Warnings and Disclaimer: Twilight is property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. This story contains difficult subject matter that may be upsetting to some story was also partially inspired by "Somewhere With You" by Kenny Chesney and includes poetry by e.e. cummings.

PLEASE READ: This was my entry for the TwiAngst contest. If you can't decipher from the title of the contest, this one shot is all about angst. If you can't deal with that don't read it, but please don't tell me that I didn't tell you. Because I'm telling you now. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. *Jack in the box pops up with a big sign that reads "ANGST"* There is no HEA for this story. Sorry. This contest was not about rainbows and butterflies so if that's what you're looking for move along. There. Done.

p.s. Did not win anything for the contest, but it was nice to write something that I would have never written otherwise. Thank you to the hosts and congrats to the winners and other authors who entered. It was a fucking snob-fest thanks to you!

I'd never seen blood look as red as it did against the white fabric. When I woke up this morning, I thought this was the beginning of my new life. In an instant everything was gone. And now I was somewhere in between. Half alive, half dead. Completely overwhelmed and devastatingly heartbroken. I was nothing.

"Get up!" My brother Emmett smacked my head. "You're getting married today, you crazy bastard!" He laughed and I heard him pitter patter away from the bed. I looked back just in time to see his half shaven head disappear into the bathroom.

"Wait for it," I mumbled to myself

"Holy shit, what happened to my head?"

"You decided you wanted a new look for the wedding." I laughed into my pillow and yawned. I sighed when I saw the rain pelting against my window. Isn't rain on your wedding day supposed to be lucky or something?

"Rose is going to kill me," Emmett said.

"Are you kidding me? Bella is going to kill you."

His head whipped around the corner. "You have to fix it. You have to fix it now."

"How the hell do you want me to fix it, do I look like a fucking Fairy Godmother to you?"

"You've got a razor in here somewhere, don't you?" I heard him rustling around in the cabinets and a moment later the electric razor turned on.

I cursed and buried my head back into the pillow as my bedroom door opened again.

"Mornin," Jasper said. "Where is he?"

"Battling a razor in the bathroom," I said.

"I told him not to take that last shot. But he never listens to me." Jasper shrugged and headed into the bathroom to help Emmett.

I finally stumbled out of bed and ran my fingers through my hair. I smiled at the picture of Bella and I on my nightstand.

"You know Edward, I still can't believe you bought Bella a surprise honeymoon in Paris," Jasper said.

"I know, Rose freaked out when I told her…" Emmett said.

"You told her!" I sighed in frustration. "She's going to tell Bella!"

"No, she won't," Emmett said. "I made her promise not to."

"Oh okay," I said sarcastically.

Ever since we were kids, Bella had wanted to go to Paris. She even had a mini Eiffel Tower on her desk. I couldn't find a more perfect wedding present.

I finally kicked Emmett and Jasper out of my bathroom so I could shower before we headed to the church. It was the first time I'd had some moments to myself in the last few days and I needed the calm.

The drip drop sounds of the shower were soft in the most soothing way. I lingered under the hot water, trying to process my thoughts.

I was marrying my best friend today. I knew that everyone said that, but Bella was my best friend. I've been in love with that woman since we were ten years old and now I finally got to call her my wife.

We were never that showy couple. We didn't parade around like we were the fucking Prom King and Queen of Forks' High and somehow we had more of an adult relationship than either of our parents had. When I finally asked her to marry me she responded by smacking me over the head and asking me what took so long. And then she said "yes."

I finally turned off the shower and grabbed a towel from outside just as my phone rang. I skipped and stumbled out of the bathroom, rushing to reach it before it went to voicemail. It was her.

"Mrs. Cullen?" I answered.

"Not yet," she laughed.

"I'm only a few hours early."

"More like ten years late."

"Do you think you can last until then?" I mumbled with a smirk.

"I'm always somewhere with you. Even if it's just in my head." She paused. "Are you excited to marry me?"

I didn't respond.

"Edward?" She asked.

"Sometimes I get so anxious about spending my life with you that I can't sleep at night because I don't want to miss…a single moment with you."

