Melancholia

Chapter One

I never felt like I was a child. My first memories of growing up were taking care of others. As a teenager I desired to make my own decisions and be independent from my overbearing parents. A college degree in journalism, a cozy place of my own, and my writing career were all a part of my future. I would have lots of friends and we would go on amazing vacations together. Successful, handsome men would date me. We would go to the trendiest restaurants and newest nightclubs.

Eventually I would meet the man of my dreams and walk down the aisle in a couture wedding gown and bind myself to him forever with rings of gold. Children, a four bedroom home, and mini vans were all a part of my future. I even imagined a dog, Labrador Retriever named Max, tearing up my beautiful flower beds and shitting in the neighbors yard. This is all I wanted, hoped for, dreamt about.

I feel guilty for wishing my younger years away and allowing one man to demolish my future. Now that I am an adult those dreams I possessed died the day that he decided he didn't want me anymore. They are packed up in an imaginary box buried in the dirt of my psyche, the granite that sits above it reads: Here lies the pathetic dreams of a foolish girl.

There are a few things that I am sure of. My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I am 28 years old,I still live with my parents. The rusty, old pick up truck that sits in the driveway belongs to me. It was gifted to me on my 19th birthday and it still runs. I attend night classes at the local college extension center and during the day I am an administrative assistant for McCarty Construction.

The small office I work in daily has a large glass window looking out over the small parking lot and street. Rain falls from the sky more than any other place and the sun is almost non-existent, but today the clouds have parted and the sun is making an appearance. The rays reflect off the windshield of a car that just pulled into the parking space in front of the window. Temporarily blinded by the glare I squint my eyes as the door of the driver's side opens and shuts.

Turning back to my computer screen I continue to concentrate on my morning task. The bell on the door chimes pulling me out of my concentration. Not bothering to look up, assuming it was another salesman of some kind, I keep my eyes on the spreadsheet and speak the memorized greeting effortlessly.

"Welcome to McCarty Construction. How may I help you today?"

A smooth, masculine voice that often haunts my dreams and shattered my heart so many years ago filled the office.

"I am here to meet with Emmett," the man spoke. My head snapped up from from the columns and rows that held my attention most of the morning.

Green eyes, bronze hair, strong jaw, athletic build. He was wearing dark denim jeans that hung low on his hips, a black t-shirt, and a blue down jacket. Although the years had aged him, they were kind and he was as recognizable as he was then.

His name was on the tip of my tongue as my teeth began to bite down. The taste of blood filled my mouth and I swallowed it back.

"Edward," I whispered.

As the name fell from my lips the familiar spots in my vision increased until they turned into complete darkness.

The ringing in my ears roused me from my unconscious mind. Aware of the cold floor and the throbbing in my skull, I knew I was lying down. Struggling to figure out where I was I began to recognize the familiar scenery as the office at work. Bringing my hand to my face I tried to focus.

Muffled voices surrounded me but as the seconds ticked by they become clearer. Emmett. I knew that voice well. The other voice was different, not common to me. It sounds like an argument, the words are hushed barely above a whisper. The words were unclear, but Emmett's tone told me he was not happy.

From where I sit on the floor I am not able to see anyone. It only is a few moments before Emmett is crouched down beside me. Worry fills his eyes as he wraps his arms around me and picks me up from the floor. His touch is comforting as he walks toward his office. I snuggle into his chest and breathe in his scent. The cold of the winter air blended with his unique scent of lumber and laundry detergent eases me and pulls me farther from the darkness.

After placing me on the leather sofa in his office he walks over to the door. The click of the lock makes me feel secure as I look over to him. He is a big guy. Some may even call him intimidating due to his size. Last I knew he stood over six feet tall and is built like those guys on the Strongest Man Competitions that Charlie watches on television. His arms are roughly the size of my thighs and he is known to rock the six pack during the summer while working outdoors. He is big, burly, and does not have a mean bone in his body.

