Title: Who dunnit?
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Author: kira
Chars/Pairs: Kyou
Genres: crack!
Word Count: 666
Summary: Kyou is pregnant & doesn't know who the father is…

Author's note: Special thanks to Jen for her encouragement & pinking, and also to kat for her encouragement. I couldn't have done this without both of them.

For vexed…

888

Kyou slowly pushed himself out of his bed. His back and feet hurt, thanks to his huge pregnant belly. The baby had kept him up for most of the night; in what Kyou was convinced was an attempt to achieve its black belt before it was born along with several gold medals for gymnastics. Kyou shuffled to the bathroom as his bladder felt like it was about to burst… again for exactly the tenth time that night.

Having finished emptying his bladder, Kyou washed up. While he was brushing his teeth, he stared at his reflection and wondered for the umpteenth time who did this to him. This was something he wouldn't put past Uo or that damned Yuki. He also knew Haru would do it in a heartbeat if he could, but having a baby was something he always wanted to do with Tohru and in those fantasies, it was Tohru, who was pregnant, not him. Kyou took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks, letting it out slowly as he handed his toothbrush to the rubber duckie, who thanked him for it.

Kyou left the bathroom and headed downstairs for breakfast. The smell of Tohru's breakfast of champions wafted out of the kitchen and for several minutes, while Kyou paused and inhaled deeply, he felt happy and able to face whatever life threw at him today. That ended when he entered the kitchen to find Yuki sitting there, enjoying what Kyou considered was his special breakfast and alone with Tohru time, since he was being home schooled thanks to his condition. He grumbled something nasty under his breath, the only thing loud enough to be heard over the sound of people enjoying their breakfasts was "damned rat!"

"Morning, Kyou-konkitchi!" Ayame trilled.

Kyou blinked. He could have sworn the Snake wasn't there a few minutes ago. And when he looked again, Shigure was sitting next to him, snickering into his sleeve. Kyou had the feeling this nightmare pregnancy was never going to end until he figured out who the father was. As it was, he could barely remember the wild night of passion that ended up with him like this. They were all there now, Uo, Hanajima, Ayame, Shigure, Yuki, Haru, and sweet little Tohru, all the ones he suspected of getting him pregnant. Thankfully they were all ignoring him now, as Kyou did not feel like talking.

Reaching for the pot of tea that sat in the middle of the kotatsu, Kyou looked up to see the words "careful what you wish for" hovering over Hanajima's head When he opened his mouth to say something about it, they fluttered away like butterflies. No one else seemed to notice, and he forgot all about it when the octopus weenies jumped off the plate, forming a conga line as they danced over to his plate. Kyou ate in silence, happy that everyone had left except for Tohru and Momiji. The rabbit was cross-dressing again and busy showing off his womanly boobs to Tohru. When Kyou blinked, he found himself back upstairs in his room, fighting off the worst case of cramps he had ever had.

It must have been bad, as a very worried Tohru stood there; quietly listening to what Hatori was telling her. Kyou did not like the way the tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"I'm afraid that baby wants to come out, but it can only come out the way it got in there," Hatori said gravely as the color drained from Tohru's face.

"You mean he's going to have Yuki's ass-baby?" she asked, and the cat did not like the look of worry on her face as another contraction hit.

"Wait, Yuki did this to me?"

Another severe cramp hit and Kyou sat up in bed, awakened from the nightmare of all nightmares by real cramping in his guts. Damn Yuki to hell for force-feeding him those leeks at dinner. He was never eating the things again no matter what.