I apologize for my lack of updates on this story (is anyone even still reading it...?) anyways I would respond to my reviewers but I don't have enough time! Sorry! So I hope just a thank you very much suffices! D;

~ Chapter 11 ~

-Who are you?-

"Yo! Shizuo-kun!" Kadota yelled towards the lost in thought blond.

Shinra was sitting next to him, just like the other day. He had the side of his face resting on his palm while his elbow supported his hand on the lunch table. "Shizuo-kun, what's wrong?" Shinra asked curiously. When he got no answer, he glanced over to Kadota. "He's been like this ever since this morning, it's so weird. I've never seen him act this way before." Shinra added with a hint of worry in his voice.

Kadota tore his gaze away from Shizuo to look at Shinra. "Did something happen?"

Shinra shrugged. "I don't know, we were walking this morning like always and as soon as we walked through the gates he stopped. I looked at him and he looked like he'd seen a ghost!"

"Was he pale in the face?" Kadota questioned curiously.

"He just got stiff all of a sudden and his eyes got a little bigger! I looked towards where he was looking but I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I don't know what's up with him."

"Has he even spoken since this morning?"

"Hm, yeah. Not too much though, I'm sure he's just thinking more than anything. I wonder what he saw that made him act like this…"

"Me too."

Shizuo stared out the window next to him as the two others spoke about him. He could hear them talking, but the words wouldn't sink into his brain long enough for him to register what they were saying. He just knew it was about him. He'd seen them calling towards him as he gazed out the window from the corner of his eye. He was sure they wanted to know why he wouldn't speak to them, but he didn't feel like talking until he knew for sure what his thoughts were telling him right now.

He'd seen someone this morning, someone walk into the school just as they had arrived. Shizuo had only seen the back of his head, but at that very moment he felt like time slowed to a halt and memories began flooding his mind. They were memories of when he was ten years old, which was nearly eight years ago. He saw a boy in his memory; this boy had black hair but no face. He couldn't remember his face, his name, or really who he was at all

But he was there, inside Shizuo's memory.

There was no way he was making any of this up, it all felt too real. The memories were real; he knew they were but this boy he couldn't remember, who was he? Why did he think of him seeing who he saw today? Why did his memory pair the two? He didn't understand. He was confused and frustrated, confused as to why memories of eight years ago were resurfacing and frustrated that he couldn't even remember who he was.

Who he had saw today looked so familiar. Even though he had only seen the back of his head, just that few seconds it took for his mind to analyze what he was seeing, it made him stop all together. Ever since then he had been thinking about this. He couldn't get it off his mind; he wanted to know this boy in his memory. He wanted to know why he couldn't remember anything about him, but there were things that stuck out to him. There were moments that almost revealed his face, but they still stayed clouded.

He wanted to understand why this was happening to him, was it possible that who he had saw this morning was the same boy in his memory?

There was no way. He clearly remembered saying goodbye to him, he remembered watching a car drive away and he remembered feeling hurt. Were they friends? Had they been friends? After eight years, it would be expected not to remember someone, but the fact that he did must mean that he had meant something to Shizuo. He couldn't even remember half of his classmate's names, faces, but he could remember a boy from eight years ago and match him with someone he saw today. They probably weren't even the same person.

What if they were? What if that was him? What did this mean? What was he supposed to do if it was? Track him down and question him, ask him why he was in his memory but couldn't remember his face?

Wait, wouldn't Shinra know? He was there in his memory too, with that boy. Would he remember his name? His face? Who he was?

Shizuo glanced away from the window to look at Shinra with almost a serious expression on his face.

"Eight years ago… in middle school… there was another kid who hung out with us, wasn't there?" Shizuo asked.

Shinra was a little taken back by the sudden question. He seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding his head. "Yeah… there was!" Shinra then raised an eyebrow. "Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"

Shizuo ignored him, instead asking his own question. "What was his name? What did he look like?"

