Noted: So hey...I'm back. Yeah 3 looooong months. And you know what? In that time, those weeks of cramming for homework and being a nerd, I haven't gotten any better at writing. I still suck.
But, while I'm back on for now, I'll try to update really fast. If you haven't noticed, I've been tasting the Seddie love. The sweet taste of pure Seddie is fucking great! But now that flavor is gone, because the Seddie arc has come to an official end :( So I'm presenting this fanfiction (which probably won't make it past 13 reviews), for those who enjoy fluff, lemons and some touching Seddie moments. So here's to you Seddie fans, may we all feel that Sam and Freddie chill once again.

Disclaimer: Don't own ICarly...yet...

CHAPTER 1

Surprise! Its fate.

When I heard that thump, that loud slow and lazy one, I knew the hand that struck my door. And I found myself standing in front of that very door, in my boxers, contemplating my options. The knocking just continued. Was it even my door? Carly should have told Sam not to come right? She told her that I was busy today right? My thoughts were being replaced with the sound of a slow steady banging. I gripped the doorknob, knowing that I was soon going to make a terrible decision.

Of course, understanding that my night was over, I swung the door open.

And there she was, teetering in the doorway. Her hair messed up, blue eyes, wide, looking around. Shirt practically ripped off her body, one pant leg pulled up to her knee while the other remained low, shoe in one hand and a cigarette tucked away in the corner of her mouth.

"You're not Carly." She sniffled, leaning against the door frame. "Why aren't you Carly?" She stuttered like crazy. Her breath smelled like Liquor. "Where's your...mom?"

Sam must have come, looking for Carly across the hall. My night was ruined. But I had never known Sam to be a drinker, or a smoker. Her whole get-up made me a bit nervous, I was shocked, "She's out." I quickly stated, then as if in a trance, asked, "Sam...since when do you smoke?"

"I don't..." She stumbled aside, "I don't feel well." I watched her sink to the floor, her head pressed against the wooden surface, "I'm sleepy."

At this point I'm clueless on what to do. I awkwardly try to close the door, but Sam's moaning and groaning fill my heart with guilt. So I just stand in the doorway, looking down at the girl like some sort of deer in the headlights. Wasn't taking care of Sam Carly's job?

I make another dumb decision, I climb by Sam's side, my eyes looking down the hall carefully, avoiding her eye contact. And then I just give her a slight look, a little peek. Her head, fully exposed, her hair a mess, everywhere. It was around her head, it was all over her back. She had so much hair, and I never even noticed before. So without much thought I just place my palm on top of her golden mane. Perfect fit.

"FREDDIE!"

I jumped. Her random scream practically made me shit myself. The moment of peace was ruined.

"GET CARLY!"

I clap my hand around Sam's mouth. "Shhhh! She's probably asleep!" She gives me this shy look. Like a puppy who I've just scolded, like I punished her or something. She mumbled between my fingers, and I listen to her stomach make concerning noises. I knew what was coming, a gift, a gift from the belly of a pig, or at least something that eats like a pig.

I needed to get Sam out of the hallway first, so I simply ask, "Sam...Have you been drinking unhealthy amounts of alcohol?"

Very slowly and with a high pitch, she mutters, "I drank beer Freddie." I pause, for something so destructive sounded so innocent. She gave me a smile, a warm happy look. "I feel like shit." She then burps.

"Please Sam, lets..." I take the cigarette from her mouth, noting the touching of her lips with my fingertips I hold back hormones. "...let's just go inside for now."

She struggles to get up, like a child she remains still.

"Come on Puckett." I grab her by the arm. She squeaks.

Since when does Sam squeak?

The blond then shows her true strength as she drags me to the floor. The cigarette goes flying, and my head leaves an echoing noise as it crashes against the floor. I moan in pain. Sam just smiles, licks her lips, and then proceeds to wrap her arms around my head.

"Sam...Sam...call an ambulance..." I lay there pretty sure my head was broken. "Sam...Sam...stop licking me Sam..." I feel her tongue graze my cheek. Oh god, worst night of my life right now. If I get a boner from Sam Puckett, I'll never be able to live with myself.

