Der König der Dunkelheit by D (translation part 1)

I will leave my throne behind to go and fight

As a sign of love for my people, I will not retreat

The emperor of darkness, my own body will be my shield

In exchange for a distant death

I shine out

Take my blood and live

This is the beginning of the night of awakening

The potion of eternal life burns my throat like sand

Setting the black beasts upon me

With my kingdom crumbling before my eyes

There is just one thing I must do now

So the royal bloodline does not die out

Chapter 22 – Randomness (First Year, Summer Vacation and Beginning of the Second Year)

"You knew?!" Severus screamed at them while Undertaker and Sybill just covered their ears with their hands.

"Why are you screaming at us?" Undertaker asked looking confused.

"Knew what Sevy darling?" Sybill chirped from the side.

"To hell with you two! You know what I am asking about!" Severus continued to rage.

"Nope, not a clue." They answered in unison. Severus' eyebrow twitched dangerously as his face started to get redder and redder. If he did not do something soon, he would probably erupt aka explode like a volcano. He took a few deep breaths and managed to calm the burning anger inside of him. He looked at them with the best 'it will burn you to a crisp' death glare, he had in his never-ending repertoire of different glares. Yes, Undertaker and Sybill already studied some of them and cataloged them into a folder, not that dear old Severus knew about their secret activities and all the pictures they took of him. Him finding out would probably be not so good in any way and the reason for a good lawsuit and restraining order for both of them. No, Severus would never know...

"You knew that Quirrell was possessed by Voldemort?!" He asked with a halfway normal and even a bit polite sounding voice.

"Of course we knew." Undertaker answered. Severus' eyebrow began to twitch again. He looked from Undertaker to Sybill who decided to dance around Severus' private quarters in the meantime. She stopped when she noticed the glare and pointed a finger at herself questionably.

"Yes, you!" Severus exploded.

"You do not have to be so mean, Sevi darling. I was just making a bit fun of you." Possibly not the best thing to say, when the other was restraining himself to not curse them into oblivion this next second. Sybill shrugged her shoulders carelessly.

"Silly you, I am a legit seer of course. So it is only logical for me to know and you know him," She pointed her index finger at the back of Undertaker, who decided to look through Severus' book shelves, "he always knows things he should not know and does things he should not do. What did you expect?" Severus opened his mouth to answer only to snap it shut again.

"Of course we would not run to Dumbledore and tell him about Quirrell, he would believe that I am on his side and that just would not do. I decided long ago to be neutral and nurture my own cause." Undertaker finished with a smile.

"Chaos, destruction, anarchy and a zombie armies." Sybill chirped.

"You could have told me." Severus gritted his teeth.

"Firstly, where would the fun be in this? Ahaha, do not look so angry, we did not want you to tell Dumbledore, we had our own plans." Severus looked still ready to erupt but a bit thoughtful, for a few moments at least.

"You took the stone. You two were the one who stole the Sorcerer's stone!" Severus once again pointed his finger at them as he screamed.

"It seems we have a winner. We did not want Dumbledore to take the stone away after he would have found out the Quirrell is possessed by Voldemort and that just would not do."

"But as consolation prize and payment for you to not tattle on us, we are willing to give some of the Elixir of Life to you for either yourself or for you to use in your potions." It just would not do if Severus turned against them. It was just to amusing to play with him, but if he did not get a few treats here and then, he would go bad and bit their hands off and then they would have to either neuter their dog or kill it.

"Okay." Severus nodded after calming down considerable at the thought about getting his hands at the Elixir of Life.

"We wanted you to go with us this day, you know?" Sybill said after a while.

"We were standing right before the entrance of your rooms and talked loudly to each other, but you just screamed at us for making so much noise and then went back to bed." Undertaker sang in a mocking tone.

"How should I have known that you two would go and steal the stone? The last time I said yes to one of your excursions, you took me hiking through the forbidden forest all night! And the next day I had the Gryffindor dunderheads in the morning to teach! I was ready to slaughter them all at the end of the lesson!"

"Well, too bad. But it was not that interesting either way. The tests were easily solved or more like bypassed and well, like we said, not that exciting."