I heard her soft breathing on the line for a few moments before she spoke. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby." Emmett and Jasper started pounding on my door. "Listen, I've got to go, but I'll see you in a little bit okay?"

"Kay. Bye."

"Bye." I smiled and hung up before joining the boys out in the living room.

After we watched some morning Sports Center, we gathered up our things and headed to the church. My parents met me there and I was ushered into a back room to prevent any accidents. My mother was intent on me not seeing Bella until she walked down the aisle.

The guys and I casually got dressed and had a celebratory cigar with my father. Bella's father joined us, looking a little anxious. I knew he was really overprotective of his daughter so I couldn't imagine what today would be like for him. She was his only daughter. And I was taking her away.

As the ceremony approached, I started feeling a little nervous, which I thought was strange. I had no second thoughts about the wedding and had felt completely at ease up until this moment. Something was making me edgy. I told myself it was the big crowd and shook it off.

I figured that I was safe to leave my room since it was so close. Bella was probably back in her bridal suite getting pampered by her friends.

Bella's father and mine were standing at the entrance to the church speaking quietly to each other. I smiled as I approached them and they straightened up.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

They nodded quickly, but didn't say a word. Something must be wrong. What's the biggest wedding disaster that could happen? Did someone drop the cake?

"What…" I started. I smiled and shook my head. "You know what, doesn't matter." I patted my father's back. "Doesn't matter."

I stepped away from them and put my hands in my pockets as I sauntered down the aisle. Everyone was chatting amongst themselves. Some gave me a small wave as I passed. I shook hands with a few of my father's friends before I took my place at the front, trying frantically to remember everything from the rehearsal.

I tugged at my sleeves as the minutes passed, waiting for them to give me some kind of signal. We should have been starting any minute.

I peered down the aisle and saw someone I didn't expect to see. A deputy. He was talking with my father and Charlie.

Suddenly that uneasy feeling that I'd felt earlier had a lot more meaning, even though I didn't know why yet.

The next thing I knew, I was jogging down the aisle as everyone watched me go. As I reached them, four words slipped from the deputy's mouth. Four words that would change my life forever.

"They found the car," he said.

Charlie was gone in an instant, running outside of the church and squealing away in his police car before I could speak.

"Carlisle?" I asked, my voice breaking. "What's happening?"

"Why don't you go into your room and wait for me, okay?" He asked.

"What is it?" I asked again.

"Go. Wait for me, son." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please."

I reluctantly did what he said, my mind racing a mile a minute. I looked everywhere for Emmett and Jasper, just someone to keep me company while I waited. I didn't know what I was waiting for, but I knew. I knew in the pit of my stomach something was very wrong. I just wanted her here. I wanted her here with me. As long as I could hold onto her, everything else would be okay.

I paced back and forth, waiting for someone to tell me something. I was just about to go back out there when Carlisle opened the door and stepped inside.

"Edward, I need to tell you something. And it's not good. And it's going to be hard," he said.

"Okay."

"The girls…got in an accident on the way here."

"Oh my God. Do Emmett and Jasper know?" I reached for my phone to call them, wherever they were.

"They're on the way to the hospital. Rose and Alice were just brought in."

"Well I need to go too then. Is Bella on her way there?"

"No."

"No? Well where is she?" My mind automatically went to the worst possible conclusion. "Don't tell me that…don't you dare tell me that her…heart stopped beating."

"She's alive."

Alive. She's alive. She's alive.

Carlisle's stance didn't soften. His eyes weren't any less sad, his tone less serious.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked.

"Edward, she's…pinned. Under the car."

My nostrils flared. "Well aren't they getting her out?" I started frantically looking for my keys. "Can't they get her out? Why aren't they getting her out?" I checked my pockets and all the tables. "Where are my fucking keys!"

"Stop!" Carlisle said, grabbing my arm. "Edward, stop." He sighed. "You need to understand…" He looked behind me and shook his head. "If…they move the car. They're almost certain it will…kill her. Either way she just… she doesn't have much time."

