This is just a short, introspective Shinn piece, with Shinn/Kira trappings. 3

Some dark themes and references to sex. Enjoy!

He knew it wouldn't bring them back. Nothing would. Yet here he was.

The clock on the wall ticked by the seconds, the tiny noise still just enough to be heard in the silence of the room. It echoed in his head and Shinn sat up, leaning against the headboard. He was awake again, his mind spinning its wheels.

The day that you receive power is the day that you make others cry.

Shinn's face twisted into a sneer, but he could do nothing about that either. It wasn't how he wanted to think. He didn't want to be like Arthrun. The point of having power was never again feeling that way, never being weak. He was right. He was always right, and nobody had the authority of telling him otherwise.

Kira shifted next to him, rolling onto his side. Even in his sleep he looked oblivious. So oblivious, so kind. It made him sick just to look at it.

Shinn was still angry. He wanted to wrap his hands around that pale throat, to feel the jolting of the body underneath as it fought for air. But he couldn't do it. He had killed him once, and even before he knew that Kira had slipped through his clumsy fingers, the man had come back to haunt him, in his dreams, in his thoughts.

The revenge was just as empty as his world when everyone had died. It didn't make any sense to him, and it made his head hurt to think about it. He was embarrassed, confused, and it burned within him.

"Shinn…"

Shinn jumped. He felt the hand stroking his arm.

"Shinn, are you okay?"

Shinn still didn't look at him. "Okay enough."

He let himself be pulled back under the covers, Kira holding himself loosely against Shinn's back. Kira's breath tickled behind his ear and now his lips brushed the thin skin sending shockwaves down his body.

He couldn't take it anymore.

Shinn rolled over and pinned Kira against the mattress, rough and predatory. He squeezed the wrists a little too tight, hoping to see some reaction.

Kira looked slightly surprised, his mouth slightly open in that stupid, naive way, but then it turned into his normal, gentle smile.

"It's all right," said Kira. "Go ahead."

"Why?" hissed Shinn. Was there nothing he could say or do that could wound this man at all?

"Because you need to."

Shinn blushed. He released his grip on Kira, flopping back onto the mattress beside him.

Why?

He curled himself up into a little ball and hugged the edge of the bed, but Kira still came after him, holding him, stroking him. The anger kept growing and now Shinn started to shake.

He cried out, a raw, strangled, animalistic sound. But even still, Kira held him. He rocked him gently as if he was a small child, wiping away the tears with a free hand. The emotion still poured out of him, tearing his soul apart until there was nothing left.

He was emptied of that intense sadness, but this time, he was not empty himself. Just placid, swimming in an unearthly calm.

Shinn met Kira's concerned gaze. They hung there, fleetingly, until Shinn broke the moment, as he always did. Shinn hated that look, how it smeared the boundary between his truth and his lies. He looked down, staring into space before closing his eyes to sleep.

None of this would bring them back. Not Mayu. Not Stellar. He knew it, yet all other paths left him vacant inside. But here, he found some comfort. As much as he hated him, as much as this person had torn his life apart, he would use him for this. One day he would steal back his sanity with every thrust and every hungry mouthed kiss. He would quell this unrest with every fingernail scratched down Kira's back, every sigh that escaped the gasping lips, the sounds he made when Shinn was in control.

People were harder to pilot than mobile suits and it incensed him. But with everything that he had taken from him, this was the least that Kira could give.