"Anything else I should know?" Severus asked.

"Nope, not that I know... for now." Undertaker answered.

"We will see what will happen next, then we plan our next step." Sybill chirped. "But now we must go off to bed like good little children."

"Good night, Severus."

"Sleep well and nice dreams, Sevy darling." With that they left Severus alone in his rooms.

"Does anyone of you have any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?"

"No, why is that?" asked one of the sixth year Gryffindor students.

"Oh too bad, that you don't. Probably only intelligent people know this."

"Are you saying I'm stupid? What the hell is the answer?"

"Never said anything about anyone being stupid."

"Why is a raven like a writing table... professor, maybe I think I can guess that one..." said another female Gryffindor.

"You mean you think you know the answer?" Undertaker asked.

"Yes."

"Well, then, you should say what you mean."

"I do… I mean, I mean what I say… it's the same thing..."

"It's not the same thing at all! You might as well say 'I eat what I see' is the same as 'I see what I eat' or say that 'I like what I get' is the same as 'I get what I like' or say that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same as 'I sleep when I breathe'." Everyone looked confused at him.

"So.., professor... Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"I have not the slightest idea."

"Will this be tested?"

"Who knows?" said Undertaker as he shrugged his shoulders.

"His body vanished." Severus told them on the next day.

"What body?" Undertaker asked.

"Quirrell's."

"And?" Undertaker questioned waiting for him to continue.

"You took his body, right?"

"Is this an assumption?" Severus scolded at him.

"No, hearing you like that I can only think it was you."

"What makes you say that?"

"The only one who would be interested in the corpse of a person would be you, Mister Undertaker who owns an Undertaker shop and has an own zombie army hidden in his basement."

"My, my, now that is prejudice. Saying I am only interested in corpses because my job revolves around corpses."

"I also think it was you who took the body of one Hermione Granger."

"Seriously?"

"Stop playing dumb! I just want to know, if it was you and what you plan to do with them."

"For experiments and for further study. What else?"

"For Wonderland?"

"Yes and no, generally I want to see how a dead body will respond to the Elixir of Life and with my special abilities I would like to see the result of that."

"More zombies?"

"Perhaps, but it would be more into the direction of better zombies."

"Stop right here, I do not want to hear more about this."

"But you were the one who asked." Undertaker stated while Severus changed the topic.

"Has the old fool already questioned you?"

"Nope, but Sybill already informed me."

"Trice damned seer." There were a few minutes of silence between them, "Did she know that I would go to Voldemort and tell him about the prophecy?" Severus looked at him seriously.

"Yes, indeed she knew. It was all planned that way."

"So she is the reason that she died." Severus turned angry again, but it was hard to recognize behind his calm expressionless mask.

"And even though she did not love you and birthed the child of not only another man, but the person you hate most, you still liked alias loved her to some degree. You should stop with it already. Even I cannot bring back the dead." Undertaker stated after taking a sip of his tea. "And she was my biological mother."

"..."

"Why not go out and date someone else? Maybe you find the person you are supposed to be with somewhere out there. If you continue to remain inside your room or in Hogwarts, you never get to meet your special person."

"No."

"No?"

"I will not date someone."

"Party pooper. I would have liked to see what type your special person would have to be for you to be more or less happy."

"Not going to happen."

"But Sevy..." Undertaker chirped.

"Severus. Do you know 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star?'" Undertaker asked as Severus tried to grade papers in peace.

"Yes, why?"

"Want to sing it?"

"No."

"Really?"

"I said no."

"Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are!" Sybill began to sing.

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat, how I wonder what you're at." Undertaker continued.

"Twinkle, twinkle little skunk, how I wonder if you're drunk!"

"Twinkle, twinkle little ant, you do look strange without your pants." Both of them laugh.

"You two are insufferable!" Severus yelled as he nearly broke his quill in half.

"Thanks!" They answered in unison.

"This was not a compliment. Now just leave my rooms or I swear to Merlin I will curse you two into the next millennium!"

"That is not so bad, only like eight years." Sybill stated.

"OUT!"

"How is it going?"

"Dumbledore contacted me..." Remus said from the side.