Then, like a slap..."Freddie...I like you." Those words sounded almost too convincing. Yet weren't true, Sam was drunk, she was just running her mouth. Like some sort of injured animal she lets go of my head and lifts herself up slowly. And I watch her gag once. Gag twice.

At the last second I just let out this dry noise, which turns into a low cough. I feel mush pour down my back. And I hold my breath, shaking a bit.

It was the worst moment of my life.

And all I could do was mumble some curses, feeling the warm mush slide around me. Sam slurps and leans against the wall, "God...that's so much better," she hisses in pain, rubbing her belly. She gives me this goofy smile.

"I'm happy for you."

"Freddie...you smell really bad." Sam slurs, I watch her lick her lips, ",Reallly Badddd."

I ignore that comment with strength and plan to take a risky move. With what little skill I had, I jump up onto my feet and hear "Sam's gift" hit the floor. I look down, it was everywhere. I feel myself making an ugly disgusted face. "Phew, what did you eat?" I mutter.

"Not that." She smiles, now touching the door. "Get Carly." She drags out Carly's name for a while…

"Not now Sam...I have to go burn my skin off." I open the door, confused about how to clean up the hallway in time to get Sam a place to sleep and to shower the smell of shit off of me. Through all this thought I feel a sudden weight gain on my leg.

"No! FREDDIE! TAKE ME WITH YOU!" Sam wraps around my leg, "I'm scared."

Yeah. Sam is the complete opposite of normal Sam when drunk. I roll my eyes, "Get up and come inside then." I drag her along the floor some more.

She shakes her head rapidly, lifting her hands like a child, "Carry me please."

Again, I just look down at her. This weird smile stuck to my face. Why was this all so erotic for me? I bend over, and with one hand around her neck, the other around her waist, I stumble inside as Sam hangs limply in my arms. She laughs this slow dull noise, "It's like a honeymoon." She traces my chest. I feel chills. God the chills feel so good.

I bite my lip, "Mhm." I carry her to my room.

"It's like we're married." She smiles, rubbing my cheek with this dazed look.

"Yep." I place her onto my bed. "Now stay here." I point at her as she fumbles in my sheets, laughing to herself and kicking her shoes off to the side. "Just...get comfortable." I then start to rip off my socks.

"Oh yeah Freddie..." My eyes deliberately turn to the bed, "Take it off." She purrs under the sheets, squirming like a child on candy.

"Sam...go to sleep." I lean over and tuck her in. "You'll be better in the morning."

"Freddie I feel sick." She touches my face, gently, just this light touch that sends immediate chills down my spine.

Is it rude to say, I like this Sam more? She's nice and sweet. Vomit-y but sweet. I can't help but smile.

"I know…" I push her onto the pillow.

"Tell me a story." She closes her eyes, breathing softly. And then, before I could speak, she adds in this little comment, "Like how my dad used to."

And then I just feel like shit again. Not like the vomit on my back kind of shit, like how I take my mom for granted. I start to remember that Sam has no dad. She barely has a mom. I fumble with the sheets on my bed.

"Sam…"

"Shhh." She cooed, sticking her finger in my mouth. I almost gagged as she shoved her fist down my throat. A smile perches on her lips. "I'm sorry."

I pull her hand away, "For what Puckett?"

"For puking on you." She burps.

"Does Carly usually take care of you like this?"

"Who?"

Nevermind.

I stumble from my bed and clicking the light off, I say a small goodnight, and wait for no reply. I shut the door, and stand outside for a long pause. Like a movie, the entire night was replaying through my brain. How this all started, I don't know. I don't know where Sam came from, I don't know if she does this all the time. I'm just clueless.

And in the midst of my thoughts a realism strikes me. I don't know Sam at all. Staring at my sweaty palms I lick my lips before taking a shower. These very hands head been the first contact, without pain, I'd ever had with Sam.

Even though drunk and desolate, Sam seemed nice and calm. It was a refreshing pace, a change.

And to think, the only way to make a crazy girl like Sam Puckett relax is to give her a couple beers, that'll do the trick.