"Hmm…" Shinra removed his elbow from the table to cross his arms and close his eyes. A moment later he shook his head. "I don't remember… he wasn't really around very long…" Shinra opened his eyes then tilted his head to the side slightly. "How come you're so curious about this boy anyways?"

Shizuo turned his head back towards the window. Shinra had been no help at all; he was just back where he started now. Lost inside his thoughts, trying to piece together and clear up his fogged memory.

He couldn't do it. No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn't figure any of it out. The boy's face remained a clouded mystery to him. After all these years, why would he think of this now? Why did it have any importance to his life now? If he couldn't stop thinking about it, if it was troubling him so much, it meant something didn't it? He wished he knew these answers. Shizuo knew that the boy's face was somewhere inside his mind, his identity was there but it was lost and Shizuo couldn't find it no matter how hard he looked.

"I think I saw him this morning." Shizuo finally replied. His voice trailed showing he was still among most of his thoughts.

"Whoa! Really?" Shinra appeared very interested by his reaction. "I can see why you stopped like that then! I wonder if you really did! How cool would that be?"

Kadota glanced between them; surely he was feeling quiet lost between them. "What do you mean?"

"There was a boy who use to hang out with Shizuo-kun and I in middle school, he didn't stay very long, only about three weeks… but Shizuo-kun thinks he saw him this morning." Shinra looked over to Shizuo. "I can't believe you remember something like that! I had to really think about it to remember."

"I don't remember anything about him; I just know he was there." he admitted. He almost felt bad about it, that he couldn't remember.

"Hm, me too… I don't really remember what he looked like or his name, but I know he was there too!" Shinra frowned to himself. "I sure wish I could remember, I really liked him."

Shizuo didn't say anything. Had he even liked this boy? What had their relationship been like? Why was this happening? Why couldn't he remember? He knew all of the answers were somewhere inside his head, but why couldn't he bring them out? Shizuo glared out the window before slamming his fist on the table, making it crack and the other two sitting in front of him jump.

"Damn it…" Shizuo slowly rose from his seat and glanced to Shinra and Kadota carelessly. "I'll see you guys later." he said before picking up his bag and throwing it over one shoulder then jamming his hands into his pockets and walking away from the table.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Shinra called at him.

"Gonna think."

xXxXx

Shizuo had gone to the only place he knew he'd be alone, the roof. No one ever went to the roof of the school, so he knew that his thoughts would be uninterrupted. He wasn't sure what it was going to do, but he knew that he needed to think things through. He needed to make sense of all this because he could barely stand not knowing. He felt like a secret was being kept from him, and he wanted to know what it was.

What was his name?

Where did he go?

Who was he?

Why? Why was he there inside his head?

Shizuo could remember, he had come over to his house, he remembered being worried, he remembered sitting in the dark with him. He could see all of the scenes in his head, but the words he spoke were blurred and the boy's face was the same. Everything was hazy; it had been so long ago that he wasn't even sure if he could really ever remember. There had to be a reason for all of this, just randomly thinking of someone you hadn't seen in eight years didn't just pop into your brain.

This morning, that guy, the back of his head looked almost the same as the one he could see in his head. That didn't mean they were the same person though, he remembered the boy had moved away. He couldn't be here, that couldn't be him. Shizuo couldn't bring himself to seriously believe that it was. This could all be just him overthinking things, but he couldn't help but wonder about it. What if it was him? Would he remember Shizuo? If he saw his face, would the holes in his memory fill in? Would he remember?

Shizuo stood in front of the fence that kept anyone from falling; his hand twisted the metal but made sure not to use too much force to break it. This was annoying. This was really annoying. He wanted to know, he almost felt like he needed to know. That if he didn't he'd go crazy, right now he felt like he just might. Things like this didn't just happen, that guy triggered his memories to lie out before him. There was a reason for this, but this reason he did not know.