"Expected." Undertaker continued to do what he always did. He looked back at them, when they still stared at him. "And what is the problem?" Undertaker asked.

"He did not send it to Ambre Grey, but to Remus Lupin." Remus explained.

"Really?" Undertaker looked a bit surprised at the news, but this was Dumbledore for them. He always wanted 'his' people on the job. It was probably bad enough for him being there and wreaking havoc and teaching the children things they probably should not really know, so he did not want to get an equally odd, unpredictable teacher like Undertaker. Well, it was understandable.

"Really."

"Okay, go and accept."

"Why?" Remus asked with a frown. "Since I am now aware of what he did, I really do not want to be around him that much, but that bastard used Harry – even if it is a false one – as a reason for me to come and teach."

"It is simple and pure blackmail, this letter." Sirius said from the side. "Something like if you do not come now then he might never get to know you as a friend of his parents and his second godfather, when he was the one that kept him 'away' for most of his childhood. Not that he knows that we already met you years ago."

"Well, still accept. You do not really have to interact with the brat after all. Give old Dumbles some excuse like 'I am afraid to forge bonds since my best friends died and the one I believed to be my closest companion is in a way the reason for their deaths' and 'I cannot get too close to the students or they might find out about me being a werewolf'. These are sound excuses."

"Ha, you are right. They are great." Sirius yelled from the couch animatedly.

Undertaker was working in the anteroom of his Undertaker shop where he usually was visited by potential customers aka closest family who wanted to bury someone. He had ordered Sirius and Remus to clean up the backroom with most of his equipment, since they did not seem to have anything to do either way, and Bella and her two slaves aka husband and brother-in-law to clean the basement. He continued to work for another hour until he realized that it was too quiet for usual Sirius activities.

"Remus. Sirius. It's awfully quiet back there. Are you two making out?" He shouted through the shop. There was a sudden crash of metal and other things on the floor.

"What no! How?!" He could hear Sirius stuttering behind the door. Another crash and the door opened. Sirius came out with wide eyes and Remus just sighed loudly.

"Do you think saying how was the right answer, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"So you two are making out after all." Undertaker snickered. He just wanted to clarify things.

"Yeah... Well... You know..." Sirius seemed to search for words.

"Sirius and I were together since our school times, but with what happened to your parents, we slowly drifted apart." Remus explained.

"Yes, and then I was put into Azkaban without a trail."

"So everything we had just vanished."

"And now you are back together again?" Undertaker questioned for clarification again.

"Remus, must I give him now the talk about the flowers and bees and whatever?"

"Don't be stupid, he already knows that. What are you thinking?"

"Hey, you are ignoring me..." Undertaker said from the sideline.

"You know I am a Gryffindor. We do not think we do."

"Typical. Cannot even think before opening your mouth. Have you forgotten that I was a Gryffindor too? The same house?"

"Do not you dare ignore me..." Undertaker stated before turning around and getting help. Were Sybill and he always so annoying? He could understand Severus better now, not that he would stop what they were doing, it is just too much fun, but that did not mean that Undertaker himself would let things continue like that. Is Severus did not do anything against them it was his problem after all.

"Now that I think about it. Yeah, we were in the same house."

"Yes, that is the right direction. How can you forget something like that? Using your house as an excuse only works if the other was in a different one. You should know this."

"Once again you are-"

"DO NOT IGNORE YOUR EMPLOYER AND SAVIOR, YOU BASTARDS!" screamed Bella as her Queen-of-hearts-themed axe came down between Sirius and Remus, who jumped out of harm's way. Everyone was silently watching Bella with wide eyes.

"Thank you Bella, I know there is at least one person I can count on." Undertaker thanked her smilingly.

"No problem. I like scaring mutts." Bella answered.

"So… What were we talking about again?" Undertaker asked.

-oOo-

"What good is having magic if you can't use it to blow something up?" Undertaker asked the twins when they came once again over to visit.

"Actually that is a rather good question. What do you think, dear brother?"

"Right, my oh so lovely brother of mine. We should use our time to blow more things up."

"But mom's heart would stop and we will get scolded."