My stomach clenched as I hunched over and vomited on to the floor. Carlisle was at my side, rubbing my back as I finished.

"Can you take me to her?" I whispered.

"Are you sure you can…handle this?" He asked.

"Yes. I have to be with her."

Carlisle escorted me out of the church as the minister made the announcement. I'm sure he told them there was some kind of hold up. They'd know eventually. They'd watch the news tonight, read the newspaper tomorrow. We'd be the town tragedy, the ones everyone talks about. And my heart had never felt so heavy.

I loosened up my tie and spit out the window as Carlisle started off. I covered my eyes with my hand, trying to find a few moments of privacy while I composed myself. I was delusional if I believed I could prepare myself for this. It was impossible.

I looked up when I heard the sirens and spotted the lights up ahead at the bend in the road. Carlisle slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road.

I was shaky and unsteady as I climbed out of the car and walked towards the crowd. Right. Left. Right. Left. It was all I could tell myself to make my legs move. I wanted to be with her, but I knew what being with her meant.

I saw Charlie standing at the top of the embankment, rubbing at his eyes as he looked down. His arm was around Bella's mother and I couldn't say that I'd ever seen them more affectionate towards each other. Bella was always something they had in common.

I saw the back of the car sticking up from the bottom of the small hill. It was upside down, barely recognizable.

Charlie sniffled as I approached and looked at me sadly. "She's been waiting for you."

I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath before I started down. There were a few paramedics standing around watching the other side of the car. They stepped back as I came closer.

I rounded the back of the car, trying to tell myself to hold it together.

All of the air flew out of my lungs when I saw her. She looked so little, so fragile under the weight of that car. The edge of the car was almost up to her chest as she struggled to breathe against it. One of her arms was out, stretching out at an awkward angle.

"Edward?" She asked, barely above a whisper. Her eyes searched the crowd for me and she managed a slight smile when she saw me.

They had attempted to put some type of board under her and had a neck brace around her. Even in this absolutely horrendous situation, I was taken with how beautiful she was. I couldn't see much of her dress, but it was elegant and I couldn't even imagine seeing her walk down the aisle towards me in it. It seemed my imagination was all I'd have of that image.

I'd never seen blood look as red as it did against the white fabric. When I woke up this morning, I thought this was the beginning of my new life. In an instant everything was gone. And now I was somewhere in between. Half alive, half dead. Completely overwhelmed and devastatingly heartbroken. I was nothing.

"You weren't supposed to see me before the wedding…" She mumbled.

"I think this might be an exception." I sat down in the grass beside her and held her hand. "I….I…" I didn't know what to say. What did you say? "I have everything and nothing to say," I finally managed to whisper.

"You don't have to say anything," she murmured. "Just be here."

I lost it, completely sobbing in her skin as I pressed her palm against my cheek. I cried for her. I cried for me. I cried for our life together that we'd never had.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," I cried.

A tear slipped down her cheek as she began to cry.

Her skin was cold as I held her close, as close as I could. She shivered and kissed me, wherever she could reach.

"Bella." One of the deputies came up beside us and I recognized him instantly. He was one of Charlie's best friends, almost like an uncle to Bella. He was trying to hold it in, but I could see how much this was affecting him. I couldn't even imagine what I looked like. "When do you want…" He trailed off and put his hands on his hips. "They're ready to move it whenever you're ready. Take your time." He nodded slowly and walked away.

I started sobbing again as she held my hand. I wasn't ready for this to be the end. I would never be ready. They said to take our time, but I wanted all the time in the world. And they couldn't give it to me.

I lay down in the grass beside her and nuzzled into her hair. I loved the way she smelled. Almost like a meadow of wildflowers after a summer storm. Clean, beautiful, intoxicating.

The men started to surround the car and set up all their necessary equipment to lift the car off her.

"Edward, promise me something," she said, reaching her nose up to brush mine.

"Anything."

"I want you to go to Paris…"

I blinked away the tears. "She told you."

"She let it slip. She didn't mean to, don't be mad." She managed a small smile.

"I'm not mad." I shook my head and started playing with her fingers. "I don't think I can…go there without you."