What was he supposed to do? Could he find him somewhere in the school and ask him for his name? As weird as that may be, he was tempted to do it just to calm his frenzied mind. Though, that could be nearly impossible. How many other guys at this school had black hair? Quite a few, finding him wouldn't be easy. Shizuo almost wished that he had chased after him and turned him around just so he could have seen his face, so that maybe this wouldn't be so hard to remember someone.

He still lingered on the thoughts of the possibility of it being him, what did this mean? What could it mean? Were they friends or enemies? Were they in between? He could faintly remember liking the presence of his boy, so did that mean they were friends? If he was thinking about this so much, he must have liked him. Could they really have been friends all those years ago? Would that explain why he wanted to know so badly? Did he want that friend back? Did he want this boy in his life again?

If only he knew the answers.

The answers could be so close to his reach, that if only he could dig deeper into his subconscious he might remember.

Shizuo let go of the gate and let his hand slowly fall to his side, he continued to gaze at the city, the buildings, the roads, the people and trees until there was nothing left unseen. He didn't know what to do, what really could one do in a situation like this except wait? All he could do was wait and see how this all unfolded, maybe he would run into this guy again or maybe he wouldn't.

He turned from the gate and began his decent towards the door; he really shouldn't be worrying about it so much. He didn't know why he was.

"Tch, I'm an idiot." he growled to himself, he really was. Why should he care so much about something like this? Who knows how much time he had wasted thinking about it. What was he turning into? The last thing he should be doing was trying to reminisce with memories. Who cares if that was the kid from his memory or not, he shouldn't give a shit either way.

xXxXx

As soon as Shizuo sat down in his seat class had started. Thanks to damn Shinra he'd nearly been late. This was the last class of the day and he'd almost been late on the second day, he almost felt like Shinra had done it on purpose. He glanced up at the board from his seat which so happened to be almost in the back of the classroom, the board said something about taking notes on the lecture the teacher would be giving today. Though it was then he realized that the teacher wasn't even in the room yet, no wonder others were still talking.

Figuring he might as well get ready, he leaned over to open up his bag and pull out and pencil and notebook and placed them on the desk. Once he did that, he opened it to a random page and stared at it for a moment before beginning to write his name on the paper. Since the teacher wasn't even here yet, he decided to take his time writing it too.

Though not even two minutes into writing his desk started almost vibrating. Like someone was kicking it, he tried to ignore it but it was beginning to get on his nerves, obviously whoever sat in front of him wanted some kind of death wish. Once he finished writing his name, and another kick came to his desk, he snapped his head up.

"The hell is your problem?" he nearly yelled at them. At first he glared strongly, but slowly his face turned to almost shock. The guy who had been kicking his desk, he hadn't been there yesterday but he looked insanely familiar. That black hair… it couldn't be… it wasn't.

"Oh? Was that irritating you?"

His face, even his voice… there was no way, because just looking at this guy pissed him off. There was no way that this guy was the kid from back then. Even if he looked so familiar, there was no way it could be him. Shizuo wouldn't believe it. Whoever this guy was, he really pissed him off. Just looking at him made him angry. The way he smirked at him like he enjoyed annoying him made Shizuo want to rip it right from his face.

Shizuo sneered at him. "What do you want?"

He leaned forward so that he could rest his elbow on Shizuo's desk and rest his chin on his palm. The smirk turned into a fake act of innocence. "I thought that it was only polite to introduce myself, don't you think so?" his voice was so sarcastic, Shizuo hated him already.

"Why would I wanna know your name? Give me a reason to give a shit." Shizuo growled at him, he wanted to punch him in the face. Anything that would get him to just turn around and stop looking at him like that.

He gasped dramatically like he was hurt by Shizuo's words, he was a horrible actor. "So rude, someone should teach an idiot like you some manners." he went back to smirking at seeing Shizuo twitch with rage. "Well I'll tell you anyways," he reached out his hand towards Shizuo. "My name's Orihara Izaya."