"We always get scolded. 'Fred! George! Your little brother fell searches for his Quidditch book. Where have you hidden it?'"

"When we were not even aware that Ronnikins could read to begin with."

"Or even had a book that he actually read."

"Maybe it is a picture book version of Quidditch Throughout the Ages."

"They have a little children's version too?"

"Perhaps. It could be possible. Maybe more families have members that are that stupid."

"We have to find Ronny's and see."

"And if it really is a normal book?"

"Then we have to congratulate him."

"That he had managed to learn how to read, hahaha."

"Well, even if he did, we will still prank him bad this summer."

"He is getting annoying again with the whole 'I am a friend of Harry freaking Potter and you not' nonsense."

"Suddenly he believes to be better than us all."

"Even Percy is having a hard time dealing with his ego."

"And he would understand, before this school year he was the one with the biggest ego in the family."

"So, what do we blow up?"

"How about the garden gnomes, that would be fun."

"Yeah, that is the right attitude." Undertaker said.

"Forget all that formal crap about coming at me one at a time. I'll take all you bitches on!" Sirius yelled enthusiastically as they were all fighting a bunch of monsters in Wonderland.

"Sirius, do not overextend yourself. Think of your age." Remus stated calmly.

"What I am not that old!"

"Yes, you are."

"If I am old, what is he then?" Sirius pointed his hand at Undertaker as he sliced his way through the monsters.

"If you say it like that he probably should be a fossil."

"Now now, I did not know you had a mean streak. Is it because of the pranks?" Undertaker asked with a creepy smile.

"I always wanted to ask... Why is their last name LesRouges?" Sirius asked.

"Well, I wanted to name them 'those who are soaked in blood', but that was a hassle to translate, so I went with the reds in French. It was as easy as this." Undertaker stated with a teeth-showing smile.

"Why do I kind of feel like I should seriously run really fast and hide away from the world..."Remus questioned.

"Not the world... Let's just run from him." Sirius stated.

"And Sybill, what is going to happen this year, my so-called second year at Hogwarts? Something fun? Something chaotic? Something bloody? Or just your normal, boring, everyday-the-whole-year uninteresting school year?" Undertaker asked enthusiastically, pouring more tea into his already empty cup. Sybill sitting in her chair dressed like a proper Duchess, looked for a moment thoughtful into her tea cup before turning towards him with a teeth showing smile.

"Well, something grand would indeed happen." She said with a dramatic flair. "It would be fun. There would be a panic, chaos, anarchy! No, wait, it is just a bit panic. But it would be possible that our beloved and colorblind Albus Dumbledore would even have to close the whole school down and send the children home." She said with a smirk.

"Yeaho! More vacation! And that means more time for Wonderland. I was really saddened that Severus could not come and visit us. The old man just did not leave him alone this summer, because I started on this really nice project for him, especially for him."

"Oh? That dress?"

"Yes, that dress." Both of them laughed evilly behind their cups.

"I can actually see him wearing this."

"Not of his own free will, but since when did we ever care for that? Right, lovely Sybill?"

"Right, my dear distracting Undertaker. I think we wanted to talk about the coming school year?"

"Indeed, but you know me. I always like to talk about Wonderland."

"Too true. So the school year for us is going to be great. There will be fun everywhere. We will annoy the old goat and our favorite dungeon bat, scare a few little kiddies into fainting and make complete nuisances out of ourselves for teachers and students alike."

"Sounds like fun."

"But for dear old Tommy boy it would not end so well." Sybill said now with a more serious expression. Undertaker also looked more thoughtful before answering,

"I thought his ghost-soul-wraith-thingy should be somewhere in the Albanian forest with that huge, men-eating snake again. Nothing should happen to him. I do not want something happening to him. Without the oh-so-bad Dark Lord I would only have the stinky, old headmaster to play with and he would die sometime, well, sometime in the next few years anyway that old fossil. Seriously when was the old relic born? Pre historic?"

"Ah, mysteries of life... truly..." Sybill took another sip from her tea.

"So what happens to dear Tommy-bear? Will someone find him and then end up like Quirrell? Or will he just rip the person's body, mind and soul to pieces? He was not quite happy the last time we saw him."

