What Might Have Been

(Chapter One: Life)

Elliot splashed his face with water and patted it dry with the decorative hand towel from the rack beside the sink. It had been a long few weeks at work and things were finally starting to ease up a bit. Never the less, he was exhausted both physically and spiritually and was counting down the last few days before he would finally get to take a vacation.

Three months earlier his estranged wife had tossed him the divorce papers to sign on her way out the door. Kathy had said she just couldn't take it anymore, it was the job or her. And when Elliot hesitated a moment before making his decision, she made it for him as she scoffed and slammed the door behind her, driving out of town and out of his life.

It may have been the wrong choice, he thought now as he stood in the bathroom door and stared at the empty place in the bed where she used to sleep beside him. But his job was his calling and everything inside of him felt as if this were where he belonged. He spent his days putting away the bad guys, locking up rapists and molesters and trying to bring some kind of peace to the thousands of victims he met day in and day out. To quit would mean turning his back on them like so many others in the world had and pretty much telling them he didn't care anymore.

But he did care. He cared very much. He cared about the abused and the broken and wounded. He cared about the women and the children and the wronged. He cared enough that he had sacrificed his relationship with his wife to dedicate himself to finding their justice.

Kathy had wanted children. That had been their plan since they had married twelve years earlier. But after many years of late nights of fighting crime and closing cases, Elliot was never home long enough for them to try to conceive a child.

So now he stood here alone, in the home they had bought to build their family in. The house she had decorated during her twelve lonely years as Mrs. Elliot Stabler. And as much as he knew he still cared for her, he was shocked he wasn't more saddened by her leaving. Realizing for the first time that he just didn't love her anymore. Not the way he was supposed to anyway. Not the way a man is supposed to love his wife. Maybe it was inevitable. Or maybe it had been over for a long time and somehow he was just realizing it now.

Every day Elliot went to work and every night he came home alone to this empty house. Every morning started just the same, a hot shower, a cup of strong coffee and staring down the man in the mirror wondering where he'd be now if the choices he made so long ago had been different. He blinked his blue eyes and straightened his tie, then grabbed his car keys and headed out the door.

After spending the morning playing good cop, bad cop with Fin in the interrogation room it was time for an afternoon in court. Elliot was not the least bit interested in the same testimony he had already heard in so many other cases and found himself drifting off to another place.

He daydreamed the scenarios and what ifs as he waited for his turn to take the stand. He was to be the last witness called and knew this case forward and backward. Another somebody done somebody wrong, a typical every day event that turned ugly and lead to a murder victim and an abusive boyfriend with a smoking gun…..he didn't do it of course. And now with plenty of solid evidence against him as the only suspect, he sat here pleading for his freedom.

Freedom, Elliot thought to himself. That wasn't what he was thinking about when he raped and murdered his girlfriend in cold blood to keep her from leaving him. The young woman who would never be free again, because the man she thought she knew well didn't want her to be with anyone else. He was right about one thing, no one else would ever have her.

The judge called a recess for an hour break, before bringing in the next group of witnesses. Elliot thought this would be the perfect opportunity to grab a little late lunch and more caffeine from the vender around the corner to keep him going this afternoon.

He walked down the courthouse steps and made his way down the block. Standing in line he studied the menu intensely, before ordering the usual Ruben and Red Bull when he reached the window. He paid the man wand watched as they cooked his food on the grill.

In the distance the thunder began to roll and clouds hung low over the city. Elliot took a bite of his sandwich as he felt a sprinkle of rain and turned to head back to the courthouse. He watched the fast paced city goers begin to scurry even faster as the thunder boomed again and the rain began to fall a little bit harder.

He picked up the pace, hoping not to get drenched before having to take the stand. As he walked he popped the tab on the Red Bull to open the can and saw a bright flash of light, followed by a loud cracking sound.