"You promised me. Anything." She forced my eyes to hers.

"You wanted to go," I said, my voice cracking barely above a whisper. "It was your dream."

"You were my dream." She reached forward and kissed me. "And besides, I'm always somewhere with you."

"Promise?"

"Yes." She closed her eyes as more tears fell down her cheeks. "Make sure you go to the Louvre and see the Mona Lisa. And take one of those pictures at the Eiffel Tower. You know the ones that look like you're holding it in your hands. I always wanted one of those."

"I will," I cried. "I will."

"Okay." She took a deep breath, or as deep of one as her position allowed. I could almost feel her getting weaker and weaker beside me and I knew it was time.

She glanced up at the men around the car and nodded her head. "I'm ready." She turned her head towards me, refusing to look away as they started to pull at the car. "I love you."

"I love you." I held her hand tight as they struggled against the weight of the metal. She winced, trying to hold in the pain as it slowly lifted above her. As she became completely free, she screamed out in pain and squeezed my hand.

I didn't expect the medics to rush around us. We all knew she'd lost too much blood. It was too traumatic, too much for her little body to handle.

As the blood started to seep from her middle, I moved myself closer to her and wrapped my arms around her. I told her a loved her a million times and then once more. She reached up timidly and brushed my tears away from my face, and then her hand fell limply to her side. And she was gone.

I leaned forward and kissed her lifeless body as Charlie knelt down beside me. I could hear Renee sobbing in the background. It didn't feel real. Any of it.

Charlie leaned over me and kissed her forehead. He sniffled as he stood back up. In those few moments, he looked older to me than he ever had. His tear stained cheeks were wrinkled and worn. I could literally see the pain on his face. It wasn't something that was easy to see.

They gave me some more time with her. Everyone scurried up the hill and offered their condolences to Charlie and Renee. I spotted Carlisle talking to some of the paramedics and glancing down at me every now and then.

I closed my eyes and held her hand over my chest, praying somehow that my beating heart could heal with her touch.

"Son," Carlisle said. I opened my eyes as a drop of rain splashed against my face. "They'd like to…take her. They have things they need to do to…procedure and everything." He put his hands in his pockets.

"Can I go with her?"

"You can ride in the ambulance. We'll follow you to the hospital." He nodded and the paramedics slowly surrounded us. I sat up and scooted away for a moment as they brought the stretcher down. They carefully loaded her on and covered her body with a white sheet before we headed back up the hill.

They loaded her into the back of the ambulance and I climbed in with her. I pulled the sheet back from her face so I could see her and held her hand in my lap.

The ride to the hospital was long and quiet. The drivers didn't say anything. The others were silent. I couldn't speak.

It was pouring rain by the time we got there. Emmett and Jasper were waiting outside the entrance for us. I got out and waited for them to bring Bella out. I followed them to the door and lingered behind.

"Edward…" Emmett shook his head and wiped at his eyes. "I'm so sorry." He pulled me into his arms and for the first time in a long time I felt like his little brother. The one that he always protected. He couldn't protect me from this.

Jasper was standing silently against the building with his arms crossed over his chest. He was never very open with his feelings because I felt like he always internalized what everyone else was feeling ten fold. Jasper was an extraordinary human being. He felt what you felt. Pain, love, fear. He felt it all. And I could see on his face that he was feeling the pain I felt.

I took a few steps towards him and he looked at me. "I…" He started. "I don't know…" He shook his head.

"I know." I ran my fingers through my hair. "How's Alice?"

"Few broken ribs, concussion, bruises and scratches." He closed his eyes. "I don't know how to tell her."

He didn't know how to tell her about Bella. They'd been best friends since before they knew how to walk.

"I'll tell her." I sniffled and patted his shoulder. "I'll tell her."

I headed inside and Carlisle told me the doctors were in with Bella, doing those procedural things he talked about back at the scene. I took the opportunity to find Alice's room to talk to her.

I lingered outside the door, listening to the beeping of her machines. I would kill to hear those sounds. At least it means that she's still alive.

