Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before: The Villain Gotham Deserves and the Villain Gotham Needs

Author: Palgrave

Fandom(s): The Dark Knight / Megamind

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The Joker and all Batman related characters, concepts, situations etc property of Time-Warner and DC Comics. Megamind and all related characters, concepts, situations etc property of Dreamworks Animation, Red Hour Productions and Paramount. All feedback welcome, as long as it's constructive.

Author's Notes: Part of the Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before series, which is basically a glorified way of me trying to cram Ledger!Joker into as many crossovers as I can possibly think of.

Summary: Some styles of villainy are just mutually incompatible.

It's the same question, every time. Only the answers change.

They always want to know. Deep down. Even as the ants cringe away from him in terror, their eyes are drawn to his scars, to the Glasgow smile torn raggedly into his cheeks, a permanent angry red smile at the madness of the world and the joke that only he is willing to get.

They always want to know. And so he offers to satisfy their curiosity.

Every time, the same question.

"Do you want to know," The Joker asks, licking his lips, "how I got these scars?"

Except even the Joker isn't prepared for some of the answers he gets.

"Not particularly," the man with the oddly large blue cranium sniffs dismissively. Seconds later, the Joker is very surprised to find himself suddenly turned into a tiny, glowing blue cube of compressed water sitting uselessly on the tarmac of the alleyway.

"Man," Blue-Head Guy declares, returning his dehydration gun to his holster with a swish of a black leather cloak that just screams 'evil genius', "that guy was weird. This town really needs a better class of villain, Minion."

"Couldn't agree more, sir," the alien piranha floating in the helmet-tank of the titanium death-gorilla themed suit who appears out of the invisible car hiding in the shadows (not that it needs to hide in the shadows, really, being invisible, but better safe than sorry; this is Gotham City, after all) replies cheerfully.

"And it's up to us to give it to them, Minion," Blue-Head Guy continues, warming to his subject. "And with that do-gooding buffoon Metro Man still in Metrocity and not around to stop us..."

"I do hear this city has a hero of it's own, sir."

A dismissive hand is waved. "He's doubtlessly a fool as well, no match for my brilliant intellect and easily defeated." Minion wisely refrains from pointing out how many times said brilliant intellect hasn't allowed him to defeat Metro Man or prevented him from going to jail or, indeed, achieve any of his evil goals. Neither of them pays any attention to the little blue cube by their feet as it tries and fails to scream desperately about how this city will be his and the Batman will die by his hand and he'll cut this idiot interloper to ribbons and throw what's left on the fire as the world burns around him.

"And soon, Minion, we shall transform this place into our evil plaything of evil! We will take this... Gothomcity, and mold it into our own image! We shall make these mindless drones fear our names by committing such a devilishly fiendish at-ro city..."

"Um, it's pronounced 'atrocity', sir."

"Atrocity, that they will soon tremble at the evil name of MEGAMIND!"

The alleyway echos with Megamind's name for only a moment before the most diabolical supervillain the world had ever known and his accomplice in crime began to laugh diabolically, contemplating their next course of action. Some men just want to watch the world burn. And other men think that's boring and would rather have lots more fun tying the world to the railroad tracks and sniggering evilly while they wait by their solar-powered death cannon for the hero to show up.

"So," Minion says cheerfully, once the routine diabolical laugh is completed, "First move, kidnap Roxanne Ritchi?"

Megamind rolls his eyes at Minion's ridiculousness. "Well, obviously, Minion."

In his ignored water-cube prison, the Joker rages ineffectually as Minion absently picks him up and stuffs him in a pocket.