"That was because we were the main reason for him having this rage attack, in which he destroyed his own host-body and at the same time showed Dumbledore and co that he was still alive, not alive per se, but still here as wraith-like being. Too bad, certainly."

"Thankfully he does not know that we have the lovely little red stone and will probably never know. It is just too interesting to experiment with it, but back to the topic at hand. If he comes back to 'life' should be give him the information about anger management classes or should be just let him be?"

"That would probably be rather good and would help us all in the end. Who the hell wants such a pain filled moron returning anyway? A madman, an insane person or things like that I can understand and appreciate, but there was no intelligence, no cunningness, no wits, no thoughts about a master plan for complete world domination or at least mayor mayhem or anything else anymore. There was just pain and little Tommy's desire to let everyone feel said pain. Pathetic right?"

"Yes, it would be good to have a halfway sane Dark Lord back. Someone to whom to talk to about the fun things in life."

"Yes, talking and planning together like proper psychopaths."

"Exactly!"

"Right now, what would he do if he found out we were the reason for blowing his cover. Can you imagine what will happen to us all? Oh, I can already see it right in front of my inner eye! Torture for me and then torture for you and then a round crucio for all his Death Eaters, sounds like him, right?"

"Well, we could tell him that it was all Dumbledore's fault, which was in a way true."

"Too true. Just blame everything on him."

"It is the easiest option and have you noticed how long the old headmaster took until he finally realized the stone was gone? Was he really always that slow?"

"Fluffy running around school eating seven house elves and biting off Ms Norris' tail should have been clue enough, but apparently he did go down there and look, but the stone was already gone for the last seven hours then."

"I really hoped some of the children would be eaten too. Only a few house elves are just boring. It would have made very bad advertisement for the school and Dumbledore once again would have to explain himself to the masses. We must plan it better next time, but stop it right now. We just managed to talk about something completely different again. What about Tom Tom?"

"Well... you know about the Horcruxes?"

"Yes, anchor the soul to the world of the living and the person cannot really die until all are destroyed. He had made a few..."

"And two of them he gave to his followers for safe keeping."

"Indeed. Bellatrix and Lucius, both avid pureblood follower. Let me guess, something will happen to one of them."

"Which one do you think it is?" She asked with a teeth-showing smile.

"Since dear insane Bella is currently in Wonderland and would not be able to get into her vaults, since the Ministry had frozen hers, her husband's and her brother-in-law's vaults after throwing them into Azkaban, there is only dear Lucy left. Tell me, what will he do?"

"The usual." Sybill snorted. "Even after hundred years the Malfoy-Weasley feud is still there. Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, the extremely good looking, rich, influential, well clothed, magical powerful, perfect pureblood lord in one corner and in the other of our battle stands Arthur Weasley, fat, poor, not so good looking, muggle interested blood traitor and thoroughly Dumbledore's man. Dark against Light. Pureblood against blood traitor. Pro pureblood against pro muggleborn. Slytherin against Gryffindor. At the moment old Dumbles has far too many supporter, so what can poor Lucy do against this?"

"Bad propaganda?"

"Exacta! What would be worse than his little lovely daughter getting killed by a dark artifact? The new pro muggleborn bills will be forgotten, because of the tragedy that light family head Arthur Weasley had somehow got his hands on something dark, which his daughter must have found, and then poor Arthur himself, who must be the saddest person on earth since his only daughter just died. All in all it is a rather nice plan, but only for someone who is not aware what the little diary does."

"And how will be getting that artifact into Arthur Weasley's daughter's hands?"

"When the Weasleys go shopping of course!"

"And that dark artifact, that would kill her, is Tommy's first Horcrux?"

"Exacta!"

"But it does not work like that."

"Exacta!"

"It would take months for her to die, enough time for Dumbledore to find out something is wrong with her. Oh, no, Lucy's direction is not good at all. If Dumbledore somehow gets to know about Tom-Tom's Horcruxes, Tommy is screwed. His secret would not be safe anymore and it would be all Lucy's fault. So we must get the diary and give it to someone not in this school. It would be just too obvious. I could spare some of my future-monsters-to-be wizards I caught during this summer. That would work, right?"