Shizuo stilled. What? Everything began flooding in, every memory he had of that kid eight years ago was flashing through his mind. This time his face was clear, and he could hear the sound of his voice. All of which resembled the one before him. Shizuo slowly came to the realization that his what if's might have been correct. This could be the kid who had moved away, who had been his friend, who had been the only one to say he wasn't a monster.

No.

No way. He couldn't be. Shizuo felt his eye twitch, there was no way this could be him. This guy pissed him off, there was no way they could ever have been friends.

Izaya laughed mockingly at him. "Did you forget how to speak? What's your name? Or are you not going to tell me?"

Shizuo slapped his hand away. "Get outta my face. You piece of shit."

Izaya barely even looked fazed by Shizuo's insult. "Hmph. Fine, if you won't tell me your name…" Izaya grabbed the notebook that had been in front of Shizuo before he could stop him. "Let's see… Shizuo Heiwajima…" Izaya then laughed again as he threw the notebook down on the table carelessly. "What a dumb name!" he said through his laughter.

Shizuo bundled his fist under the table, he was ready to punch him. "Like yours is any better?" he shot back. Izaya had a lot of nerve; he was as rotten as his smell. Shizuo was convinced that his mind must have made a mistake. There was no way in hell this guy was the kid he had known all those years ago.

Eventually Izaya stopped laughing and gave him a light smirk. He stared at him for many minutes, with the silence growing between them it made Shizuo twitch even more. What was he playing at? What was he trying to do to him? Could he tell how angry he was and how badly he wanted to kill him?

"What!" Shizuo finally snapped, getting tired of being stared at so intensely.

Izaya went back to resting his chin on his palm. "You act like you don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"You act like you don't remember me."

Shizuo continued to glare, what the hell was he talking about? This was the first time they were ever meeting; Shizuo had convinced himself of this. "I've never met you before!" Shizuo glanced away from him. "You must be confusing me with someone else."

"Nope, I'm not confusing you with anyone." Izaya then frowned playfully. "How could you forget about me?" he said in a very childish voice, "you promised you wouldn't, or do you not remember that, Shizuo-kun… or maybe Shizu-chan."

As soon as Shizuo looked at Izaya, the teacher came into the classroom and with that Izaya turned forward after throwing a smirk in Shizuo's direction.

Shizu-chan…

xXxXx

Shizuo had left school as soon as the bell had rung, not letting anyone catch up to him even if they called his name. He had walked right past Shinra who he had managed to mention that he wanted to walk back alone on his way by.

He hadn't exactly walked home, more like spirited. The reason for this was because he needed to find something, this one thing he knew would clear up everything. He hadn't even looked at the thing since he was ten years old, but he knew that he still had it somewhere among his things. When he had moved out of his parent's house, he had brought everything. The only things he threw away were clothes that didn't fit him anymore or some other junk.

Once Shizuo reached the apartment complex, he was barely even out of breath. Thanks to his incredible strength he had a lot more stamina, making it easier for him to run for longer without getting tired very quickly. Shizuo hurried up the stairs as fast as his legs would take him, sometimes even skipping a few steps just so he could get there sooner. At the front door, he walked over to a potted plant and picked it up to revile a key sitting underneath it. This was so cliché but it was Shinra's idea.

With the small key in his hand, he pushed it into the lock and turned it, the lock on the other side of the door clicked and the door opened. Shizuo walked through the door and almost slammed it behind him; he dropped his bag by the door and placed the key on the kitchen table as he walked by it towards his room. He passed by three doors before reaching the door that led to his room. Shizuo wasted no time hurriedly opening it then closing it shut right behind him.

His room was nothing impressive or like the one at his parent's. This room was much smaller, there was no actual bed, instead he had a rollaway futon that he slept on which wasn't all that bad. The rest of his room consisted of clothes thrown everywhere. He wasn't exactly that neat, so unless he was nagged about it, he never cleaned up his things. There was a single closet which held some of his clothes, but more importantly a few boxes he had never unpacked. They held items that he didn't want just left sitting out.

