I decided to do this story for after Season 2's finale. I figured Jane can't live with Maura hating her so this is my angst one-shot.
I do not own the characters from Rizzoli & Isles. Also I revised this chapter because I now have Word on my laptop. So I hope for the best of this chapter.

-Love,
Kathymata

Thinking

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Importance

"I wonder how you say goodbye to someone forever." Ann M. Martin

Jane's P.O.V: - To say goodbye forever.

There are times where I sit in my apartment all alone and no one can save me from the self hatred going own in my own mind. I realize during these times how lucky I was to my Maura has my best friend...My Only Best Friend. Now I have to live with the fact that she hates my guts and never wants to see me again, drinking only cheap beer from the liquor store down the street. Drinking my pain away, pitying myself for being such a fool. I hated my self for pulling the trigger, why couldn't Maura see that.

Why did everyone look at me with pity? Can't they tell I don't want it? Or are they just trying to make me feel more like an ass? How much farther do I have to suffer till enough is enough? I can't live without Maura, or at least that's what I used to believe.

Maura was always the one I loved. I didn't realize that till she told me to stay away from her. How can I say goodbye to someone forever? I can't do that while I'm still breathing. It hurts too much to imagine a life without you. I found out how to say goodbye to you and never have to deal about the choice I made to shoot even when I wasn't in any real danger.

So here I am with a bottle of ice-cold beer and a nice plain, white medicine bottle at my disposure, typing this heart-felt e-mail to the one woman that completely held my heart and still holds even in death. So here it goes...

Maura,

I'm completely sorry about the way everything went down at the burnt factory. Just realize that I would never hurt you, or intended to. Now when you receive this e-mail I would have probably hurt you two times in a row now, if this causes any pain to you. I just wanted to say a few things to you.

First, I'm in love with you and I didn't realize that I had something good for once till it was too late.
I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you like I promised, so now I'm making it up. I'll never intend for things to end the way it did. I told you that as long as I'm a live no one will hurt you. It's now a broken promise. I never broken a promise to you and never intended to.

Secondly, you'll be the only person I talked to for now on. Because I might be a hero to others, but to my self I'm a coward with a badge and a gun.
Knowing that I hurt you and you think that I'm a cold-blooded murder like Hoyt changes everything.
I never cared for what others thought, only you. Now you won't even look at me like you once did.
Full of pride and love, but you would never see me like that.

I hope you can find someone who can actually protect you from any more hurt, because I'm no longer that person. Nor will I ever be again. I will always love you, Maura. Please that my family and friends that I'm sorry for what I'm about to do today. And I don't want you to cry over me because I'm not worth it. And it was never your fault, so don't blame yourself.

-Love always,
Jane Rizzoli

And with that I hit the send button before shutting off my laptop. I wrote down things that I wanted to be done with my body if anyone came looking for me. I always wrote a note to everyone who needed an explanation for this. After I got off the sofa and filled Jo's doggy bowl so she'll have food and water to last until someone came.

Grabbing a beer and savoring the last one I would ever drink I threw it against the wall once I was done. God damn-it!
How can I ever hurt Maura, I loved her more than life it's self... was all that I thought. Cleaning up my apartment one last time I smiled at all the memories that were made in here, good and bad, before walking into the restroom.

Once I was done filing the bath with hot water so I can at least be relaxed when I died. Grabbing my old pain meds, from when I shot myself to protect Frankie and Maura, I grabbed a hand full and swallowed them. Some where from my room my cell phone was going off, some must be calling.

Taking off all my clothes and folding them neatly in a pile I know that Maura would have lectured me for making a mess.
Slowly I sat in the bath, waiting for my body to get used to the temperature before laying down relaxing. I grabbed the glass I place on the edge of the corner of the bath, but I couldn't get a grip and it went crushing to the ground. I can hear a banging from my front door. I wonder if Maura already read the E-mail.

I sat there for couple of seconds before I heard the door click, signaling it was unlocked. Too many people have a key to my apartment. I can hear my name being shouted, but I already knew who it was, as heels click across the floor. Slowly I feel my body relax and become exhausted. My mind is starting to slow down as well as my heart beat. I can no longer feel the temperature of the water. I'm close to death's door now. I hear the bathroom door open but it seems so far away. I can't even look to see who it is. I no longer have control of my body.

In the corner of my eye Maura comes into my line of vision. She's talking but I can't hear her, it's not understandable anymore. Everything has become all jumbled together. All she does is look at me; tears wells up in her eyes as she takes me out of the bath and register CPR on me, trying to save my life. It's probably too late to be saved now.

A couple of thrusts later an EMT comes into the bathroom and places me on a gurney. I guess she called 911 like she is suppose to. He puts an oxygen mask around my mouth and nose, trying to regulate my breathing again. I slowly feel my eyes close. I have no more energy in me. I welcome the darkness it consumes me with welcome arms. I see Maura sitting next to me in the Ambulance. I always hated hospitals, I try to give her a weak smile but I'm to far gone now. In a couple of seconds I would be completely engulf by darkness. I see Maura crying. All I want to do is comfort her, but I can't I don't deserve to I lost her the day I shot her father...

I take in her beauty one last time before I closed my eyelids; they became too hard to keep open. I don't know how long they've been closed but I can feel warmth spread through my body once again. It's still dark around me no light anywhere. Just warmth and a voice.
But I don't know whose. It sounds like Maura's but I highly doubt it. But I can't open my eyes. I hear them crying mow but I can't comfort them. I don't know if I would ever want to wake up. I'll stay here wandering around this black abyss trying to find any thing worth finding.

My name is Jane Rizzoli and I trapped myself in a never ending sleep and I can't find my way out of this black hell.

So I'm sorry for how it ended. I wanted to kill Jane but I couldn't do that to Maura. So yes Jane is in coma. This was made to be a one-shot but if I get enough reviews or likes then I'll probably continue it. Till next time...

-Kathymata