Eli's Secret Diary

Wednesday 21-10-81

Dear Diary, today we moved house ... again.

Håkan is usually quiet, thankfully. Sometimes he just goes on and on about how he used to be someone, how he used to be respected, a pillar of the community. Like, I get it, sheesh. Anyway, it's nice and quiet in the back of the cab and I start humming an old song, to myself. After a while I can feel his eyes on me, just looking at me, all creepy like. *shudders*.

Finally we reach the run down dump that is going to be home for a while … yipee! - - - sarcasm.

As we get out of the cab I see this weird looking wussy kid just staring at me from his window. From where I'm standing it looks, for all the world, like he's naked … ew! Well I'm not putting up with that, so I go inside and wait for that dolt Håkan to bring all our stuff in. After all, it was his idea to come here, so he can do all the carrying. He takes an absolute age, even though I could carry it all in myself, in one go, I let him do it as punishment.

I think I heard that kid talking to a pig! What the hell Håkan? What kind of asylum have you brought us to?

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Thursday 22-10-81

Dear Diary, I hate Håkan.

He's done his usual trick of covering all the windows up with cardboard, that man has serious issues. I'm climbing the walls, so I go outside for some air. I thought I'd check out that jungle gym thingy I saw last night, but guess who's there? That's right, the creepy wussy kid, and he's … stabbing … a tree, … I know, right?

So I tell him straight "You're a freak, stay away from me" ... more or less. And he's all "I don't care", and I'm all "I don't care, that you don't care". It was sooo boring that I just had to go in and wait for Håkan to get back, at least he knows his place.

Did I mention that I hate Håkan?

He is totally useless. I ask him to do 'one' little bit of murdering, and he can't even do that right!

Do I have to do it myself? Well yes I do, obviously!

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Friday 23-10-81

Dear Diary, I am sooo hungry, right about now! I could eat my whole arm and that still wouldn't be enough.

That kid was out in the yard again today. Seriously, does he not like his Mom? Anyway, I told him to get lost but he starts this "I was here first" bs. This arguing gets old, so I decided to just put up with him. He was so close I could have reached over and grabbed him, drained him right there. He wouldn't have put up much of a fight. But Håkan would have been all up in my face about eating the neighbours. I really don't need that kind of drama.

This kid had some kind of puzzle thing that I had never seen before. This is relevant to my interests. You ever heard of a Rubik's Cube, diary? Me either. Anyway, this kid says I can borrow it, if I want, (do want!), but I play it cool, all nonchalant like. He says I can have it for a couple of days, Ha Sucka, it's mine now, there's no way I'm giving it back. There's one born every minute.

Once the wussy kid goes in, I get real hungry, and my guts growl sooo loud. Good job no-one hears, us girls have to maintain some kind of mystery, don't we?

I found this great tunnel place where I can be alone and give this new puzzle a workout. The only thing that disturbs me is the occasional car and some stupid fat guy that keeps coming out onto his balcony with his cats. Hehe, a crazy cat guy, it takes all sorts I suppose. There I was, minding my own business when these two drunks appear, and they're all "See you tomorrow", and "You're the best", and I'm like "Get a room, already".

One of them comes walking down to my tunnel and I'm just about to kick off about being disturbed when I think "Hello … a free meal"

I know one thing though, I'm not clearing the mess up! Time for Håkan to earn his keep. Boy, is he ever upset? Hehe.

Spent the rest of the night doing that kid's puzzle, it's not so hard. So I left it on the jungle gym for the boy. Now I've done it I don't need it any more. Maybe if I give it back to him he'll have more puzzles to give me.

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Saturday 24-10-81

Dear Diary, today I smell nice, a little pampering goes a long way.

I met that kid again today, he's called Oskar, he's not so bad. He asked me my name and I just told him, I'm so stupid, I didn't even think to lie. What a klutz! And we're the same age … er … yeah, I know. I'll tell him, when the time's right. Anyway, he's all "How did you do it?", and I'm "It's easy". He's really not that bright.

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Wednesday 28-10-81

Dear Diary, I've stayed in the last few days, Håkan pointed out that it would be prudent, he's a meanie, I'm sure it's just payback for making him clean up that bloater's body.

Met Oskar on the jungle gym, he really seems to like that thing. He was all excited about some code he'd learned. Said we could use it to talk to each other through the wall between our apartments, as if talking to each other face to face wasn't enough!

I think he likes me, but he's way too clingy for me. He's a total wuss, these kids were whipping him with a switch today at school and he did nothing, just stood there and took it. I told him, if he wanted to stand a chance with me then he would have to man up, and hit back. Y'know like, get some self esteem. You don't respect yourself, no-one else will respect you.

Kicked Håkan out of his room to do this code thing with Oskar, lol. Any excuse to be nasty to that miserable old mood killer (it's about the only thing he can kill, hehe). I know, I'm evil, what can I say?

Oskar tapped out his message on the wall between our rooms, "Sweet dreams" … what a girl *rolls eyes*.

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Thursday 29-10-81

Dear Diary, why?

Today, Oskar took me out of the yard where his precious jungle gym lives, to the local shops. I hope he didn't think this was a date, I don't 'date'. Everything was okay, we were laughing at the man in the kiosk, I upset a cat (I really like upsetting cats), it was all cool. And then he offered me a sweet. I said "No", but he didn't like that, and he went all quiet.

Well every girl knows not to accept drinks or sweets from a stranger, right? And "stabby tree kid" is a bit strange, I'm being generous here. He's more than a 'bit' strange but I can put up with most of it, anything's better than trying to talk to Håkan. Anyway, he throws a massive downer over the evening so I say "I can try one", y'know, just to lighten the mood.

To cut a long story short, I ended up puking my guts up in front of him. Yeah, real classy Eli … NOT!

