A/N: This chapter has been updated as of 4/5/2020. :)

Chapter 1: I wasn't Ready To Go.."

"How long has it been now...A month, right? That sounds about right.." Kaname Kururugi thought to herself, slowly making her way up the steps of the Kururugi shrine dressed in her Junior high uniform. The setting sun radiated an orange tint across the city of Tokyo, Japan signifying the late evening as she returned home before her parents could worry. She met up with a few friends after school to have lunch, the sheer luxury of eating in a restaurant with her school mates again not taken for granted and to be honest, she could use the distraction. If only they had known what she endured a month ago. Those tales were kept to herself, sure she would sound like insane explaining it all to her friends. They were better off giggling about others who attended their school and complaining about grades and teachers. Those modern teenage things did not compare to the simple life in the darkness of a forest or a rotting old shed with the stars, the moon, and a well-lit campfire as your only means to see. Eating fresh caught fish or a recently killed animal. If lucky enough a nice bag of chips or a bowl of Ramen. The dirt and grass was one's chair and bed. For her and her new friends, that was luxury. Being alive, healthy, and together. Having each other close by and planning their next movement knowing that they would make it to the sunrise. Inside, she wanders if this was even normal anymore.

Yeah, that felt like forever ago now but it had only been a month's time since she returned home from her trip to the other world. The Feudal Era; 500 hundred years into the past where demons and all sorts of evil existed. And it has honestly been the worse month of her life. There was no excitement, no sense of adventure. Just the everyday patterns of the average teenager and trying to keep up with everyone she knew at school. Compared to the weeks she spent in the Feudal Era with all the adventures and friends she made along the way, home was just...dull. Dull and lonely. Just a rut of getting up, going to school, doing chores and then heading to bed. Fortunately, she was able to keep in contact with the elder school student Kagome Higurashi and the half demon InuYasha who was able to pass through the Bone-Eater's Well. A pleasure she was denied on various occasions. Mainly because it was not the way she entered into the past in the first place. In the month she was gone, they had only contacted her twice. It lit her soul when they came, and made her readjustment back into her normal life a little easier, and yet it tore her inside when they had to depart. But that was only two of many she encountered and befriended. She missed them all. Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, Kohaku, Rin, Utsugi, Lady Kaede, Grandpa Kakuju, and even that stoic Lord Sesshomaru. As well as many others who have assisted in their adventure. It has been weeks since she last saw Kagome or InuYasha. Worry set in that something serious may have happened, but she knew her friend's strength. They could overcome anything...right?

Then there was the new power she discovered within herself with the help of her old Ancestor of that time, Kakuju. The spiritual power called Shikigami. It gave her a feel of usefulness in that world and it even made her stronger, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Like her close friends, it gave her hope when had her doubts. It made her feel strong when she was on her own and more importantly, it connected her to their world. A welcomed blessing. However, ever since her return to the present time, Kaname's found that maybe her new found ability was only valuable in that time. In this time period, it has not been as strong as when they defeated Naraku once and for all. If anything, it could be fading away. With every attempt in summoning the power, the results became more disappointing and it was getting to the point where she would simply discourage herself from trying. And like her shikigami, her hope of using it again faded as well. All the strength she thought had inside her waned over time.

Finally reaching the top of the stair, Kaname's sorrowful gaze turned to the storage warehouse where it all began for her. Nothing had changed about its outside. It was still the old and dusty storing facility. The hole that caught her foot a month ago had been repaired by her father after she made him aware of it. After he finished it, Kaname asked him if had seen anything strange about the hole for a while. He said no, not much to her surprise. It was "just a hole in the rotted, broken wood planks" he insisted. Absentminded of her actions as she was lost in thought, Kaname's feet slowly carried her in the direction of the storage.

"I just wonder how they are doing, that's all..Kagome tells me that everything is alright..But.." She stopped at the door of the storage room finally realizing that she had approached it. Her delicate fingers pressed against the wooden doors, tentatively sliding to the metal handles. Despite what Kagome had told Kaname, there was not much of anything told about..Rin or Sesshomaru. If they are alright, too. Perhaps it was some lingering guilt for getting innocent Rin kidnapped by Naraku. Surely, Sesshomaru wouldn't hold that against her, would he? She never really got the chance to make amends for that, let alone confess how it was somewhat her fault it happened. Kaname thought a little more before sighing and closing her eyes as she pressed her forehead against the doors.

"Kaname! Are you out here!" A deep, male's voice called out, causing her to take her hand away in a quick jerk back and turn in the direction.

"Uhh, Yeah dad! I'm home now! Kaname yelled, running back around to her home. Her father stood there at the doors, welcoming her back home from school and letting her in. At the same time instructed her of her chores that still needed to be taken care of. He paused for a moment, however, looking over the Kururugi child.

"I'm starting to worry about you, Kaname. Ever since the doll festival, you haven't been yourself, have you?" Her father asked watching for signs of a reaction that would answer his questions for him. Kaname's face had turned a bit ill-struck but a split second after she smiled and turned to face him. "I'm fine, really! I-I just... made some really good friends during the festival this year." Uh-oh, there was that overwhelming warm feeling again. Fulfillment turned to empty sorrow, she thought she buried that down weeks ago. Her stomach began to churn with mix feelings and she could feel her eyes and limbs growing heavy. She was overflowing inside, somehow talking about it made it pour out of her all at once or maybe her father asking to be opened up to and her need to do share what ached her brought it full force. She had kept everything to herself, but there was still no way she could fully confess her experiences without sounding crazy. Kagome thought it best, too, to just keep it a secret if it didn't hurt anyone. But it hurt her. "and.." she paused, choked on her words. "I don't get t-...I don't get to.." She couldn't finish it. Despite having tried to move on, it was simply too much to let go and pretend it never happened at all.