Em is my protector and he has been since we graduated from Forks High. There are so many things I know about my friend. He can put 76 cheese balls in his mouth at one time. He has been known to drink a little too much on occasion. Fiercely protective of the ones he loves. He likes death metal when he folds laundry. He cries at the end of The Notebook. Willing to get up in the middle of the night to change his daughter's diaper. So seeing him pacing the floor in front of me has me concerned because I know something is bothering him. I feel certain that the concern is me.

"What happened out there Bells?" he asks as he places himself at the end of the couch and places my feet onto his lap.

Unaware of how to answer him because my thoughts are jumbled, I shrugged trying to keep the tears that threatened to escape.

"That was Edward," I spoke quietly, eyes downcast. His name tumbled from my lips and forced the situation from it's dreamlike feel. The immediate realness of the moment negated all the years that I tried to convince myself that he was not.

"You know him?" he asked.

"Yes. Do you know him?" I snapped back frustrated with the situation and how it was starting to unfold.

"I met him at UW my junior year. We lived in the same apartment building. He called me last week and asked if I could meet up with him about a job," he explained. It was not the answer I was looking for because it did not matter where he met him I wanted to know why he was here, in my town, in Forks.

"I walked in and found you passed out on the floor. Do you have any idea how scared I was?" he said to me. The look on his face is nothing but worry.

"It's him. That man out there is the reason I dropped out of college. Edward Cullen is the man you promised to kick the shit out of for me if you ever ran into him," I said as I pulled my legs from his lap and stood up after finally revealing the name of the man who changed my life and shattered my soul. My heart was still intact though because I felt it beat wildly inside my chest. My spirit, the very essence of who I was in the past was stolen by Edward Cullen.

I straighten out my shirt and walked to the window that overlooked a small wooded area behind the offices. The snow from this morning sat nestled on the branches of the trees. It was white and pure, so unlike me.

"He wanted me and I gave myself to him. All of me. My time, my thoughts, and my virginity. He consumed me and one day something changed. I don't know what I did or didn't do. He just stopped calling. It had been three days since I last spoken to him when I saw him hanging out with a few of his friends, so I approached him.

I still remember the look on his face. He said I was delusional, we were never more than classmates, someone he knew from campus. I was so angry and started to cry. He laughed as I walked away."

"I thought what we had was the real thing, I know now I was wrong"

Turning from the window I kept my head down as I finished the story.

"I was devastated. He said things to me when we were together, the kind of things two people share when there are strong emotions involved or so I thought. He said he loved me and I know I loved him. A part of me still does.

I locked myself away in my dorm for the next week. I barely ate and only left my bed to use the bathroom. Finally, my room mate had enough and forced me to shower. She brought me to a party the same night and the rest is history.

That was the first night I drank to numb the pain. I continued from there and somewhere along the way I picked up the coke and weed. It helped me from going over the edge until I found out I was..." I stopped because I knew Emmett knew the rest of the story.

Emmett walked over to me and placed his large hands on my bony shoulders.

"That is when you got pregnant with Peyton?" he asked although he knew the answer. I nodded as a quick confirmation. The pain surged through my body when I heard the name. Hands instinctively found themselves rubbing circles against my abdomen. As my hands rested above the once filled womb I felt the ghost kicks and ribbons of phantom pain.

Squeezing my eyes shut I pushed down the memories resisting to the urge to vomit. Emmett pulled me into an embrace and kissed the top of my head.

Before I could acknowledge his gesture the warmth of his presence disappeared as he yanked the door open and stomped through the doorway. From where I stood I could see into the other room and watched where Emmett stood before Edward.

"You ready to go?" he asked nervously as his weight shifted from one foot to another. His voice was shaken, but he managed to get the words out.

Emmett never answered verbally. As soon as he got close enough his fist connected to the sharp line of Edward's jaw.

A/N I want to thank StellaBlueBella, my pre-reader, and Ninmesarra, my beta, for helping me through this. You guys have rocked my world and therefore I am eternally grateful !