So I accuse him of trying to rohypnol me, and he takes it badly. Like there a good way to take it? He was sooo angry, said he wouldn't like me even if I were a girl … that hurt, that cut real deep.

He's a total jack-ass, I hate him … no I don't :'(

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Friday 30-10-81

Dear Diary, what is happening to me?

Håkan asked me not to see Oskar tonight, I sorta let him believe I wouldn't. When the truth is, I can't see Oskar tonight because he's gone to stay at his dad's place. Why does it bother me that I misled Håkan? I don't even like him that much.

Håkan didn't come home tonight, what is he playing at? He knows I'm hungry. Can't he do anything right? That's it, if he's bungled this food run as well, I swear I'll rip his throat out.

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Saturday 31-10-81

Dear Diary, am I a bad person?

Håkan messed up. It was all over the radio. Looks like his foolproof plan wasn't Håkanproof. Went to the hospital to say 'goodbye' and he couldn't even be bothered to invite me in. And to think I felt sorry for him! Well, he'd failed me once too often, at least he can be useful to me one more time, it'll be a few days before I need another meal now.

For someone that liked to live life in the shadows, he made quiet a splash when he died, or should that be "splat"? Hehe.

Popped in to see Oskar on the way home. To be honest, I didn't feel like being alone. One thing led to another and I ended up in his bed … nekid. IKR? I am such a tease. Out of the blue he just asks if I want to go steady ... squee! I didn't think he had it in him. I can totally understand why he would want to be with me, I am a pretty good catch after all, but do I want to be with him?

I suppose it's going to be fairly quiet without misery guts hanging around any more, and I could always do with someone looking after the place in the day. Hmmm.

Just so he knows the score, I tell him, "Nothings going to change here, you'll still live with your mom, and I'll still live next door". He seems happy with that. Anyway, after it's all sorted he just rolls over and goes to sleep! Huh, men!

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Thursday 05-11-81

Dear Diary, why can't I ever catch a break?

Met Oskar from after-school club, he's working out, I think he's trying to impress me. He took me to a secret den he knew of, just the two of us, alone. He had something in mind, I was hoping he wasn't going to try and get fresh with me, I'm not that type of girl.

He told me that he had put a boy in hospital today, I think he did it because I told him to stand up for himself … kewl.

As it turns out, I wish he had tried to get fresh. Why did he do that? Why did he spill his blood? He spilled it all over the floor, I couldn't let it go to waste now, could I? It would be … a waste.

So now it's all out in the open. Oskar knows what I am, and now he'll hate me. I ran away, 'cos that's what I do when things get heavy, I run. I was scared, and I was angry, and she was there, and I don't think I killed her. This can only end badly … for her.

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Saturday 07-11-81

Dear Diary, I'm so confused.

Oskar showed up at my place tonight. He had been avoiding me the past two days, and I him. Turns out he ran away from his dad's place, or as Oskar put it, he ran to be with me. 3

He was cautious and sweet to start with, lots of questions, but then I blew it. I showed him the money I'd collected and he freaked. He was fine with me killing people but didn't like it when I took their money … that they didn't need any more … go figure.

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Monday 09-11-81

Dear Diary, why do I like him?

I decided to go round and see Oskar in his apartment, well he came to me last time so I thought I should return the favour. I knew his mom was out so I just rang the doorbell. I know, I'm brazen.

He answered the door and I just felt so happy to see him, I gave him a really big smile. Seriously, if I'd smiled any more all the bulbs in the apartment block would have blown. Then he started this thing about me not being able to come in if he didn't invite me, like he's the boss of me. So I'm all "Hey loser-boy, no-one tells me what I can and cannot do". Turns out I can't just walk in like that, who knew? Wasted a perfectly good frock because of him. So I cleaned myself up and stole one of his mom's dresses. She'll never know, she'd outgrown the one I chose, it was at least two sizes too small for her … meow … lol.

I hope he didn't peek through the gap in the door when I was getting dressed. OMG he totally peeked didn't he? What a perv!

Had to make a break for it out of the window when his mom came back early. Didn't want to get caught in an apartment alone with a boy, I have my reputation to think of.

Once his mom was asleep he came round, and we talked, and talked. I really like him, a lot.

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Tuesday morning when I should have really been asleep. 10-11-81

Dear Diary, just what I didn't need.

Was woken by Oskar shouting. Looked up to find some old drunk dude standing in MY bathroom with a knife in his hand. Well okay, it was only a penknife, but it was still a knife. I was livid! No-one disturbs my beauty sleep and gets away with it. Anyway, he won't be doing that again, that's for sure.

Oskar was pretty cool about me killing the old guy. It was him or me, Oskar could see that. Sadly, it meant I couldn't stay, and I would have to move on. It broke my heart to have to tell Oskar that we wouldn't see each other ever again, and I could see it was the same for him. We kissed for the first time, and probably the last.

I hate my life.

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Tuesday 10-11-81

Dear Diary, this sucks.

Tonight I left to find another place to live. I promised myself I wouldn't look back as the cab left, but I did. Poor Oskar was just standing there in the window, lost and alone. I cried.

I want to die.

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Thursday 12-11-81

Dear Diary, enough is enough. No more moping around.

Went to see Oskar at his after-school workout. I hoped he was there and he was. Decided to wait outside and plan what I wanted to say to him.

Turned out I wasn't the only one that wanted a word with Oskar. Those twisted bullies were going to kill him. MY Oskar! No-one's allowed to kill my Oskar but me, I called dibs on him ages ago.

They learned their lesson, no-one messes with MY boyfriend and walks away from it.

I think I'll check out the train times, don't want to get predictable and travel by cabs all the time.

Hmmm, I wonder if Oskar can kill yet?

/fin