"Do you want Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort to regain his body this year or sometime later?"

"Why not now? Last year was kind of boring anyway. I taught the children things they should not know about muggles, we got the stone, we made fun of Dumbledore, we let a giant three-headed untrained dog run around unsupervised, we hexed some of the brooms during Quidditch matches, we pranked some children especially the fake Harry Potter and his sidekicks, I ran around in my animagus form scaring whoever I passed, but except for that nothing really happened. It would be funny seeing Dumbledore sweat a bit more and more chaos is always good! I love chaos!"

"I know you do, but there would have been other future possibilities of letting the Dark Lord return back to power."

"If there are more, than this must mean that Lucy's plan did not really work out the way he wanted... okay. So which one would be the best for Voldy to come back?"

"Well, it would have been this one. The diary - in the best possible case - would have drained the girl dry of her magic and a young Tom Riddle would be reborn. He would be found by the wrath like piece of soul and they would merge together again. He is rather good looking, you know. He then will look like in his mid-twenties, dark brown hair, but blood red eyes, that is something nobody can change, and will have more charisma, intelligence and sanity to plan things through and make living funnier."

"Sounds great. I will asked the twins tonight to bring me her diary and when I have it I will floo back home and give it to one of my prisoners, well guests."

"Hahaha, nice. But we still need to make a bit more chaos. Maybe not in school, but you can take the basilisk from the chamber of secrets out for a walk a bit if you want."

"Sounds interesting and funny. I was not aware that Slytherin built a secret chamber."

"But please do not let the snake eat too many people, overeating is not healthy."

"Okay." undertaker chirped as he hopped away.

"So, you mean to tell us..."

"That brat Malfoy Senior..."

"Decided to mess with our family..."

"And kill our youngest sibling..."

"We do not really like her honestly..."

"Absolutely..."

"Seriously..."

"But it is not really her fault anyways..."

"The fault always lay with our parents..."

"Our mother who just spoiled her rotten just because she was a girl, the only little girl in the family..."

"And our father for his inability to reign his own wife in a bit and for once look after the children..."

"Too many interesting muggle things he has..."

"No time for something else other than work..."

"Muggle things, his wife and then the children..."

"Our mother raised us alone, but what can we say..."

"Both of them did not know when to stop having sex or at least start using protection..."

"And stop getting children to feed, clothe and raise. We would have more money that way..."

"But they are our parents, even if they are illogical and maybe a bit barmy..."

"We still love them, even bratty perfect Percy, lazy Ronnikins and little Ginevra..."

"And Malfoy just wants to kill her..."

"With the scary dark diary straight from hell..."

"Just so one of the pro muggleborn bills does not go through?"

"Is not that a little bit hardcore for such a pansy?"

"I am not quite sure what Lucy is thinking, but it seems that way. So, can you get the diary from her?" Undertaker asked.

"Of course."

"No problem."

"We are this school's best..."

"And most infamous trouble makers..."

"What does it matter, if we sneak into the girl dormitories?"

"Nobody would question us, well, they would..."

"And simply ask us, what prank we wanted to play..."

"But nobody will be aware of the devil's little diary..."

"Nobody will be any wiser..."

"And Ginny will be saved..."

"And not dead at the end of the school year..."

"Happy us..."

"Really happy..."

"We will bring it to you..."

"As soon as we can..."

"Until then..."

"Bye-bye!"

"Two weeks detention for both of you!" yelled McGonagall as she looked at the sorry state of the girl dormitories in Gryffindor house.

"Yes, ma'am!" the twins answered in union.

"What were you thinking?"

"Too much."

"Do not get cheeky with me or will make sure those detentions are served with either professor Snape or Filch."

"Okay, ma'am."

AN: Well, that was mostly randomness from most chapters I wrote and Alice in Wonderland. There are always dialogues or pits and pieces that did not fit in with the rest so I decided to post it like that and I finally managed to reach second year somehow. Huray! I was not sure, since I still had a few ideas left and still have to finish the interludes, but well, it is like it is.