an employee of this hospital. And someone was going to start giving her some answers. Pushing through the doors of the Shock Trauma, she marched in the direction of the nearby nurse's station.

"Katie."

The sound was so quiet, she barely heard it through the blood-rush in her ears. The doctor turned to look down the hallway. A man was coming toward her, his lean form clad in a pair of baggy scrub pants and a loose T-shirt. His arm was bandaged with silver-gray wrap and darkness seemed to creep into the hallway they were standing in. His shoulders held the weight of many burdens and tired, sad eyes almost seemed to look past her to something calling him in the distance. But she knew the set of those shoulders, the way he moved.

Steve.

Katie's eyes blurred, and she felt her pulse escalate to a painful throbbing. She began to shake from the effects of trying to encompass too much feeling, too fast.

"Is it you?" she choked.

"Yes. Yes. God, Katie . . ."

She covered the distance between them in only a few short strides and threw her arms around him, holding on with all that she had. Pressing both of her palms to his cheeks, her eyes shut in his embrace and she held to him dearly.

"Steve," she whispered into his shoulder and allowed a few unshed tears to roll down her face as his good arm closed around her in an intimate embrace.

He had come back.

And he was safe.

"You are safe," she murmured into his shoulder. "Thank God you are safe!"

Steve could feel the tension of the previous evening leave her body as she relaxed against his muscular frame. He breathed in the scent of her, fresh and lovely even here in the midst of so much sadness. He held her tight at first but gradually softened his grip on her, grateful for the comfort that her presence brought to him.

Breaking free of his embrace, Katie took a small step back to scrutinize him. Scanning his rugged face, she reassured herself that he was truly uninjured and her eyes misted with the pain and joy of his loss and return. Steve, too, took this time to study her. She looked so different from the last time he had seen her earlier in the evening. She was wearing old denim shorts and a faded tee shirt and her hair was untamed from the many hours she had spent raking her worried fingers through it. But her vivid eyes flashed up at him with gladness and he briefly forgot everything else around him and lost his breath - he thought she was that beautiful.

Lifting his hand to her face, his fingers rested against her jaw bone, thumb brushing tenderly against a dark smudge on her chin, he asked, "Did you really think that you were going to get rid of me that easily?"

His comment brought a smile to her lovely face, and she reached up to touch the rugged handsomeness of his face. Katie was terrified that she was hallucinating, conjuring an image of what she wanted most, that if she reached out she would find nothing but empty space. But Steve was there, solid and real, reaching around her with hard, strong arms. The contact with him was electrifying. She flattened herself against him, unable to get close enough and he murmured as she sobbed against his chest.

"Katie . . . sweetheart, it's all right. Don't cry. Don't . . ."

But the relief of touching him, being close to him, had caused her to unravel. It wasn't too late. The thought spurred a rush of euphoria. Steve was alive, and whole, and she would take nothing for granted ever again.

She fumbled beneath the hem of his T-shirt and found the warm skin of his back. Her fingertips encountered the edge of another bandage. He kept his arms firmly around her as if he understood that she needed the confining pressure, the feel of him surrounding her as their bodies relayed silent messages.

Don't let go.

I'm right here.

"I th-thought you might not come back," she whispered into his skin.

Steve's mouth, usually so soft, was rough and chapped against her cheek, his jaw scratchy with bristle. His voice was hoarse as he told her honestly, "I'll always come back to you."

She hid her face against his neck, breathing him in. His familiar scent had been obliterated by the antiseptic pungency of antiseptic dressings but she didn't care. Suddenly retreating into doctor mode, she reached farther over his back so that she could investigate the extent of his bandage, asking, "Where are you hurt?"

His fingers tangled in the smooth, soft locks of her hair as he assured her, "Just a few bruises and scrapes. Nothing to worry about." Katie felt his cheek tauten with a smile as he added, "All your favorite parts are still there."

They were both quiet for a moment and Katie realized that he was trembling, too. It was now or never.

"I love you, Steve," she said, and that started a whole new rush of tears, because she was so unholy glad to be able to say it to him. "I thought it was too late . . . I thought you'd never know, because I was a coward, and I'm so—"

"I knew," Steve interrupted, sounding shaken. He drew back to look down at her with glittering bloodshot eyes.

"You did?"

He nodded and whispered, "I figured I couldn't love you as much as I do, without you feeling something for me, too."

"I was so scared," she admitted in a whisper.

"So was I," he told her as he returned her smile and touched her lips soflty with his.

Against her mouth, he added in a hoarse whisper, "But knowing that you were here waiting for me made me want to come home all the more," before drawing her back into the comfort of his strong embrace, and then no more was said. He kissed her roughly, the contact between their mouths too hard for pleasure. She put her fingers to Steve's bristled jaw and eased his face away to look at him. He was battered and scraped and sun-scorched.

But he was there. And he loved her. And for the moment, that was all that mattered.