I stepped around the corner and smiled sadly. She turned her head towards me and winced.

"I'm sorry I ruined your wedding day," she said softly. She shook her head. "Bella is going to be so angry with me. I don't even know what happened. We were going around that corner and this animal ran out in front of me. I panicked."

"It was an…accident, Alice."

"Where is Bella?" She smiled a bit, wincing slightly at her pain. "Is she here yet?"

"Yeah, she's downstairs." I felt the tears prickle behind my eyes as I sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Can I see her?" She asked. "I need to apologize."

"You can't see her right now, sweetheart." I put my hand over hers and tried to hold in the tears. This was a lot harder than I thought. I was going to crush her heart just like mine was and I didn't know how to do that.

I looked up at her and blinked away the tears. "She…had some more serious injuries than you and Rose did."

Her face went blank. "But she's okay…" She whispered.

"There wasn't, there wasn't anything they could do," I stuttered. "It was too much…" My eyes shifted around the room. "They…." I forced myself to look at her. "She's gone, Ali."

Her shoulders began to heave up and down as she breathed heavily through her nose. I held tightly onto her hand as she double over and started screaming.

"Ali," I patted her back. "Ali, Ali, it's okay." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. It wasn't okay.

"Honey?" Jasper came rushing in and was at her side in an instant. "Hold onto me, baby." He wrapped his arms around her. "Hold onto me."

I sniffled and stood up, wanting to be anywhere but here. I rubbed Alice's back for a minute while Jasper tried to whisper in her ear. The screaming eventually stopped, but she wouldn't look up. She just closed in on herself and rocked back and forth in the bed. I couldn't imagine the amount of pain she was in, physically and mentally. It was like half of her was missing. And I knew the feeling.

I stepped out of the room and ambled down the hallway. I found Emmett standing outside one of them talking to Carlisle. I assumed Rose was inside.

Emmett nodded as I stepped inside the room. Rose was sitting up in bed, a sling on her arm and a pretty beat up face. We'd always had a strange understanding between us that nobody could explain. And I knew she'd tell me what to do.

We glanced at each other without a word as I sat down in the chair beside her.

"You told her about Paris…" I mumbled.

"Yeah, I did." She bit her lip. "Sorry about that."

"She made me…promise to still go." I wanted to cry again, but I couldn't. I didn't think I had anymore tears to give.

"So you're going?"

"I don't think…" I started.

"Don't you say that," she snapped. "Don't you dare break your promise to her." She wiped a tear from her eye. "I will kick your ass, even with this thing." She lifted her sling slightly. "She doesn't deserve broken promises, Edward. Even if she's not here to see them through."

"You're right." I buried my head in my hands. "Damnit, you're right."

Rose and I sat in silence for the longest time. Emmett eventually joined us and Jasper even got them to wheel Alice's bed down to us so we could all be together. Nobody said a word because we all felt the loss over the piece that was missing.

Carlisle finally came in later that night and said that I could see her again if I'd like to. I got up and followed him downstairs, down a restricted hallway and to a private room.

They had her laid on the table, covered against by a white sheet. Her tattered, blood stained wedding dress was hanging on a hook on the wall.

I took a deep breath and pulled the sheet down. They'd cleaned her up a little, washed the blood from her face. She could have been sleeping. And I had to tell myself that she was because if I let the weight of the truth crash down on me again I didn't know if I could survive it.

I spent a full hour in that room, holding her hand and telling her that I loved her. Before I went, I made sure to kiss her cheek and tell her I would keep my promise. I would go to Paris because she wanted me too. And I would miss her.

It was still pouring rain when I left the hospital to go home. Thankfully, my mother had already helped Renee and Charlie by making all of the proper arrangements to prepare for her funeral. She pulled up as I arrived back at our apartment, harboring enough warm food to feed me for a week.

I stood on the stairs for a good ten minutes before I had the strength to walk inside. Bella and I had been living in separate apartments, but she started bringing boxes over last weekend. I didn't want to see them, unpack them. I didn't want to unpack her things when she wouldn't be here to enjoy them.

