A/N: my first Hetalia story is dedicated to my friends, Japan, Canada, France, and Hungary. I hope you enjoy it!

Also, because this story is the first, the characters may be a tad (extremely) OOC... Sorry.

~England

...

He should've known, really.

Gilbert was way too excited, like too excited, it was worse than normal. He'd been hinting for months that he needed to get laid. Sure, he did, but seriously... An escort? Who the hell recommends an escort to their brother?

With a sigh Ludwig Beilschmidt turned the business card over in his fingers. The background was the Union Jack, and it read England in cursive font, above a phone number and address. This was really unnecessary, there was no reason he should do this... but if he didn't, he'd never hear the end of it.

"Gott verdammt."

But he picked up his phone and dialed anyway.

Ludwig noticed two very important things when the phone was answered, just after the third ring, with, "England speaking." One, 'England' was a man. He'd been expecting a girl, just over the legal age, trying— and failing— to be sexy with a fake British accent. Two, he really was English, legitimately English, which brought him back to expectation number one—he didn't think he'd end up speaking to a real Englishman. Sehr gut.

"Good afternoon, I was hoping I could purchase your services?" Translation: I was hoping I could just screw you so my brother will shut up?

"Excellent," he could almost hear a smile over the phone, "When do you want me?"

Jesus, he didn't waste any time, did he. "Tomorrow night, ten thirty."

There was a pause, as if he was writing it down or checking his schedule… Weird that he'd think of that first. "And where?"

He gave the escort his address and confirmed the appointment, leaned back in his chair with a sigh. Gilbert should've been coming home soon; he may have ten, maybe twenty minutes before—

"Brother, I'm home!"

Scheiβe.

"Hallo, Gilbert."

"Guten Abend, Ludwig. How was your day?"

"Like you care."

"Of course I don't."

The ass. "Are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"No, should I be?" he took of his hat and tossed it across the living room before falling back on the couch. (When the dogs caught it and chewed it up, he'd be mad; Ludwig, however, will just laugh at him.)

"Yes."

"Why?"

Pause. Gilbert turned to look at him, red eyes pensive and curious.

"You bought the whore, didn't you?"

They stared at each other for what could've been days, red boring into blue and blue pushing right back, but eventually Ludwig got tired of it. "Fine. I bought the damn whore."

"Right." He turned to lay on his back, arms folded behind his head. "Don't worry about me; I won't be there to hear you fuck him senseless."

Ugh, he could feel the migraine coming. "What is wrong with you…"

"Many, many things, brother." He glanced over at Ludwig, "But you love me anyway."

"I'm glad you think so."

…

A/N: I really have to get out of this habit of writing short introductory chapters…. But, anyway, what do you think so far? I'd love to read your reviews

Gott verdammt—God dammit

Sehr gut—very well

Schieβe—shit

Hallo—hello

Guten abend—good evening