Kaname's smiling face then turned into a force one, trembling with a heavy stream of tears finally falling down her cheeks and dripped quickly onto the floor. She turned away trying to hide it but a small sob escaped and it did not go unheard. Her father looked surprised, but having gathered the missing pieces of her tale himself, he was able to put together what she was trying to say. He smiled reassuringly to her and pulled his daughter to him for the warm and tight hug she desperately needed. He has never known her to be so broken up over such a thing, especially with their teachings. "It's alright, Kaname. you know what they say about making friends at the doll festival.." His hand brushed over her head as she started to burst into sobs against his casual garbs, his arms seeming to be the only thing holding her together at all. "You'll see them again when fate allows it. Like at the next festival, for instance. People come all over for it. I'm positive you will see them there, next year.." Kaname could only continue to sob as her father spoke. He didn't know the the truth and therefore couldn't fully grasp the depth of her despondency. Would he have believed her if she did try to explain it all? Especially about stumbling onto their shrine five hundred years into the past? These weren't any ordinary friends one could simply bump into on the streets or call on her cell phone. But it was because he did not know that she would have to calm herself and lose herself to the embrace and the love of her parent. Through her tears that would not stop falling, Kaname looked up to her father and tried to smile again.

"You're right." She managed to speak with a broken tone, attempting to choke back the rest of her soft weeps. "I-I'll see them again.."

Later that night, Kaname lied awake in her bed. A bit exhausted from chores and homework, but wide awake nonetheless. It wasn't the first time and she was pretty sure it wouldn't be the last. There was hope that her outburst earlier would aide her to simply fall asleep and stay that way for the entirety of the night. With all the millions of thoughts that ran through her mind it was a miracle she could actually force it to reach the calm, dormant state so that she could actually drift off. All she could think about was her adventures and what have taken event previous to her time-travel, using them as an anchor to pull her into the sandman's call.

She was an ordinary girl then, with ordinary problems. She'll do her chores, focus on her work, continue trying to keep track of her school friend's "grown up" lives, and love her family a little more if possible. 'Maybe I need something else to distract me.' He half-awake mind pondered on. The thing her friend on the bus ride home was telling her about replayed in her mind, the comment she made that caused Kaname's cheeks to flush. "You know..you don't have a guy yet.." That was what she said. Kaname remembered how she felt so out of the loop with her female friends who had boyfriends or pursuing a guy. They never even told her, sure out of her fear of hurting her feels but they didn't have to treat her as if she so naive. Even with her withdrawn nature from them earlier today (and they did not hesitate to point it out it her, either), if she didn't go to lunch with them she would have probably never learned of who was with who at this point. 'Why do I feel so out of the loop wherever I am?'

Kaname herself, she didn't have anyone..romantically. It was not the best of thoughts to have at this moment but they always managed to find their way into her brain and play with her heart. Lying there in her bed under the covers, Kaname squeezed her closed further to make an attempt at falling asleep earlier than what her mind would be at peace with. Just to try not to drift to that horrible mindset. Filling her mind with her friends in the feudal era. Curiously wandering on how they would react to having someone tell them that. Of all of them, InuYasha's reaction would have probably made her giggle the most. But then, he was never really alone as far as she knew. He had Kagome. Anyone with eyes could see that. They argued constantly like a couple who have been married for years. An epiphany then enlightened the young girl, making her reopen her eyes. They all had someone to cherish in that way. Grandpa Kakuju and Utsugi were laid to rest together so their souls could be eternal in the afterlife. Miroku and Sango also had each other. Another pair whose feelings were worn in their faces like masks despite Miroku's creepy behavior. Shippo of course was too young to love in that way, but he's wise enough to understand the devotion of one person to another. He had parents who loved each other, of course he knows what it means to feel the love of the others.

A random thought then came to her mind. All the friends she made. And how they really cared for each other. But she wandered. Did Kaede ever love anyone? She was a priestess,sure but...So was Kikyo and it while it would be against her vows she couldn't imagine Kaede betraying her heart's desire, But maybe she did as such a waver had brought InuYasha and Kikyo to their tragic demise. And Sesshomaru, did he love anyone? She would imagine someone bearing the same sovereignty as he carried himself. Plus he made that same grumpy face as InuYasha when she tried to be kind to him, and it seemed to work for the little brother. Not with Rin, though. His face never changed with her that Kaname saw, but there was never a moment Rin wasn't smiling at her Lord. Certainly Rin was way too young for that sorta thing. Kaname never really did learn why the young girl followed such a majestic killer. It just didn't seem his character to be the babysitter type. He just seemed to... be indifferent to everything. But Rin was attached to him while Sesshomaru did not give off any friendly vibes. But he was kind enough to help Kaname when she needed it, too. When she got lost in the manor and then the battle with Naraku. And that time where she was allowed to play with Rin in the Field of Ignorance. Demon or not, he couldn't have been all that bad of a person that everyone else let on. He's more like a guardian, just would not show it until everything was truly bleak. Sorta like InuYasha when Kaname first met Kikyo. He wouldn't openly admit that he still loved her, but he was still there for Kagome when she felt down. That's what lovers do for one another. Being there for each other and sticking it out, even when it just gets plain crappy.

"Maybe he does love someone..and he just won't admit it. Someone like.." Kaname then stopped herself and popped up on her bed, shaking her head. "No no no! Not like that! That would be impossible! The thought itself was bad enough but I almost said it out loud!" Kaname gave an exasperated groan and fell back into her pillows, shoving one over her face to hide it from the world. Sesshomaru having feelings for a human girl like herself. That would be silly..Right?