"I'll do it, sweetheart." Esme took my key and opened the door for me. She stepped inside and starting turning on lights while I lingered in the doorway. She set the food on the oven and came back over to me. "Come on, honey. You can't stand out there all night." She grabbed my hand and eased me inside.

She picked out some pajamas for me, just like she did when I was a kid and left me alone in my room for a few moments to get undressed. When I was finished, I walked back out into the living room, leaving my tux on the floor in the bedroom. I sat down on the couch and pulled a blanket around me.

Esme disappeared into the bedroom and I assumed she was hanging up my tux. She came back out and dished some food out before bringing the plate to me.

"Mom, I appreciate all this, but I'm not hungry." I took the plate and set it down on the table in front of me.

"I know. But you will be. You'll have to eat sometime."

"You don't have to be here," I mumbled.

"I'm right where I should be." She sat down beside me and pulled me towards her. "Right where I should be."

"I'm not okay, Mom." I felt the tears start again. "I'm not okay."

"I know, honey." She sniffled. "Nobody's okay. No one expects you to be okay." She rubbed my shoulder as I cried on hers.

I tried to focus on something, anything other than the reminders all over the apartment. I found myself staring at the window, watching the rain hit against it. The sky was dark outside, the streetlights just enough for me to see the glint and glimmer of the water drops as they slid down the glass.

Over the next couple of days, I avoided the phone and the television. I stayed on the couch, wrapped up in blankets as the rain pounded outside. My mother stopped in a few times a day to check in on me and make sure I bathed and ate. And she did it without complaint.

The morning of her funeral, the clouds cleared and the sun started shining for the first time in days. It seemed symbolic in a way, like a light after this storm.

I didn't remember much from the funeral, mostly because I was too focused on being with her, even if it was only in my head. I was somewhere with her, remembering the little moments. The ones that seemed insignificant at first and now they were everything. Like the night we snuck out and drove to the beach in the middle of the night. She was so upset, so angry. I'd give anything to have her upset and angry again. It would be better than nothing at all.

My phone had gone off in the middle of the night, vibrating loudly against my nightstand.

I sat up and reached blindly for it as I fought against my disorientation.

"Hello?" I said, my voice still thick with sleep.

"Edward," Bella sniffled.

"What's wrong?" I shot up and ran my fingers through my hair. I was already reaching for my pants. I pulled them on and grabbed my keys off my desk.

"My dad and I got in a fight. Can you come get me, I can't stay here."

"Yeah, sweetheart. I'll be right there."

I snuck downstairs, tiptoeing past my parent's room. They would kill me if they found me sneaking out. Especially to go get Bella. It wasn't that they didn't love her. They did. But I had a feeling taking her away from her house at 2 am wasn't something they'd be crazy about.

I pulled the garage door up myself and tried to push my car out. I didn't want to start it. It was an old piece of shit and I was sure it would wake up the entire house.

"Let me help," Emmett said, suddenly beside me.

"How'd you know I was out here?" I asked as he bent down to help me push.

"I'm your big brother. I have a sixth sense about when you're about to get into trouble."

"You're not going to tell me no?"

"Would it even matter?" He cocked his eyebrow, knowing that no matter what anyone said, I'd go.

We pushed my car out of the garage and far enough down the driveway that it was safe to start it. Emmett waved as I started towards the road and went back inside.

My fingers tapped anxiously on the steering wheel as I approached her house. I slowed and glanced up at her window, expecting her to climb down. Instead, the front door whipped open and she ran out. Charlie ran onto the porch a few moments behind her, screaming at her to get back in the house.

She ran to my car and jumped inside as Charlie started towards us.

"Go!" She screamed.

"Bella…" I started softly. I didn't want Charlie to be upset with me. Speeding away with his daughter in my car didn't seem like a good way to avoid that.

"Just go, damnit!" She sniffled and I gave in, squealing away from her house just as Charlie reached the car.

She doubled over in the seat and cried. I cursed and put my hand on her back, hoping to comfort her. I was confused. Bella and her father usually had a fairly good relationship. I hated not knowing what was going on.

