This is my first holby fanfic so please R+R. It is a long one so there will be more chapters to come.

Bobbi xx

"Don't you know a thing about me? No you don't because if you did you would have to know about love, friendship and most importantly family! But you know nothing of these things, because you just hide here like the coward you really are!" She knew as soon as she had said it that she had gone too far. The way he looked up at her now was destroying her, that she could cause one man so much pain. She was a doctor, she was meant to fix people not break them, but the way he looked now she could no longer ignore that he was indeed broken. "Henrik.." She began before Hanssen quickly and sharply cut her off.

"Not another word Miss Shah." He said bitterly, his body stiffening as an almighty battle between emotions broke out. Anger was fighting for dominance but disappointment and pain were challenging. He wanted to just give her the mask of indifference, to act as like her snide little remark made no difference, but anger had won the great war of feeling. Unknown to Sahira she had touched a nerve, but she would find out about it soon enough. "Don't you dare say I'm a coward because believe me Miss Shah if you had been through half the things I have you would have crashed and burned! So I would say it is you that knows nothing about me."

Sahira stood dumbfounded with her mouth open in pure shock. His eyes were full of pure ferocity and his hands had clenched into fists. As Hanssen breathed a little some of the anger left him only to be replaced by pain. She was right, he knew nothing of love, friendship or family, not since he was nine. His mind flashed back to the last time he felt loved. He could almost feel his mother's arms around him before they took her into hospital, he could see the smile on her face, but little did he know then that that was the last time he would ever see her. No Sahira knew nothing about him but there was a reason for it, nobody would get so close to hurt him again. Yet she would not give up.

"I want to understand, I really do but you won't let me in." She gave a long sigh and pulled one of the chairs over to the desk to they could sit together as equals in some way. "I don't know where I stand with you, I can't fathom half the time if we are friends or just acquaintances."

"Like I have said before, you are my registrar and I am your director of surgery." He replied, the restraint he was using was detectable in his voice as he fought not to let anything slip again.

"No it's not just that. You let me speak to you in a way no one else would dare to, you give me opportunity after opportunity and you always try and protect me. If all I was to you was a registrar none of this would be happening." He was thrown off guard and for one second he let his true feelings reach his eyes before quickly looking down at his desk for a distraction.

Sahira had caught the look. She was inwardly shocked that she had never noticed it before. 'He's in love with you, you fool!' Her mind said to itself. No words would form no matter how hard she tried. "If you wouldn't mind Miss Shah, I have a hospital to run." She nodded her head in defeat and could feel his eyes following her as she left.

Sahira made her way back up to Darwin where Greg was swivelling on a chair in the Nurses Station and he immediately knew something had rattled her. "Hey, how did it go with Hanssen?"

His concerned eyes followed her as she came and sat on one of the chairs next to her and waited for her to speak. "Y'know I always took a sort of pride that I was the one who knew him the most," She began, "but actually I don't understand him at all.."

"Join the club. Nobody does." Greg cut in.

Sahira sighed, "But I always thought I came close, yet I realise I don't have any clue."

Greg just looked at her puzzled. "Does Miss Shah work here?" Sahira spun round to see who was asking after her. The man looked vaguely familiar but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Yes I'm Miss Shah." She said getting up and walking over to the young man. "How may I help?"

"You can start by telling me the truth!" The man shrieked. "You said he'd be fine, you said he'd make it."

Sahira looked stunned. "I – I don't understand."

"Adrian Coleson. Do you remember him? You said he'd live, you said he would be OK. Why did you lie?" He cried.

Suddenly it all came flooding back. It had been at Colchester when a teenage boy came in with a tear in his descending aorta; his younger brother, Jason was with him. The surgery started off like any routine one would but soon it turned bad. Sahira lost the patient despite her and Hanssen's best efforts. "I thought he would be OK, I didn't lie." She reasoned.

"You did lie!" Jason bellowed. Noticing the fracas, Greg was already on the phone to security. It was a good thing too because out of his pocket Jason produced a knife.

Sahira took a step back and looked behind her, to her relief Hanssen had stepped onto the ward and now was walking at some pace towards Sahira. Before she knew it she was being pushed behind the tall frame of the Director of Surgery. "Now what do you think you're doing with that?" Hanssen asked calmly.

"You were the other Doctor." Jason realised. "You killed him."

"We didn't kill him; your brother had a very serious..." Hanssen reasoned patiently before being cut off by Jason.

"You did!" Screamed Jason. "Well this is for him." He lunged forward and buried the knife into Henrik Hanssen's chest.

"Henrik!" Sahira cried as the consultant fell to the floor, she looked back up at the shocked young man with a knife covered in Hanssen's blood being restrained by security. People were beginning to come around now including Greg. "Get a towel!" She shouted to one of the nurses. A towel was dutifully flung to her. She gave it to a nurse and told her to apply pressure to the wound, he was losing a lot of blood by the second. Carefully she lifted Hanssen's head on to her lap. "Stay with me." She said softly as she stroked his face, noting that his body was slightly trembling due to the loss of blood. There wasn't so much a look of fear in his eyes, but more acceptance that he might not make it. This worried Sahira even more, as it was like he had already given up, that this was the end. She gripped his hand tightly and sternly whispered, "You are not going to die."

"Sahira..." He started wearily, the blood loss starting to take effect.

"No don't speak, we're getting you into theatre soon." She cut in as she saw the trolley being wheeled in. "You're going to have to stand. Hanssen just nodded his confirmation as Greg and Sahira helped him up on to the trolley. They placed a mask on him and began wheeling the injured doctor to Darwin 2.

"Sahira.." He tried again taking off the mask but Sahira simply placed the mask back on.

As they wheeled him out of Darwin, Greg tapped Sahira on the shoulder. "You ok to handle this?"

Sahira looked at him abhorred. "Where are you going?" She demanded furiously.

"Well Elliot just paged, I'm wanted in Darwin 1 for an emergency CABG." Sahira just looked at him, begging him silently to be joking. He wasn't. "I'm sorry, but he needs me."

"I need you!" Sahira bellowed, she couldn't believe he was doing this. God only knows what she might find when she opened Hanssen up, she would need another surgeon there. "Ok where's Jac?"

"Naylors' on leave." Greg answered, looking at the clock on the wall, he had to be in theatre soon or Elliot would have a mild coronary. "Sahira you can do this, you have to do this, for him." He said dashing off the corridor to the theatres. Sahira just stood there in shock. Coming to her senses she ran down the same way as Greg, to Darwin 2.