If Not For Merlin

If not for Merlin, Lancelot would not be here.

He pledges his allegiance to me, and I know he means every word he says. But I was not the one who summoned him here. The thought never even crossed my mind. Our situation was dire and we had a severe shortage of allies, but it never occurred to me to seek help from beyond our borders.

It was Merlin's idea. He didn't even run it by me first; he saw the need and he took the initiative. Thanks to his efforts, I gained not one, but two soldiers and they arrived with perfect timing. The rock fall that Lancelot and Percival caused saved our lives.

I like to think that Lancelot came for my sake, for the reasons he describes now. But truth be told, Lancelot has taught me more about what it means to be a knight than I taught him. He is not of noble birth, but he has a noble heart. He is unselfish, brave and loyal. He once saved Camelot, despite the fact that my father had banished him from the city. He saved Guinevere when she was abducted and could have easily won her heart, but denied himself when he realised I had feelings for her. And he comes to Camelot's aid now, even when to fight for her is a suicide mission.

He is willing to lay down his life for me.

But I know that before he was mine, he was Merlin's.

Merlin was the one who befriended him. Merlin was the one who gave him the chance to display his skills as a knight – though how he obtained such a perfect forgery of a seal of nobility is still beyond my understanding. Merlin defended him when the truth came to light. I get the sense, too, that there is something more between them, some secret they share. Merlin seems more at ease when Lancelot is around, almost as though he finds it easier to be himself around him. Why that may be, I do not know, but the bond of friendship between them is undeniable.

The evidence stands before me. Merlin called, and Lancelot answered.

I may be the future king, but if not for my servant, Lancelot would not have come.

Looking around the room, I realise that those who stand before me now are my most loyal subjects. They do not give me their loyalty out of duty. Somehow, miraculously, I earned it.

And I owe it all to Merlin.

Gaius is Merlin's guardian. He has been my physician since I was a child, but a blind man could see that he loves Merlin as a son. There are not many old men in Camelot who would set aside the limitations of age to bear arms in the defence of their city; they would believe they had done their duty and the mantle was now passed from them to the young and able-bodied. Gaius is no soldier, but I have no doubt that if I asked it of him he would pick up a sword.

Only, he wouldn't be doing it for me. He would fight to protect Merlin, and he is here because Merlin would not leave him behind. I would not have sought out the physician to treat my wound. In all honesty, I could have forgotten him as worry for my father overtook everything else. I would have pushed my body beyond endurance and then collapsed in a useless heap if not for the treatment Gaius gave me, and now Gaius is standing there telling me he is willing to help if I can find a use for him. I have no doubt that he will be needed. In the battle for Camelot there are going to be casualties, and I know of none better than Gaius to care for the wounded who return. Many of my men already owe Gaius their lives, and many more will before this battle is through.

The physician's help will be invaluable and I should have anticipated the need for his skills. But if not for Merlin, he would not be here.

Merlin cannot exactly be credited for the fact that we stumbled across Gwaine in the slaver's prison. Fortune must have smiled upon us; how else could you explain the miraculous fire that facilitated our escape from that place? But the truth remains that Gwaine is not sticking around, risking his neck in a fight we have no chance of winning, for my sake.

He's here for Merlin. I don't know what it is about that kid, but he attracts the strangest of company. Gwaine is a drifter. He has visited almost every tavern in the five kingdoms and he has drunk himself into so much trouble that he would probably be dead dozens of times over if he wasn't so handy with a sword. He is a riot to be around, for sure, but he doesn't seem to have many friends – except for Merlin, that is.

Gwaine will fight in my name, but I know that in truth he will be fighting for Merlin. I see the way he is with my servant; the easy camaraderie, the unreserved grins, the jokes, the extravagant tales he tells for Merlin's entertainment and the hugs he gives so freely. Most of all, I see how protective Gwaine is of him. Gwaine has joined me on two quests and now he will charge into battle at my side, but I can tell he is not worried for my safety. He's looking out for Merlin, watching his back, and protecting me because that it what Merlin asks of him.

Gwaine is a skilled swordsman and I am lucky to have him. But if not for Merlin, he would not be here.