I drove us to the beach and turned the car off.

Her cries softened until she was completely silent. I didn't know what to say or what to do.

She finally sat straight up and pushed her hair away from her face. She opened the door and stepped outside before starting into the sand. I watched her for a moment, trying to figure out what to say.

I opened my door and slowly followed her, always a few steps behind. She reached the waves and tentatively reached down and ran her hand over the water.

"He won't let me go," she said softly. She stood up and turned towards me. "He won't pay for my school if I go to State. He won't pay for anything."

"What?" I shook my head. "Why?"

"He found…" She looked down at the sand. "He found the box of condoms in my car. Says he thinks we're moving too fast."

My cheeks flushed red with heat. "Moving too fast? We've been dating since we were fourteen, Bella. We're going to college together next year." I shook my head.

"I can't afford to go if he doesn't help me pay for it. He wants me to go to the East Coast. Get a little distance." She looked up at me and started to cry again. "I know he's just overreacting. I'm his little girl and he doesn't want me to grow up, Edward. I don't know what to do." She knelt down and buried her face in her hands.

I was there in an instant, kneeling beside her with my arms around her shoulders. "It's okay. We'll figure something out."

"I hate my life," she whispered. "You're the one thing…the one constantly good thing in my life." She reached up and ran her fingers over my lips. "I have to be somewhere with you."

I hated admitting that we were that dependent on each other. I knew most people would say it wasn't healthy, but it was what we were.

I kissed her forehead and fought back my own tears. We lay back in the sand and she rested her head on my chest.

I didn't know what to say to make it better. I wished that I could tell her that I could pay for her to come with me to State, take care of her the way she deserved to be taken care of. But I couldn't. Instead I went to my place of comfort and warmth, thinking back to the very moment I realized that I was truly in love with her. Not just the high school, superficial type of love. It was when I knew this was real. And it was the first time I whispered the verse to her. The one poem that captured everything about my love for her and for what we were.

"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart." I nuzzled her hair. "I am never without it. Anywhere I go you go, my dear…"

"Whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling…" She finished. "I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart." She sighed and kissed my neck. "You and your damn poetry." She laughed a little and sniffled.

"I'll talk to Charlie," I said. "I don't want you to worry, okay?"

"Okay."

I snapped back to reality when one of our high school classmates shook my hand. "We're all so sorry, Edward." His words hit me like a cold, hard brick wall that was completely unmovable. I was back in the cold, damp cemetery. Not on the beach with the one person I wanted more than anything. She was gone again.

Everyone was sorry. I understood. They didn't know what else to say. But sorry meant nothing to me. She wasn't here and I didn't care how sincere or how genuine their words were, they didn't bring her back. And so I had to go on living, despite how much I wanted to die. Without her.

Two days later, I arrived in Paris, just like I promised her I would. I checked into my hotel and kept mostly to myself as I started doing the sightseeing tour. I was always the silent one in the back of the group, granting the strange stares from the young college students. I wore my wedding ring around my neck, on a silver chain.

I went to the Eiffel Tower and took one of those pictures. The ones where it looks like you're holding it. I stopped by a Café and had a baguette and a nice cup of coffee. I walked by Notre Dame before heading to the Louvre. To see the Mona Lisa.

There were tons of people crowded around it so I had to wait. I kept getting peeks and glances but I wanted the whole thing, which turns out wasn't that big.

As I reached the front, I finally saw it. She smiled at me, almost like she had a secret that she would never tell. I wanted to smile. I was finally here. I was keeping my promise.

I closed my eyes as some tourists pushed from behind me. I froze when a rush of intoxicating air swooped in front of me. It smelled like a meadow of wildflowers after a summer rain. It smelled like her. And for the first time since I lost her, I smiled. Genuine and true…and happy.

I looked around laughing, even though I knew I wouldn't see her.

I shook my head and slowly pushed my way back through the crowds. And then I said it, so low that my own ears barely heard it. It meant everything to us, especially now that it was all we had. No matter where I was, who I was with or what I was doing.

"Somewhere with you."