Shizuo walked in front of the closet and pulled open the wooden sliding door, inside were clothes hanging on racks and three boxes stacked into the corner. He sat down on his knees and pulled the first box over in front of him. He peeled off the duct tape and pushed the box open, inside was many different items wrapped up in paper to keep them from breaking as he had been carrying them. He searched through the box, not opening anything that was wrapped up in the paper unless it was a certain shape he was looking for.

After a minute of searching, he closed the box and placed it on the other side of the closet, well it wasn't in there. Shizuo then grabbed the second box and did the same; he looked through it, pulling out random items and looking them over to figure out there shape.

On the very bottom of this box, he pulled out exactly what he was looking for. He knew this was it with it still being wrapped up in the paper; he could see the star outline. Shizuo unwrapped it and discarded the paper to the ground. In his hands was now a blue star, given to him by a friend ten years ago. Saying that as long as they kept them, they would always find each other again. Shizuo looked it over many times, different thoughts racing through his head.

"Izaya-kun…" he found himself mumbling. Was that really him? Was he the same Izaya? Shizuo closed his eyes and gripped the star tightly, but not so tight that it would break.

"You aren't a monster Shizuo-kun… you saved me."

"I really like you Shizu-chan."

"I don't like to see you cry either Shizu-chan, even that one time when you tried to hide it, I knew you were. I know if I become stronger I'll be able to take away your tears."

"I know people call you a monster Shizu-chan, and I know you think of yourself as one… but to me, you'll always just be Shizu-chan!"

"Because I like you Shizu-chan, and I never want to lose you."

"Promise me you won't ever change. That you won't try and change anything about yourself."

"I like you the way you are, and I don't want you to change anything about who you are."

"I won't change! You don't have to worry about that Shizu-chan!"

"I want to live with Shizu-chan in the sky! We could live on the stars!"

"I'll miss you a lot…"

"I won't. I promise! You can't forget about me either!"

As Shizuo opened his eyes, he found tears running down his face. Everything they had promised as children was broken; it was like finding out his childhood had been a lie. The one he had met today was Izaya whether he wanted to believe it or not. Things had changed, they both had changed and there were now many broken promises he was just remembering.

Why did this hurt so badly? Why did his chest now ache with this pain? He felt lied to, Izaya had broken his promises. He'd changed; he wasn't the boy he used to know. He became someone that Shizuo now hated even after just meeting. The memories now were just far away wishes of fantasies that could never come true, if only he had known that this would happen in the future and he would have never become friends with him.

Shizuo began to remember things clearly now, the sleepover and going outside after midnight with Izaya just to look up at the sky. He was remembering things that were better left forgotten. They had been stupid promises, and had been bound to be broken by their separation and just growing up. If only he had known better.

He felt so weak and pathetic crying over something like this, or even crying at all. Crying made him feel so stupid, but he couldn't stop, this pain hurt and the only way he could find to deal with it was just crying over it. Crying over shattered promises and dreams, and reuniting with someone who had changed so much. He wondered why this all felt so painful, maybe it was because he wanted to be friends with the Izaya he had first met, not what he had turned into.

Eventually he pulled himself together, swiping his tears away with his sleeve. He gazed at the star and was tempted to just smash it to pieces, but something kept him from doing it. So instead, he just placed it back into the box and put both boxes back into the closest.

After he shut the door, he leaned against it and gazed up at his ceiling. What was he supposed to do now? Now that the friend he had made so many years ago and that he had cared so much about was gone? Thinking back on it, Izaya was pretty much his first crush. As strange as that sounded in his head now, did Izaya still feel the same way he had for him when they were younger? Obviously Izaya had remembered Shizuo right when he saw him.

Tomorrow, he would have to try and have a pleasant talk with Izaya.