As for Guinevere… incredible as it may seem, and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure I am not dreaming, I seem to have her heart. I do not know what I have done to deserve the love of a woman so beautiful, courageous, kind-hearted and wise, but I know I am fortunate indeed that she returns the feelings I have for her. I know my father would never understand how I fell in love with a servant, but I have thought on it often and I think I can trace it back to Merlin.

Before I met Merlin, servants were useful only for the duties they performed and occasionally for a laugh at their expense. Then that bumbling idiot came along and changed my whole perspective. He was incompetent, clumsy and irreverent, but somehow, even when scrubbing my floors, he stood up to me as an equal. He taught me that I was no better than anyone else just because I was of royal birth, and he showed me that a servant can have incredible value far beyond their station. He opened my eyes, and in doing so he also enabled me to see Guinevere in a new light. Not to mention the fact that he was her friend first and the only reason she allowed me to stay in her home during the jousting tournament was because Merlin asked her to. Once I realised I was in love with Gwen Merlin even helped me woo her. Oddly enough, despite his complete lack of experience, he's not half bad at romance.

Someday Guinevere will be my queen. She does not have to say the words; I know where her loyalty lies.

But if not for Merlin, she would not be here either.

I have her brother's loyalty by extension. In fact, Sir Leon is the only person around this table who I am certain was loyal to me first and even he has grown overly fond of my servant.

It is a humbling realisation, but the people I trust most in this world are standing here in this room, and almost all of them are here because of my servant.

I owe more to him than I had ever imagined.

And then there is Merlin himself.

He is a peasant boy who grew up in a small village beyond Camelot's borders. I was not his prince, but he became my servant. Truth be told, he did not seem particularly cut out for a life of servitude. There is something about him, something I could never quite put my finger on, but I have always had the strange feeling that he is not a man who could be forced to bow.

Merlin stood up to me the first day we met. No one had ever done that before. I chalked it up to ignorance, but even once he knew who I was he was not cowed. He has continued to display the same irrepressible spirit; he teases me, insults me and is not afraid to call me out if he thinks I am being an ass. He behaves more like an equal, like a friend, than a servant. When he bows, I know it is a choice – one he does not feel compelled to make. He could leave my service if he wanted to. Heaven knows I've given him enough reasons – throwing goblets at him, overloading him with chores, yelling at him and endangering his life more times than I can count.

But no matter what I do or say, Merlin always stays by my side, steadfast and loyal to a fault.

We face an army of men who cannot die. When we enter Camelot tomorrow, the odds of survival are next to none.

Merlin is just a servant. There is nothing in his job description that says he must ride into battle with his master, and certainly not as a member of a suicide squad.

But I have no doubt he will. Merlin has proven more than once that he is willing to lay down his life for me.

I do not have any idea what I could have possibly done to earn his loyalty. I'm a prat; he said so himself.

All I know is that I trust Merlin more than anyone. He is the person I confide in. He is the only person who I allow to see me at my weakest and most vulnerable. He is the person who has witnessed all of my mistakes. He is the person who has heard all of my doubts and fears. He is the person who knows every single thing about me, the good and the bad, and accepts me just the same. He is the person I seek counsel from. He is the person I can always count on for sympathy and support. He is the person who understands me. He is the person I would choose above all others to have at my side when embarking on a dangerous mission even though he is hopeless in a fight. He is the person I rely on to always have my back.

More than any of that, Merlin is my friend.

Morgana's betrayal should have crippled me. Merlin gave me the strength to stand. He gave me the courage to face her. It makes no sense, because we are surely doomed, but Merlin even gives me hope for victory.

He is the last to stand, and I find myself needing to hear what he has to say. Merlin always says exactly the right thing. I am sure he will say something deep or profound or inspiring.

"No, I don't really fancy it."

And with those simple words, Merlin brings a hint of levity to the situation. The burden of asking these people to die for me eases just a little, and despite everything that has happened I am able to smile.

I know I didn't have to ask. Merlin will be with me until the very end.

Merlin pretends that he does it under duress, but when he stands he offers me a small nod.

I can read his meaning as clearly as if he had spoken aloud.

I'm yours, Arthur.

If not for Merlin, I might not have the courage to see this through.

But with Merlin by my side, and with this circle of loyal friends that Merlin has gathered to us, I am no longer afraid.

Whatever tomorrow may bring, we will face it together.